And now Ponyville's residents were trying not to stare at the trio as they made their way through the streets, a pair of horns slowly moving from side to side while a little dragon attempted to keep the potential trampling down from eight hooves.
Admittedly, most of the visual attention was being very carefully not focused on a single pony within the group. And there were some who simply couldn't manage that feat.
"R-r-rarity?"
"A rather dubious pleasure to see you today, Mr. Mouser -- oh, will you look at the matchless speed of that retreat... Well, it seems I have found a benefit, Twilight: apparently I am no longer even remotely to his taste. Not that such changes my plans for what is hopefully the very near future, but I accept what small blessing may come. Now: you are certain you have never encountered this signature before?"
Slightly frustrated, "I don't exactly have everypony in town memorized, Rarity."
"But your sense for such is superior to most -- and please do not deny it: now is not the time. I trust your dimmest memory of such things more than I do the sharpest clarity for many others."
Twilight sighed, tried not to blush, partially made it. "No... as far as I can remember, this is new."
Rarity nodded. "Which would seem to place the burden of guilt into one of three categories: a resident unicorn you have never had occasion to encounter, a filly who has sparked or infant Surge... or one of the tourists who take the ride from Canterlot on a summer day, mistakenly seeing Ponyville as a combination of low-rent shopping district and potential disaster theater while at no time considering how their entertainment will proceed should they actually find themselves within Bearer activity as part of the play. We can narrow it down from there. If only so many had not chosen to travel today..."
Twilight considered the presented checklist. "We could have overlap in those last two categories: visiting kids."
Rarity had been momentarily distracted. "Allow me to save you time, Flitter: yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, and whatever you would personally wish to see engraved on your tombstone and can appreciate from the shadowlands. Fill those in for any order you like." (The pegasus took a deep breath, caught the look in blood-red eyes -- then shrugged and trotted off, black-and-white kitten playfully trailing at the end of the harness.) "Yes, and that presents us with the same problem as the other tourists: that they could simply get back on the train or take the gallop to their homes before we ever reached them. Rather more likely for those with children to use the train, though."
"We could just go to the police, Rarity," Spike suggested. "This pony's already broken a law. This has to qualify as vandalism, right?"
The designer nodded. "No doubt. But the police have no authority to demand everypony simply line up and demonstrate that they cannot perform this trick. Even if they could, we would have the difficulty of showing that somepony cannot generally prove a negative. Should we be so fortunate as to find the caster with the proper signature, she would simply refuse to perform the working. I do not wish to involve the law unless they can actually do something."
Spike's claw-wringing was getting a major workout. "But... we're not just going to hurt somepony..."
There was a certain amount of protest coming from the street ahead.
"Hurt?" Rarity's laugh was insincere. "I, a pony of violence? Whatever would make you believe that?"
"All the talk about killing?"
Loud, aggravated, reality-denying protest.
"Don't be silly, Spike. I would never kill anypony."
"Okay..."
The sort of protest which could only be found in ponies who couldn't get baked goods.
"Mutilation will suffice -- hmm. What is going on at Sugarcube Corner?"
The trio listened to the yelling -- and then moved all the faster, reaching the edge of the crowd within seconds. Unfortunately, they then found themselves stuck there, as the furious mass of pony bodies refused to yield a single hoofstep of space to anypony who wasn't just as angry as they were, and for the exact same reason -- a reason which could only be found inside.
The crowd was too dense for Twilight to try teleporting in: any arrival point just about guaranteed recoil on the other end. Similarly, simply picking up crowds and moving them aside often offended. Yelling about Official Bearer Emergency could panic the populace and so she didn't use it until the Princess was actually involved: having Spike loose a space-making burst of flame could be worse. And if this had been happening during her first moons in Ponyville, she would have simply stood at the edge, forcing out near-whispered requests to please move until everypony there had gained the personal chance to ignore her.
But that was then, and this was now.
"Golden Harvest!" Twilight brightly called out to the first pony she could identify. "I'm so glad to see you! I've been waiting for the chance to catch up and find out when I can expect to collect your late fees! And Mr. Flankington, I do hate to rush you, but are you quite finished with that book of recipes from the Empire? Because that's on the library exchange program and now that it's officially overdue and the return stamp has expired, somepony has to pay for it to be shipped back. I wonder who that could be... Bon-Bon, I don't suppose you're finally willing to admit that you lost the book? It's so nice to see everypony out on a beautiful summer day, especially when I really need to talk to so many of them about library business. Of course, if nopony can afford to settle their accounts at this time, I still need volunteers for certain things and I'm continuing to accept a work exchange program --"
There were things which could make Ponyville residents move faster than encountering Twilight when she was on the library rules enforcement prowl. Most of them involved Ursa Majors.
