Spike Writes A Play

by Hungrybear

Let's make a deal

Daylight was burning, and Nightfall drew closer, but Spike was confident everything and everypony would be ready before the big night, but he also had some matters he had to attend to before the play could begin, but that had to wait, He had to make sure everypony was fine and could manage long enough on their own before he could leave.

"Alright everypony, Let's start rehearsal with Scene IV Act I," Spike shouted to the actors on the stage, Rainbow Dash and a very tacky makeshift, cardboard cutout of what was supposed to be Princess Celestia and the background setting painted to Look like the throne room of Canterlot Castle.

"Great work with the setting Cheerilee. And that Celestia is so believable, If I didn't know any better I would have thought it was the princess herself," Spike assured Cheerilee, Clearly over-exaggerating the quality of her work.

"Oh thanks Spike, I do most of the artwork for the filly school plays so I'm kind of used to this." Cheerilee responded.

Rainbow Dash began the scene and approached the cutout from the right side of the stage, trying to best to bring her voice down to a low to give off a better impression.
"Ahem. Oh Dear Princess Celestia, Why have you called my devilishly handsome good looks and studly physique to your fair castle?"

Since the cutout could not speak itself, and Spike had originally intended for the real Princess Celestia to take part in the play, but said she was far too busy to attend, He had enlisted Carrot Top to also be the Princess' voice actor, hiding behind the crude cutout and only revealing a voice.

"Oh, Spike the Suave, I've called you here because Equestria is in dire need of a hero. Disorder has broken free from his prison, and is wreaking havoc, I would stop him myself, but for some unexplained reason, I will not, and instead will sit here, eagerly awaiting your arrival back for after you have defeated him!"

" Tis a reason must logical, fair Princess! I shall not let you done! I will ride to the depth's of Ghastly Gorge, where the beast resides, and smite him with my Mighty Lance, and thoroughly pummel him to a pile of crap with my rock hard muscular bare arms, As you can clearly see, from the fact that I am wearing no tunic to hide my rocking Abs."
Any of the lines Rainbow Dash said really didn't seem to bother her, but I suppose it was to be expected since she is used to being a show-off.

"Ah, yes, I can clearly see thou rock hard abs of manliness. If I were not a princess, I would so totally make out with you, because you're just that alluring!"

"Save your lips princess, for I have a love already, the fairest Princess Pristine, being held this instant by the fiend Disorder, but fear not, for I will rescue her. Come Sun Streak! We ride into the fray!"

Applejack was in the background, without any lines, with a saddle mounted on her back.
"Neighhhh...." She said without any effort, clearly unconvincing.

As the scene ended, a seemingly unsafe stage light hanging above, as you might have guessed, Plummeted to the stage floor, crashing loudly, and almost landing on Rainbow Dash, who just barely moved out of the way.

"Whoa! Hey what gives," Rainbow Dash demanded.

Looking up they saw the culprit. It was Derpy. She had accidentally lost her grip on the stage light, and unintentionally dropped it onto the stage.

"Sorry everypony, I wanted to clap, because you all performed the scene so good, but I forgot I was holding the stage light. hee hee, My bad," Derpy said innocently, remorseful of her mistake.

Spike could only facepalm from the mistake, but It wasn't something major that couldn't be worked out. He had faith in his volunteer's that they would improve enough by the time of the live performance, But perhaps he spoke too soon, A stray firework flew straight towards Spike, almost hitting him straight in the face had he not ducked in time. It flew by and exploded into the air.

Colgate was by the side of the stage, where the firework had been fired.
"Heh heh, Sorry Spike, Just a haywire firework. No big deal. Heh, At least I didn't drop a stage light, right?"

"Hey! I said I was sorry about that! You don't have to keep bringing it up," Derpy said, upset.

"Oh, yeah right, It had nothing to do with how you can't see straight to save your life," Colgate backlashed.

"That's personal, I ought to wing-slap you," Derpy responded angrily.

"Okay, look! I'm right here," Spike gestured his claw in a measuring position, and lowered it to his belly.

"Right now, You all made my temper go up to here, Now that I made that clear, I'm hoping it doesn't have to go any further, alright?"
Everpony on stage looked to see where Spike's current temper was, then completely disregarded it, going back to their business. While Colgate and Derpy continued arguing amongst each other, Spike decided to get away from them until they simmered down, and went to go check up on Lyra and Vinyl.

