Hi. My name's Tristan Sharp. I'm 13 years old, and live with both my parents. I had a pretty normal life. That is, until IT happened. It happened during Thanksgiving dinner with my family. My Grandparents, Cousin, Aunt and Uncle came over. I was halfway through dinner, when I had to go to the bathroom. I went upstairs and did my business, and then went to wash my hands. I looked up to the mirror, and looked at my reflection. Suddenly, I started to feel lightheaded. My vision started to go black. I fell and hit my head on the sink. It knocked me clean out. But before I fell unconscious, I thought I heard a women's voice:
"My son has returned."
...
As I woke, I felt cold marble beneath my body. I opened my eyes, and looked up. You'll never believe what I saw. I saw 9 candy colored horses. The first one was the tallest, with white fur, a horn, wings and a rainbow ethereal mane. The second was a little shorter, same deal as the first, only she was dark blue, with a night sky like mane. The Next two had horns and wings, but their manes were normal. One was purple, the other pink. Apart from them were five grouped together. One was blue, with wings, and a rainbow mane and tail. The next one was yellow, with wings and pink hair. After that was a white unicorn, with purple mane and tail. The last two were orang and pink, and they both lacked horns and wings.
"Whoa, what's with all the horses?" I said.
"Actually, we are ponies," came a women's voice. I looked around, but didn't see anyone.
"Who said that?" I asked.
"I did," said the tall white one. My eyes went wide.
"Oh my FREAKING GOD!" I yelled.
"I'm sure you're a bit confused," said the tall dark blue one.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled, screaming and running around until I tripped. It was then that I noticed that I had been running on all fours. I took a look at myself, but I wasin't prepared for what I saw. "I need a mirror, I need a mirror!"
"Oh, I think I have one," said the small white pony with purple hair. Her horn glowed blue, and a mirror, enveloped in the same blue was levitated over to me.
"Whoa! How'd you do that!" I yelled.
"Oh, it's just simple levitation magic," she said. I took a moment to process this, then took a look in the mirror. What I saw was a small pony with wings and a horn. My fur was grey, and my mane was black. My bangs hung over my left eye.
"What's going on here!" I yelled. The ponies looked toward each other, then the tall dark blue one stepped forward.
"It's not going to be easy for you to hear this, but here it goes...I'm your mother!" That shocked me for a second, but once I processed this new information, I did the only thing I could do. I started laughing.
"AAAHHH hahahaha! Y-yeah sure, and I'm the king of Venus! Ahhahahah!" The Purple pony looked cross for a second, but then she spoke up again.
"It's true!" she said. I stopped laughing and wiped a tear from my eye with my han-I mean hoof.
"Lady, my mom's name is Katherine, and she's a human."
"No...she's not. You were adopted."
"Nah uh!"
"Please, let me explain. Here me out. Please."
"Alright fine." She took a deep breath, then spoke.
"Well, it all started 13 years ago. I gave birth to a beautiful foal, whom I named Midnight. But it was not long after, that tragedy struck. A powerful spirit of Chaos called Discord returned from his stone imprisonment. He caused much chaos that day, but none as heartbreaking as when he took my child. We found out that Discord sent my child to another realm, and turned him from a pony, to a human."
"Alright," I said. "I'm guessing that kid was supposed to be me, right?" She nodded. "Let's say that I believe you. Why wait 13 years to bring me back?".
This time the small purple one spoke. "The spell is extremely high level, so much that it takes four Alicorns to perform. We didn't have four, until just recently."
"What's an Alicorn?" I asked.
"An Alicorn has Pegasus wings, and a unicorn horn. Me, my sister Celestia, Twilight, Cadence, and you are all Alicorns," said the purple one, who claimed to be my mom.
"Alright. Well how do you know you didn't make a mistake? How do you know I'm this Midnight?" I asked.
The tall white one spoke: "The spell we used also functioned as a DNA tracker. We used some of Princess Luna's hair, and the spell led us to you." I was starting to get anxious, there's no way this can be true.
"No, no this can't be true! I want to go back to my parents back home on earth!" I exclaimed. Princess Luna, who claimed to be my mother, looked guilty at this point.
"I'm afraid that cannot be done," she said.
"What do you mean? You can perform the spell again can't you!?" I asked.
"Well yes, but-"
"Then send me back! My parents will notice I'm gone!"
"No...they won't," she said.
"W-what? What do you mean?"
"We...I...I used a spell to erase all traces of your existence from your world. Your Parents memory of you is gone." She looked SUPER guilty.
"You...you what? No...nononononono." I said, grabbing my head, and shaking it.
"I am SO sorry. But I couldn't lose you again. You are MY son, and I wanted you back so badly that I-,"
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR DAMNED EXCUSES!" I screamed with tears in my eyes.
"Please son,-"
"Shut up! You...you took my life away, and you expect me to just call you mom. I HATE you!" I yelled. Then I started crying.
"Please, just give me a chance!"
"No! I'm out of here!" I yelled, and ran for the door. I shoved open the door and ran down the hall. I took a turn down the stairs, and ran out the door, not caring where I ended up.
If this happened to me, I would react like this, I like your sense of realism.
Rushed as fuck.
Interesting premise though, I'll hold hope that it slows the feck down soon.
data1.whicdn.com/images/12190379/wizardharry_large.png
A little rushed, but cool.
If this happen to me, this is how I will react: "Huh? Ok, cool." (Yes, I'm not really a normal person and I am being indifferent with a lot of things)
My reaction to everything: (Fluttershy voice) cool.