The crowd did not completely dissipate: a number among them were fully innocent of all checkout infractions and for a sole pony who was not... it was baked goods. But it did thin out enough for the trio to pass through, and a lightly-smirking Twilight silently took the offered bits into her field as she mentally removed the carrot farmer from The List.
The bakery's interior hadn't received as much sound as the outer semi-riot, but a few ponies had gotten the gist and made hasty preemptive exits. It was enough for them to move inside, and the sufficiently-diminished volume allowed hearing.
"I want my money back!"
"We tried them," Mr. Cake protested, his voice beginning to grow weak from repetition. "They still taste exactly the same. It's just the -- color..."
"I preordered four dozen bialys!"
"We made four dozen. And then some. I took my sample from the extras... we'd never made them before and I wanted to make sure they came out right... I've never been much for diced onion, but I can certainly understand why you wanted to get them for the party --"
"-- they're bright green!"
Mr. Cake sighed. "I know they're green. They're green the same way the black-and-white cookies are now pink-and-mauve. My baguettes are blush. The rainbow cookies aren't. But it's nothing I did. Every last thing in here tastes like it should."
"And how am I supposed to eat green food?" the most recent pony addition to a very angry list demanded.
Mr. Cake's expression was one Rarity was all too familiar with, a look she frequently caught glimpses of in the Boutique's mirrors: the internal war between The Customer Is Always Right and Regardless, The Customer Is An Idiot. Rarity generally found herself applying a simple solution to the dilemma -- and as she watched, Mr. Cake's face slowly hardened into a look she also knew from experience, the one which resolved everything.
"So you've never had grass?"
Who Wants An Idiot For A Customer, Anyway?
The pony blinked. "...what?"
"Grass," Mr. Cake repeated. "Limes. Avocados, on the few times I've seen imports. Grapes for some varieties. Some kinds of particularly fresh hay. And that's just the surface of the green food tray. I could go on for a while, I really could. But I have ponies in line behind you and they all have things they'd like to say, so I won't keep you much longer. If you want your bits back, you can have them. I'm sure you can find another pony who's willing to attempt a bialy or four dozen on short notice, possibly in Canterlot. Or you can take this extra sample, which tastes like it should, which only happens to be bright green with so many worse colors available, and eat it. No charge for the bonus."
The pony paled.
"Of course, if you're worried about being poisoned, I'll just have half, if you don't mind," Mr. Cake added. "Pardon my onion breath, of course." He broke the disk along an axis, snatched the green bread up between his teeth. Thoughtfully chewed. Swallowed. "Actually, the texture takes more getting used to than the onions. Your turn, sir."
The pony, who was naturally close to a particularly ghostly shade of white, was now beginning to approach transparency. "It's..."
"Yes?"
"...green."
"You pass me the bialys," Mr. Cake softly said, "and I will pass you the bits. On three? One, two --"
Weakly, "-- I can't get any more by tonight..."
"I could make them again," Mr. Cake offered. "However, since the first batch is perfectly fine, I would have to charge you again for the second. And of course, I can't promise what color they'd come out."
"I'll... just take these..."
"As you wish, sir."
"And -- and I'm never buying anything here again!"
"So you don't want your preordered birthday cake next week?"
"...after that."
"The anniversary platter?"
"...and that."
"How about the Summer Sun Celebration party catering?"
"...I'm going..."
Everypony in the bakery watched the tail-tucked retreat. And at the end of it, Mr. Cake finally raised his voice.
"All right!" the baker called out. "Now that I seem to have everypony's attention, let's try this again! Nothing has happened to the ingredients! Nothing is wrong with the taste of any item! They were all normal when we baked them this morning and before you say one word again, Caramel, this has nothing to do with Pinkie! She lets us know when she's experimenting and asks us to label her personal products so we can track how they're selling! We all made these items together as we almost always do. We placed the pieces in the display cases. And then there was glow, and this happened! This is a unicorn playing a joke, one I don't happen to find particularly funny. I don't know who it was. I'd really like to and if anypony here does, tell me and it'll be donuts for a month. If anypony wants their money back for items where color shouldn't matter, just be polite about it. If you want refunds for things where it does... those rainbow cookies aren't making me happy, either. Please... we can all get through this. Calmly. It's just the look, and as much as I hate to say this of all things..." he visibly braced himself before proceeding into the full blasphemy "...it's just baked goods..."
Which was when he saw Rarity.
"...except if it isn't," he half-whispered.
