The Incredible Happening of Golden Gates

by totallynotabrony

Chapter One- "German porn dungeon"

At 4:37 AM, Thursday, April 17th, a magnitude 4.8 earthquake struck San Francisco. There were no deaths; in fact, within the roughly half minute span of the shaking, the population increased by fifty nine. None of them were human.

“Okay everyling, we practiced this. Don’t panic,” Doitchlesmitty addressed the crowd of newly arrived changelings.

“Auuughhh! The voices! Where are the voices in my head? They’re all… gone!” Raxelflarmic writhed on the ground, clutching hands to her head in confused agony.

Doitchlesmitty looked on with a concerned face. All around him, other changelings were in similar, albeit less melodramatic states of distress. “You guys were briefed on what to expect once you arrived at Earth, right?

“I can’t remember! I stored all that in the hive’s briefing folder! I didn’t save it into my head! But I can’t access anything now!” squealed another.

Doitchlesmitty facepalmed for the first of many times that day. “You guys didn’t download the briefing?”

Slexordoofcoff responded weakly, “We stored it to the cloud! That’s what we always do!”

“You idiots! Did you even read the instructions? Earth has no inherent background magic! THE HIVE MIND DOESN’T WORK HERE!”

Doitchlesmitty grumbled and then spoke in a louder voice to address the whole crowd. “All of you, remember, this is a STEALTH operation. We are in the enemy territory, and unlike the Equestrians, this species will blow shit up. So please, nothing stupid, nothing violent, and DEFINITELY nothing fatal.”

A hoof, newly disguised as a hand, went up.

Doitchlesmitty sighed. “Yes, Karlmarximillion, you have a question?”

“How about throat slitting? Can we do that?”

The leader facehoofedpalmed. “Really, Karl? No, You may NOT slit any throats. That kills people, and the last thing we want is a body count.” Sigh. “Anyone else?”

“No? Good. Let’s go run a con.”

***

A mild spring breeze blew over the imposing hotel, and upon it fluttered a pair of wings. The equine figure lit upon a decorative railing on the fifth floor, undetected by the occupants of the room it served. She rapped gently on the window, and a surprised changeling looked up from the bed where it sat reading a Gideon Bible. The changeling walked over and unlatched the window, sliding it open.

The pony on the outside nodded. “Globbentok, narmply flus vlox. Flugersmite los vrempertsnatch.”

“V-v-vrempert… snatch?!” the changing asked, shivering, and not at all from the cool wind blowing in.

Again, the mysterious pony nodded. “Vrempert dos ewester blooktrent, granderboque elmo frewertize sa mojklop fre breventrock; sa mojklop bertem elstremptic wroot!”

At this, the ‘ling in the room quickly worked to pry out the mesh window guard, and allowed the other pony in.

“Dreit, Dustimalposector,” the stranger said, unceremoniously depositing her saddlebags on the floor. The thanked changeling smiled and turned away from the visitor to resume reading the funny human faerie tales this “Bible of Gideon” held. She never got a chance, because at this point the visitor snapped her neck.

Dustimalposector flopped to the floor, paralyzed, and Golden Gates brushed her hooves off. The first downed minion always felt good. She took in her surroundings. It was a fairly small overpriced hotel room with two empty beds. She and the broken changeling appeared to the only occupants. Trotting over to the bathroom, Golden peeked in cautiously, but it was also empty. Golden scrunched her face up: she could have sworn this was the right… Pausing her train of thought, she flicked her ears up, detecting a faint noise beneath the steadfast hum of the air conditioner: “zzzzzzz.” But of course, she should check the closet.

Carefully, the pegasus slid open the folding closet door, and grimaced deeply at the sight before her. On the floor, a changeling was peacefully slumbering, hugging her favorite stuffed gila monster plushie. Above her, four humans were crammed into gooey chrysalises suspended from the clothing rack. Above that was an iron and some extra pillows, but those did not concern her. Golden sighed. She would have to dispose of this changeling, it being a mortal enemy and all. She carefully lifted the sleeping creature with her wings and trotted over to the window, where she quickly calculated a trajectory and gave a mighty heave. Around five seconds later, Zezzlefrumptimp found herself sputtering in the cold waters of the ‘Frisco Bay.

Golden Gates nonchalantly locked the window and drew closed the blinds. She sauntered over to the door to the hallway and deadbolted it. Despite the direness of the situation, she found herself humming a catchy tune as she walked back to the open closet. Scanning the four cocooned occupants, she found the one she sought. Leaning her head against it, she scrunched her face in concentration, feeling the sweet embrace of oblivion over take her. She fell limp, a creepy smile upon her face. Time for some dream surfing.

