"Where did you learn to fight like that?"
Ruggiero chuckled as he watched the guards gather the remains of the wights and toss them into a bonfire in the middle of the street. While he felt kind of bad about the fact that they weren't getting a burial (They'd given him a decent fight, especially their leader), but wights had a bad of habit of coming back from the dead over and over until their bodies were either beheaded or burned. While beheading might have proven effective in permanently removing the threat, it would not have properly dispelled their noxious aura of dark magic. Hence, a funeral pyre for the lot of them. The leader of the squadron had implied that, were he to ask the wights before their demise, they'd have found burning better than remaining an abomination even a moment longer.
A pity though: Bertrand, the leader of the wights, had proven a spectacularly devious opponent. He'd used tricks that Ruggiero had not even imagined before: A wire that connected his sword to his bracer had made it difficult to disarm the wight during the battle. When Rug had succeeded in cutting the wire, then sent the sword flying, Bert had drawn a pair of daggers cunningly hidden within the feathers of his wings... and used them in tandem with a third dagger, clutched in the prehensile hairs in the tuft at the tip of his tail. That had proven to be the most exciting part of the duel. Obviously, Ruggiero had won, but it had been a close thing. Honestly, having seen how spectacular a fighter his foe had been in undeath, the youngster wished from the bottom of his heart that he might have been able to fight Bertrand when he'd still been among the living...
Oh well, can't have everything in life.
Turning towards the leader of the squadron, a lieutenant by the name of Storm Cloud, and grinning, he answered her question with the most honest response he could give: "By fighting!"
Startled, the blue pegasus mare asked, "Fighting what?"
After a moment, Ruggiero began reciting the list from memory, "Gnolls, goblins, trolls, bugbears..."
------------------------------------------
"I think it would be best if we adjourned for the night," Pan said after a moment's thought. "There's been a lot revealed tonight, and we'll be quite busy in the morning. I'm still formulating a plan. By sunrise, I'll have it ready, and we can begin. For right now, though, I think a night's sleep is in order for everypony. We'll reconvene an hour before sunrise."
The ponies gathered, and the hippogriff, all nodded in understanding.
Turning towards Ironwood, he added, "And I'll need a word with you, if you don't mind."
--------------------------------------------
"...wights, zombies, ghouls, ghasts..."
------------------------------------------
"Are you an angel?"
Rosy Hue gasped at the stallion's sudden question. She'd been helping the old physician with bandaging the stranger's burns, humming softly as she worked, when he'd suddenly turned and looked right at her, and spoke for the first time since she'd found him. Giggling nervously, she replied, "Um, no, I'm just an ordinary mare."
Well, at least it seemed that the pain-killing tonic she'd poured down his throat earlier was working, else he'd likely be screaming right now. The physician had been mortified at the stallion's condition. While much of the damage was superficial, there were several deep burns that would cause him terrible pain every time he moved, or talked, or even breathed, even long after they healed.
"Oh," the stallion said, then after a moment, he gave a sad, weak chuckle and added, "I should have known better: No angel would ever come for a fool like me..."
Before Rosy could ask what he meant by that, the pony drifted back into sleep.
---------------------------------------
"...dire bears, owlbears, werebears, carebears, bearbears..."
---------------------------------------
Lord Fly turned towards the sound of furious blows against the secret door of his laboratory. For a moment, a trill of fear shot through his body: He'd returned to his secret research facility in the first time since Sombra's conquest, and had expected to see an emaciated, near-starved hippogriff in the cell housing his favorite prisoner. Instead, there was an open door, the lock clearly having been picked. Written on the wall of the cell was a very simple, and very worrying, message.
'I SHALL RETURN'
The fact that it was written in blood was just a little over the top, though.
Still, he calmed himself, then shut and locked the cell. Lord Fly seriously doubted that Xenophon would be so polite as to knock, and the fact that there was no calls of 'Open Up In The Name Of The Law' meant that it was not likely to be the city guard, coming to take him away. That meant that whoever was beating at the door was someone who was supposed to know about this facility...
Still, better not to take any chances. Approaching the warded door, he looked through the peephole... and saw a burning pony with her head hanging at an unhealthy angle to her neck.
