[i][b](This story is not canon with 'Your Human and You' or the spin-off by MadMaxtheBlack but is set in the YHaY-verse made by MadMaxtheBlack)[/b][/i] A mute is transported to a strange world where humans are slaves to this planets inhabi
a bit unpolished and the switching between bold and regular font is a little jarring but very enjoyable none the less. if i might make a suggestion out with the bold and in with the italic, which in my experience is usually used to show thoughts. also....
"What was it my grandma used to say? What was it now?" Bertram thought before his eyes lit up.
"When your rife with devastation, there's a simple explanation, you're a toy makers creation trapped inside a crystal ball, and which ever way he tilts it, know that we must be resilient, we won't let them break our spirits as we sing our silly song..."
The hell is this shit, man?
And don't say "Gypsy Bard." You know damn well that's not what I'm asking.
4437235 I don't know if that's the origin of it but it was sang by Panki Poi during an episode of Witchcraft is Magic which is a hilarious redubbed series you can find on youtube. I know they have a website but the links in it are often shut down.
This series has promise but one thing irks me. He's just going along with this and he hasn't even attempted to speak yet. Other than that, it seems fine.
4437774 I said "And don't say 'Gypsy Bard.' You know damn well that's not what I'm asking." because I knew where the song itself came from....
4438130 And what I'm asking, is how much balls did it take to hit publish and leave that in there? This is some of the worst brony pandering I've ever seen. The protagonist has no valid reason to recall that song. Even if, somehow, his grandma sang a FiW song. It has no bearing on the events happening to him at the time.
So much reach was needed to quote Gypsy Bard here not even the entire Covenant Armada could glass it.
4438261 I didn't know that was the name of it. Just trying to be helpful.
On another note, it's not pandering just to make a reference. It's a bit silly but watching a show for little girls and writing fan fics about it is silly so it fits right in.
If I may make a recommedation... try not to use bold for thoughts. It's really jarring and makes me think the character is actually shouting. Try to use italics instead.
"Well why not? They are just the cutest things I have ever seen." Bertram thought as the ponies got closer and closer to his cage.
-sounds like he's shouting.
Well why not? They are just the cutest things I have ever seen, Bertram thought as the ponies got closer and closer to his cage.
-more common and actually looks like inner thought
4482408 I'm actually working on that right now, a friend and summer storm down in the comments told me to use italics, so I'm actually working on fixing the current one and the future chapter. Thank you for the feedback, I really need it.
a bit unpolished and the switching between bold and regular font is a little jarring but very enjoyable none the less. if i might make a suggestion out with the bold and in with the italic, which in my experience is usually used to show thoughts. also....
seoenquirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/firstpost.jpg
hope to see more greatness from you soon!
Gonna give this a chance. Please don't make me regret it.
The hell is this shit, man?![:rainbowhuh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowhuh.png)
And don't say "Gypsy Bard." You know damn well that's not what I'm asking.
4437235 I don't know if that's the origin of it but it was sang by Panki Poi
during an episode of Witchcraft is Magic which is a hilarious redubbed series you can find on youtube. I know they have a website but the links in it are often shut down.
This series has promise but one thing irks me. He's just going along with this and he hasn't even attempted to speak yet. Other than that, it seems fine.
4437777
![:facehoof:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/facehoof.png)
It says right in the summery that the guy is mute...
4437235
Honestly, I have no clue what you are asking...
4436951 I shall do just that thank you.![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
4438077 Oh shit. Sorry.
4437774 I said "And don't say 'Gypsy Bard.' You know damn well that's not what I'm asking." because I knew where the song itself came from....
4438130 And what I'm asking, is how much balls did it take to hit publish and leave that in there? This is some of the worst brony pandering I've ever seen. The protagonist has no valid reason to recall that song. Even if, somehow, his grandma sang a FiW song. It has no bearing on the events happening to him at the time.
So much reach was needed to quote Gypsy Bard here not even the entire Covenant Armada could glass it.
Author before publishing:
ano.lolcathost.org/thumbs//1313062803067.png
4438261 I didn't know that was the name of it. Just trying to be helpful.
On another note, it's not pandering just to make a reference. It's a bit silly but watching a show for little girls and writing fan fics about it is silly so it fits right in.
Okay, I come back barely 5-6 hours, apparently after putting this out there and having comments raiding the comment section and me replying to them.
4438261 Sorry, one of my friends got into my work and screwed with it, bastard can't leave my shit alone. I have to change it back.
4438142
i thank you for listening to my suggestion, that is one of the marks of a truly great writer or story teller.
4438938
Well I have to take in the ideas of people who like my stories, can't just ignore them.
That would be rude. ![:applejackunsure:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackunsure.png)
The protagonist is far too accepting of his situation.
4440030 Don't worry, I never wrote anything about before he got onto that train. Next chapter, just you wait.
Seems intersiring. When's the next chapter
4473142 Near the end of my school year, we are being bombarded by tests, so there is little time for writing. But don't worry, it'll come.
If I may make a recommedation... try not to use bold for thoughts. It's really jarring and makes me think the character is actually shouting. Try to use italics instead.![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
-sounds like he's shouting.
-more common and actually looks like inner thought
4482408 I'm actually working on that right now, a friend and summer storm down in the comments told me to use italics, so I'm actually working on fixing the current one and the future chapter. Thank you for the feedback, I really need it.
i like it and hope you tie it in to maxtheblacks story