Specimen:ANDREW

by plotdotgif

Necessary Precautions

Death sighed as he walked down the bright hallway. Poor kid. A reincarnation was a rough thing. First you have to get used to your new body, then you have to discipline yourself to not give into your primal urges to allow yourself to be reincarnated again, and THEN you had to pray to every god imaginable that you'd become human again. Which in most cases, you didn't. You had to work your way up a ladder of species and if you were reincarnated as a worm, may God have mercy on your soul.
Death stopped suddenly. This last thought made him think. Death put a bony fist up to his chin as he walked into his office. This Andrew kid had done some rotten things in his life. Nothing really major like murder or theft, but enough to get him bumped down to a house pet or something.

"So why is he still human?" Death said to himself, his cold voice reverberating off the walls of his office. This was getting interesting. Not the good type of interesting that gets you excited and happy, but the bad type, which sits in your stomach and slowly gains weight as you become closer to an impending doom.Death couldn't stand the heaviness in his non-existant belly any longer. He had to visit the Department of Reincarnations again.

---

The ponies had gathered around the operating table, looking down at the odd creature that had caused them so much trouble. They were all back in the lab, and were to be joined by Princess Celestia shortly. From the weird bag, they were able to determine his name. The odd part was, the strange creatures wrote in perfectly fluent Equestrian!
Thinking he was dangerous from the whole jumping-out-of-a-window thing, they had strapped him down using several belts and ropes. Lyra had regained conciusness, but the dubbed 'Specimen: ANDREW' was showing no signs of waking up. They didn't have very long to wait though.

---

I had a weird dream. Taling with Death, getting a passport from Buddha, waking up in the middle of my own autopsy, running in my underwear from butchering surgeons and jumping out of a stained glass window. That was pretty badass.
Suddenly I woke up. I was back on the operating table. This time, there were straps holding me down. The surgeons were still there, and they hadn't removed their masks. I started screaming. I tried to snap the restraints, but to no avail. One of the surgeons began barking orders. I looked to my side to find a group of coloured ponies. They looked like the ones my little sister had before I moved away. One of the doctors shoved a mask to my face and began talking in a soothing voice.

"Easy there, easy, easy..."

'Funny,' I thought before blacking out 'Skin isn't usually purple...'

---

The ponies breathed a sigh of relif. The thing's screaming was... Terrifying to say the least.

"What was THAT all about?" Rainbow Dash yelled, crossing her forelegs in front of her in mid air "It just started screaming for no reason!"

"Well imagine you waking up in the middle of an operating theatre with a bunch of weird creatures you've never seen before trying to cut you open!" Lyra barked

"We weren't doing that!"

"We were at first! Although to be fair, it seemed he was pretty dead."

"But we weren't now! There was no need to..."

"Girls, PLEASE!" Twilight said, seperating the unicorn and pegasus with her magic "It seems introductory communications have broken down. We may need to move him to a place less..."

"Stressful?" Said the princess as she walked into the room. The ponies bowed.

"Yes your highness. Thank you." Twilight said, raising her head to meet the princess' gaze "We uncovered this strange beast near the Everfree Forest. I don't think it's from here."

"Well, it's definately not like anything i've ever seen." Said the princess as she walked over to the operating table. She was lying. She new perfectly well what this thing was. Trouble.

"I think if you take him over to your library to give him a proper introduction, he will be less hostile."

"Thank you Princess." Twilight said, bowing again "Come on everypony. Let's take Andrew to the library."

---

Death knocked on the door of Buddha's office. He was meditating, as usual, and was severly annoyed when he heard the loud rapping of knuckles on wood. Grumbling, he opened the door.

"Ah, old friend. What can I..."

"No time for plesentaries Buddha, there's something strange going on." Death said as he shut the door behind him and locked it. Death never locked doors unless it was very important.

"Well let's hear it then." Buddha said as they sat down.

"Normally a person is reincarnated as a lower form of life. But with our friend Andrew, it's a different story."
Buddha was intrigued. "Go on."

"You see, Andrew was to be reincarnated, but he was instead returned to his original body. Remember?"

"Damn!" Buddha yelled "Damn that paperwork! It just twists and turns and then there's that whole business of loopholes! So it was a resserection you say?"

"Not quite. You see, to be a ressurection, an source outside our organization needs to make contact with me. Then i need to take the soul of one living person to give them back the other one. I didn't need to do it, but it was a sort of equivlant exchange thing, but then i started mutilating the bodies or personalites just to show them that ressurection didn't mean eternal life. But then that whole necromancy business started and then i was forced to close the whole thing down alltogether."

"Yes, that was particularly troublesome in Europe wasn't it?"

"Definately. But i still think Africa was worse. Anyway, Andrew has been, in effect, ressurected from within our organization. Probably to suit one of our co-worker's purpouses."

"So who do you think it might be?"

"To be honest, i haven't the foggiest..."

---

I woke again. Blinking the sunlight out of my eyes, I noticed I was sleeping in a bed that was far too small for me. Then I heard the voices from downstairs. It wasn't a dream. I looked at the room surrounding me. The room appeared to have been carved out of a very larg tree. Books were piled up i corners, lying in bookshelves and there were even some hanging from the rafters. Hurrying his clothes on, he started his descent down the stairs.

