Not having ANY of this S###

by Technopathic

Chapter 7- Contrivances and Coincidences

I munched on a cookie as I quietly crept through the city. It was one of many I had in my possession, along with a few other sugary morsels I had sealed up in plastic bags and was saving for later, courtesy of one of the Canterlot bakeries. Sure it was stealing, but I had to eat somehow, and I didn’t exactly have any money. Besides, they were oatmeal raisin. If you wanted to get fat off cookies, most people would just choose the good stuff like chocolate chip. At least in my opinion.

The cookies had been ridiculously easy to steal. None of the shops were guarded and had shut down for the night, so one slip under the door and the cookies were all mine. There was hardly anyone- or anypony- on the streets that night, and anyone I had come across had been too busy to notice me, or… I thought back to my rather enlightening encounter…

Two ponies- stallions, I think- came stumbling down the street, giggling like a pair of middle-schoolers who’d just heard someone say “dick.” Their speech was slurred, and they couldn’t seem to walk in a straight line. I stared at the spectacle from the shadows, before my eyes widened in realization. Holy crap, they’re drunk.

Nocturne piped up. Of course they are. Why would this fact surprise you?

Well, I thought, It’s just… It’s not really something I thought I’d see. I mean this whole world kinda seems like it was meant for kids… Intoxication and substance abuse seems kind of mature…

And any part of our story is “for kids” how, exactly?

…Touché.

They were impeccably dressed for a pair of drunkards. Each had on a tuxedo that was so new they still had the tags on them. That was something that struck me about Canterlot, even in the dark of night where hardly anyone was awake: everything was insanely high-class and expensive-looking. The buildings looked like they were either marble or ivory (and if it was ivory, that held some very disturbing implications about these ponies) and were decorated with gold and silver. It seemed so very gaudy compared to the simple town from before-

-I stopped myself. This was no time for flashbacks, I had stuff I needed to do. I finished of the last of the cookie, and dusted off the crumbs. Alright, first order of business: find a library, and look up anything we can find about Shadow ponies.

I stole a glance up at the large, gleaming castle that stood towering over the city, and felt a sense of unease. I was unsure if it was my own emotions, or Nocturne’s. Something clicked in my memory, back from Twilight’s lecture of doom. That’s right, I recalled, that’s the castle where those diarchs live. The ones that are supposed to be insanely powerful, as well as over a thousand years old… They, or at least one of them, if the memory of the lecture of doom served correctly, would have been around during the time of the Shadow ponies. In other words, the top two on the ‘list of people to avoid’.

And with that, I sped off in search of a library. There was no way in hell I was going to meet with them anytime soon. I liked my butt un-fried, thank you very much.

****************

After about an hour of searching, I came across the library. It was a large building made out of what looked like marble (it was hard to tell in the dark), with roman-style columns decorating the entrance. A wide staircase led up to two red double doors, and at either end of the base of the staircase were large statues of books sitting wide open. How… fitting.

I easily shadow-walked under the door, and was met by rows and rows of insanely high shelves, towering nearly two stories high. “Funny. It didn’t look this tall from the outside.” I thought aloud. Realizing my mistake, I clamped my hand over my mouth and frantically looked around, praying that no one was around to hear. After a few tense minutes, I relaxed, realizing the place was just as vacant as the rest of the city.

Wasting no time, I sped over to the nonfiction section, glancing over the books and pulling out a few “Defense against the dark arts” spellbooks here and a few “Creatures of Equestria” sorts of books there. I pulled out one of those rolling ladders really tall libraries have over and grabbed a few books off of the higher shelves, carelessly dropping them to the floor with a thud. I could pick them up later.

Finally, satisfied I had picked the shelves clean of all I was going to find, I started to carefully climb down from the top of the ladder. “I wonder if we should take the books back with us to the caves,” I said, trying to spark a conversation with Nocturne, “Of course, it’d be difficult to read in the dark-”

I was cut short when I felt my feet slide out from under me, and I didn’t have time to make a grab for the railing of the ladder. The world turned sideways and I found myself falling fast. This it gonna hurt. I realized, shutting my eyes tight.

