This makes no sense!

by Xinrick

Why Pinkie Promises are stupid

Why Pinkie Promises Are Stupid

"What did I do this time?" I ask with a frown, staring at a very familiar pony. If you didn't read the last part of this, then you'd be confused… but my name is Xinrick, and I have had… a very weird encounter with a bunch of ponies. Yes, ponies, and I had to explain to them all on how their actions or choices don't make sense. And when I left I went about my daily life as normal… but now I'm back here for some god knows why reason, talking to the craziest one of them all.

"Did the title not give you enough?" Pinkie Pie, the most pink pony of them all, says while glaring at me.

"Title?" I ask with a little confusion.

"Yes, the title." She says while pointing up into space. "It says 'Why Pinkie Promises Are Stupid'. How dare you say that!?"

"Well… they kind of are." I frown.

"No, they’re not." Pinkie denies what I said.

"How so?" I ask.

"Pinkie Promises are supposed to be taken seriously. They are a law that nopony… or nobody in this case, should ever break!" She says sternly. "They break ponies’s trust and friendships end."

I only stare at her for a brief moment… before shaking my head in disappointment. "No. Just… just no." I say with a frown.

"Why are you saying that?" She asks with her own frown.

"Promises are broken everyday. I've had promises broken a lot of times, on my end and on other people’s ends. What's so different about adding in some weird chant or crossing people’s pinkies?" I ask. "And by 'pinkies' I mean this finger." I explain while moving my pinkie finger.

"Pinkie promises are the strongest promises ever, and nopony should ever break it." She says to me, being persistent about the entire thing.

"Make a Pinkie Promise to me now." I demand to her.

"On what conditions?" She asks, not really buying it so much.

"That I won't say 'this is stupid' about pinky promises. In any way shape or form." I say, which makes her beam happily.

"Okey Dokey Lokey." She says with a smile.

"Is... is she really serious here?" I think to myself before calming down and we both chant, 'Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye', watching her do the motions while I couldn't do to… reasons.

"There. Now you can never say-"

"Pinkie Promises are stupid." I deadpan, causing her jaw to drop to the floor. "Notice how easy it is to break it over something so… small?" I ask.

"But… but… " She stutters before she starts to tear up and her mane starts to deflate.

"Notice, even if your getting upset, it's just words?" I ask. "You’re making it such a big deal that you scared Applejack away and pretty much made it sound like you were going to murder her for breaking her promise." I say to her bluntly.

"Stop..." She mumbles.

"You may be a smart pony, only pony I've seen who could make a makeshift helicopter, but when you take promises that are so easily broken and turn it into something that you think is a 'law', it goes out of control." I explain before I hear knocks on the door.

"Pinkie, you in here?" A familiar voice calls out.

"Yes, and she also has me tied up here." I call out. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that before all of this, Pinkie Pie kidnapped me, and tied me up in the middle of her room in Sugar Cube Corner. "And she's also starting to cry about me saying Pinkie Promises are stupid… as well as breaking one as bluntly as humanly possible."

"WHAT!?!" She screamed before bursting through the door and out came Princess Twilight Sparkle.

"Hello, Princess Sparkle Butt." I joke, not able to lift my hands due to me tied up on a chair. "Mind getting me out of here… and maybe give your sad friend here a giant carton of ice cream?" I ask, pointing to the deflated mare sitting down in tears.

"What did you do to her?" She growls at me, angry that I made her friend upset.

"So you're not mad about her kidnapping me from my bedroom, and tying me up to a chair in her room like a hostage?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "But I did nothing. I only made a Pinkie Promise saying I wouldn't call it stupid… then I just outright did the exact opposite, and still stating my own giant complaint here."

"You didn't need to be so mean about it!" Pinkie sobs.

"Oh yes I did." I say, and before Twilight could object I continued. "I think you both remember 'Dodge Junction', right? Remember when Applejack made a Pinkie Promise, didn't break it, and had all of you chase after her, as well as Pinkie sounding like she was going to murder the poor farm pony?" I rhetorically ask, making Twilight cringe a little at the thought.

"Yes. But-" She was about to start but I cut her off again.

"And when Applejack didn't want to tell you to begin with, you all pestered her to tell and then… I'm going to go off on a tangent when I don't want to..." I sigh out before getting back on track. "Forceful talks aside, over a single promise, Pinkie made you chase Applejack like a common criminal because of a stupid promise."

"But if she didn't fess up, we wouldn't be her friends anymore." Pinkie responds to me, getting rid of her tears but still in a deflated state.

"You’re kidding, right?" I ask. "Twilight, mind untying me? Please? These ropes are starting to hurt." I say, the ropes actually starting to hurt at this point.

"Are you going to run?" The princess asks, while I just give her a look of 'are you kidding me?'. "Fine." She relents before using a magic bolt and cutting the ropes.

"Thank you." I say while getting up and stretching a bit. "In my world, there are subtle differences between promises, the ones like 'I stole a twenty cent piece of candy from a random store, don't tell' to 'I just committed murder, please don't tell'." I say, which makes them both appalled at that.

"There's the one where you can keep because it doesn't mean a damn thing, or the one that you should really break, even if it's to your own friend. Sure, Twilight accidentally said about Spike’s crush on Rarity, and you made her feel terrible about it, but he was only a little mad, nothing more. That's something small, but if he… let's say, posted a ton of bad things about Rarity and told you to never talk about it again… would you still tell Rarity about the culprit?"

"That's completely-"

"Answer the question." I say to Twilight, stopping her again from interrupting. "Would you tell her before things got way too out of control, and have Spike get punished… then still have a friendship after a day or so, or have it rage on, then find the culprit then have Spike never have a friend again?"

"But that's the point of the promise." Pinkie says to me.

