Time to leave
After I'd finally cleansed my pallete, I decided that I had to hurry this entire scenario up. Thus, I walked leisurely over to the pass. The huge glacier that blocked the slaves from leaving, which was what I was forced to do by Sombra, glistened in the light of the day. Each and every slave was there, along with the children. Mario scuttled over to me. "Sir, what on Earth and Equestria is the meaning of this? Everypony wants to know." I waved his concerns off and flicked my staff. A pillar of ice slowly rose form beneath me as I rose above, in order to make my message clear.
My aura flared around me and appropriate music started playing. "Friends, Ponies, Countrymen, lend me your ears!" They listened. I continued speaking.
"I have a very important piece of information for you all: Sombra is dead." At these words, the entire populace of crystal ponies broke into cheering. A couple of them started crying. I raised a hand.
"It was not in battle against me, and to be honest, I don't know how they killed him. I also don't care, as should you." I turned to the gigantic glacier, still blocking this valley off from the outside world. When Sombra had ordered me to block the pass, I had done so, mainly because I feared his proximity. Even if I had been unsealed, he MIGHT have been able to beat me. The fact that he clearly outclassed me in my sealed state was a bit of a giveaway. I could have taken him, but he could have killed me very easily. That was what made him stand out; pure ruthlessness. Starswirl the Bearded was simply so powerful that even a cantrip gave me serious trouble, though I beat him eventually through the simple spell known as Punch the Other Guy in the Face. And the Alicorn sisters were insanely dangerous when working together and there was no possibility of collateral damage.
"For too long has this glacier remained in place. Today... that all changes." Rainbow magic swirled around me, as I concentrated my might on this inconsequential glacier. As the music built up to a crescendo, I yelled, "NOW GO!" and unleashed my might. For a second, there was nothing. Then, the glacier trembled. Rainbow light started to come out of it, lighting up the entirety of the wastelands. A mighty trembling could be felt in our bones, and then the glacier shattered. The crystal ponies gasped, most of them now sparkling like mad. I pointed a finger dramatically through the pass. "Now GO! Enjoy life and all it has to offer! A new destiny awaits!"
Crystal Empire, sometime later
Celestia and Luna looked at the skinny crystal pony that had come from the Frozen Wastelands with several hundred other companions. Luna was the first to speak.
"So let us get this straight: you were sent to the Frozen Wastelands by Sombra, under the supervision of Xante." The Crystal Pony nodded.
"Yes; he was considerably kinder than Sombra ever had been to us." He twisted his cap. "Um, is Xante in trouble with you, Princess?"
Celestia shook her head. "I am beginning to doubt how evil Xante truly is, if he just let you go."
The Crystal Pony gasped. "E-evil? With all respect Princess Celestia, he was never evil to us. He gave us more food and water, made sure that the foals weren't allowed in the mines, sent zombies down in order to help out with the labour- he was even the one to destroy the glacier that was preventing us from leaving!"
Celestia and Luna managed to extract a bit more information out of the former slave- when one slave had died of malnutrition, he had honoured their wish for him to not become a minion of his. The children he'd kept in the castle, keeping them occupied with games and generally acting like a clown, and had even called a day off every Sunday except for when tribute was on the line. And throughout it all, Celestia and Luna saw a side to the confident, affable lich that they hadn't- an almost fatherly love for each and every slave. Eventually, they let him stop talking. Celestia and Luna looked at each other.
Celestia was the first to speak. "This might be a ploy by him to put us on guard. We're still going to treat him as a threat, as he might well revert to his evil ways." Though he was definitely not forgiven for his complete and utter domination of those guards, he was at least not totally evil, like Discord. Speaking of Discord, maybe that would be a good idea, reforming him... absent-mindedly, she made some plans for that. Maybe give Discord to Fluttershy? Yes, if there was anypony who could reform Discord, it would be Fluttershy.
Meanwhile, I was having a lot of fun with my ice powers again. I looked down from the top of the mountain. In front of me was the long, ice slide that I'd constructed over an hour. This was going to be awesome. I was about to jump onto my icy slide when I heard some familiar footsteps coming up behind me. I turned around, to greet Mario, but before I could say something, he cut right to the chase.
"Sir, why didn't you return earlier? You have your philactery, so if you died-" I cut him off.
"Yes, I know. Kill myself, slowly regenerate around the philactery. There were two reasons why I didn't do that. I was surrounded by a very... unique spell, one I didn't know the effects of. My suicide might have made them heal my body, or just destroyed my mind altogether. Plus, there were two Immutable Cubes surrounding me as well, so that might have had an effect."
