Now, I know this is an overused story idea. Vinyl and Octy, dorm mates. Only read this sixty thousand times. So what's new this time around? Well, three unique twists. One, Vinyl is half changeling, and her abilities are feeding off emotion in general, not just love. But she doesn't know this. The more she siphons off of others, the more worn out they become, which can lead to having severe side effects eventually. The other two secrets are spoilers, and I can't be telling you them, can I? Although I do give a tiny hint of both of them in the first chapter.
This is a reboot of my story The Formative Years, but its significantly different this time around. No reckless self inclusions. Less major plot twists. Octavia is a steadier character, who shows real growth. The inclusion of Lyra as a main character. And after the first few chapters, the story lines will be have started going seperaye ways. And above all, no TARDIS stealing ponies killing the Master and ending the story. So, read on.
So far i like it.
Strait -straight
Hole - whole
Few other accidental mistakes...
The rest are pet peeves. Hope it continues well.
4233787 You can blame me for those, I guess I didn't do my job as a proof reader very well, huh?
4235617 lol. No worries, really. Just things that i somehow remembered throughout the entire thing so i felt compelled to point them out. I still enjoyed the story.
4234019 i think everyboody's pretty content with the cookie cutter vinyl. I do agree with the spoilers, though it seems to me that octavia wasreally more forced to have her personality, so vinyl is probably going to help her loosen up and realise she isn't fond of herself. Just guesses. I just Hope this story doesn't go downhill.
4236254
Of course. Im not saying don't mix it up to fit the story. I like seeing how people form the characters for their own. I've already seen some that ddidn't go so well. in the short amount of time I've been reading these, i mean. Seems like this vinyl may work for this. I'd prefer not seeing any character whose personality is made extreme over balanced, which is why i'd generally prefer cookie cutters. Depends on the story and the background of them. I'll have to see how this story plays out before i can say whether I'm content with these two or not.
4234019
Well, this is a rewrite of something, so the secret was given away anyways. But I will work on the long description. And I do realize, looking back, that I did make them a little sterotypical. Although that's why I'm including Lyra this time around, to enact change in the other two.
4236254
Anyways, hit me if I start going the same way as before. Above all, no mysterious characters named after myself.
Love this!
4277903 Thank you! Anything you loved in specific?
I see you added some extra little tidbits when they were talking in the bar, I am loving this story so far. Still, I wish there was a better system to where I could edit it for you, not just tell you what to edit :/
4281274 Like I've always said, my friend, Google drive has it all if you've got a gmail, which is easy to set up.
you said in the description that the ponies she siphons off of become worn out or something, but what about her father?
4302826 Spoilers
The story constantly switches between first and third person. The awesomeness has been doubled. A very good method.
4306470 I try to juggle POVs alot, to keep my talent sharp. If I stay in first person, my third person gets dull. Ready for some second person view points?
4311138 woah
4311250 BWAHAHAHA
Is this a real chapter?
I GOT PUT IN THE A/N. WOOHOO!!!!!!
4467847 Yeah. Why wouldn't it be? The commercial thing is for shits and giggle.
4468131
This is better than the first but it cuts through very quickly between characters maybe focused chapters would be better(as in one chapter for one character then the next covering another character)
Again good but the breaks in the fourth wall are frustrating because they can break the focus of readers also you had a few grammar problems this chapter
The off topic was funny this time, but again with all that time you could e added to the story
im confused due to my bad english, but i think i got the gist of it
im gonna mm wait to read this
Has this been proofread/edited? I spy a few spelling/grammar errors. Also, I personally believe that you change POVs too often. Perhaps stick with one character for a longer time before switching or perhaps splitting the two POVs into two chapters?