***

When the mare came to, she found herself still lying on the floor next to the closet. However, there was a distinct lack of cocoons present, so she figured she was in the dream. Looking over at an digital clock, she found the crimson numerals to be spelling out “TOAST”

“Yep, definitely dreaming,” she muttered. On the floor were two people in sleeping bags with one more in each of the two twin-sized beds. Golden looked over at the human nearest the window. “Sonya, at last we meet,” she announced dramatically. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this moment. Specifically, about nine hours.” At this, she slammed her own head against Sonya’s, and the world again went black.

Golden stepped through a red door, into a banana factory. Everywhere about her, green and orange piston, gears, crankshafts, convey belts--the whole works-- were sliding, spinning, whirling, and other verbs as they went about constructing bananas. A bizarre remix of “Staying Alive”, with Nicki Minaj on lead vocals, was playing in the background. The pony trotted along the observation platform above the hot mess, which eventually began to melt, turning into a waterslide which deposited Golden into a faux-’70s German porn dungeon. Golden rolled her eyes. Humans and their kinks--so tame and predictable. She found Sonya about to partake in unsavory acts, and politely tapped her on the shoulder.

The heavyset woman in a Twilight Sparkle costume turned around and bumped into a small yellow pegasus with flowing neon blue, magenta, and orange hair. “Uh… hi?”

“Hello Sonya. I’m Golden Gates, and I’m here to save your ass.”

For the record, that could either be literally or figuratively.

Several dream minutes later, Golden and Sonya found themselves walking through an industrial-scale rainbow factory in the smog high above Beijing.

“So you’re saying ‘blah’?”

“Yeah, blah blah blah exposition!”

Sonya shook her head. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Well yeah,” agreed Golden. “But life’s that way.”

Sonya paused and considered it. “I suppose you’re right. Oh hey look, it’s the hotel!”

The two of them stepped off a convenient cloud and through the open window of Sonya’s room in the San Francisco Airport Hyatt Hotel and Convention Center.

Sonya could see herself in bed, with other staff members surrounding her. “Woah, I’m sleeping huh?”

“You’re dreaming,” Golden told her. “You should really wake up.”

Sonya shrugged. “But I need my sleep.”

“Trust me, this is important,” Golden urged.

“Well, okay.” Sonya took a few steps towards her bed and then leaped into the air like a child, falling backwards on the mattress and into her body.

There was a rush of blood to the head, and blur of colors, some of which resembled the smog of a Chinese rainbow factory. Sonya’s eyes snapped open to find herself in bed, again. The alarm clock showed a quarter after TOAST in the morning.

The room was dark. Sonya sat up and blinked blearily. To her surprise, there was still a pony in the room. “Oh, hello, friend. Fancy seeing you here.”

“Yeah, hello again,” said Golden. “Now you have to get up. We have work to do.”

Sonya swung her feet over the edge of the bed and got up. “So early?”

“We need to get a head start on things.” Golden opened the room’s door and beckoned. “Come on.”

The light behind the doorway was bright and Sonya hesitated. “What’s that?”

“It’s another dream. We have to do this a certain way,” Golden replied. “It has to be plausible.”

“What do you know about it?” Sonya asked.

“Trust me. I’m a magical pony from the land of Equestria. This is super important and we need to go do some covert ops. And stuff.”

Sonya shrugged. “Okay.” She stepped through the door.

(begin covert ops)

[covert opsing internally]

[covert opsing intensifies]

***

The earthquake had been strong enough to wake most of the city, which included the staff of the Bay Area Brony Spectacular Convention. BABSCon, as it was easier to say, was due to kick off Friday, April 18.

The last thing the convention needed was to have anything damaged, so it was a stroke of good luck when the staff arrived at the hotel convention hall that day morning to find that nothing was severely out of place from the earthquake. They had all contributed too much blood, sweat, tears, bile, and other less pleasant bodily fluids for the spectacle to be delayed.

It was quarter past toast in the morning when the staff began to fan out to their various meeting halls and appointed locations. Some of the ‘top brass’ stayed behind to discuss some last-minute dealings about the convention.

“Everything’s going as planned. Wonderful!” Sonya, the ecstatic leader, examined the preparations each of the departments had made. Closest to her was the Operations component of the staff, making their way to the front of the hotel to begin setting up the pre-registration station.

