Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions

by kudzuhaiku

Chapter 25 (warning, contents may be hot)

The night was purple-blue and chilly enough to make a pony want to cuddle. It had not been the best of days, but it had not been the worst of days either. It had been a day. It was probably going to end badly.

Noctilucent turned to look at his companion, Quercus Alba. When she saw him looking at her, she gave him a coy look and then turned away, looking up at the stars and ignoring his attentive stares.

Every emotion that Noctilucent could think of whirled in his mind as he steeled his resolve for what was coming. Tonight would be the night for total honesty, he owed Quirky that before they could ever actually be together.

He opened his mouth to say something, but as he did so Quirky looked at him and smiled, causing him to fall silent completely, unable to get out those difficult first words. He took a deep breath and re-applied his courage.

A lingering thought about rejection drifted through his mind, causing him to tremble. So much damage could be done with a simple ‘no.’ The rejected Hearts and Hooves Day card had caused him a lifetime of pain.

“The walk was a good idea Noctilucent. It is nice to be just out here walking. Although you look a little chilly… if you come a little closer I promise I have something that will warm you up,” Quirky teased.

Noctilucent stared at Quirky wide eyed, now very much afraid of her. She was in one of those moods this evening, which made what he had to do that much harder. Perhaps another night would be better.

That night he was certain that he could find a reason not to tell as well. There would always be a reason not to tell Quirky. Not to let her in. Not to take that first step. Noctilucent could break his own wing and throw himself from a cliff, but couldn't tell the truth to the one mare that had been his friend and companion so readily.

“Quirky, I, uh, well, you see, there is some things I’d like to talk with you about, and this is going to be very difficult for me,” Noctilucent said.

“I could make it a little more difficult,” Quirky replied suggestively, turning to look at Noctilucent once again. “Anything to see those nostrils of yours flare.”

The pegasus heaved a sigh, his nostrils flaring.

“I solemnly swear to never make anything easy for you. Even me,” Quirky said with a saucy wink.

“Look, I want you. I mean, I want to share my foals with you. Oh horseapples I am going to make a mess of this no matter how I say it. I’ve been thinking about us. A lot. As a couple. And we have really hit it off, even if everything isn’t perfect, a little friction and some sparks have been good for me. Quirky, I can’t give myself to you until I tell you a few things, like why I am here.”

Quirky became serious, her teasing mood gone. She moved a little closer to the pegasus and brushed up against his side briefly.

“Look, I really want Shortbread Cookie and the other foal to be our foals. I want you to be a part of their lives. And then there are the others, which I don’t know what to do with just yet but I can’t just abandon them to their fates. I can’t leave them at all actually. I am bound here. It is very complicated. Oh this isn’t going very well at all for me and I am probably not making any sense.”

“Look, just let it out,” Quirky suggested. “The worst thing that will happen is that I burn you alive if you make me angry.”

“And that is what I am afraid of!” Noctilucent replied, keenly aware of the fact that he could not fly away. “Look, I even have a name in mind for the lunar pegasus foal, something that reflects both of our natures and would be perfect for her, so if you burn me alive, you will never know what it is. I’ll tell you afterwards if I survive.”

“You and your mysterious reasons why you are here,” Quirky said. “I don’t see how it could be that bad.”

The pegasus took a deep breath and sighed.

“You are really worked up about this. Are you that afraid of losing me? Are you in love with me Noctilucent?” Quirky asked, getting down to the heart of the issue at hoof.

“I don’t know,” Noctilucent answered honestly. “I feel something very strong for you. I don’t know what it is. So strong that it makes me want to tell you the truth. Although the truth will probably ruin what we have,” Noctilucent said.

“So just tell me,” Quirky said.

“I’m trying! You are very distracting!” Noctilucent replied.

“Well, so are you. You and those flaring nostrils. All a mare can think about is you on her back and all the heavy breathing you could be doing with those flared nostrils, huffing and puffing into her mane and tickling her ear,” Quirky retorted. “And I manage to control myself even with all of your constant nostril flaring distractions, so deal with it!”