Well, that was the third strangest thing to ever find its way to his doorstep.
Opening the door, Fly asked, "Dream Charmer?"
The pony's head flopped slightly as the pony tried to nod, still doing a splendid impression of a bonfire.
Looking the still blazing pony up and down, he admitted, "I've seen worse. Come in."
---------------------------------------
"...giant bees, giant caveswallows, giant wasps, giant rockodiles, a demonic duck...."
---------------------------------------
"Thank you, your highness," Ironwood said, rubbing at his now unblemished cheek.
Nodding, Celestia said, "Think nothing of it. A pardon is the least we could do, especially given that you've agreed to take part in tomorrow's expedition into the royal catacombs."
Ironwood chuckled, then admitted, "It's not a big deal. It isn't like I'd planned on doing anything tomorrow. I've no family to go out and celebrate my sudden freedom with, and I fear that my friends will not be likely to have anything to do with me, anymore. A murder conviction, either genuine or the result of a noble's bribes, tends to have that effect."
Golden Tone, walking up to the stallion, said, "Their loss. I need a good meal before I go to bed. I'm certain that there's something left in the kitchens, even at this hour. Care to join me?"
With a surprisingly dapper bow, Ironwood said, "I'd be delighted."
--------------------------------------
"...girallons, rakshasas, gorgons, ettins, a mutated loaf of bread..."
-------------------------------------
"We're not really having another meeting in the morning, are we?"
Chuckling, Pan admitted, "No, not really." Luna was a very sharp pony, he had to admit. "I'll need you to do some dream walking tonight, first into my head, then into everypony else's. I am almost certain that there are spies in the palace, and even with you and your sister negating potential scrying spells, we can't be absolutely certain that the enemy isn't listening in through non-magical means when we have meetings like that last one. But our dreams should prove secure against intrusion or observation. If the Circle is listening to our mundane conversations, they're about to learn of a pair of wonderful concepts that would have 'officially' been invented three centuries from now in the original timeline."
Luna, an amused expression on her face, asked, "And what concept would that be?"
A devious grin crossing his face, Pan said, "Counterintelligence and strategic misinformation."
-------------------------------------
"...hill giants, mountain giants, forest giants, midget giants, giant midgets..."
------------------------------------
"A pity about your harem," Dream Charmer said, still admiring her restored health and beauty in a nearby mirror.
With a shrug, Lord Fly nudged one of the dessicated corpses left by Dream Charmer's 'meal' with one hoof, then said, "It hardly matters: I needed a good excuse for my seldom being seen to leave my estate, and having scads of beautiful, nubile beauties awaiting my 'attentions' each night made for a good excuse. That, and what stallion wouldn't enjoy having thirty mares to choose from each night? I will miss the fun, but I won't miss the taste of papaya seed extract with my meals." Sticking out is tongue and making a disgusted expression, he added, "Unpleasant, but necessary: The last thing I needed was for a brat to pop out of one of them, distracting me from my research."
With a surprisingly girlish giggle, the lich asked,"You know, I've always wondered, between your duties, your research, and your... extra-curricular activities, when have you ever had the time to sleep?"
With a half-smile, Lord Fly said, "Trade secrets, love." Walking closer, he said, "Now, about my fee: I've gotten rather used to having five mares in my bed each night, and it seems that it is unlikely to happen tonight or anytime in the near future. Think you can do a better job tonight than a quintet can?"
With a devilish smile, Lady Wasp pulled him close and said, "Well, it has been a while since you and I have had a good romp, and getting such a nice... meal has left me all hot and bothered. Let's find out."
------------------------------------
"...and a medium-sized dragon," Ruggiero finished.
Storm Cloud's jaw was hanging open, simply stunned. From the description that the kit had just given, he'd fought, within his fourteen years, more foes than a veteran brigade! "When did you have the time to do all of this?"
Shrugging, Ruggiero said, "Five times, every day, my father would have me go into an arena and fight something. Or several somethings. Sometimes with my claws tied behind my back or I'd be blindfolded. Or both. A couple of times, I was also on fire."
Anger slowly flickering within her, the mare asked, "Was he trying to get you killed?"