“And ahead of schedule too!” one of the Operations members chimed proudly as he set down a folding table just shy of the hotel’s revolving door. Sonya smiled with satisfaction. Whatever doubt she had about pre-day going wrong disappeared like the fog over the Golden Gate.

Everything was coming together nicely. The staff worked in perfect coordination with one another. Each of the halls were beginning to resemble what the events staff had precariously planned weeks ahead of time. Sonya couldn’t be any prouder of her underlings. Now, it was time for her to fulfill her part of the preparations, which was to set up the conference room to discuss any overlooked details of the con.

Getting into the elevator, Sonya pushed the button for the eighth floor. The doors closed, leaving her alone with background music for the ride upwards. Where did elevator music come from, anyway? Nobody had ever heard of a Top 40 in muzak before.

Easy listening tunes aside, Sonya had a job to do. The staff conference room was on the eighth floor. After getting off the elevator, she headed down the hallway to unlock the door and get everything ready for the upcoming meeting. It was important that the staff come together and have a discussion in case there was anything that needed to be brought up.

The door clicked open with Sonya’s key, and she flipped the lights on as she stepped into the room. In the next instant, she stopped as suddenly as if there was an invisible force field in the doorway. On the conference room table, sound asleep, was a pony.

The pegasus mare had a butterscotch coat with a mane of blue, magenta, and orange. On her hip was a gold nugget cutie mark. Sonya stared, her mouth slowly slipping open at the living, breathing cartoon character that had suddenly appeared in a decidedly non-animated world. Even more surprising, she knew the pony’s name. This was Golden Gates, the mascot created for BABSCon. Sonya would know her anywhere, particularly since she’d designed Golden. Oh, and met her in her hotel room earlier. But that was when she was dreaming. She was clearly not dreaming now. Right? She held up her hand. Six fingers - looks normal.

The pony’s wings fluttered slightly and she blinked herself awake. Her eyes focused on the door, on Sonya.

“Hey! How are you? I guess I haven’t had time to formally introduce myself. I’m Golden Gates!” Grinning, she leaped up from her sleeping position and shot off the table.

Sonya jerked back and slammed the door. There was a heavy thump from the other side. A long second passed, then a voice demanded, “Hey, what’s the big idea?”

The door rattled, handle turning. Sonya backed away. Clever girl; she knows how to open doors!

The conference room door swung open, revealing Golden, who was rubbing her nose in pain. She stared at Sonya. “That hurt.”

“S...Sorry.”

Golden waved a hoof. “It’s cool. Just watch out, okay?”

She took a few steps out into the hallway and glanced left and right, appreciating the hotel. “Wow, swank place. How much does a pad like this set you back?”

Sonya did not reply. Golden turned her head and raised an eyebrow. “English, do you speak it?”

“I know we talked earlier, but you aren’t real,” Sonya blurted. “You came from my imagination.”

Golden sighed heavily. “Oh, it’s going to be one of those days. Look lady, I don’t know what corner of spacetime you come from, but just because you say it doesn’t make it so. I’m here, and no amount of psychotic self-denial is going to change that.”

“But…” Sonya shook her head. “But I created you. In my mind. You’re supposed to be a cartoon. Well, I suppose it’s possible that we’re in some sort of parallel universe and are figments of each other’s imagination, but this is far too lucid to be a dream or even a hallucination.”

Golden considered that, rubbing a hoof on her chin. She shrugged. “One way to be sure. I want to touch you.”

Sonya flattened herself against the wall as the pony stepped closer. Unheeding, Golden raised a hoof and brought it closer and closer. Sonya’s reaction was to try and escape, but barring that she slid down the wall and attempted to make herself smaller.

Golden’s hoof came to rest on top her head and she stroked Sonya’s hair. The pony grinned. “Wow, you’re really soft. Boop!”

Sonya stopped. Realizing she was in no danger, she gathered her wits and asked, “Can I touch you?”

Golden shrugged. “Fair is fair.”

Sonya reached up, her fingertips making contact with Golden’s cheek. She, too, was soft. Sonya moved her fingers lower, stroking down Golden’s neck to her withers. As Sonya’s fingers moved to her back, Golden’s wings suddenly popped open and her whole body went stiff.

“Gah…! Ah, um, my…” Golden’s cheeks turned pink.

“Wingboner?” Sonya asked.

Golden gave her a look. “You say you dreamed me up. Does that mean you knew that would happen?”