Mario seemed unsure. I sighed. Here was the big one. "Secondly... changing back to my philactery would have likely killed you." Mario frowned. "I don't understand. Isn't your philactery your amulet, the one you keep in the vault surrounded by deadly traps and pitfalls-"
I cut him off. "No. That's a fake. My REAL philactery is one of your arms. It's so unassuming, that no hero would ever THINK to look for it. And those who did, well, they'd just assume that you were a golem, so that's why the spell is thrown off." Mario was shocked. I continued, letting it all come out. "That's the thing about heroes, Mario. They're naturally attracted to shiny objects. So give them a fake shiny object, and they're extremely happy. Bit like magpies really, thieving devils."
Mario was shaken, both by the revelation that his creator's life was literally in his hands, but also at the tone of voice that I had just used. "Mario, I don't want to sacrifice another just so that I can live longer. Plus..." I hesitated, then simply said it. "I'm fascinated by death, Mario. I made myself immortal so that I could see the effects that not dying had on me and the world. I'm not afraid to die, it's just... I want to see death without much risk. And my ressurection from your arm could possibly kill you. It's a chance I'm not willing to take."
I watched him take all this information in, then he sighed. "Thank you. I needed to know what you were thinking." I chuckled. "Plus, they might have come back and put me back in." With that, my good humour returned. "In any case, Mario! I am going on this giant ice slide that I have made, and you can't stop me!" Before he could, I jumped on. An appropriate piece of music came to mind. "WHOO!" I laughed as I sped down, the slippery ice causing my skinny body to accelerate enormously. This was AWESOME! As I rounded the first corner, I thanked my stars that I didn't have to eat or fear dying. A normal person MIGHT have been afraid of how high up I was and how fast I was going, but when you're a lich, you're not afraid. Plus, I had several high power shield spells in my arsenal, just WAITING to be cast to save my life.I whooped and hollered as I sped down, quickly stopping avalanches form happening. Wouldn't want to be accused of being evil just when I've cleared my name, right?
When the slide finished, the entire back of my robes were damp, though I didn't care. I was so happy, my grin was on my face for hours, possibly longer. Whatever the case, it felt good to be able to cut back a bit. But this frozen wasteland wasn't interesting anymore. It had been a thousand years since my disastrous first encounter, so it was time to get out of here. I brushed off my clothes and gripped my staff. With a moment's thought, I teleported back up to Mario. "Mario, I want you to manage my castle while I'm gone, okay?" Mario seemed confused. "L-look after your castle?" I nodded, putting a bony hand on his large icy head.
"I'm telling you this because I'm going on holiday for a time. A very long time." An appropriate piece of music started playing as I continued. "You are one of the most trusted and gifted assistants that I've ever had; and believe me, I've had a fair number of assistants in my time." I looked out, over the vastness of the world. Before, due to being evil and the requirements for evil being to live in such places, I'd never really contemplated going to other places of the world, to explore and experience. What good was eternal life if I couldn't just drop everything and go sight-seeing?
Mario seemed unsure. I turned to him. "Make sure that my legions of minions don't go out of the castle, and maybe write some treaties with the local government. Right now, I'm going to the Crystal Empire, then I'll be gone."
"B-but sir! There's no way of knowing what's out there! You've never been outside of the wastelands and tundra before!" I grinned.
"That's what makes it so exciting, Mario. I don't know what's out there." With that, I teleported back into my castle, bringing my assistant along with me. "I've been cooped up in here for far too long! I need excitement, danger, thrills! Not to rot in my castle with nothing to do. But you have a real gift for administrative tasks, so you can deal with any legal mumbo-jumbo that crops up. I'm going on tour!" With that final statement, I finally let him go. I noticed that he was close to tears.
"Sir, why are you just... ABANDONING this place?" I tried to explain, but he continued. "I-I was practically born here, and y-you're like a father to me; hell, you ARE my father! You animated me out of snow and some sticks and I'm holding your soul and- it's too much... it's just too much..." He burst into tears, and I hugged him. I'd dropped bombshell after bombshell on the little guy after all, and if I hadn't, I would have felt so bad for the rest of my unlife. "Hey, hey, it's alright. The son always outgrows the father anyway. My giving you this responsibility is because you don't need my help; you even tried to keep this castle in shape after I was gone. I wouldn't give you this job if I didn't think you were capable. Although, sport," I lightly punched him on the shoulder, "You should go to the Crystal Empire and, you know, really see the sights. Come on, let's do it. Sombra's been gone for a while, so we can just go around, and nobody'll care or bow and scrape at us anymore. It'll be awesome!"
