“This bites!” Scootaloo pulled at the hem of her sailor fuku. “Why is Miss Cheerilee making us wear these lame school uniforms?”
“Ah think we look cute, day-su,” Apple Bloom chirped.
“We always look cute. These outfits are just… creepy and inappropriate.” Scoots gave her skirt a few more futile tugs. “Seriously, did some dirty old stallion pick these out? This barely covers my flanks.”
Sweetie Belle had gotten really good at scoffing sarcastically. Even Scootaloo had to admit how impressive her delivery was. “Stallions don’t like mares that are half-naked. We’re always naked.”
“Oh.” Scootaloo chuckled sheepishly. “Duh.”
“Nah, see, stallions go for mares with lots of clothes. Like, lots. Forelock to fetlock.” Shuddering, Sweetie let out something between a groan and a gag. “One time I walked in on Rarity wearing a hazmat suit. You do not want to see your own sister looking like that.”
“Huh?” Apple Bloom tilted her head. “Why not?”
“Whoa!” AB and Sweetie ran into Scootaloo’s outstretched hooves with a grunt. “Get a load of that,” Scoots whispered reverently. Ahead of them, Big Macintosh staggered out of Sugarcube Corner, struggling to hold aloft a magnificent, monumental mass of moist mcake. Scootaloo wiped away her drool with the back of a hoof. “I’m gonna eat that.”
“Don’t even think about it,” snapped Sweetie. “The Cakes have been perfecting that recipe for months. They won’t let you have any.”
“Don’t care. Gonna eat it.”
“Girls, back up, why is it not okay to look at your sister wearing clothes?”
Sweetie narrowed her eyes and poked Scootaloo in the chest. “They will literally kill you.”
Scootaloo smirked. “Bring it on.”
“Hmph,” Apple Bloom pouted, kicking at the dirt. “Ah think Applejack would look beautiful in a snowsuit.”
“And stay out!” Pinkie hissed as the shadowy figure retreated back into the sleeping car. Rushing back to the table, she looked over every glazed inch of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. “Thank goodness,” she moaned, hanging her head. “You’re still safe.”
Perfectly jinxed, the door to the sleeping car was bucked open, and then exploded. “Not for long!” Scootaloo emerged from the carnage, her sailor fuku fluttering in the smoky breeze.
“A-ha!” Pinkie Pie pointed pointedly at the pegasus. “I should’ve known it was you all along, Scootaloo. But the only dessert you’re getting is just desserts.”
“You don’t understand...” Scootaloo raised her forehooves out of the swirling ash. Duct-taped to one, a wakizashi. Duct-taped to the other, an MP9. “...how bad I want that cake.”
“And you don’t understand,” said Pinkie, rising onto her hind hooves and taking a fighting stance, “just how serious the Cakes were about security.”
“Bring it on, then!” Scootaloo charged at the pink one, her pleated skirt flaring behind her. Pinkie lunged, but Scoots set her wing abuzzing, skidding sideways just enough for the punch to sail past her ear. With a roar and a forward flip, she brought her ninja blade down hard on Pinkie’s exposed foreleg, slicing apart sheet metal and exposing the wiring beneath. “H-Huh?” Scootaloo tried to pull back, but the sword duct-taped to her hoof was lodged firmly into the cut.
Pinkie—or rather, the Pony-Incinerating Nuclear-Kombustion Instrument of Eradication 3000—flashed its laser-red eyes at the young filly before pointing its side-mounted flamethrower squarely at her muzzle. “Error loading witty_oneliner_175.aac,” she said, before washing over Scootaloo with a torrent of blue-white flame.
“Nyaaar! Bkooo! Pshuuu!” Pinkie slammed her action figures against one another with loud, plastic clacks, as she provided fitting sound effects.
“Pinkie Pie!” Twilight shouted above the din while meanwhile snatching the deerstalker hat back. “Can you shut your sugar funnel for just one second?”