With a shrug, the youngster admitted, "Kinda. Dad told me that either I had to be really, really strong, or I'd be better off dead. He needed a strong heir to succeed him, and if I wasn't up to it, well, he could always have another son."
Storm Cloud, aghast, asked, "And your mother?"
"She supplied the monsters," the kit said simply.
After a moment of stunned silence, Storm Cloud said, "Kit, you're coming with us to the barracks. You can bunk with the squadron tonight. In the morning, I'm going to have a few words with the chancellor, and we'll see what we can do about better living arrangements. I don't know who your father is, or what sort of madness possessed him, but I promise you, you don't have to fight monsters any more."
Looking a little worried, Ruggiero asked, "But... what if I want to fight monsters?"
"Like I said, you won't 'have' to," the mare admitted after a moment. She'd forgotten, folks with griffin blood in them tended to be a bit of the violent side. Not that it was necessarily a bad thing: These days, with all the monsters, fiends, and worse that kept popping up, someone willing and able to fight against impossible odds with a smile on their face could be an asset, properly directed. "But there's plenty of places in Equestria that could use an experienced monster hunter. Pretty lucrative trade, all things considered. But no one is going to force you to do that unless you want to."
Suddenly quite chipper, Ruggiero said, "Yay!" For all the world, he sounded like a young colt who had just been told that, yes, he was getting a new toy for his birthday. The fact that he was fourteen, half of Storm Cloud's age (Merciful heavens, she felt so old all of a sudden, admitting that, especially she was still unwed...), but still acting like a youth of five, made the mare worry. He'd apparently spent most of his life fighting monsters every single day. Beyond that, had his parents taught him anything else? Reading? Writing? Arithmetic? Right from wrong?
...Probably not.
New Chapter Up!
You can't distract me that easily.
Ah, the carebears, archnemesis of the little ponies
5264371 Why is everyone using my post to say they got it right?
5264396
Good to see someone was paying attention
Za? Do I spy an EGS reference or just a distraction.
No demonic ducks can distract me! Now I need to know what bearbear is. Is it some kind of double bear? Like a bear riding another bear but attached?
5264415
Little of both
5264350
It was company mandated cross training.
5264418
Now I really want to see an EGS and MLP crossover. We all know he's a fan (unless he is YOU!(but then where would he actually get the time for any of his projects(or am I using too many Parenthesis(maybe)))). Grace would be a changeling queen. But on the topic of this chapter, I love how all the interweaving threads are connecting. I'm lovin this story arc.
5264417
Bear cavalry, where the riders are also bears? Madness, and yet also awesomeness...
Actually, a bearbear is a homebrewed monster idea I had once: Basically, it's a bear with a head at both ends. Kind of like a murderously angry version of Doctor Dolittle's pushmi-pullyu.
Ahhhh goddamnit.
5264442
"You dash around the bear, hoping to get away from the gnashing teeth and swiping claws. But there is no respite to be found behind this bear, no vulnerable behind to attack. Only another snarling head, ready for a bite of adventurer."
YES!
EGS REFERENCE!
YES!
Storm cloud has her work cut out for her in raising a lethal kit xD , also oh god a mutated loath of bread does sound more dangerous than a demonic duck x3
You have no idea how much I envy your update speed.
5264447
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/015/847/BRED.gif
5264456
And of course, both heads will be especially vicious and seek to be the one to devour you. After all, whichever head doesn't eat... has to be the one to deal with the poop.
5264447
I have done nothing but teleport bread...
Can anyone summarize what went on in this chapter, assuming it was in any way significant? I despise Ruggwhatever the fuck his name is because he is a Gary Stu that epitomizes how fucked the power scale of this story is and as such I can't stand to read even a full sentence of his dialogue or any scene about him. I'm still kinda hoping that he will just be dropped from the story and we can stick to interesting things like literally every other character in the story.
5264473 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN SENDING IT!?!?!?!
lol, that's not a fight. That's target practice!
Oh noes! After five days of on-and-off reading I've run out of chapters! Whatever shall I do?!
Hmm. It appears that tomorrow will become the, pardon my language, shitstorm as far as the eye can see.
Werebears? Where? Bears? Men who are bears?
lost it at the TF2 reference
5264482
Don't be so sure.