Seconds passed… then a minute… I realized I didn’t feel the air rush pat me as I fell, and opened my eyes and looked down.

I wasn’t falling. Rather, I hung several feet in the air, as though suspended by some invisible force. I could almost hear my brain break.

“Nocturne, I’m flying. Why am I flying?” I asked, wobbling around in midair.

Because you’re a clumsy idiot and someone has to keep you from killing us both. Nocturne replied indignantly.

“You- but… I can fly…?”

This is not flight. This is making use of the power you displayed in your- or rather, our- anger before the ponies that entrapped you. This is controlling the shadows themselves. It merely appears to be flight due to the fact the shadows were stretched thin in my haste.

I hung there in the air for a moment, processing this new information. Then: “Nocturne?”

What is it?

“I don’t know how to get down from here.”

I don’t know how I knew this, but I could almost feel Nocturne face-palm in my head. Oh, for the love of… It’s not that hard! It’s just a matter of willpower.

Willpower, eh? I put my hands out before me, concentrating all of my thoughts on sinking towards the ground, and barked loudly “Let me down!”

No sooner than I said that, the force holding me up suddenly gave out. I plummeted to the ground and fell flat on my face, hitting the ground with an audible SMACK! I could hear a sound almost like muffled laughter in the back of my head.

“Not. One. Word.” I growled, scrambling back to my feet.

I quickly gathered up the books and spread them out on a table. I sat down, preparing for a long night of studying. If there was one thing I had learned in college, it was how to pull an all-nighter for research or what have you. I cracked open a book and began to read.

**********

I grumbled loudly, returning to the large central chamber of my little cave hideaway for the seventh day in a row. I slumped onto the cave floor in defeat. Seven days of research had turned up nothing. Seven days of sneaking around the city at night, snagging food from local shops, pouring over every book that might contain even a shred of information, and retreating to the caves before daybreak like a vampire. The kind that burn in the sun, rather than sparkle in it. A whole blasted week of frustration.

The most we had found in that stupid library was almost identical to the information at Twilight’s library. I said I’d learned how to research in college, but I never said I was good at it. But that’s not what I was upset about just then. If it was that alone, I would have been happy. Despite hours of research, I had come up with nothing that pertained to that light spell from Nocturne’s memory. On the other hand, I now knew more about equestrian zoology than I ever cared to know. That was a good thing: it meant that either the chance of finding the kind of information I was worried about was slim to none, or no one had thought to record any of it.

No, what I was upset about was the note I had very conveniently found in one of the spellbooks. A note that just happened to be right next to some small magical tidbits about Shadow ponies:

~~~~~~~~~

Further information on Shadow ponies

can be found in the defense section of the royal

archives. They have been placed there for safekeeping.

~~~~~~~~~

I growled loudly. This did not bode well on at least ten different levels. A note I just happen to come across saying I can find the vey information I just happen to be looking for in the very castle that just happens to have guards, serving two ponies that just happen to be ultra-powerful and over a thousand years old, one of which just happens to be old enough to know the light spell herself. This doesn’t seem like a trap at all! There were too many contrivances for this to be a coincidence. Then again, I had come across almost Deus-Ex-Machina level strokes of luck before…

I glanced around my “lair,” now furnished with a fancy bed, a magically powered refrigerator, and several lanterns. They were some of the few good things about my situation. I recalled the second night, when I first acquired them:

I was exploring the city a little bit, grumpier than usual. When I had gotten back to the cave, as it seemed to be a decent place to hide in during the day, I had to sleep on the cave floor. I had slept within a shadow, mind you, but that didn’t change the fact that I still felt stiff and sore all over. “What I wouldn’t give for an actual bed to sleep in…” It was around then that I stumbled upon the residential area. True to the ornate theme of Canterlot, the houses were more like mansions.

