The cyclops chronicles

by hudson37

Lost in another world

The Cyclops Chronicles

Tyrone awoke in a field of grass one bright warm morning. As he looked around he took in all of the peaceful images and sounds all around him. This was not his damp, cool, cozy cave he awoke to every morning. The birds in the skies chirped without a care in the world. He was too shocked to panic, but he instantly knew he wasn't in Cytopia anymore.

Tyrone was an average 15 year old cyclops standing at 5 feet tall with skin the color of dry sand on a beach. He had a large brown eye in the middle of his face. On top of his head was a one half foot tall horn. He was bald, and all he was wearing was long cargo shorts with two leather bands forming an X across his bare chest.

Tyrone stood up in the middle of the grassy plain. Off in the distance he saw an enormous city with strange tiny four legged creatures moving around. He knew what he needed to do to get answers about where he was and how he got there. He needed to get to that strange city.

Tyrone traveled great distances to get to the city. He had no food, no supplies to help him in his journey to the city. After four hours of endless walking he became very hungry. He found a small puddle of water in the middle of a vally. The water looked quite unclean, yet he was too desperate to care. Tyrone stuck his entire face into the water and gulped down the whole thing in less than a minute. After two more hours of continuous walking all he managed to find were a rock that was moderately sharp, some flint, and three sticks. But Tyrone was very resourceful, he used the moderately sharp rock to sharpen one of the sticks. The sharp stick was used impale small animals that would show up every now and then so he could eat them. And with the flint and two remaining sticks, he used them to create a fire to cook his meals.

After the second day his food became rotten so he was forced to throw it out. He walked a full day without any food even though he managed to find water on the ground. Tyrone was starving to death on the third day, when he reached an apple orchard on the outskirts of the city. He took a few apples, but he felt sad about taking them. He didn't like stealing even though he was dying of starvation.

After three long days of travel and barely scraping by. Seeing the city filled him with new life and energy. It was large and buzzing with life with little four legged creatures with long snouts and tails going about their daily lives. They whispered things like "What is that monstrous beast?"

Or something like "Don't stare or get too close it might hurt you."

These remarks hurt his feelings, but he couldn't blame them he was a completely different species than them. As Tyrone continued walking down the streets of the city he saw a creature that wasn't quite like the rest. He had seen those things have wings, a horn, or neither, but he hadn't seen one with both a horn and wings.

It had a long flowing rainbow colored mane with a long rainbow colored tail. It's fur was as white as the clouds and it wore a gold crown, a gold necklace, and gold horseshoes.The beutiful creature spoke in a lovely tone of voice to which nothing could compare. The marvelous creature asked "Hello what is your name friend? I am Princess Celestia and this is my home......Equestria."

Tyrone shyly replied "Hi. My name is Tyrone. If you don't mind my asking what are these creatures?"

"These are ponies," Celestia replied, "They are the main inhabiters of Equestria. The ones with wings are called pegasi, the ones with horns are called unicorns, the ones without either of those are earth ponies, and my sister Luna and I are called Alicorns because we have both wings and a horn."

"I am a cyclops," Tyrone spoke, "I come from a land called Cytopia. It is a beautiful place filled with rolling hills and enormous trees.

Celestia's expression quickly hardened, "I see. How did you get here?" she asked.

"I don't know how!" Tyrone replied as small tears began to appear at the bottom of his eye. "I woke up this morning and I was just here. I miss my home and I miss my parents and I miss Cytopia. I can't believe this happened to me please don't leave me. I need someone to help me!" Tears now running down his face in long streams.

"Follow me to my palace. And one more thing do you already know how to use magic with your horn? Even though you are a cyclops all horns are magical so I can train you in your magical skills." Celestia told him.

"Ok," he said wiping the tears from his face, "That sounds nice....thank you."

Celestia and Tyrone strode back to Celestia's palace, but when they arrived at the doors of the palace the guards were alarmed to see such a large beast standing before them and the princess. They armed their horn with a yellow aura of magic ready to defend Celestia and the palace, but Celestia quickly interveined "No need good soldiers he is a guest and my new friend."

The guards reluctantly opened up the doors to the palace and they both entered. Celestia gave Tyrone a tour of the palace. She showed him the dining room, bathrooms, yards, gym, private magic school room, the guest rooms, her room, Luna's room, and so many more it made his brain do cartwheels.

Tyrone had been feeling so sad the last few days not knowing where he was, and now he was so happy he had a true friend. For today he was just going to relax and learn his way around, but when the next day rolled around it was time to get to work.

Tyrone jumped as Celestia crept up behind him. She informed him "Tyrone you are going to be my only other pupil. You have a horn therefor you need to learn to use it to your full abilities. I am going to personally train you in magic, but while we are working I don't want you to just stick around here. I want you to explore Equestria and a good place to go is a little town called Pony Ville. It is filled with kind ponies I want you to go have adventures and make new friends along the way."

Exitedly Tyrone asked Princess Celestia when his first class was and she replied "Tomorrow you studies and magic training will begin. After I finish instructing you make sure you go to Pony Ville for the rest of the day to meet new ponies and practice your new magical skills."

Tyrone spent the rest of the day getting accustomed to the palace. He walked around the garden and talked to the guards. He looked at all of the odd pony antiques assorted around the castle.

It was time to sleep at last. Tyrone slowly dragged himself into bed for the last few days had been a lot to handle and he couldn't wait to get some sleep. He had a big day tomorrow and was ready to take on the day ahead of him.

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This is the first fan fic I have ever written and I would like to thank duskyshadow for helping me fix spelling and grammar errors in my story. I am sorry for the lack of excitement that will change soon. I really hope you like it and I will get the next chapter to you as soon as I can.

Comments

[ponyaddict]

First, the hardest problem that you're going to need to look at: there is very little conflict here. Most X in Equestria stories revolve around getting the help of Twilight Sparkle or the Princess(es) to return home, or overcoming adversity and fitting in to life in Equestria if those two are unable to return the main character.

In this story, the protagonist reaches the Princess directly with only one sentence of travel. It really leaves off a lot of meat where you could have had conflict and shown us what you're character was made of. Did he encounter anypony on the way? Did he have to trek through dangerous territory? Did he have to hunt, fish, or forage for food or did he just go hungry? These are all questions that you can answer for the readers to give them more to chew on.

When the protagonist meets with the Princess, we don't actually find out whether she can solve his problem or not. It seems to be implied by her making preparations for him having a lengthy stay, but he doesn't actually get an answer from her. This is a key point in your story, not to be neglected. You did take care to point out that he is both homesick and being made to feel unwelcome by the ponies, there is no character motivation given for why he decides to become her student without getting an answer to whether he can go back home or not.

Tl;dr you need to answer a big question:
What is the the protagonist's goal and what's stopping him? In other words, what is the conflict? It seems that your protagonist's goal is to go home, but you need to elaborate on what's stopping him or what difficulties he will face.

[hudson37]

347551thank you for the advice I will fix these problems in my next chapter I will also do as you say I should and go back and edit the first chapter to show more hardships in his travels again thank you so much this will greatly help my stories