"Okay, Pinkie Pie, you can start rehearsing your scenes, I'll go check on our music department."

Spike went to where Vinyl and Lyra were setting up their music area.

"How you both holding up here?"

"Well, I got my DJ station set up, so I'm fine." Vinyl responded.

"And I got my Lyre!"

Spike noticed something wrong about the turquoise unicorn's instrument.
"Uh, Lyra, It's missing a string."

"It's missing one cause she decided to floss her teeth with it," Vinyl answered Spike, annoyed by her partner's irresponsibility.

"Hey! It's not my fault! Daisy leaf sandwiches leave a lot of itself stuck between your teeth! It's unclean having that, So I gotta clean 'em with something," Lyra told Vinyl, defending her decision.

"You shouldn't be eating anyway! We got to rehearse our numbers for the play!" Vinyl responded, becoming more agitated.

"Oh, lighten up Miss. Disk Jockey! relax, we'll have those songs down by tonight," The green unicorn said to her partner.

"Look at this cutie mark, pal, I take my life's calling seriously, maybe you should start to as well! Or is it just taped on there, to make yourself look useful," Vinyl added sarcastically.

"What?! I ought to rip you a new one for Calling me a blank flank!" Lyra lashed back.

"At least a blank flank would be more useful than you." Vinyl scoffed.

"And somepony who doesn't spin disks for a living would have a better sense of humor," Lyra began.

"You got some nerve saying I don't have a sense of humor! I got the class clown award back in filly school!"

"Oh, wow! What a accomplishment. Ha! my flank, What did you do? Play them one of your songs?!"

Spike made the same measuring notion with his claw as before to symbolize his temper, only this time, it was raised higher up to around his chest area. Vinyl and Lyra stopped their arguing for a moment to look at Spike.

"I'm right here now. Please don't make me go any higher. for everypony's sake."

Lyra and Vinyl pondered it for a good second or two and then began their arguing once more.The same fate befell the music duo as did to the backstage work. Mindlessly bickering back and forth, with no progress being made, and what would probably continue for about an hour or so, But Spike was determined to believe that this rag-tag team can pull themselves together before the big show, Or at least he was determined to remain under the delusion that they would. Managing to worm his way away from them, he thought he'd check on Carrot Top next. Since she was working alone, Spike was confident there would be no problems, or at least no pointless arguments to get stuck in between.
He found carrot top Backstage in the dressing room, working on the Hero's wardrobe and prop lance.

"Everything okay here Carrot Top?"

"Yup, everything is just about done, I've finished the armor that Spike and Disorder will be wearing, and almost done with the finishing touches on the lance."

"Great may I see it?"

"Sure thing Spike."

As Carrot Top had said, she had outdone herself, the shining armor Spike the Suave was to wear in their final confrontation were top-notch, almost as Spike had described them. A shining golden colored Breastplate, silver, thick kneebraces, a marvelous white cape, and a Gold feathered crown, all perfectly fit for Rainbow Dash's size.
For Twilight, She had prepared what required less work, a ragged eyepatch to be worn on her left eye, A brass breastplate and a tattered brown cape. Despite the description of the Twilight's wardrobe, the quality was still great.

"Wow you really outdid yourself, Carrot Top! Didn't think you had it in you to be honest. heh."

"I'm flattered. Would you like to see the Lance? It's not finished yet but I can give you a sneak peek."

"Sure thing, with the quality of the wardrobe you've already dished out, I don't doubt you."

Carrot Top went to the upright standing item in the room, covered in a large black drape, and unveiled it.
Spike was excited to see how she put her work to the lance. But his Anticipation, quickly turned to Dismay, when he set his eye's upon the view.

"Well, what do ya think?"

Spike was flabbergasted. Why would she possibly think this was what he would've wanted for her to design as the Hero's weapon.

"Ummm...."

"Is something wrong, Spike?"

What it was he fixed his eyes upon was ridiculous. The 'Mighty' lance that the hero was supposed to wield was nothing like what Carrot Top had designed. Instead of a Lance, It was a large orange paper-mache carrot for the lance, with a green handle, It looked absolutely silly for "The greatest hero in all of Equestria" to wield as his weapon.

"Uh, Carrot Top...Yo- You know his weapon isn't a carrot, right?"

