You dont know me well but that's okay. You make it your point, to know everything about everypony and that is the greatest kindness. Maybe this time I will be able to say something to you.
The room was loud to Fluttershy's sensitive ears, not that she ever expected any of Pinkie's parties to be quiet. Even the setup for one made all of Ponyville seem to shake due to the consecutive blasts of Pinkie's party cannon. But being in the midst of one was far worse.
Even from her seat in the far right corner of Sugarcube Corner, the noise was overwhelming. She had purposely sat close to the door and away from the heart of the party, so she would not get in anypony's way. However, this was not the most inconspicuous of tactics, because what kind of pony would mope in a corner mumbling to herself during one of Pinkie Pie's signature parties?
Finally satisfied after several minutes of her inaudible pep talk and rather sick of the strange glances she was receiving from a few of the ponies around her, Fluttershy began to slowly rise from her chair and make her way towards the center of the room.
In spite of the rather large crowd that wasn't in the least bit interested in her, or how she wanted to get through, Fluttershy managed to find herself close to the pink pony. She had overcome so much to reach this moment that thinking back on it gave her more courage than she had ever felt. The worst was over. She could do this. Fluttershy picked up her pace as she closed the gap between her and Pinkie settling on a slight speed walk that was her form of running.
This is it, Pinkie is directly in front of me, all I have to do is open my mouth and talk. This sounded so much easier in Fluttershy's head. She talked to Pinkie many times before, but she seemed to have more trouble getting the words out around her especially lately.
It's probably just due to Pinkie's unpredictability and how she likes to startle me. Fluttershy felt the last of her slight newfound courage drain away at the thought of startling. Pinkie always seemed to find a way to startle her, even though Pinkie didn't mean it. It was because of Pinkie though that Fluttershy had gained this much confidence. When Fluttershy had first arrived in Ponyville, she never would have dreamed of approaching Pinkie. Back then, her conversations consisted mainly of muttering, screaming, and annoyed gestures from her pet rabbit, Angel.
Fluttershy couldn't just back out now! Forcing each and every word, Fluttershy began to speak, yet in spite of her effort, her small voice that was extra small due to nervousness and could not be heard over the party. Fluttershy understood this, but was still slightly hurt. She tried again, this time barely managing to produce a squeak. Giving up, Fluttershy began to leave. Yet the second that she turned around, Fluttershy found herself face-to-face with the pink pony.
"Hi, want some pie?" Pinkie exclaimed, being particularly happy that the shy pony had decided to talk to her. She offered up a colorful piece of very berry pie. Startled by Pinkie's sudden appearance and the sheer volume of her voice, Fluttershy broke for the door using all of her might not to scream from the shock.
Pinkie wasn't expecting that kind of reaction. She understood that Fluttershy was easily startled, but normally Fluttershy did not run when startled; she just either fell down or hid shaking like a bowl of jello, which was definitely bad because jello is the last thing on a snack table. Fluttershy must have had something super pinkie-portant to have had come all of this way to tell her. But Pinkie couldn't leave her own party, it would ruin the whole thing. I'll figure out what's wrong with Flutters later.
After leaving the party, Fluttershy went directly to the spa. The franticness in her pace only caught the attention of Angel, who was already looking for when Fluttershy would return. No other pony in Ponyville would notice many of Fluttershy's emotions due to how toned down they were. Upon the sight of the mare, Angel started to follow her with a mixture of happiness through the opportunity to cheer Fluttershy up, getting a special dinner from it, and annoyance at how she was becoming more and more convinced that Fluttershy failed to talk to Pinkie again, and probably will never succeed at this rate.
Fluttershy settled into one of the spa's waiting room chairs. She was early as always from the time that Rarity always met her, and there was no guarantee that Rarity would just decide to go to the end of Pinkie's party instead. That was fine with Fluttershy, who just felt that she needed to be there in case Rarity showed up.
That was so stupid Fluttershy thought you can’t just talk to Pinkie Pie, especially during one of her Pinkie parties. "I'm such a coward," Fluttershy moped, "why can’t I just talk to Pinkie normally?"
The sound of tapping snapped Fluttershy out of her stupor. Angel was right next to Fluttershy, tapping his foot to vocalize his apparent annoyance with Fluttershy. This was not the first time Fluttershy attended a Pinkie Pie party only to leave partially through and come back moping.
Angel started pushing Fluttershy off of the waiting room bench and out the door only to be stopped by Fluttershy grasping the door to prevent her being pushed out of the spa. "No.." Fluttershy objected, "I can't go back and talk to ... It would be too weird... I'll go tomorrow."
This statement set Angel into another fit of foot tapping. "No, really, I’ll do it this time... Pinkie Promise" Fluttershy continued, even though the last part was a mere mumble that was hardly convincing, especially to Angel who had not stopped tapping his foot, even through the Pinkie promise. "You know I would never break a Pinkie promise, and if I did, who knows what Pinkie would do. I certainly wouldn't want something so scary to happen."
The thought satisfied Angel through the fact that Fluttershy could barely speak to Pinkie when she was happy, it would be horrible if Pinkie was mad.