Crystal Palace
Celestia and Luna were just enjoying the view from the balcony when they felt Xante reappearing through that unique teleportation spell of his. They noticed the unusual snow creature that was accompanying him. He waved a hand at the strange little being. "This is Mario, my assistant. He'll be running Rainbow Castle while I'm gone on sabbatical. Direct all questions to him. Now, I'm going to have a real look around here, if you don't mind." Before he could leave, Celestia teleported over and gripped his arm. He struggled to break out, but she had much greater strength. "I've talked to some of your former slaves, Xante. And let me make one thing clear- we're a lot stronger now then we were back then. If you ever even think about going back to your dark path- well, me and Luna will personally make sure that your taint is gone from the world." Xante looked at her, mentally calculating, while Mario was having a fit. Eventually, he nodded. "I swear on my honour and my dearly departed mother that I will not become evil. Now can you let me go? My arm's getting numb." He pulled away and stalked off, grin now lost from his face. Celestia watched him go, with less of a spring in his step.
A couple of guards watched incredulously as a lich threw himself along the well-waxed floors of the palace, laughing like some sort of overgrown foal. A couple contemplated stopping him, but the simple fact that this creature could laugh even the Princesses off was remarkable. The little snow creature with him seemed to be trying to get him to act his ancient age, but the lich wasn't having any of it. "Sir, you should really control yourself! Ponies are staring!"
Xante waved a hand, a little dazzle of rainbow light dancing around his hand. "Bah. BAH! Let them gawk, let them stare. I am Xante, Baron of the Frozen Wastelands, First among Liches, Lord of the Undead, Fabulous Rainbow Magician, the Walking Ice Age, Lord of the Dance, Three Time winner of Best Smile in the Land, Former Mayor of Sycamore Town, the Epic Level Lich, Sorceror/Monk multiclass, Most Fabulous Undead in the Realm and maker of the Best Ever Cheese Sandwich, and I am one thousand, six hundred and fifty years and five months old, and I will act however I want! Remember, Mario," he waved a finger at his assistant, "growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. Now, let loose and SLIDE!" With that, he slid through the hallways, assistant chasing after him.
Cadence was examining the mirror of worlds when she heard the familiar sound of Xante coming in. He was grinning like a madman. "I like your floors. They're nice and slippery. A lich can have a lot of fun just sliding along floors like that." His assistant glared at him.
"Sir, it's hardly befitting your position as a godlike being to be fooling around like that-"
Xante plugged his ears. "I can't hear you! I can't hear you!" Cadence glared at him.
"Do you have any consideration for other ponies at all?" Before he could talk, she continued.
"Look, Xante, you MIGHT have reformed, but actions speak louder than words. And you need to understand something."
"Look, listen-" Cadence interrupted him, getting right up close.
"No. YOU listen. I might not be a good combatant like Celestia or Luna, but that doesn't mean that I'm not powerful in my own right."
Xante looked at her, and seemed about to speak. Then, he sagged.
"Sorry. I'm just not very... good at this. Being nice to people is one thing, but being a good guy is something that's outside of my usual repetoire."
He backed up, only now noticing the mirror. "Huh, what's that?" Before she could stop him, he skipped up and touched it. The result was that his eyes widened before he was thrown against the opposite wall. Cadence glared at him. "What on Earth did you think would happen?" Besides her, his snowy companion hurried over with a desperate look on his face.
"Sir! Are you alright?"
Xante pushed himself up. "It's fine, Mario. It's REALLY fine." He looked at his hands, then back to the mirror, then back again. Cadence watched him.
"Xante...? Are you alright?" He nodded.
"I've been an IDIOT, but I'm alright." Cadence raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean, 'idiot?' You might be rather immature, but you don't seem stupid-"
"No, no, not like that, it's more..." Xante rubbed his temples, then snapped his fingers. "Have you ever been working really hard on a problem and then somebody else comes along and solves the problem for you with a really obvious solution? It's kind of like that." Cadence watched him. "Why didn't I think of that?"
She was pretty curious. "Didn't think about what?"
For answer he turned to her and picked her up in both hands. "This mirror is a portal to another dimension, right? Well, in my own universe, there's a spell to do that, but it drains a LOT of power to use. I don't have the proper regents here anyway, but the main problem is that the air here is less... adaptable, yes that's the word. Less pliant." He started pacing.