Noctilucent drew a deep shuddering breath, completely disarmed by Quirky’s words, suddenly very self conscious about his nostrils. He had no idea that nostrils could be a source of sexual arousal.

“Quirky, I had no idea. Look…” Noctilucent licked his lips as he paused, a cold sweat breaking out over his body. “I did something stupid. I hit a point in my life where nothing felt like it would ever change. I was trapped in a place I couldn’t see any escape from. There was no way out. I, uh, well, I did something boneheaded. I made a list of very logical reasons why what I was going to do was a good idea, and then I followed through with them. I found myself a perfect place that suited my needs after a bit of scouting, spent a couple more days wandering around in a daze, had my last meal, went up on a cliff, broke my own wing, and threw myself off. Princess Luna caught me. I mean, she literally caught me… oh dear Quirky you don’t look well…”

Noctilucent began to back away from Quirky, who did not look well at all. Her own nostrils were flaring, her horn burned a fiery orange, and a frightening amount of heat was radiating from her body.

“You did what?” Quirky growled.

Suddenly, Quercus Alba was on fire.

Her mane and tail were completely gone, replaced with writhing green and white flames. Her eyes, always so pretty, were gone, replaced with burning baleful orbs of fire.

Noctilucent realised his terrible mistake. Here was something Princess Luna had not counted on. Suicide by Quirky.

He began to back away, the heat making his skin feel uncomfortably tight. “Look Quirky, I admit it was a dumb thing to do, and I am actually very glad to be alive right now and to know you, and Princess Luna put me here and I am magically stuck here with a geas until I can figure out how to relight my candles and even though you are about to kill me, probably going to burn me to death just like you keep talking about doing, I really did want to share my foals with you, but I am stuck here, maybe for the rest of my life, looking after all of the other foals as well so if you wanted to be with me, which you probably don’t want to be right now, and I totally understand, you would have to share in all of the foals with me, not just the little ones, but all of them, and oh please don’t burn me I want to live!” Noctilucent cried as he backed away in a hurry. He turned and began to run away from the pyromantic unicorn.

“Princess Luna I could really use a little intervention right now,” Noctilucent shouted as he ran down the road, Quirky quite literally hot on his heels.

“I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOU!” Quirky thundered, her voice the roaring crackle of a forest fire.

“Rejection isn’t so bad, at least it isn’t going to hurt for very long!” Noctilucent shouted as he picked up the pace.

A pegasus ran down the road, a burning unicorn in blazing pursuit, the raging inferno that consumed the pony’s body making the night as bright as day all around her.

Noctilucent let out a ragged scream as he found himself being lifted into the air with magic. “No no no, I want to live, my foals!” he cried, kicking and struggling against the invisible forces that held him. The magic that bound him was searing hot, uncomfortably painfully hot.

Quirky stood still, burning supernovae bright, pulling the pegasus towards her in a cloud of incandescent plasma that was her magic.

“YOU FOOL! YOU NEARLY DESTROYED WHAT MADE ME HAPPY! HOW COULD YOU?” Quirky roared, a gout of flame shooting from her mouth like dragonfire and igniting some of the paverstones of the road.

“It was stupid and I regret it, every day I regret it, I want to be with you, please don’t burn me Quirky, I was dumb and I made a mistake!” Noctilucent begged. “I know I deserved to be burned, but please don’t!”

Noctilucent found himself too close to Quirky now. His mane and feathers began to smoulder. The heat made his skin feel tight and dry. He closed his eyes as he was drawn even closer to the burning unicorn.

In the middle of the chaotic conflagration, Noctilucent felt two lips press up against his, and then, he was on fire.