"Oh. Well at first I was going to make it the way you had requested, but this just came to me! It urged me to reshape his weapon into my Image!"

"....It urged you to turn his weapon into a vegetable?"

"Of course! The mighty carrot lance from none other than Carrot Top!"

"...I'm really sorry Carrot Top, but you're gonna have to redo it, like I requested. Not to be mean, but the thought of him wielding a giant vegetable... is a little silly."

"Can I keep the carrot?"

"...I...Guess..."

"Yes! I'll get right on it!"

"Oh and after that all that's left is to make Pinkie Pie's ghost costume. Don't let me down Carrot Top, I know you can do it!"

"You got it Spike!"

Spike was assured that Carrot Top had what she needed to do covered, and could depend on her to pull through. Unlike the other volunteers for the play, He didn't have to be delusional about her being useful.

"Let's see. Now I got to check on Fluttershy, and see If she managed to get any of her animal friends to help."

Fluttershy was on the opposite side off the stage where Vinyl and Lyra had established their post, talking to some woodland creatures.

"Hey Fluttershy! Did you manage to find any helpers?"

"Oh yes Spike, There's not many of them that wanted to, but these little guys were just eager to be in a play."

Fluttershy's recruits were two squirrels, a bear cub, and a bird.

"It's good enough, thanks a lot Fluttershy. So it's safe to assume, you're all set up for the performance. That's a relief."

There was one last thing Spike had to check up on, the leading lady of course. He scurried off to her dressing room backstage, and knocked on the door.

"Fleur are you in there?"

"Just one moment darling."

After a few seconds, Fleur unlocked the door.
"You can come in now."

Spike entered the dressing room. It was a rather simple room, with just a mirror, a small loveseat, and a bathroom, with just the toilet and a sink.
"Fleur, I just dropped by to see If you're ready."

"As I'll ever be, dear. Was there something else you wanted to ask?"

"No, I don't think so...Least I can't remember."

"Oh, darling, you are so oblivious, You forgot to ask me about the delivery."

"Huh? Oh yeah! Did it make it?"

"It certainly has, It is quite a beauty I must add."

"Well, I'm trying to pull out all the stops here, but I don't think that's what the end result is."

"We can only hope dear, Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to finish up my make-up application."

"Sure thing. Now that I checked everything off what I needed to, I can go finish up what I need to do before we can begin, I just hope it's the right-"

Knock, Knock, Knock. Repeating on the door to the dressing room.
"Spike, Ah got something Ah need to talk to you about."

"Okay, I'll be right out."

Spike exited the dressing room to see who it was. It was Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash looked amused with whatever the matter was, but Applejack looked kind of upset.

"What's the matter?"

"Umm...Well Spike, You remember earlier when you gave us our roles," Applejack started.

"Yes, why?"

"Well ummm...Do you remember how Ah said being second most important wasn't what bothered me...How it was something else..."

"I remember that you said it bothered you, but you weren't really clear why it did."

"Oh, well, Ah thought you'd understand but...well...ya'kno that one scene at that one act..."

"I don't follow you Applejack..."

Rainbow Dash interrupted.
"Oh just say it Applejack. She's doesn't want to be Sun Streak because she doesn't wanna lick me!"

"Rainbow!"

"Lick you? wha- Oh! The scene where Spike is unconscious and Sun Streak wakes him up by licking him?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"What about it?"

"Well...I thought you'd get what I mean. I mean you know Rainbow Dash is playing Spike in the play, and I'm playing Sun Streak....And Sun Streak wakes up Spike by licking him and...."

" "And" what Applejack?"

"Just cut to the chase Applejack," Rainbow Dash interrupted once more.

"Ah don't feel comfortable doing that to Rainbow Dash!"

"......Why not," Spike asked, genuinely confused.

"Because...It's Rainbow Dash. And I'm supposed to lick her..."

"But It's not Rainbow Dash. It's Spike the Suave."

"Yes...But it's Rainbow playing Spike the Suave...Ah'm just saying I don't want to lick her...It's kind of....Akward."

"But it's part of the act. Why would it be akward? You're not doing it for no reason are you?"

"Well, No. But still...Think about it Spike...I'm licking my friend..."

"You're licking your friend because it's part of the act though."

"Ah know that but still....It's kind of...something friends don't do to each other...Unless they're..."

" "Unless theyre", what?"