"Darling, you just can’t be so shy all the time!" Rarity exclaimed. "I simply couldn't help but overhear, and it is so obvious that you are head over horseshoes for this stallion! So what pony is it! Oh no, let me guess!" Rarity gushed while escorting herself and Fluttershy over to their massages.
"Rarity, I don't think you..." Fluttershy was trying to say but couldn't even finish that much before being cut off by Rarity's romantic nature.
"It is so sweet how you want to be polite all the time, but sweetheart, if you want something, sometimes you just have to go and take it."
"Oh I...I can't do that. I am not brave in social settings like you or Pinkie," Fluttershy commented.
Rarity might not get that it is not a stallion, but maybe she can still help, she's so much better at relationships than me.
Fluttershy was too deep in her thoughts, suddenly being rather alarmed to realize she was blushing at the mere mention of Pinkie Pie, which had only added more fuel to Rarity's gushing about Fluttershy's mystery stallion.
Rarity continued to rant on throughout their spa treatment. She made a point to constantly try to pick up hints on who the stallion was, but soon was too lost in her one-way conversation about fashion tips: what colors would work with Fluttershy's coat and mane, how cute Fluttershy was, and seemingly random details about various stallions of Ponyville. Most of the talk about stallions met with giggles from Lotus and Aloe. Fluttershy only picked up on basic things like how Doctor Whooves was "splashy". She didn't even know what splashy meant, but Aloe and Lotus were practically rolling on the floor during that one, so at least somepony knew.
Soon between the massage and Rarity's nonstop gushing, Fluttershy was lulled to sleep.
Special thanks to 2K_Chrome for spelling and gramar
Pinkie and Fluttershy? Interesting *goes to read*
Faved
Lovin' this story so far
A few grammar mistakes but nothing that spoils the story for me
Can't wait 'til the next chapter comes out!
Liked and tracked.
Hmm... Interesting. I demand moar!
Also you might benefit from a prereader or a more uh assertive commenter. There are some grammar and punctuation issues. But that doesn't detract from the promising story :)
377578 Yay more!
Thank you all so much! Please ignore the mistakes i willl try to go and fix them. And a special thanks to serchbrony who was an excelent prereader through my 4 rewrites of the 1st chapter. Chapter 2 will be done soon please continue your support!
Huh, PinkieShy..Don't see a lot of those. Tracking out of interest.
FlutterPie?
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Like you said, minor issues with grammar, but nothing too major.
It's pretty good. The only thing I'd advise is to not repeat the same word over and over, such as when you say ''x person did that, x person then did that, then x person did ....'' etc. you should try to change ''x'' to something different. There's a part of five lines of text, where you have the word 'Fluttershy' featuring four times. You could replace it with, for example: ''the yellow coated pegasus''.
Just some advice, that's all.
This is sso cute keep going !
This is sso cute keep going !You shouldread venus rising here on fan fiction ... Its intresting its in the fluttershy archeive too
Thanks to every pony who has and will read this and thank you for the comments i will do my best to include them. This is my first time actually writing a story and with out Serch to tell me alot of what is wrong with it this story would suck. Please contunue to tell me when there is something wrong. Hopefully i will get better at this and do the story justice.
Sorry for the misspellings in the comments when i do them i have been using a suckish keyboard
I Like what you have so far. As the others have said, there are just spelling and grammatical mistakes that need to be fixed. I would point some of them out to you but I am too tired and busy at the moment to go through and do that. but other than those mistakes you have a pretty decent start. Keep up the good work!
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I'd like to congratulate my sister for the release of the first chapter. I'm her prereader, editor, and sometimes the guy who helps her when she has writers block, Serch. If you have any editing suggestions send them my way ,and I'll be sure that this becomes a clean piece of work when I edit . I've been working with my sister on this since it was called Otopie (It was originally an Otoman, my sis's favorite manga, crossover) ,and I've helped her so she could make this story one of her best works.
To the guy who noticed the repeat of words, thanks for the advice, I'll keep her to it in the future. (Also you should have seen the first 3 or 4 drafts. No kidding, the word gushing was used 7 times in one paragraph)
To those who point out grammatical errors, point me to them so in later chapters we can ensure the best quality writing in the future (this is not to be mean, I really want this to be a great story so I want it at it's best)
Okay ya'll. Just edited Chapter 2 and i must say... It is great. Chapter 3 is written it just needs to be read, then thrown on the floor by me. Then I'll tell my sister how horrible it is. Then she'll rewrite it ,and the process will repeat. Then i'll edit one last time ,and it will be up. (That is our process)
That is so true and here is chapter 2 that will be up as soon as i am done typing!
Went on the site today and nearly has a heartattack from FIM ficks idea of a joke thought my account was hacked.
P.s. if y'all notice the use of the word Pegasi instead of Pegasus that is because I'm a person who likes to remain mythologically correct. In Greek mythology their was only one Pegasus , a winged horse is a descendent of his and is correctly called, no matter what plurality or lack of, a Pegasi.