5264481
"Uuuuuuuh"
"ROAAAAAAAR!"
I bet Rug got hit with a Care Bear Stare. Probably as potent as an EoH blast. Also, did the mutated loaf of bread get mutated by being teleported constantly for three days?
Love the chapter. I'm curious about the difference between giant midgets and midget giants, as well as how powerful an evil duck is.
5264471
This comes up a lot when discussing CatDog. Personally, I'm an advocate of the 'Third Hole' theory.
That's right, it's still early in the princesses reign, so they haven't gotten to outlawing the teleportation of stale bread.
wat
Another chapter done, waiting on moar action. Pls?
5264542 It is a master of distraction! ... Or at least being a distraction for other people. http://elgoonishshive.wikia.com/wiki/Demonic_Duck
The only thing I have a problem with is when Ruggiero was listing the names of creatures he's fought, he should have said bugbears next to carebears. Everything else is really good.
"...dire bears, owlbears, werebears, carebears, bearbears..."
At least it wasn't a barebear, those things are just plain freaky.
"...girallons, rakshasas, gorgons, ettins, a mutated loaf of bread..."
Some fool tried to teleport it didn't they? When will they ever learn.
WHY, RUG, WHY?!
5264479 Uh...He was the one to inform them of a LICH pony around but most of the things he fought were likely meant to be comedic, not serious.
5264750 they diserve it! Every single one of them!
5264645
Originally bread teleportation is from here:
Oh please, Ruggie must be an ancestor to Banana Pie (and Pinkie Pie) he just have to.
Carebears
Demon Duck
Midget Giants and Giant midgets
He have been fighting some weird shit.
5264750
You've never seen their true forms.
cdn.fashionablygeek.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/care-were.jpg?22a92a
5264784
I think teletubbies deserve it much more.
I spied Ettin in that list of things that got killed. Someone still remembers Hexen, I see!
5264863
Pyro, you forgot to eat your pills again!
Huzzah! EGS and TF2 references! Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus te- Hey, is that a demonic duck of some sort!? *ZOOM*
Rugg is definitely going to be a wild card here. He's either going be loyal to his mom and dad in the end, likely wielding the reconstructed star blade, or be all like "you know, I've been fighting monsters all my life, but I've never fought you two before. You said you wanted a strong son. How about we see if I measure up?"
5264866 true... They should all be killed on sight! With brimstone and Fire!
5264901
Kill this filthy mutants! For the Emperor! Exterminatus!!!
But did he fight bumper cars
5264900
mm, yes, EXTERMINATE!...I think we both know where I'm going with this...
5264542
Midget giants and giant midgets are kinda like miniature giant space hamsters. All three are visually indistinguishable from a normal, everyday hamster.
5264442
But can he handle the Towering Mountain of Rage?
Awakened Cat Barbarian, riding:
Gnome Barbarian, riding:
Orc Barbarian, riding:
Minotaur Barbarian, riding:
War Mammoth
Each of the 4 barbarians has Ferocious Mount and Greater Ferocious Mount to pass on their rage to their mount (and their mount's mount, and turtles all the way down).
The weapons of choice for these barbarians, of course, are monks. Monks are manufactured weapons. The result looks a little bit like this:
wowlikeohmygod.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/brutal-legend1.jpg
Speaking of bears and barbarians, how does he fare against Schrodinger's Bear Warrior?
The berserker enters his rage when he falls below a given amount of health. As a bear warrior, his rage turns him into a bear, which increases his health. Which ends his rage. Which transforms him back into a humanoid. Which reduces his health. Which launches him into his rage. Which transforms him into a bear...
If Schrodinger's Bear Warrior has Intimidating Rage and hits the divide-by-cucumber error, he gets to make an intimidate check each time he enters his rage. Which he keeps doing. Over and over again. Run for the hills! It's the bear-not-bear!
Then, Break Will lets the warrior deal Wisdom damage to anyone he beats sufficiently badly with the Intimidate check. The terrible, blood-spraying, quivering mass of teeth, fur, claws, skin, fur, hands, claws, hands, and more unspeakable things will DESTROY THE MINDS OF ALL NEARBY.