Several ponies wondered at the sudden drop in volume. Had sudden bouts of curiosity as to just what had made his eyes go so wide. Those ponies, already stressed by the near-violation of their fundamental pony right to baked goods, turned to see what he was looking at.
Several ponies screamed. One sample among the group panic was particularly familiar.
There was a stampede. It was a rather well-directed short-term stampede which didn't do any real amount of damage on the way out beyond knocking over a few benches and trampling half a bialy.
And it was just the trio and Mr. Cake in a much emptier Sugarcube Corner.
The baker sighed.
"I could say something about the loss of business," he said, "but I think I'll get it back in sanity. Rarity, are you okay?"
"As with your product, the only changes are cosmetic," Rarity sighed. "Although mine will wear off. At least, the changes to my form shall: those made to my own goods... not quite. Do you mind if we lock the door?"
Mr. Cake shook his head. "Please."
Twilight's field coated the door, sealed it. "Where's everypony else, Mr. Cake? That was a lot for you to handle by yourself."
"Upstairs," the baker explained. "It was all of us down here when it started: so many of the tourists are stopping in to try out the local offerings... well, that's not just me, and Celestia help them when Mr. Flankington opens in a few hours. But we needed a full staff to handle the flow. Which meant Pumpkin and Pound were behind the counter... and after it hit, the customers... well, they got loud. Caramel blamed Pinkie, it got worse... the twins started to cry... My wife and Pinkie are upstairs with them, trying to get everything calmed down. They'll probably be back in a few minutes, especially now that it's quiet again." With increasing concern, "Is this something beyond a prank, Miss Sparkle? Bearer business? Is there something we have to worry about? Like -- you know..."
It was a very familiar shudder.
Twilight sighed. "It's a unicorn spell, Mr. Cake. Nothing worse. We think it might be a caster who either hasn't been in town before or hasn't managed a spell until now. Did you see anypony who would fit those categories?"
He frowned. "We were crowded, Miss Sparkle -- partially with tourists. And I can't spot everypony in a crush... Rarity..." and now he was starting to blush "...I hate to ask, you know I do, but..."
Rarity merely looked tired. "While I am aware of what my sister and her friends tend to create in their wake, Mr. Cake, along with having the repair bills to prove my direct experience, I have also been in her presence when the first hints of sparks began to appear, along with possessing some rather unfortunate memories of her infant Surges. Her personal tricks have yet to manifest in Ponyville -- but when they do, I will have prior experience with the signature they shall carry. And should it have been one of the other two... actually, I would not be surprised. But this magic was not hers."
The answering nod seemed less than fully confident. "All right. I wish I could be more help, ladies, but... we were busy, and I really can't describe everypony who was here."
Spike's palms slammed together. Claws clicked. "Yeah!"
The ponies stared at him -- or rather, two of them did. "Spike?" Rarity asked with increasing hope atop a solid layer of faith. "That sounds rather like the exclamation of somepony who's just had an idea..."
He grinned. "You can't describe everypony, Mr. Cake," the little dragon said. "You can't..."
The trio left the reopened shop twelve minutes later. There were fewer arguments breaking out behind them, mostly because there were fewer ponies.
In fact, there seemed to be somewhat fewer ponies around overall, especially for a beautiful summer day.
"Of the twenty-seven ponies visibly crowded into the shop when the spell hit, eight were unicorn mares," Rarity said with open satisfaction. "Four of those were Ponyville residents with whom we are familiar, and none of their personal workings come close to this category, nor does the hue of their field."
Twilight managed a smile. "That leaves four tourists, all of whom we now possess descriptions for -- along with the color of the field in question: shimmer-white. Sometimes I love Pinkie's memory..."
"So all we have to do is find those four ponies before they leave town, get them to use their field... and we'll know who it is," Spike concluded. With a certain lack of confidence, "Simple... right?"
"I hope so, Spike," Twilight replied. "If they haven't left already, then we've at least got a shot." But she was worried, and a glance at Rarity found the same emotion staring back.
There was a somewhat smaller number of ponies around, and those who remained... a few of those had a word on their lips. Twilight was aware of how ponies could so easily wind up acting. Thinking. Somepony could come to the wrong conclusion and before anypony really understood what had happened, the herd had moved.
It was just a prank, if an increasingly nasty one. Twilight knew it and would educate everypony she could find on the true nature of events. But the word was out there now, and there was always a chance it would rapidly spread.
Daisy had been in the bakery.
And the word she'd screamed was contagion.
Is this supposed to be incomplete? You seem to be very fond of "long-shots" (stories not quite of the novella length)
The concept is certainly amusing, so I'm tracking it for future viewing.
Shouldn't it be "Blue is the new Orange"?