"Ugh! Unless they're itching to get intimate!"

"What the?!? Gross Applejack! Why would you even think of it like that? It's nothing like that it's just part of the scene! Cmon, get your head out of the gutter," Spike said, revolted by the thought.

"Ah'm not thinking of it like that! But I don't everypony else to think of it like that!"

"Bahaha. Oh, this is too rich. you are priceless Applejack," Rainbow Dash scoffed.

Spike did the measuring motion with his claw again, this time reaching to the top of his head. Rainbow Dash and Applejack looked with confusion.

"Now I'm at the top! Because you had to bring up this pointless smut. When I'm at the top, I get physical. Like Slap your face so hard your face will fly off physical. I really don't wanna do that, so please just go get ready for the opening night." Spike delcared, marching off.

"This accomplished nothing, didn't it?" Applejack asked Rainbow Dash.

"Yeah, pretty much." She responded.

"Ah knew that would happen."

Meanwhile.
"Ah, what a day. I've finally managed to do everything I needed to do on my list. I bought the cloth and threads I needed to make the dress my client requested, spent hours creating it, and on top of that, It was a rather odd way of exchanging my pay with it. Celestia knows what a colt like my client would need with that dress. I must say, It was a rather dazzling piece, I'm surprised at myself for even making something so beautiful. Oh, well no sense lingering on it for long... What's done is done, besides I'm exhausted, and It's getting late, I suppose I'll head home and make sure Sweetie Belle hasn't burned down the boutique."

Walking down the market square of Ponyville, The Sun was beginning to set. Rarity could not wait to get home and get some sleep from here long day of work, she was a bit dissapointed that she didn't get to socialize with her friends today, but There always tomorrow she thought. While nearing a cart that was placed in the market square, Spiked suddenly popped out from behind the cart, startling Rarity.

"Hi Rarity!" Spike shouted, jumping out from behind the cart.

"Ahh! Spike! Sweet Celestia you scared the daylights out of me! What are you doing, sneaking up on me like that! I almost had a heart attack! Are you following me again?" Rarity said surprised.

"Me? Oh no no, I just thought I'd drop by." Spike said, sarcastically.

"How can you drop by? I'm not anywhere in particular. I told you to stop stalking me! I really don't want to file the restraining order Spike. Twilight won't like it." Rarity questioned.

"Oh no Rarity, there's no need to file anything. I just thought I'd come to tell you something." Spike proclaimed.

"If it's another one of your dreaded love songs, I'm going to walk away." Rarity said.

"No, it's none of that, You know, I just thought I'd find you so I ca-"

"I have pepper spray Spike..." Rarity threatened.

"Okay, Okay! Just listen. I made a play and all of our friends are performing in it tonight, And I really want you to-"

Rarity began to walk away from Spike, clearly uninterested in what Spike offered.
"No wait! I really put a lot of work into it and I want you to-"

"Sorry No, I'm very tired Spike," Rarity insisted trying to continue walking, but Spike blocking her path.

"Cmon, you can jus-"

"I said no! Do I need to use the pepper spr-"

"Okay! Okay! Just listen, listen, listen. Let's make a deal..." Spike proposed, piking Rarity's interest.

"A deal," She scoffed.

"Yes! Okay, you know how I always come by your boutique around the afternoon, to hit on you?" Spike said.

"Unfortunately, Yes I do. what about it?" Rarity questioned.

"Alright, Here's the deal. If you come watch the play, All the way to the end! I'll stop coming by the boutique to harass you every afternoon." Spike proposed.

"You're serious?" Rarity scoffed.

"As serious as a manticore attack." Spike said reassuringly.

Rarity thought about the decision for a while. On one hoof, She'd get Spike to stop sexually harassing her everyday when Twilight wasn't around. But on the other, She'd have to sit through an awful play until the end of it, and who knew how long it would be. She decided she just might take that chance.
"Very well then Spike. You have a deal."

"Yes! Head to town square, the show will be starting in a while! You won't be sorry, I promise!"

"I'm afraid I already am." Rarity said, as she began walking towards town square.

Spike was pleased he had managed to convince Rarity into attending his play. Perhaps this was the reason why he wrote it. But maybe it's more than just wanting his crush to watch a tacky play.
"Good! I sealed the deal, Now just one last thing I need to pick up and I can head back to supervise the play!"