I wasn’t really paying attention to much else, and before I knew it, I found myself inside one of the mansions, in a bedroom. I must have slipped inside.

I heard voices coming my way, and hid in the shadows underneath one of the beds. I heard the door open and felt the shadows recede as light flooded into the room.

“All I’m saying is that he really doesn’t need all of these guest beds. He never even uses them, and it only makes it harder for us to keep them clean!” said the first voice.

“True,” said the second voice, moving quickly about the room, “I heard his wife is planning on throwing them away, along with some old lanterns and a one year old refrigerator, just like that!” I heard sweeping noises around the room. “‘Only the best,’ she says! As if rich ponies weren’t wasteful enough.”

“If that’s the case, I wish she’d hurry up and get rid of them, then. Really! We’ve got enough work as is!”

I just sat there gawking. “There’s… no way we’d get this lucky. No one would actually tempt fate like this. This has to be some sort of joke, right?” I whispered to Nocturne.

Only in a cosmic sense, Nocturne said, just as confused.

I felt a broom sweep over me several times, and I had to strain myself to keep from sneezing. The voices flitted about the room gossiping about this and that. I wasn’t really listening. I was a little too dumbfounded. I barely noticed that they’d left.

Nocturne and I sat in silence for a while. Then…

Well, are we going to take those things or not?

That night, I slept like a freaking queen.

The memory faded. I sighed. Yes, that was insanely contrived. But this was far too… suspicious. Still, if the note had been planted there to set up a trap, wouldn’t the ponies have had a chance to spy on us by now? Follow us back to the cave? I turned off the lanterns and flopped onto the bed. “What do you think, Nocturne? Think we should give it a shot?”

I could feel Nocturne’s silence as he/she/it mulled it over. It does pose an extreme risk, but we believe the opportunities outweigh the risks.

“I’m kinda surprised to hear that from you. You’re the one most at risk if something goes wrong.” I shifted, burying myself under the covers, “Me, they’d probably assume I was under your control or something, accept me once the ‘evil’ is gone. Like that Night-Whatsherface character. Heck, they might even try and get me home.” I paused. “Don’t get me wrong, though, I’d never intentionally screw anything up just for that. I made a promise.”

I could feel Nocturne considering this. …Is that what you want? To go back to your world?

I stopped and thought on this. Did I want to go home? Yeah, some people were jerks, and I had no delusions about me not being one of them at times, but I had good memories of home too. I had people I liked and cared about. But there were some nice parts about this world too, and the time I had spent here had been… interesting to say the least.

“…I can’t really say just yet. I’m not entirely sure myself…” I thought aloud. “Then again, if we could go to my world, there’s a chance you’d be safer since humans normally can’t use magic except in fiction stories, though there’s no guarantee people wouldn’t find another way, and I’d stand out like a sore thumb given my current appearance…” I stopped. “Say, you didn’t answer my question.”

You never asked a question.

I waved that off. “Irrelevant. I expressed curiosity as to why you’re so willing to jump into what very well may be a trap. S’plain, Losie.”

Nocturne shifted a little. Well… We have reason to believe that, perhaps, if we survived all these years…

“…Oh. You might be able to find a spell that can track others down.” I finished. I blinked. “Sure, why not?”

I could tell Nocturne was confused. What?

“Let’s try it. Tomorrow night, we’ll go for it. Think you can cover my back?” I asked with a grin.

I could feel Nocturne’s bizarre mix of anticipation and relief welling up. We believe our understanding of Shadow magic can assist you where you are lacking.

“Well, that’s a blunt way to put it. Say, can we get someone else in on this? My head’s cramped enough with you sharing it. Maybe you could try possessing, say, a baseball or a matryoshka doll or …”

I could almost feel a slam when Nocturne shut me out in response

I chuckled softly as I drifted off to sleep.

