With some editing, a definite extra space between paragraphs, and some extra length, this could be a really great clopfic.

My boner agrees with me, get an editor and keep working on your skills.

4116931 Thank you very much~! Although I'm unsure what I can really do about length; I have an extraordinarily bad habit of explaining things too quickly and often skipping out on valuable details.

Still, the comment means a lot~

Lovely! I like that they both have a mix of emotions towards each other — no strict rules, just true vivid feelings.

4116931
I agree that the story is rather short, but it's just one clop scene and that scene is detailed and described rather well, I think. Do you want more plot or more sex?

4117395 BOTH

more?

4117502 4117395 4117629
More plot and more sex is what I always strive for.

This was a nice story I suppose, the only thing that bothered me was the fact that it was not enjoyed by the receiving party.. not really atleast, and that there was an unnatural large amount of urine... that second fact making it hard to put yourself in their position

Next to this, I would suggest like the people before me have said: more plot and more sex, maybe we will get to see a bit more of this particular fetish? But for now thumb up and keep up the good work.

4118185 I aim to diversify the fetishes within my stories, but because I have my own, personal tastes and biases, you can definitely count on seeing more watersports in the future.

4116951 ugh I have the same problem, that coupled with my persistent desire to make everything as perfect as possible is exactly why I haven't written any of my numerous fic ideas

I haven't even read the story yet, and I'm punching the fav button as hard as I can!

Do you think that it would be possible for Chrysalis to let Chitin take a more dominant role at least once, perhaps because she is secretly curious about what it would be like to not be in control?

4122809 That would be iffy; Chrysalis isn't the type to submit and Chitin isn't the type to dominate. However, there is, indeed, a first for everything..

You sir, are an excellent writer, by far one of the best i have ever read.

4127237 Aww, shucks. Now I'm blushing~ Thank you.

4123263
Weirder things have happened... I once saw a picture of Fluttershy dominating Rainbow Dash with a rather large strap on while saying some VERY demeaning things.
Granted the followup picture was Fluttershy crying about how sorry she was for losing control and begging Dash's forgiveness.

4133470 I can understand a piece like that; it's canon to the show, even, that Fluttershy gets really angry and loses her cool on occasion, leading to forceful domination of who usually just so happens to be Rainbow Dash.

But I will say that Chitin on top is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very sexy idea, and I am heavily considering making a second chapter that implements it.