“Pow!” One final slam sent her ninja action figure flying. Scootaloo ducked, narrowly avoiding getting beaned in the face with her own placeholder. “Sure I can!” answered Pinkie Pie. “But is one second enough because I figure that your angry rant is—”
An eye-twitching glare was enough to cut Pinkie’s word jumble short.
“...can I at least keep the pipe?”
“No,” Twilight snapped, grabbing that too. “Bubble pipes are for winners. Now can you please stop with the insanely unrealistic accusations?”
“But this one actually happened!” Pinkie whined.
“No, it did not,” Twilight lectured at fifty percent of her maximum egghead potential. “For starters, if you had burnt Scootaloo to death, she would be actually dead.” She angrily booped Scoots’s nose to accent her point.
Scootaloo coughed, scuffing the scorch marks out of the carpet with a hoof.
Twilight turned back to Pinkie. “And you do not own a flamethrower-wielding deathbot!”
Pinkie Pie coughed, hiding a hoof-sized remote control within the curls of her mane.
“Now if we can just think through this problem rationally,” Twilight sassed, “and think of a logical expla—and great, there go the lights again.” She huffed as the train passed through yet another tunnel, plunging the train car into pitch blackness.
Scootaloo crouched down, ready to capitalize on the darkness and to finally get a bite of the MMMM, but went rigid as a set of claws grasped her about the withers. “Please don’t get creepy on me,” she whimpered. “I’m not some hazmat hussy.”
“Ahh, mah delectiblé mousse moose,” Gustave le Grand purred in her ear. “Zoon I shall taste your zilky chocolat.”
Try as she might, squirming and twisting beneath his grip, Scootaloo couldn’t break herself free. “Not a dessert, definitely a pegasus, please don’t eat me.”
Gustave tutted gently. “Ah, mon amie, but zat is exactly what a mousse moose would say, no? Now, how you say… geet in muh bellay.”
As the train emerged from the tunnel and sunlight once more spilled in through the windows, Gustav licked his talons and harrumphed. “Vah! You ponies and your bland cuisine. It is as ze saying goes, zat everything tastes like ze chicken.”
Managed to be on time for once... probably because it wasn't me who wrote the chapter, but whatever, who's keeping track? By the way, since you're here, you should go read my new story so I can beat RainbowBob's fic. Damn you, RainbowBob!
Scootaloo! she's Equestria's answer to Kenny McCormick from South Park.
This is probably the first time I have laughed at a Scootachicken joke in months. Damn you, Pav.
“Vah! You ponies and your bland cuisine. It is as ze saying goes, zat everything tastes like ze chicken.”
Damn, I was really hoping she got shoveled into the boiler... oh well.
Well.
That was disturbing.
Just when I think this fic's plotline is getting stale in humor....It get better!
The first death was hilarious.
The second...ugh...
Well... That death was... kinda gross if you ask me.
I'm sure a fair few of us were waiting for something like this to happen. Silly bird-cats.
At least he only ate her and didn't eat her.
If'n ya know what I be meanin'
Most badass one-liner by Pinkinator there....
Ooh, double kill. I'm surprised Twilight doesn't know about Scootaloo's unique vital status, though. I could have sworn she'd been experimenting with it...
In any case, given the revelation about stallions' tastes, what does that say about the Gala dresses?
Looking forward to more.
FLAME-WAR!
I see that the ever-present deluge of witty commenters pointing out a similarity between Scootaloo and Kenny has still not eased up.
stockphotoshowcase.com/img2/ikey-strained-smile.jpg
Ahem. The story.
Chapter 44: Sweetie has been unusually irritable and short with her friends throughout most of the story recently, now that I come to think of it. Although, I don't know why I'm complaining about mischaracterisation when this has been a nonsensical farce since the very beginning. The lack of a death again was pretty interesting. Seems like Scoots is getting the hang of how this all works.