“Well, I…”

“Do you have a special spot? Let me see. Fair is fair.” Golden’s hooves shot forward as Sonya tried to block. The two of them fell to the floor in a tangle of flailing limbs and invaded personal space. Seconds passed as they grappled, eventually reaching a stalemate.

“Sorry, I never caught your name,” said Golden. “When I get this close to someone, I’d at least like to know who it is.”

“Sonya.”

Golden nodded.

Sonya gulped. “Um...truce?”

“Sure,” Golden allowed.

They slowly disentangled themselves. Golden brushed herself off and glanced at Sonya. “You know, you’re pretty good at that. I’d almost think you have experience wrestling with mares.”

“Well, in a manner of speaking,” Sonya admitted.

Golden gave her a conspiratorial grin. “Did you enjoy it? I know I did.”

Not willing to confirm or deny, Sonya quickly got up. It was only now that she remembered the impending conference, and instead of setting up the room she had been...wrestling. “Quick, I need your help.”

“For what?” Golden questioned as Sonya disappeared behind the conference room’s catering cabinet. She popped her head back over the counter and nodded to the chairs that were stacked near the room’s lone window.

“Start setting up those chairs in a circle, and I’ll handle the foodstuffs,” Sonya aired with newfound confidence as she dove back under the cabinet. Golden nodded and turned to the chairs, but instead found herself trotting towards the view out the window. Her pupils tripled in size.

The hotel’s courtyard looked amazing with the masterfully placed trees alone, but she could see small hordes of other creatures that had a similar resemblance to her new friend. “Wow…”

“Get that flank into gear. We don’t have all day.” Sonya was placing down cups, pitchers and a coffee pot for the staff to have a relaxing drink. There was nothing like ice-cold water or a warm cup of joe to be had over the friendly chit-chat of fellow workers. However, it took a moment for her words to click inside Golden’s head.

“Oh! R-Right!” Golden’s cheeks flushed a light pink as she brought her attention to the chairs. Every once in a while, Sonya would look up from the drinks and snacks to see more and more of the circle being formed. Even with the circumstances of just meeting, she found solace in the fact that she and the pony cooperated so well with one another.

With the counter fully stocked for the possibly-ravenous staff, Sonya pulled out a bag from underneath the counter and slid it into the middle of the room. “What’s in the bag?” Golden asked with curious, innocent eyes, “A shark or something?”

Sonya couldn’t help but get a chuckle out of that, and soon enough, the both of them were clutching their guts from all the snorting and giggling. “Geez, Goldy. I never took you as a-”

“Pony who watches movies?” Golden smirked playfully. Sonya shook her head and smiled. She hadn’t expected to be this close to a pony in, well… Forever!

“It’s as if we finish each other’s-”

“Drum solos!” Golden squealed. The pegasus’ back found a new home on the carpet as she rolled on the floor laughing. Sonya’s smile still stood.

“Yep, you sure are a quirky pony, aren’t you?” She giggled. While her friend recuperated herself, Sonya opened up the bag and pulled out an expertly crafted banner made just for the convention. BABSCon 2014! She was so proud to see this banner come out of its shell. But she couldn’t be more proud of her fellow staff members that made this day possible.

Hanging the banner was another matter. The ceiling tiles were too high to reach. Sonya called Golden over. “Give me some help.”

Sonya started to climb onto Golden’s back but the pony stepped aside. “What are you doing? I’m way lighter than you!”

“Really?” Sonya shrugged. “If you say so.”

Golden took the banner in her mouth and awkwardly clambered onto Sonya’s shoulders. She might have been lighter, but that still didn’t make her easy to hold. Sonya struggled to stay upright.

Golden pinned one end of the banner to the ceiling. “Okay, now for the other side!”

Sonya turned to struggle her way across the room as Golden’s hind legs tightened around her neck to keep the pegasus upright. However, before they could finish hanging the banner, The conference room door opened and the other staff members poured in.

There was a sudden traffic jam with everyone piling up at the door at the sight of a pony riding a person. For a long moment, no one spoke, only trading wide-eyed stares.

Just then, Sonya’s knees finally buckled, and she tumbled backwards. Golden slipped off and spread her wings, catching herself in a hover before hitting the floor.

Sonya groaned and picked herself up, throwing Golden a dirty look. “If you can fly, why was I carrying you in the first place?”

Golden blushed. “Uh…”

“Wait, what is going on here?” demanded Motoko.

Comments

[AppleTank]

Karrrrl. Slitting throats kills people

[Lithl]

4253809
My hooves have the twitching. The twitching that only throat-slitting can cure!