He could feel the flames consuming him, his body having turned to flame. He was ignited just like Quirky was. She was burning him alive. Dragonfire poured down his throat as Quirky’s searing kiss forced his mouth open. He tried to breathe and found he could not, the very air all around him burned away. After a moment of panic, he found he did not need air. He felt the ground give way beneath his hooves, and he felt himself rising into the air, Quirky with him. He could feel her blazing body entwining with his, pulling him close as the pyroclastic kiss continued and the river of fire boiled down his gullet.

And then, as suddenly as the kiss had started, it was over. Noctilucent found himself pushed away by magic and set back down upon his hooves. He dared to open his eyes and saw Quirky landing on all fours, no longer ablaze. He checked himself over, and other than the fact that he was still smoking, smouldering, and had a few blisters here and there, he was remarkably intact.

“You burned me,” Noctilucent accused in a cautious frightened whisper.

“Look what you made me do!” Quirky cried.

“I am very confused right now,” Noctilucent confessed.

“You had better be!” Quirky retorted angrily.

“You kissed me, you did something to me. I was made of fire, like you,” Noctilucent said.

“I TOLD YOU I WOULD BURN YOU!” Quirky shouted. “And for the rest of your life you are going to walk a straight and narrow line or I will set you on fire again and I will not preserve you like I did this time. Consider this your ONLY warning!”

“That was a warning?” Noctilucent asked.

Quirky nodded tearfully, her horn still glowing a dangerous orange colour. “The last warning you will ever get. Cross me again and I will incinerate you,” she threatened.

“Wait, are we… are we… are we…” Noctilucent stammered.

“YES! Now shut up! I’m emotional and I still want to set you on fire for being so stupid,” Quirky said, her voice wavering with emotion.

Noctilucent looked around him. The sand all around them had been turned to glass, some of which still glowed as it boiled in liquid pools. The paverstones beneath his hooves were still hot.

“You are going to spend the rest of your life making up for what you almost took away from me,” Quirky growled. “Princess Luna may have part of you, but I am laying claim on the rest, you… moron! How could you!”

“I... look I-”

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”

Noctilucent dropped his head, feeling very ashamed of himself.

“What is the name of our foal?” Quirky demanded in a volcanic rumble.

“I wanted to call her Pyrocumulus,” Noctilucent replied.

“I like that. Now shut up,” Quirky replied. “I am still angry at you.”

Noctilucent nodded, but said nothing. On a whim, he turned his head to see if perhaps his candles had be lit. He heaved a sigh when he saw that they still had no flame.

“Walk with me,’ Quirky said, taking off on trembling legs.

Noctilucent followed, thankful to be alive.

Author's Note:

That was a lot of fun to write.

So, now we begin the long road of recovery, where we will deal with denial, anger, depression, a bit more bargaining, education, and Noctilucent finding purpose.

Oh, and now that the first real kiss with Quirky is out of the way, a bit of romance perhaps.

Let me know if I missed any tiepoes.

Comments

[Tom ruler of the stones]

Run for the hills !!!

[Jacknife557]

well things are starting to heat up in this story...........yeah i went there

[kudzuhaiku]

4505271

[Ravencrofte]

Nothing lights up your life like a flaming unicorn

[kudzuhaiku]

4505300

Well, Noctilucent's life is well balanced now. He has the Moon, and now something has stepped in to be his Sun.

[Azure Blackstone]

Well, uh....I'm pretty sure that type of mood swing is reserved for pregnancy. Oh dear.

Quick question: is the Mistress Do Well crossover Milesprower did going to impact the story? Just curious.

[Kamunari]

Hmmmm she chased him... and she caught him.... Hey why isn't she running, he needs to catch her now and claim her.

[kudzuhaiku]

4505325

No.

Quirky and this scene were planned out before the crossover.

Although I did add the diner to the story because of the crossover.

Originally, it was going to be a general store with a little cafe.

[kudzuhaiku]

4505328

Would you try to chase a unicorn made out of ignited plasma?

[Manes]

This story is amazing!