I agree fully with emerald blade. Plus nice story :)
Interesting premise, extremely rushed but all in all a nice start. I shall be watching from the shadows.... *fades away*
I hope she turns him back into a human. He's happiest that way (though he won't be for a long time, given she just killed off all memory of him in that world ).
Exactly how I would react unless actually no I would probably overreact I FRICKIN love my mom and dad
i love it this is great!
4307466 If it were to happen to me I would likely think im insane start sprouting gibberish and going crazy
4310711 And my point still stand because for me...I will just go with the flow of the river...
Is this a parody? If so it seems too serious, if not then the OC is way too generic.
Seems good to me, but is a little (ok maybe more than a little) rushed. Keep going please.
cool story dude
I like it
he should be turned human again as a way of getting him to trust his mother
Well I'm hooked. Must Read Next Chapter!
I like this.
Good start. Hope to see more in the near future.
This is a great start!
Even if a bit rushed...
But the point here is that he was kidnapped from his family by some freaks(from his POV) or monsters, they turned him into one and now they think that he will just accept them. I really like how this can develop into great Dark and Sad drama! The way the Luna will suffer for her stupidity and how she will never be forgiven for stealing someones life, the pain and anguish that she will go through. how she will try to love him and will receive only hatred in return. Beautiful idea!
I really hope you won't go for some 'Redemption' crap and Tristan Sharp will remain Tristan Sharp, will leave and will live as far from Canterlot as possible and will never forgive or forget who ruined his life and who he really is. No forgiveness or redemption for the wench who ruined his life. It will make an awesome story with Tristan always refusing to even speak with the monsters that stole him from his real family and home. Because family is not who you're related by blood but who raised and loved you, and Luna is just one of the monster that stole his family from him. Hell, he could even try and search for Discord so the Spirit could send him back to his real home.
Brilliant start!
So...he magically figured out how to use his legs in like ten seconds?What next, flying away from Canterlot? Not trying to sound like a d%#$. But, when you live thirteen years of your life on two feet, you don't suddenly become a four legged Usain Bolt in the span of ten seconds.
4307056
I probably wouldn't have insisted right away to simply be sent back. Rather I'd want to be able to talk with my family about it. After that, I'd probably react the same too.
4331896
A valid point, but seeing as how supposedly he was born as a pony the magic likely gave him some basic instinctive control of his motor functions. The whole human turned pony thing can go both ways on that sometimes. Since it varies from story to story I've learned to just role with the choice unless there's a deliberately stated fact that contradicts the actions of the characters.
Yrah I agree with the general concensus that this is SUPER rushed, but it's a really interesting premise for sure. I assume its going to be pretty grimdark or you'd have some unbelievably unrealistic reactions going on here. To be fair its not something people deal with on a regular basis but if you found out someone or something erased you from existence I imagine you'd never forgive them. Regardless, looking forward to more.
Please contuine with this lovley work of art.
this reminds my of
Never Judge A Bug By Her Cover
Interesting start it a little rushed but it have the promise to be a excellent story.
Although it may seem rushed, if you're a person of adventure, and action you write that way, if you are a person of creativity, sorrow, and logic like I, you try to make things detailed, and seem natural.
I love the story, the whole message got to me, I shall be reading the next chapter, and keep up the good work!
~Flow
I find reading stories with characters that have the same name as me kind of awkward.
1# aww
Interesting premise. I like where this is going, but I feel I must point out some errors.
At one point it says *the purple one claiming to be my mother* Should be *the dark blue one claiming to be my mother*
Also, when luna said she erased all traces of him, she said *your world* should have said *that world*
Other than that, I really enjoyed this and will now read the next chapter
One other thing I forgot. It said 13 years, when we know luna became nightmare moon shortly after the defeat of discord, which was over 1000 years ago.
Should have said that in here. And to explain why Tristan/Midnight had only aged 13 years, you could mention that either discord flung him deep into the future as well as another world, or that earth's time movs far slower than equestria time.
4307083 <—— What this guy said....
Not cool Luna not cool
very intense opener although if I was him and Luna said she was my birth mother I would run away too after I woke up after fainting
4310711 If this were to happen to me, I would question their morality, and promptly tell them to screw off. Btw I laughed for about a minute after I saw your profile picture.
4307315 well mr ignorable prepere to be ignored
4307650 what are you doing in my locker?
I likes dis
I know I should expect this if the character is 13, but holy fuck is he a hormonal little shit.
*kicks down the doors to where everypony is in*
YOU, PRINCESS LUNA OF EQUESTRIA, HAVE BROKEN INTERDIMENSIONAL LAW 340!!!
all I can think is revenge- give enemies idea's of guns and other dangerous technological developments ... it'd take a few ten years for any kind of real model but really there civilization is rather stone age any kid with history channel probably can kick them into exploring new idea's
I just decided to read this chapter as Maud pie because fuck it why not it sounded halarious re listening to it
Few grammatical things,
I heard a women's voice
I heard a woman's voice
I saw 9 candy colored horses
Any number that is only word word should be spelled out, numbers that are two words are the ones you put in digits. Example: 24 men went down to the shop today and only twenty came back.
I'm gonna leave the rest of this in its rushed, sentence fragmented form, to someone else.
5876017 I gotsh teh shotgun. Blow their brains out.
5876017 She did?
Oh yeah, she did. Well, only one thing left to do.