"Now, the maker of this mirror probably ran into the same problem, so he went about it in an ingenious way: rather than make the portal from scratch, why not have the portal be perpetually stable... in the form of a mirror?" He giggled, and Cadence was curious.
"Why is that important?" He gripped her by the shoulders. "If I can get a mirror with the right co-ordinates, I can go home, to my real dimension! In fact..." he hurried over to the mirror, took a deep breath and shoved his hands into it. The mirror was forcibly activated and he walked through. The light closed around him, and with a pop...
He was spat back out. Cadence quirked an eyebrow. He looked at the mirror angrily. Xante charged the mirror again, with the same result. He hmphed. "It seems as if I have that merchant to thank for this curse. It seems that I cannot leave this plane of existence until he wants me to leave. I cannot return to my own, I'm just bounced back here like some sort of interdimensional yoyo." He frowned. "Well, I'll be here for the time being, or until the sorcerer who did this deems me worthy of being returned."
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This is hilarious, watching a Lich just running laughing li8ke a 5 year old while everypony just stares wondering if he's going to kill them or not
Very true growing up is optional. I should know, my dad acts like a teenager.
Which most likely won't be for a looooooong time.
so were the zombie mostly recruited from grave's or invited to join? ooo did he do interviews with any of them?
So much win.
4234290
This needs to be addressed.
4234290 I believe the hiring process went something like this.
Xante: So what is your name?
Corpse: ....
Xante: Hmm, Beyrl Granite is an interesting name.
Corpse: ....
Xante: So what do you expect out of the position your applying for?
Corpse: ... ...... .... ..
Tia: weren't you slaves?
FS: only because of Sombra! oh and by the way he makes a WONDEFUL babysitter
Tia:
I am SO loving this
more please
Now he needs to know the Magic of Friendship I presume?
gotta love Xante
He stole that from this guy. \/
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/richard_5870.jpg
4234484 well no one said he didn't try it out at least gave it a shot.
Amazing the friendships that can be forged when two people are stuck in the same kind of unwanted situation. The part where it was mentioned that he dressed as a clown got me equal parts of laughter and daaw.
Eventually, it will take an entire chapter just to say all of his titles.
Nice
… I love this story… The main reason being… I would go full-on fabulous if I could, too… But I can't… I have neither the money nor the ingenuity… But I would if I could, nonetheless… Can I give you a hug, Ssendam? Imma give you a hug.
4234639 Xante really does read like a "not actually evil" Richard, which is probably why I'm liking him so much.
Celestia: Sooo..is he evil?
Slave: *gasp* How could you say that princess! He's the nicest guy ever!
Celestia: Wut.
Nice chapter!
4234558
I'd actually like seeing Celestia try to play that card...
Only for Xante to be utterly insulted.
X, "WHAT?! So just because I was strong-armed into being that utter twits shiny collector, I have to be some psycho that don't know how friendship works?!"
I love this story It's really great.
Although,
You need a space between those two sentences, and you should probably change "form" to "from".
Anyways, keep it up!
WHO ELSE BUT XANTE!?
Whoo! My type of guy! Sliding on floors, yeah! Next up, extreme tea party! In a volcano!
This story THIS STORY DON'T YOU EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THIS STORY I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN WITH COMPLEMENTING THIS AMEZING STORY SO IM JUST GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME SMILES
XD merchant? My my Xante was playing Resident Evil 4 again wasn't he?
4234639 Richard did claim the title for himself without any form of due process or killing the previous holder of the title(which is apparently how he gets most of his titles), so Xante has just as much right to it as he does.
4234290 Actually, I thought other than Mario that all of his minions were heroes and armies that went against him and died, so he revived them. Then when new heroes killed the old minions and shortly after died, he revived them to replace those minions they killed themselves. Effectively getting stronger minions over time as the weaker ones are replaced by those that killed them.
4237173 I never typed that he didn't have a right to it, just that Richard got to it first.
Unless you want to start a flame war over it, in which case I'll just be leaving.
i like it
this... Zante character seems funny
4239410
"IT'S PRONOUNCED 'XANTE,' NOT 'ZANTE!' THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!"
Awesome story
This started out with a lot of potential, but it's become a fairly generic Mary Sue wish fulfillment story, and the writing and the humor aren't good enough to make up for it.
A couple comments:
* The whole fabulous thing was entertaining at first, but you've taken too much to telling us that things are fabulous rather than showing us. What started out as a an amusing premise has turned into simply repetitively using the same word.
