Ratatosk: Savior of Fluffy Ponies!

by Hopefullygoodgrammar

1. Discovery of the Fluffy Ponies

I don’t own MLP and I don’t own the Fluffy Ponies, but I love both and cannot stand to watch either of them get ill-treated.

To the person who made the Fluffy Ponies: with deepest apologies.

Ratatosk: Savior of Fluffy Ponies!

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Hi there, my name is Ratatoskr Vanchez Ramirez Eduardo Valentino Rassilon Montgomery the only, but you can call me Ratatosk.

When last we talked I told you of how I almost fried a mean griffon (Or is it gryphon? Or maybe griffin? Awww who the fuck cares anyways!) into oblivion, since you’re on this site you know that I am a frequent watcher of the MLPverse and have watched many of the events depicted in the show in real time.

I even started my own Flutershy fan-club, but I’m the only member.

Sure I’m not the only messenger on Yggdrasill, but the other two are always more busy than I am and therefore have no time for my “Childishness” as they say.

Hey! I see you snickering through your screen! I WILL smack the human outta ya! I am NOT childish. Period!

Anyway…. where was I?

Oh yes, the crushing loneliness that seemed to drag me down in a neverending spiral of misery.

Wait, I wasn’t talking about the crushing loneliness that seemed to drag me down in a neverending spiral of misery? Oh…. well…. the more you know?

As I said last time: It gets lonely here. I had hoped that watching other beings-namely cute and cuddly ponies-going about their day to day lives would numb my heartache, but that wasn’t the case, if anything, I got more lonely.

Another thing that you should know about me is that I can’t have children, it is celestial and cosmic law that beings such as myself can never breed with mortals and there are no other beings like me in Yggdrasil who would ever go near me, so I can’t have children. Ever.

Every few eons that fact would rear its ugly head and I would get depressed, but I had never been as far down the spiral as I had been after the Gilda incident, I guess seeing that no world is safe from cruelty made me question why I even bothered with any world at all.

After that my life became the same old humdrum: go see a god/deity/Timelord/eldritch abomination, get a message, skitter up or climb down the branches of Yggdrasil, avoid Nidhogg, exchange some small talk Dvallin or Fenrir or some such other entity and then go back home to peruse the billion or so parallel worlds.

I thought that I’d be stuck like that forever, I should have known better, because nothing ever stays the same, especially not on Yggdrasil.

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I had gone back to the Equestrian multiverse after a few Zeks of looking at the Marvel universe, I had just finished looking at one of the ones where the Mane 6 are all boys when I noticed that a new world had just appeared.

I let the 63 ‘verse blur out of my sight and I focused on this new world, all I could see was a row of suburban houses with shingle roofs and driveways containing different cars, I wasn’t too impressed, I had seen universes where my favorite ponies were superheroes, genetic mutations, zombies, vampires, detectives, humans, astral beings and fair folk, I had seen Equestria portrayed as a modern metropolis, a ruined wasteland, a medieval fairy tale and a kingdom of gods and monsters; so I didn’t think very much of some suburban sprawl.

Then I saw the human who I assumed owned the house come out carrying a rather small object under his arm, a very brightly colored, rotund object that looked as if it were moving.

Needless to say my curiosity was piqued.

The man was wearing a stained bathrobe and mud-splattered work boots, he had five-o-clock shadow and messy dark hair done in that “wonderful” style known to hicks everywhere as a “mullet” .

“Damn fluffy piece o’ crap!” the man growled as he set the thing down, the light of the early morning sun revealed a smallish, bright blue creature with large, emerald green eyes, eyes that were darting around nervously, never focusing on one thing for more than a second, it had a rounded muzzle and small, tattered ears that swiveled around every which way. It may have been different looking, but I know a pony when I see one and the creature that I saw was most certainly a pony.

It was also so fluffy it could’ve passed as a living cotton ball.

I stared at the strange creature for what felt like an eternity, it was a rare event indeed for me to stumble across a creature that I had never seen before, I have been around ever since the beginning of time itself, but I never stop finding new places and beings.

The fluffy pony waddled over to the lawn, coming my way, as she (I don’t know how I knew her gender, but I knew.) came closer I could see that something was… off about her, I looked closer, letting my heightened vision do its thing, I stared at the creature’s fuzzy, diabetes-inducingly cute face for a few seconds before I found what was wrong: its eyes weren’t the eyes of some dumb animal, they were intelligent.

Then the fluffy pony looked at me.

Now, there were countless times when I got an up close and personal view of someone from another world, but they never actually saw me; it was totally impossible for a mortal creature to see a being like me.