---

Twilight Sparkle and her friends were all talking about Andrew. So far, judging on developments from the princess and several books about space and time, they had constructed a theory.

Andrew Gibbins was not from their world. He may have come from a different planet, or universe alltogether, and arrived in Equestria through some means of teleportation magic. Though what kind of magic was yet to be discovered. From examining his body and finding no magical implements of any kind, they learned that his species was incapable of magical abilities, so there must have been something else that sent him to Equestria. How he could write and speak fluent Equestrian remained a mystery. His species was omnivorous, so they must have been intellegant to determine what foods are edible. Especially since there would be may poisonous plants and small animals in his world.

The train of though was interrupted by a faint creaking at the stairs. The ponies turned around to see Andrew doing his best to blend into a wall.

"Hello Andrew." Twilight Sparkle said calmly, moving a chair over to the circle "Please, have a seat."

"What." Was all Andrew could muster at that point. He was having a weird day. First he teleported into a completely different universe in a snowstorm while trying to go shopping for soup, promptly died in said new universe, became resurrected, woke up during his own autopsy (something he never thought he'd get over), jumped out a giant stained glass window on the second story of a castle, wound up back on the operating table and now he was being interviewed by several colourful talking ponies. And they could do magic to boot.
Needless to say, Andrew did the only rational thing. He nodded and walked over to sit down.

"How do you know my name?" he asked. He never actually said anything to the ponies beforehand, just screamed wildly. One of the unicorns used her magic to quickly scribble in her noebook.

"We saw some minor identification while going through your personal belongings. We've never seen anything like you Andrew, and we belive that you are not actually FROM this world." Twilight said calmly "If you could tell us more about yourself, that would further our oppourtunity for research."
Andrew mulled over this. Research. Clearly he was completely, undoubtedly insane. But, no monsters had come out of the walls to eat his eyelids right off his face, so he decided to roll with it.

"My full name is Andrew Gibbins. I am 32 years old and I live, or used to live, in Toronto, Canada. I lived alone in my apartment and never really had much of a social life, but i managed to pick up some good friends here and there. I never really keep my height and weight measurements in mind, and i'm not very athletic. I spend most of my time eating, sleeping, working and playing video games. That's pretty much it really."

"Okay." said Twilight, writing evey detail down in her notebook "So tell us more aout your species."

Terrible thoughts filled Andrews mind at once, crowding eachother out to get to the limelight. Eventually, Andrew made a completely factual answer.

"My species is called humans, or Homosapiens. We are bipedal, intellegant and omnivorous creatures. We have built great cities and mighty civilisations, all with different languages and cultures. We were able to rise amongst the beasts because of our abilities to use tools and our apposible thumbs." He said, wriggling his digits for effect
"Unfortunately, our brains, and all of our cultures revolve around fighting. Humans will fight, enslave and massacre each other over even trivial matters such as skin colour or belif. One of the worst wars in human history, of which there have been many, was when an unspeakbly evil man led his nation to attempt to conquer the world. He mercilessly executed people while leading his nation to do his personal bidding."

The ponies were dumbfounded. These 'humans' appeared to be savge, warlike creatures, wich want nothing but fighting and war. Andrew saw their expressions and bowed his head.

"But there have been many great things humans have achieved by working together! We have scaled mountains, cured deadly diseases, and even set foot on our moon! By working together people defeated that evil man and prevented him from killing millions more! When humans work together, despite our differences, we become unimaginably strong."

Hearing this filled all the ponies with new happiness. Knowing that humans have done good things replaced the previous scenes of depression and war.

"HOLD IT!" Pinkie Pie yelled suddenly, jumping down from her stool "I know we've heard all the good and bad stuff of your kind, but you've left out one VERY IMPORTANT DETAIL!"

Pinkie paced around Andrews stool before standing in front of him, and with a completely straight face and flat voice, she lifted a cupcake to his eyes and said:
"Do you like cupcakes?"

How could he say no to a question like that?

---

Celestia had had a busy day. After that human showed up, she hd lost all concentration for her daily tasks. She had made a pact with those idiots at the Afterlife Management Corporation. No reincarnees were to enter Equestria, human or not! The last human in Equestria almost triggered a thousand year war between unicorns and earth ponies! She would not let it happen again!
Storming into her chamber, she conjoured a sleek quill and the finest parchment. She wrote a hastly letter and then sent it out of her existance. Hopefully it would arrive in a few minutes. That human HAD TO GO.

---

Hi guys! Hopefully this is a lot less like a complete wall of text and I have detcted no plot holes. AT ALL. Enjoy!
P.S: I've been thinking of changing the name. How does Specimin:ANDREW sound? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Comments

[MentalishMan]

The new name for the title sounds pretty good, over all i cant wait for the next couple of chapters!

[Iambrony]

Andrew sounds fine.

[chavis54]

no bad, not bad,
Obama is too busy right now so he could come to say it himself
but not bad.

[The Gargoyle]

Still looking good my friend.

Two things i'd mention though.
Be careful of spelling, you did resserect and resurrect within a few lines of each other.
Be careful about how quick you go, you risk making things to generic compared to other H.I.E. stories.

Looking forward to more though, keep up the good work.