* Way too many references to unrelated sources. Why are you linking music and videos every couple paragraphs? Shout-outs are one thing, but a properly written shout-out is invisible to people who don't get the reference. For example, back when you did the Gendo Ikari joke. It had nothing to do with anything. It was randomly stuck into the story for no obvious reason. On the other hand, if he'd had a son, and called him Shinji and told him he wanted to be a good father...that happening would still make sense even to people who didn't get the joke.
* From chapter one I was questioning whether having him be a match for Celestia and Luna combined was a mistake. By now it's confirmed: this character is a Mary Sue. Not only is he so vastly more powerful than pretty much anybody, you have him wandering around doing his thing while everyone else just stands around and watches. Look at that last scene with Cadence, for example. Xante and Mario nonchalantly waltz unopposed into an artifact room, and Cadence mostly just stands there and acts like a prop.
* Too many things happen that just don't make sense. Did you completely retcon his origin? Because I remember reading about him buying his staff in a costume store and a brony talking to him. Now, he's talking about magic from his home dimension and reagents as if he was a caster all along? What about Sombra's tribute? Xante was trapped for ~1000 years. Why did it not occur to anyone that Sombra might be dead? Was only Xante magically imprisoned and the deliveries were being handled by his staff? Wouldn't they have noticed? Or was his entire fortress and everyone imprisoned too? In which case, again, why didn't it occur to anyone after 1000 years there might have been a few changes? Obviously Sombra never came looking to find out why his deliveries had stopped. What, did Xante think that the Pony Sister dealt with him, but ignored Sombra and Sombra just never thought about checking to see what had happened? Or did he assume they'd dealt with Sombra too, and that's why he'd never come looking? if so, why did he make the crystal delivery?
It's cool but it goes along very fast
4240772
These are valid criticisms. I'll try to answer them.
>Looking back, I can see that I do use FABULOUS way too much. I'll try to show not tell a bit more now.
> Yeah, I DO see your point. I used way too many shout outs and links in that last chapter.
> It's unfortunate that I accidentally created a MAry Sue. That's bad. I'll work to change that a bit. You can expect some serious edits and revisits to change that entire thing. Plus, I think I need to redo Cadence's dialogue a LOT. I like the character, but I freely admit I'm not that great an author.
> Yes, he was originally a cosplayer. However, on the advice of another commenter, I decided to retcon his backstory, make him at least slightly original. I should make that clearer, and I'm sorry for the confusion.
> I should make the timeline clearer as well. Sombra was imprisoned almost immediately after Xante was defeated, as by that point the Sisters were more than capable of taking out Sombra. What makes this hard is that Sombra was imprisoned by both sisters for a thousand years. This doesn't make much sense in the MLP timeline, as a thousand years before the show Luna turned into Nightmare Moon, thus showing that Sombra must have been beaten BEFORE Luna was corrupted and turned into Nightmare Moon.
4239427
but but but, when an x is at the start of a word it is pronounced like a z
4239427 are you sure? they both have the same sound
hmm i cant even ok how do i say his name my x and z is almost the same is it kzante or is it Xante? (stupid nordic is it accent?)
you know, I'm disappointing at the missed gag chance.
"Friends, Ponies, Countrymen, lend me your ears!" At this the Zombies in the crowd decided to take my words a little too literally and proceeded to pluck off their ears and toss them at me. Resulting in me getting bombarded with airborne earlobes.
"...That's disgusting."
4246964
I was expecting a Robin Hood: Men in Tights reference too.
A lich just letting loose and goes out to see the World, looks like a a really interesting story.
This story is now on my favourites, such an intresting premise and I especially loved the Lord of The Rings referance, always loved that song/tune/music... Anyway, intresting story and keep at it!
Plus he's probably a lot stronger too, he's had a thousand years to do nothing by use magic.
Y U PUT CONCERNING HOBBITS IN HERE? IT ALWAYS MAKES ME SO FEELZY!
was it coincidence you put the lord of dance as a title? because in a story called looking for group, the undead warlock/lich has the same title xD
4241459 kszante
4858439 'Xactly! :3
Back story time YAAAAAAAAAAAY
("I am going on this giant ice slide that I have made, and you can't stop me!" Before he could, I jumped on. An appropriate piece of music came to mind. ) So you make a model castle of the Mario 64 castle, make a giant slide, and don't use the Mario 64 slide song? You disappoint me.