Chapter 45: I liked this chapter. Iron Will's one of my favourite of the oneshot characters, and I liked how Scootaloo used her own death to scam him. Although, like Flim and Flam, I am always perplexed when someone who doesn't know about Scootaloo's immortality kills her or sees her die and seems only mildly inconvenienced by it. You know what would be a nice subversion for some future chapter? For a character who has never met Scootaloo before to accidentally kill her and react like a normal person would to causing the death of a child, only to be freaked out by her sudden and nonchalant return. If I were writing this, I'd have probably pulled out that joke a lot sooner.
Chapter 46: Now this was a really good chapter. I mean it. The philsophical discussion about what Scoot's immortality means was funny, it was almost kind of heartfelt at the end there, and we finally learned where the bonfire is!
Chapter 47 & 48: Neither of these were bad, but they were mostly unremarkable.
Chapter 49: Another funny one. I like a good noir parody.
Chapter 50: Oh my. I think that last death was actually the darkest one to date. Good job. More like that, please.
Overall, I think the fic's taken an upswing as of late. The last dozen chapters or so have generally been pretty good. Now that that's all done... Canterlot Wedding next, right?
4829849
I actually did this, or at least the first part, in the Sonic Rainboom chapter. When Scootaloo falls into the grinder, the two ponies working there flip shit and run away. To be fair, I could probably stand to make a better joke than that, and I probably will, so there's that.
Yes, and you can expect it to be quite involved. They'll be somewhat longish chapters, and have an overarching plot. It should be pretty fun.
Anyway, glad that I'm still managing to maintain a semi-consistent level of quality, and that it hasn't turned into a crapfest yet. That being said, I do have to thank all the guest writers for their help. Without them, I sincerely doubt I'd still be writing this. I'd just get burned out without any breaks.
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There were a lot of weaker chapters earlier, but I think you've hit your stride. What exactly the secret is, I couldn't say. Maybe it's because you've done some more creative things with your concept for some recent chapters, being more meta without actually doing fourth-wall breaks and doing these slight genre shifts like with the noir chapter. Or perhaps it's because we've learned so much more about how the immortality actually works, and that's kept my interest even in the chapters I haven't found funny. It could be either.
I can only say for sure that you're doing something right.
mmm.... vore!!!!
Okay, the first deah, I giggled. The second death... Oh god no. Ew.
So, y'all do remember that this is not the first chapter where Scoots has been eaten, right? And the last time wasn't even a case of mistaken identity. Just checking~
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Bad pony. Sit in the corner and think about what you've done.
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She has, indeed. Poorly worded on my part, but Twi was simply not expecting Scoots to have respawned so soon. Even AB and Sweetie have been surprised in chapters when Scootaloo has come back to life in a couple of hours, so the intent was simply that Twi expected Scootaloo to be dead still, for the rest of the day or whatnot. But mea culpa, that's not clear in the text.
So one overgrown chicken just ate another chicken?
Gustav, you are an insult to your species!
MMMM Chicken.
This chapter was truly inspired.
SCOOTALOO IS SANDVICH
OM NOM NOM NOM
MMMM cake at night, Scootaloo's delight!
Pink bodyguard in the morning, sailor fukus take warning.
4862480
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqyembvWO71ql3ji1o1_500.jpg
Alliteration is more important than basic spelling or human decency.
"I will show no mercy!"
4862588 I see it now!
So Scootaloo tastes like chicken or chicken tastes like Scootaloo.
4867198 Chicken and the egg, chicken and the egg...
That is actually very clever. Ya done good.
Thanks for this dude. I just found out that I may have just killed my car, and this gave me a much needed giggle.
...
So this proves that Gustave is the only one who did NOT eat any of the MMMMousse Mouse.
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Well, if your car shows up in your driveway tomorrow perfectly fine, then it's either a Pericon Flyer named Scootaloo or a Plymouth Fury named Christine!