At least, that’s what I had thought, but the little ball of fuzz was looking right at me and I could see her pupils contact, she cocked her head at me, laying her ragged ears flat against her skull. My heart was in my throat, Maybe she just sees a bug I reasoned internally, trying to come up with a plausible reason for what I was seeing maybe she’s just seen something shiny or-or maybe she… has gas? No, wait! Maybe she-

“Hewwo!” she said cheerfully, interrupting my train of thought, causing it to crash and kill millions of little thought people.

Needless to say I screamed like a little girl and leaped back a few yards.

The fluffy pony giggled at my antics and waved to me, “Hewwo Mistuh Sqwuwwel!” she said in a voice that positively radiated happiness and cheer, but not in a Pinkie Pie kind of way, if that makes any sense.

I swallowed hard, wondering if I should say “Hi.” back or if I should just close my portal and pretend that nothing had happened, I mean, it’s not like this kind of thing happens every day, no creature is supposed to see through the veil into Yggdrasil, not even Loony Tunes or, heaven forbid, Pinkie Pie could see through it.

So how the hell could this one see me?

I saw that the fluff ball was staring at me expectantly, I briefly considered what would happen if I answered her, I remembered hearing something about the whole universe coming to an end if an individual from a Prime World saw Yggdrasil.

But this is a parallel world I thought with a smile.

Before I continue my narrative I should tell you a little tidbit about our relations to parallel worlds: We can totally fuck them up, parallel worlds are nearly endless, when something happens in one, several more pop up, parallel worlds act as Yggdrasil’s branches and the branches of the World Tree are never pruned and they never, ever stop growing and spreading.

“Are you there Mistuh Sqwiwwel?” she asked, cocking her head like a puppy.

I nodded, “Uhm… Yes…. hello?”

The fluffy pony gave a squeal of delight and began hopping up and down, her antics were so cute that I couldn’t help but smile.

“How can you see me?” I asked once she was done with her prancing and bouncing.

“I dunno.” she said simply.

I faceclawed and then heaved a massive sigh, This is gonna be hard I thought exasperatedly, I knew that I had to find out how she could see me, but, considering how this conversation was starting off, I thought that I was going to be there for a while.

I was wrong.

“Hey, dumbass!” called the man in the dirty bathrobe, “Git yer fuzzy bee-hind back here right now!”

The little fluffball began to tremble violently as the cheerful curiosity in her eyes was replaced by fear, over the eons I had seen many different types of fear, each one was different and each one had its place. The kind of fear that I was seeing now was the kind of fear that people got when they were confronted by someone who caused them pain.

“Didja hear me. ya dumb, fuckin’ puffball? Ah said GIT!!” the man raised a foot and kicked the poor thing hard in the rump, the pony squealed in pain and toppled onto her side, her stubby limbs flailing wildly.

“Pwease, Daddeh! No huwt fwuffy, p-p-pwease?” she begged through teary eyes, it was then that I noticed the scars lining her legs, I squinted, letting my hyper-vision do their job, I looked and suddenly all of her wounds were uncovered, no longer hidden by her fur they wound their way across and around her emaciated body like roads on a map.

I could only watch in shocked silence as the man grabbed the still grovelling pony by the scruff of her neck, he hauled her up and carted her back inside, muttering profanities under his breath with every step.

The door shut and silence fell like a guillotine blade.

I sat there in total, stunned silence for several minutes, then I clenched my fists until my claws pierced my skin, anger welled up in me as I stared at the door to the house, I had seen so many atrocities in my long life that you’d think I’d be totally desensitized to even the worst of the worst, but you’d be wrong; one of the major drawbacks to actually having a soul is that I can never stop being angered and appalled.

I continued to stare, willing myself to calm down and take a deep breath.

But I couldn’t, I was too angry, Why do things like this have to happen?! She wasn’t doing anything, she was just talking! Why do people have to hurt cute things, innocent things?

I growled deep in my throat and turned to look at my massive living room, trying to distract myself from my feelings, but I couldn’t, I had reached my breaking point for the first time in nearly 1000 years, I turned away from my possessions and looked at the world, I need to see if this is common in this world. I thought as I began my survey.

A zek (Hour to you mortals) passed, then two. By the time that I was done it had been 12 ze-hours and I was fuming.

The entirety of the world was based around the abuse of the Fluffy Ponies: people cut their legs off, took their babies, burned them, dipped them in acid, impaled them with extreme prejudice, blinded them, I even saw a little girl kill a Fluffy Pony mother in front of her babes, there were whole game shows dedicated to how could make the poor things suffer the most.

It was vile.

And it called for the intervention of a cosmic entity.

And, since the others were busy, I guess I had to do the intervening.

I smiled as I began to concentrate the magic necessary to make the leap between veils.

When the rift was opened and I could see the street where the man lived I raised my head and shouted “Look out you puny little dirt ball, because I’m comin’ and I swear to every single deity in all of reality AND un-reality that there will be blood tonight!!”

Then I warped in.