The extra doses of mare hormones that Shining had fed to his unbeknownst mother
Should be something like (The extra doses of unbeknownst to kim mare hormones that Shining had fed to his mother) or something like that. I am not to familiar with that word but the way you have it here makes it read like he does not know it's his mother when you intend for it to mean he unwittingly gave his mother those hormones.
I'm not really the type who's up for incest (cause that's Trevor's thing (or so I think...)) but, yeah. This one, I'd have to say, was pretty good. There's something here that seems a bit... off, but I can't really tell what it, exactly. Oh well, you'll find out yourself.
And so she faced another fruitless morning, her writer's block as frustrating as ever. She thought about writing a fantastic story about a Pegasus adventurer who searched for ancient treasures... no, no, no, she was just channeling Daring Do stories again. A young colt orphan who goes to magic school and eventually fights the one who killed his parents... nah. A story about the ponies living in a shelter from the fallout of a worldwide apocalypse, eventually venturing out into the world... She laughed out loud at the idea. Who would want to read such a thing? Her levity quickly gave way to resignation as she crumpled up the paper with her discarded ideas, tossing it into her waste basket.
I do like how you incorporated the spontaneous erections. In a society sans-clothing, they wouldn't be viewed as taboo, but as something that just happens to everyone.
I like this, but the only one issue I see. And that would be that would be that it seems like Shinning was walking around all day with a boner. Like it was never in his sheath the entire day. At least until the end.
well that was nice , makes me wish i could have the same thing with my mom , if only i didn't find humans physically repulsive and she wasn't one of the most irrational people i knew.....
A story about the ponies living in a shelter from the fallout of a worldwide apocalypse, eventually venturing out into the world... She laughed out loud at the idea. Who would want to read such a thing?
A young colt orphan who goes to magic school and eventually fights the one who killed his parents... nah. A story about the ponies living in a shelter from the fallout of a worldwide apocalypse, eventually venturing out into the world...
Lol Harry Potter and Fallout: Equestria references...
Reminds me of the time I tried to masturbate for the first time. I was too gentle, and a couple times I tried to cum I ended up peeing instead. This is strangely good so far... No arousal but I actually think I'm getting caught up in the story.
A story about the ponies living in a shelter from the fallout of a worldwide apocalypse, eventually venturing out into the world... She laughed out loud at the idea. Who would want to read such a thing?
you have no idea... bloody hell... imagine if she'd have gone through with it! millions of moneyz!
she felt a very prevalent warmth in a very specific location of her anatomy. Her hooves began to move, almost on their own to her...
typewriter.
okay then. ... ... ... it would have felt out of place (imo) to have her go at it right then and there.
A story about the ponies living in a shelter from the fallout of a worldwide apocalypse, eventually venturing out into the world... She laughed out loud at the idea. Who would want to read such a thing? Her levity quickly gave way to resignation as she crumpled up the paper with her discarded ideas, tossing it into her waste basket.
Oh, I think a lot of people would want to read that story.
4372001 Given that Cheerilee was in a school play with Rarity (as seen in the Rarity cutiemark flashback in season 1), and that Rarity was likely in the same grade as Cheerilee, and it's popularly guessed that Rarity is the oldest of the mane 6, and it's generally accepted that the 6 are all pretty close in age, and since Twilight has never been menti- *deep inhaling gasp as the realization of where the story is going hits* ... ....soo it's safe to say that Cheerilee is somewhere between "too young to write" and "not born yet". So... She's too young to have done anything significant enough to warrant getting cereal named after her, So either her parents were idiots and named one of their daughters (in the comics, Cheerilee has a twin that's a professional wrestler) after cereal, or she got a lot of crap on the playground, growing up, for having a name similar to cereal.
A story about the ponies living in a shelter from the fallout of a worldwide apocalypse, eventually venturing out into the world... She laughed out loud at the idea. Who would want to read such a thing?
"Lunch." He said. He'd made her favorite soup and sandwich combination. With a special ingredient. A secret ingredient.
After all, he loved his mother. He wanted to take care of her, just as she'd taken care of him whenever he'd gotten ill. He knew how miserable it was to get sick. He knew that he took his vitamins to stay healthy and grow up strong. She took her vitamins to stay healthy too. And by his rationale, if a little is good, more must be better. He'd ground up a few more of her 'vitamins' and put them in her soup and sandwich. He never wanted her to get sick again.
