Random Twenty Minutes

by Vrilix

1) Lovely Carrots

At the market road just leading up to Manehatten, one could see a black carrot farmer pull a cart-load of carrots towards the city. If one looked closely enough, they might notice the giant swarm of all-consuming vermin called parasprites who chased him as well.

“I’ve had it with these mutherfucking parasprites, on this mutherfucking cart!”

The parasprites ignored his remarks, and continued using the same strategy that they had used the past twenty minutes. They would fly up in the air to gain altitude, and then they would dive down and swallow a carrot or two in the descent, only to fly up again to repeat the whole thing.

“Fuck off, you little shits!”

By this point the swarm had grown three times in size. It’s not that they multiplied, it’s the fact that the scent of the farmer’s carrots had spread out across the entire area, causing parasprites to fly in close, searching for the delicate fruit.

“Quit eating my livelihood! Go for some delicate food instead, I have kids to feed!”

Unaware of the fact that his carrots were what the parasprites craved the most, the poor carrot farmer continued his long lasting gallop towards the city in the hopes that he might receive help, or that the parasprites might chase some other, more delicate food.

Little did he know however, that his carrots were the most delicate food that existed in all of Equestria.

“Bullshit!”

Uhh, yes they were. His carrots emitted a scent which would drive ponies mad as well as a taste which would dwarf every other food that the consumer had eaten before in sweetness.

“You’re lying!”

And while the scent and taste were godlike, if that was all the carrots had, then they would still just be ordinary carrots, bu-

“They are ordinary carrots!”

But, these carrots contained something much greater than that. Their texture was something that could throw entire planets into war. The carrots would be hard and rough on the outside, but on the inside they would reveal themselves to be as soft as jelly. This meant that the taste would be equalled out across the entirety of the fruit, caus-

“Carrots aren’t fruits, dumbass!”
Causing the consumer to experience moments of pure bliss whenever the fruit would enter their mouths. This experience would cause the consumer to revel in pure, orgasmic stimulation all over their bodies. Anyone who experien-

“Anypony!”

Anyone who experienced something like this would crave it for all eternity, turning them into the carrot farmer’s slaves. This farmer had a whole crowd of ponies locked up in his barn, waiting for their next carro-

“Who do you think you are, accusing me of slavery?! I’m black for fucks sake!”

Waiting for their next carrot. A carrot they would never receive. One might think that the reason these ponies wouldn’t get their beloved carrots was the cold heart of the carrot farmer, bu-

“Fuck you!”

But the cold heart of the carrot farmer wasn’t always the case. Sometimes, his harvest could’ve gone bad. Other times he might have slept through the entirety of the season, letting his slaves watch, as their beloved carrots would rot in the grou-

“First you accuse me of slavery, then you accuse me of sadism! You’re sick!”

As their beloved carrots would rot in the ground. But not today. Today, the carrot farmer was being chased by a swarm of parasprites, all of whic-

“You don’t say!”

All of which craved his carrots. One might think that these parasprites ate up all of the carrots, but in reality, someone else had noticed the pattern of the parasprites, and exploited it.

“What’re you talking about?”

Someone had seen his chance and climbed up on the cart, and begun eating all of the carrot farmers DELICIOUS carrots, allowing him to regain some much needed streng-

“There you are! I’m going to get back at you, you little shit! No one, I repeat no one eats my carrots.”

What’re you doing, if you stop galloping the parasprites can get to the carrots! Don’t stop, for the love of Celestia, don’t stop!

“I don’t care about the carrots, all I care about is you. No one insults me while eating my carrots.”
Stop, get away from me! Stay back, I have a carrot!

“Don’t think that hiding under the cart is going to help you!”

No! I have a wife and two kids! Don’t get near me!

“I came down here to kick tail and chew carrots. And I’m all out of carrots.”

ARRGH!!!

Comments

[Daemon McRae]

I enjoyed this.

[Butterwings]

Wait, what..?