Twilight needs a standing executive order allowing her to gag the Flower Trio in the event of an emergency. They spread panic as reliably as the CMC spread tree sap. I literally groaned, "Oh, no" at the end of this chapter.
One thought per chapter thus far:
Yellow diamonds as a draconic stimulant? I can't help but draw parallels with Exam Crystal. Though the diamonds are probably less potent and more reliable. Then again, the same could be said of nitroglycerin.
Indeed. It's curious to see just which physical, chemical, and biological laws magic has to follow and which it can ignore in this setting.
And as for this chapter... Dammit, Daisy. This is why we can't have nice things.
Looking forward to more. The game is afoot! Hoof. Something.
4209345
A potent and terrifying brew born of Twilight's discussions with Zecora as well as her own independent research in the Royal Archives and on various specimens retrieved from the Everfree.
That's what I figured, anyway.
>InfraBread
My sides! Oh fate, ye cruel mistress, that I must wait to read this!
Yes. Okay. Your headcanon is that Spike and Twilight see each other as brother and sister. I get it.
You're kind of whacking us over the head with it to the detriment of the story.
Otherwise, very cool story. Will be interesting to see where this goes.
4209481
4209486
4209414
Read Total Eclipse of the Fun there is a decent bit on exactly what Wake Up Juice is and where it comes from
Earlier than I usually reply, but I have free time before the hideous destruction of all things music begins.
4208752
'tis not yet complete. However, I am going to do something very rare here and set myself a deadline: I intend to have it finished before the end of the month.
4208795
4209481
Local 'verse/continuum/whatever-this-is has it as a sibling relationship and treats things accordingly, sadly complete with the right to dismiss advice from your younger sibling strictly due to the source. If the terms were too frequent... I wouldn't be surprised.
4208808
4209115
*groan* That one might have gotten past me until Arbor Day. Fixed to 'dyeing'.
But dear sweet pony gawds, someone had to say something.
4209251
It's the theory that you're more likely to do the impossible if you don't know it's impossible before you do it. Sort of like how the most likely unicorns to self-levitate are Surging infants. It's not just the small amount of mass they need to move -- they haven't been taught that projecting a field backwards is wrong.
4209345
4209414
4209486
This has shown up in bits and pieces across the stories. Wake-up juice is an actual juice, typically creamy yellow. Coffee is... coffee, and unless you can find an earth pony willing to work on it and a pegasus to assist with the necessary climate control, it's typically imported from zebra lands. (Zecora is Ponyville's main supplier.) It's an uncommon taste to find in a pony, and only Cadance has been noted as drinking it regularly, along with cultivating her own beans. For her part, she generally drinks for three. For nearly everypony else, it's a desperation drink. Wake-up juice is typically about as strong and doesn't make you want to scrape your own taste buds off.
For those who haven't seen A Total Eclipse Of The Fun, the Exam Crystal mentioned by FOME is a drug harvested from wake-up juice plants which grow in strong magic areas within wild zones. It makes you awake. Very awake. Duration both variable and unpredictable. And when it wears off, you're either more tired or catching up on every bit of rest you missed, with no way to wake up until the books are balanced. Which kind did you get? The only way to find out is by taking it...
4209364
*nods* Maybe it's just something about yellow...
4209603
I haven't the slightest what that means...
Of course that could be the point...
Did I stumble upon some future plot point? Or do you just want me to think that to confound me? Is it something to do with Rarity specifically? Or is Rainbow the next victim? Damn it ambiguous emoticons!
(Also: I just realized that it is as likely a playoff Netflix's "Orange is the New Black")
So we have a serial colour...er.
And one that is, typical to the pattern, escalating...
4209603
Right, it's been a while since I read TEotF. Remembered the crystals, forgot the juice.
Still, the invention of a terrifying brew to stay awake sounds like something Twilight would do. Or at least try to do...
Hey, we didn't think it'd be much of a problem either.
Then this happened.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111002024515/mlp/images/0/0d/Rarity_green_hair_S01E06.png
Interesting. Now, I gotta half-agree with 4209481 in that the whole "her brother" thing is a little blunt, but detrimental? Nahh. I mean, Spike is his own character. It's not a trouble to describe him as such (using Spike instead of some other tag), but I have no qualms about it either way.
Interesting idea scaled excellently, and I can't wait to see how it ends.
4209949
Yeah I have to ask about that too. Is the AU this is apart of not have color changing magic? I mean that's the one thing about the story's description that was odd to me. Also I've yet to read this although I'm going to get to it. Is it part of the Tryptic timeline or no?
I am reminded of Crystal Pepsi for some reason.