[Kamunari]

4505331
Umm he better, she feeds his foals. Just use fire retardant KY lotion.

[Eclipse Lightning]

I'm wondering how she'll react if he decides to tell her about Merriweather...

[Frankie2]

“I am very confused right now,” Noctilucent confessed.

So am I.
What Noctilucent did was before he even heard of Quercus Alba. Why the hell did she burn him and kiss him at the same time? I know Quirky lost her best friend to suicide, but it's not like Noctilucent had a reason to live nor someone to confide in at the time.

[kudzuhaiku]

4505352

Simple answer = female. Emotional female.

Long answer... Oh look, a rampaging mob of females come to tar and feather me for my simple answer. I gotta go!

[Frankie2]

4505343
4505347
*shudders*

[kudzuhaiku]

4505347

That part is coming. Eventually.

[Eclipse Lightning]

4505360 That's what I was thinking. After this??

... *shudders*

[Frankie2]

4505355

[kudzuhaiku]

4505365

With out spoiling too much, it will be done in a much more therapeutic setting.

[bonamb]

" (warning, contents may be hot) "
To be perfectly honest I was expecting a different kinda hot....
But hey, nothing goes the way you expect it too with your stories xD Amazing once again

[Kamunari]

4505355
Hmmm shes kinda Derpy and Bucky rolled into one.
But yeah her friend went and offed her self and knowing that he is capable of doing it to himself shes gotta be feeling really messed up. *smack* Dont *smack* you even *smack* think *smack* of ever *smack* leaving me *smack* I will *smack* learn black *smack* magic and summon you back from the dead *smack smack smack* Just so I can *smack* kill you again *smack*.... Nocty?

[kudzuhaiku]

4505385

I spent a good five minutes unable to type because I couldn't stop laughing about suicide by Quirky.

I mean, I had the phrase planned now since about 20 chapters ago, but actually seeing it in text caused me to almost fall out of my chair.

[Kamunari]

4505387
Yeah somehow I was channeling my wife here.

[BackgroundNoise]

“Look what you made me do!” Quirky cried.

*winces* I hate that phrase. I know that wasn't your intention, but good lord do I hate that phrase. That said, I'm gonna give Quirky the benefit of the doubt (she's certainly earned it thus far) and chock this up to high emotions, hormones, and whole heap of previous emotional trauma, which I think is fair.

[kudzuhaiku]

4505403

They did then look further and, lo, high as they were they saw the founding of a great republic and proclamations hailing new gods named Due Process and Equal Rights for All. And they saw many in high places in the republic form a separate cult and worship Mammon and Power. And the Republic became an Empire, and soon Due Process and Equal Rights for All were not worshipped, and even Mammon and Power were given only lip-service, for the true god of all was now the impotent What Can I Do and his dull brother What We Did Yesterday and his ugly and vicious sister Get Them Before They Get Us.

"This is Aftermath," said Hera, and her bosom shook with tears for the fate of the children of that nation.

And they saw many bombings, many riots, many rooftop snipers, many Molotov cocktails. And they saw the capital city in ruins, and the leader, wearing the face of Stanley Laurel, taken prisoner amid the rubble of his palace. And they saw the chief of the revolutionaries look about at the rubble and the streets full of corpses, and they heard him sigh, and then he spoke the eternal words: “Now look what you made me do,” he said.

Robert Anton Wilson - The True Story of the Golden Apple of Discord
or, “Now Look What You Made Me Do”

But this is the battlecry of my people! This is my religion! I am being persecuted!

Now look what you made me post!

People are going to be confused reading this. And it shall be glorious. Hail Eris!

[Kamunari]

4505403
I have to agree I'm starting to think kudzuhaiku has Battered wife syndrome most of his male characters get beaten by their spouses. =P

[PinkieLunaShy]

"Wait, are we… are we… are we…” Noctilucent stammered.

I have no Idea why but when my friends and I read that we shouted " Oh Lay Oh Lay Oh Lay Oh Lay! HEY!" Anyway we talk now:

That was hot.... ouch....