Comments

[Divine Path]

Fortunately, nopony's doing anything

Darkness immaculate,
pristine, precious;
within this light shall there exist those rejected,
those now saved.
May this flame flicker sooner than let it consume
these despairing in blackness.

Awaiting further releases.

[Signia]

Oh look a thing.

[TheNomad]

long time... long time :) still great! can't wait for the next one!

[Yasahiro]

DARKNESS!
IMPRISONING ME!
ALL THAT I SEE!
ABSOLUTE HORROR!
RROR-RROR-RROR!
RROR-RROR-RROR!
RROR-RROR-RROR!
I DON'T KNOW THE WORDS!

Now, to be honest... I want you to update next chapter, this is really fun to read.

[wille179]

I like this very much.

[Cutrose1985]

Yay for update

[nighters]

well being the only one of your kind is taxing in the long run your an outcast alone till the end no matter how nice they treat you kind of lonely so earth not a bad plan b for the shadows and her heck she be famous! the good kind not the bad kind were not clinch reaction.

[Dubious]

How things would likely go down on modern earth:
Government official: Hmm, a new sapient species that looks human. May as well give it a citizenship test.
Religious fucktard: Burn it! Burn it in the name of our gods! *Begins foaming at the mouth and is arrested*
Rational religious person: You seem nice, and in no way damned in our holy book, welcome to the neighbourhood.
Gay couple: Being different isn't easy, let's be friends.
Scientist: MUST STUDY!!!! *Nerdgasm*
Everyone else: Meh.

[bloodwolf432]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to find a way home. Even if you haven't thought of a good reason to go back, it's still nice to have the option should the desire ever arise.

[just_a_reader]

Just a thought; Nocturne seems to act different, even before the seven days time-skip, is her personality sticking on he/she/it?

Does this universe work's literally on Narrative Causality?

[EveningShadows]

I love this!
Please update promptly!

[Morphy]

4240756

You forgot the capitalists and social enablers (groupies and tour managers) that would latch onto the alien like a fat man latches onto a table piled with doughnuts. Endless commercials and promotions to be made and in between, parties all the time. Gonna ride that shooting star and make billions till the alien dies from an overdose or ends up in the gutter, forgotten as the next "big thing" rolls along.

I'm pretty sure this is why we'll never see UFOs (or ponies) land on the Whitehouse lawn. They're rightfully scared of us.

[Dubious]

4242565 And the likely reason they don't land period is because they're scared of our maths. An equation I did the other day involved me having to unanswer an equation in order to answer another equation so that I could use THAT equation to unanswer yet another equation so that I could find the square root of x cubed. Which I then had to use to calculate the mass of a one by one by one metre mass of various metals. Hooray for human maths! *Sulks in a corner with a look of insanity*

[Bob Market]

meh (all i can say LoL)

[Lord Of Dorkness]

Just want to say I love your characters motivations.

"I want to keep these awesome shadow powers!" and "Ehhhh, I don't want to die!" are just so refreshingly straight-forward.

[Technopathic]

4243255 Yes this is a comparatively slow chapter. Things will pick up in the next chapter.

[Bob Market]

4243519 ok

[Asashi - Dark Fist Inari]

Was wondering when this would be updated again and by the way guy it's ponies not people. That's a mistake that really needs to be pointed out and corrected MUCH more often than now.

Good still overall though.

[Shanenator]

This is good fun. Eagerly awaiting more!

[Rhodesm96]

Yay, a new chapter!

[I Question That]

I love how you give the MC tons of good luck while she immediately thinks it's a trap/"there's no way I'm that lucky" instead of "hey, I have great luck! Must be just that." Because the second one is just when the author gives them shit for the sake of giving them shit. The first actually acknowledges that it's too lucky and might be a trap, while the second thinks nothing of it.
Since you wrote it the first way, I'm still wondering if it's a trap or not. Good job!

Tl;dr, first = good
Second = bad
You picked first.