4209795 >>>Still, the invention of a terrifying brew to stay awake sounds like something Twilight would do. >>>
Twilight invents 5-Hour Energy.
Very well written, interesting idea, and it's nice to see a comedy piece that doesn't appear to be going completely off the rails. Feels like the sort of casual weirdness that might actually happen in Ponyville. Plus, I like your characterization of Spike.
My one issue is that you have... well, frankly a somewhat odd way of expressing things, and there were a couple of parts in this story where I plain didn't understand what you meant.
For the record:
This is currently #2 in the Featured Box.
i.imgur.com/5GQwmeZ.png
Okay, Twilight, I think the appropriate solution is to put the whole town in stasis... for the time being.
4210295
4209949
Cosmetic spells (strictly short-term and surface only) exist, as do dyes. Illusions substitute and sometimes combine: a telekinetic twist to a mane with a false color change on top of it. However, nopony designs workings to target orange juice.
For Twilight, there are a couple of factors creating her fascination. It seems to be an all-purpose working which targets everything (except marks), may be permanent for objects, and changes the light absorption of the target while altering no other property. Chemically, this is known as 'a nightmare'. (Ask anyone who's gone through extensive hair coloring about side effects.) The working seems to be an advancement on all which has come before. The method is new -- and therefore interesting.
Timeline: call it about a month before the change.
(Deletion was a transmission hiccup. Sorry about any double notifications.)
4210474
Awesome. Are you going to be adding this to the Timeline blog? BTW. thanks. I'm going to be reading this now right after I finish reading Evil Belle and it's sequel. Thank you.
4210436
Would you believe that's my first look at the Feature box with the Mature setting turned on?
The titles seem so innocent.
i.imgur.com/O23ULSu.png
Discord is pleased by these developments.
4210561
Number one now.
Yay, new Estee!
Twilight's orange juice.
Rarity's coat, mane and store.
The Cake's entire inventory.
I dread to think of what will happen to Rainbow Dash and Sweet Apple Acres.
Are you setting up a "pink Celestia" gag? That would be something. In the canon of the show, she responds quite well to pranks...
4208764 Having now read the first chapter, I can say that yes, this does indeed look quite interesting. And apparently others think similarly.
Also, Spike's a boss.
It's number one now...in the featured bar....
4210343
Welcome to Club Estee, where the prose is sometimes so purple it escapes the visible spectrum.
If you head to the bar at the corner, and order a glass of 500LM, you'll forever be coming back for more.
Just don't try the Triptych before the other stuff has become easily digestible
4212108
Purple isn't exactly how I would describe it. It's not overwrought, it's just... kinda unintuitive? Honestly, I'm not even sure what color this prose is supposed to be.
...And yes, I do appreciate the irony of that statement.
4212108
...okay, the title of the next chapter is now Purple Prose.
Seriously.
4212367
Accident during the previous night's experiments. It'll grow back.
Hah! Mr. Cake! Master business man and king baker!
Loving this story, boss. Really am.
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
~Skeeter The Lurker
Seriously love this fic. I can't wait to see what happens next. Although I'm still interested in someday seeing your take on the Magical Mystery Cure, I'm sure it'll be far superior to what the show did. Anywho, thanks for making this, it's one of my top 3 AU's of all time.
Interesting story so far! Or, you could say.... color me intrigued. Track'd.
Hmm... Rainbow Dash would be an interesting "target" for the prankster.
The title "infra-bred" got me pondering... What if the color-spell could also shift colors into the infra-red / ultra-violet spectrum?
. . . Although, being strictly physically accurate it probably would just end up looking like black to normal eyesight.
Eh. *shrug*
And then Madagascar canceled all of its trade deals with Equestria.
4212734 Oh right, thanks.
Color me interested.
4213763
Definitely whet my palette~
I haven't read this yet, but I can tell you from personal experience... this shit happens. I once had fun making turkey gravy during thanksgiving dinner. We ran outta the traditional yellow food coloring my grandma uses for the gravy, and i instead make purple gravy. Every last person swore it tastes like grape jelly, and couldn't eat it.
So with that in mind, i gotta read this...
4214955
Well, since Rarity was being scary beyond all reason...
Interesting so far... with a really intriguing take on unicorn font usage. Nice to see a fellow "How Much for Just the Planet" fan here, too...! /)
4212142
Even if I weren't thoroughly enjoying the story I would have to follow it for the chapter titles.
10 to 1 odds says it was Trixie
I think it was Twilight's failed spells fault.
oh my god, that Orange Is the New Black reference in the story title. instant +1
If I lived in Ponyville I'd stop paying attention to the Flower Trio after a while.