A different take on Octavia that I thought of.
Octavia is a member of the Royal Guard as a musician for the various balls and formal events they hold. A position that is sought after for the frequency it is requested by the Princesses. Octavia has just been promoted to Commanding Officer of the ensemble and is going out to celebrate. At a nightclub in Canterlot she will meet an old rival and friend. Things will quickly spin out of her control as feelings arise, subordinates laugh, and alcohol flows. All underneath the neon lights and thumping bass.
Cover image used with permission from http://forcemation.deviantart.com/ Thank you again!
Chapters (3)
[THIS IS NOT A FULL REVIEW, AND I HAVE BARELY READ YOUR STORY. TERRIBLY SORRY. I WILL GIVE YOU A FULL REVIEW LATER]
How is Octavia in the Guard?
And Why?
And Octavia is more like the person to be, smooth, and formal. A military officer certainly doesn't fit her.
[THIS IS NOT A FULL REVIEW, AND I HAVE BARELY READ YOUR STORY. TERRIBLY SORRY. I WILL GIVE YOU A FULL REVIEW LATER]
Goodnight
~ TeddyTheBear
6425779
How is simply that she is. While being a military officer does indeed seem a bit more rough than the elegance usually associated with the earth pony. I can tell you from my experience in the US Army that it does not exclude her from being a member.
Serving in the military is not supposed to be a end to you as you. And I am going to remove any real world problems that I encountered while in. The military is supposed to encourage intelligence and creativity. At the moment you have seen what is considered the Pomp and Circumstance of a simple ceremony that by tradition is rather stuffy. And remember this is not the military as portrayed in the movies. This is a military that has known mainly peace except for a brief invasion by changelings.
Honestly your saying that a well to do elegant personality can't do well in the military shows you only understand the lower enlisted perspective of crass personalities highlighted in war movies. Officers tend to be the more "refined" sort with grand balls and the same kind of posturing seen in the upper elite of society.
Basically don't let your mind be closed by the influences found in our society and keep your mind open. Besides I have only released the first chapter.
This sounds really good so far.
6425779
The long line of British aristocrats that were military officers would disagree.
Looking forward to seeing where this will go, an excellent start.
Well nice, but I think that you have missed some comas. And some sentences seems to be a bit too long, but maybe I'm wrong :P
6426515
Probably not. My skill at punctuation is spotty and I have a habit of run on sentences. I try and clean it up but its harder to see the mistakes of something you have written since you know the tone its supposed to be.
6426637 Yeah, maybe you should find an editor? ;p
6427747
Know anyone? Last time I looked for one I had a guy who didn't reply back and one that wanted money from me.
6428534
Here. Write to her, maybe she will be able to help you :D
Oh boy. This is getting very interesting.