I see young Shining Armor isn't familiar with the fact that some vitamins can build up to toxic levels and mess you up.
Shining was practically beaming with pride. His plan had worked. He gave mommy extra vitamins and she was able to write and was so happy. He made sure to give her more in her serving of dinner.
I hope he didn't get any of her "vitamins" in his serving, or else he'd wreck his male development.
Zero comments on this? Really? Alright then.
Biggest issues I can see. Is the grammar. You're writing it like this Shakespearicles. And it's really niggling at me to read.
Good enough read so far for me to forgive it though, for now.
First time I've seen a shipping clopfic of Shining Armor and Twilight Velvet. Gotta say, love it
Should be something like (The extra doses of unbeknownst to kim mare hormones that Shining had fed to his mother) or something like that. I am not to familiar with that word but the way you have it here makes it read like he does not know it's his mother when you intend for it to mean he unwittingly gave his mother those hormones.
Oh my god why am I reading this! And why can't I stop!!
This was amazingly hilarious, and I do like the concept.
4367588 I rather like Shakespearicles style, it is very well done.
Now I must go pray, I should not be reading such things, even if it is good
Not bad actually
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Good Story Though.
I'm not really the type who's up for incest (cause that's Trevor's thing (or so I think...)) but, yeah. This one, I'd have to say, was pretty good. There's something here that seems a bit... off, but I can't really tell what it, exactly. Oh well, you'll find out yourself.
Saying it again: Fine work.
if cheerilie got her own cereal... there is something wrong with this world.
Ha, and to think I was nervous about getting a story turned down because I described applejack's big ole buttocks. This was a fun read though.
Funny Nice jab there really nice jab.
An interesting read.
I do like how you incorporated the spontaneous erections. In a society sans-clothing, they wouldn't be viewed as taboo, but as something that just happens to everyone.
I like this, but the only one issue I see. And that would be that would be that it seems like Shinning was walking around all day with a boner. Like it was never in his sheath the entire day. At least until the end.
m-muh dick
......typwriter
well that was nice , makes me wish i could have the same thing with my mom , if only i didn't find humans physically repulsive and she wasn't one of the most irrational people i knew.....
332,190 people according to fimfiction
4372001 I dunno, I 'd try it.
Lol Harry Potter and Fallout: Equestria references...
O-oh my... that was lovely 8'D
huehuehuehuehue eue
...Well played.
Reminds me of the time I tried to masturbate for the first time. I was too gentle, and a couple times I tried to cum I ended up peeing instead. This is strangely good so far... No arousal but I actually think I'm getting caught up in the story.
you have no idea... bloody hell... imagine if she'd have gone through with it! millions of moneyz!
okay then.
...
...
...
it would have felt out of place (imo) to have her go at it right then and there.
5280159 Technically Fallout references, really.
That typewriter twist probably got someone, Right?
5965095 W-What?
What story is that referring to?
5965095
???!
Whu...
How's that...
Never mind. I don't want to know.
7742750 ...I have brain bleach if you need it.
>>Xxx_Fedora_Master_xxX
Probably batman
8242764
7628353
Harry Potter
Holy fuck! O.O;
Sorry... excuse my language. But wow! Damn!
What a way to build tension! This first chapter really drew me in! I'm practically enthralled to find out what happens next!
Oh, I think a lot of people would want to read that story.
Especially me.
FIVE.
TIMES.
4372001
Given that Cheerilee was in a school play with Rarity (as seen in the Rarity cutiemark flashback in season 1), and that Rarity was likely in the same grade as Cheerilee, and it's popularly guessed that Rarity is the oldest of the mane 6, and it's generally accepted that the 6 are all pretty close in age, and since Twilight has never been menti-
*deep inhaling gasp as the realization of where the story is going hits*
...
....soo it's safe to say that Cheerilee is somewhere between "too young to write" and "not born yet".
So... She's too young to have done anything significant enough to warrant getting cereal named after her,
So either her parents were idiots and named one of their daughters (in the comics, Cheerilee has a twin that's a professional wrestler) after cereal, or she got a lot of crap on the playground, growing up, for having a name similar to cereal.
.....
So...
Thanks for attending my TED talk.
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4388170
Shining got into his dad's Viagra again.
I see young Shining Armor isn't familiar with the fact that some vitamins can build up to toxic levels and mess you up.
I hope he didn't get any of her "vitamins" in his serving, or else he'd wreck his male development.