I like how he yelled out for a Lunavention but nothing happened. Oh and his little Suicide by Quirky!

Quirky really cares for him, thats really sweet... I like the foal's name.

Very Nice Very Nice..!

Now, since all four of those nitwits won't tell you any flaws I will, I thought this chapter would be about the ride home. You dashed my hopes and dreams... Pyrocumulus.....This kid.... why this name... Quirky set fire to herself and ol' boy.. damn.... All I could think of was that song Burn. My only problem is in the last chapter you said the ride home would be ackward. You skipped the ride and went straight to Quirky and Noctilucent. Did Luna try to talk to him? What did he do, start small talk, avoid the problem? Also Why does Quirky care what he was doing when Luna saved him? He's here now be fricking happy..

The reading faces:

[kudzuhaiku]

4505459

More about the ride home is coming... Just not in this chapter.

It comes later.

With Dr. Lethe.

[jhosmer1]

4505422

All Hail Discordia!

*fnord*

[BlackStealth08]

Drama Mares amirite.

[kudzuhaiku]

4505464

Aw, look what I made you do!

[Jacknife557]

Quirky chasing Noctilucentcanitbesaturdaynow.com/images/fpics/3634/fedbedf48e4c2363215d15e7ced2b7f1.jpg

[strangephantasm]

So de boy managed to spit it out eh? Sha-la-la-la-la-la my oh my, I thought de boy too shy, well ain't dat grand? He gonna, get de girl.

Noctilucent could break his own wing and throw himself from a cliff, but could tell the truth to the one mare that had been his friend and companion so readily.

“What is the name of our foal?” Quirky demanded [in a] volcanic rumble.

[PinkieLunaShy]

4505463

I can live with that..

[Jadelynn_Opal]

4505459

"Wait, are we… are we… are we…” Noctilucent stammered.

I have no Idea why but when my friends and I read that we shouted " Oh Lay Oh Lay Oh Lay Oh Lay! HEY!" Anyway we talk now:

Congratulations, I was this close to doing a literal spittake on that one. Have a thumbs up.

4505498

thank you for reminding me that existed, and giving it new, hilarious context

[PinkieLunaShy]

4505532

We..
aim
to
please.
Umm yes..

[Jacknife557]

4505532

hehe I do what I can

[hailetheking]

Honestly, I was really shocked when I saw the title because I was almost sure it was clop. Coming from you, that'd be surprising.

( Coming from you... *wink wink nudge nudge*)

[kudzuhaiku]

4505620

Oh the clop chapter will be pyro-porn.

[DJ-Pon3FTW]

4505646 Oh Myyy...

[ArthurHucksake]

such fire...much story...so scare...wow

[sbloom85]

I guess you could say Noctilucent is in a heated relationship now.

[Proper Noun]

4505403

That said, I'm gonna give Quirky the benefit of the doubt (she's certainly earned it thus far) and chock this up to high emotions, hormones, and whole heap of previous emotional trauma

Abusers don't get the benefit of the doubt. Of course they're emotional and hormonal and everything else, but that doesn't make what they do excusable.

4505355

Simple answer = female. Emotional female.

Incoming hot tar and plenty of feathers, with torches and pitchforks for good measure!

p.s. I WILL KILL YOU FOR TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF!

[kudzuhaiku]

4505743

Quirky loves him. She was just trying to scare him to death life.

[xaldinlance]

Ha ha ha ha I see what you did there. Bring on the pyro clop lol finally sent the fire proof gloves bring it on

[kudzuhaiku]

4505743

Also important to note, no actual abuse took place here.

Just a good scare. Which truth be told, Noctilucent needed. Pay attention to his words.

[XxXImmortalFoXxX]

(warning, contents may be hot)

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8444mKChe1qbzg93o1_250.gif

[sbloom85]

Hey, look what I found. Nocty, you better take Sweetie Belle's advice on this.
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/1329054948876.gif