"The part about Spike getting off the hook because of a promise, until he got found out and then ruined forever and not have a friendship, or the part that breaking the promise saved him from not having a friendship forever after?" I ask honestly.

"No." Twilight says. "We would have told Rarity the instant we figured it out."

"But what would happen if Spike 'Pinky Promised' you beforehand?" I ask, making Twilight open her mouth to object… before closing it, knowing this might not end well. "See? That's how big you treat promises that, some or most of the time, wouldn't matter. These promises are just like holding well kept secrets, and people have to lie and cheat their way out of it."

"Please don't say it again." Pinkie asks.

"My point being… the thought of 'Pinkie Promises are law' is just so… undeniably..."

"Stop!" Pinkie screams before dashing at me and trying to buck me with her hind legs.

"Stupid." I finish while sidestepping and picking the rageful pony up by her mane. "Promises are broken everyday, like people’s hopes and dreams." I say, seeing the pony try to get out of my grasp. "But… I understand." I say before hugging the poor pink pony.

"Um..." Twilight tries to find words to amount to this… weird action from the very mean sounding words.

"I understand why you want to keep a promise. A promise has someone's trust in it… but if it's something small that you can just brush aside without a thought, then don't bother with it… but if you treat it like you treat the best of secrets, then what's a promise then? A contract to uphold on some death sentence?" I ask.

"N-no..." Pinkie says before hugging me back. "Why… why do you hate me…?" She whimpers out.

"I never said I hated you." I say with a little chuckle, rubbing the back of her head. "You’re a wonderful pony… it's just how far you make your 'special promises' when they’re not so 'special' is just… wrong." I say to her. "You say that breaking a Pinkie Promise breaks people’s friendships… but how much you go through with that logic makes people feel that it's supposed to be a law. Promises aren't laws, and it shouldn't be enforced..." I say soothingly to her.

"But I understand how much you care about people, or ponies friendships and your own… I'm sorry for making you so sad..." I say to her. "And I don't want to see you so upset again. But you know that I need to be tough to get my points across, right?"

"Yeah… I know..." Pinkie Pie relaxes, feeling calmer now and hugging me a little tighter.

"Um… you know this is weird, right?" Twilight asks, feeling a little awkward.

I pull the hug away from Pinkie, seeing her inflate a little bit before we turn to Twilight and say at the same time, "Wow Twilight, way to ruin the moment." Causing the new alicorn's right eye to twitch and causing me and Pinkie to laugh together happily.

"Anyways… want some sweets?" Pinkie asks me, now back to her old self again.

"Maybe… but what I must ask is..." I say before stretching a little bit again. "Why in the name of hells… did you kidnap me from my own home, tie me up to a chair, and interrogate me over a silly-ass concept as your promises?" I ask with a look of anger on my face.

"Well… the 'kidnapping' part was because I had to get you here..." Pinkie starts.

"And you couldn't have sent me a little letter before hand?" I ask. "I know we're from different dimensions, but you ponies could break it pretty easily." I point out.

"And I knew you would run away if I didn't tie you up." She finishes with a frown.

"Or a combination of you could have told me about what you wanted to talk about and that you slightly got off with tying me up." I say, causing Pinkie to blush a bit.

"I do not get off with tying people up." Pinkie says with an embarrassed frown.

"Fine fine… says the girl with a closet full of different types of rope..." I mumble the last part, causing the accused pony to blush even more and punch my arm. "I'm sorry, jeez." I laugh a little. "But I'm hungry… and you owe me food for all that as well as that little attack on me." I huff a little.

"Sure." Pinkie says with a warm smile, getting her full inflated bubbly happiness back.

"So… got a letter I need to keep?" Twilight asks honestly, getting a pen and paper after everything that happened.

"Sure, Pinkie can you-" I was about to say before she disappeared like she knew I was going to have to give a lesson to Twilight and wanted to make food before hand. "Never mind." I relent while taking a deep breath, Twilight at the ready.

"Today, a pony had to learn how promises aren't law, how just adding words and motions to it doesn't make it a binding and force it on you like blackmail. Pinkie Pie learned, albeit in a little forced way, that 'Pinkie Promises' are just silly and shouldn't be enforced like it's the law when it isn't. It's one thing to promise something small and forget about it later, or tell the secret because it's actually really huge, but it's another thing when you are forced to have every promise act like it's something super sensitive that no one should know about. Promises do involve a sense of trust between friends and she does have a point that it can hurt friendships, but when you force it like you will always lose a friendship just because you let someone know you stole a piece of hard candy from the candy shop is just silly. Promises help friends learn to trust, but it should never be taken as blackmail for no reason.

From your faithful teacher Xinrick.

"And done." Twilight nods. "That sounded nice, albeit it wasn't the best that I've ever heard or made myself." Twilight shrugs.

"Shush you, I was kidnapped, tied up, and assaulted because I said Pinkie Promises are stupid." I frown, while Pinkie Pie enters the room with food.

"I brought cupcakes!" Pinkie smiles while handing me some.

"Sweet, thanks, Pinkie." I smile. "How about you try it first?"

"No, you." Pinkie gleefully retorts.

"I'm insisting." I say, knowing there has to be some sort of revenge on this.

"I kidnapped you, tied you up, and almost assaulted you, why would I add something bad to the cupcake?" Pinkie is honest here.

"I made you cry?" I ask, while Pinkie thinks for a moment and nods. "Oh well." I shrug while eating the cupcake and giving a slight moan at how unbelievably good it tasted.

"Do you like it?" Pinkie asks giddily.

"It's like a party in my mouth." I smile while eating the rest of the cupcake happily.

To be continued… or someone kidnaps me again.

Comments

[mrkillwolf666]

i like this