New Record
“—and here we are with today’s champion, RED LINE! Son, we recorded you at an astonishing sixteen wing power! This breaks the old record of fifteen set by Fleet Foot during the Wonderbolt Derby more than two years ago!”
Spectrum shook his head in amusement as he watched his friend get assaulted by a swarm of photographers, reporters and an extremely enthusiastic announcer. The stallion smiled as he silently congratulated his friend; Well done Red, enjoy your time with the parasprites. He was moving away from the crowded area surrounding the winners' block when he spotted a cream coloured mare escaping from her own, albeit smaller interview session. Working his way through the teeming sea of news ponies to reach her side, Spectrum took note of the pride worn on his friend's face as she swept her sweat-matted chestnut mane from her face.
Meeting her eyes as he approached, Spectrum adopted a stately bearing which contrasted comically with his grime covered coat and dripping mane. “Well I must say, that is one garish piece of jewellery for a pony of your demure character,” Spectrum said, tapping the large bronze medallion hanging from Wild Fire’s neck. “I would never be caught dead wearing something like that out in public myself,” his warm smile betrayed his mocking tones.
Wild Fire playfully cuffed her friend on the shoulder and moved to walk alongside him as they made their way toward the arena exit. “You would say that, Spectrum. When was the last time you got to stand on the podium? Maybe if you made it to a training session or two you could start collecting your own medals,” she teased him.
The stallion raised his eyebrow sardonically as he responded, “Oh I would never be so bold as to think I could achieve the same level of success as you or our friend back there.”
“—honestly Madden, I wasn’t planning on setting any records until I take the prize at the Canterlot Derby. But after all these nice ponies sold out this arena to see their number one racer moving on up to the big leagues, how could I not give them one last parting gift?”
“YOU HEARD IT HERE FOLKS! The new Equestrian wing speed record was set right here in FILLYDELPHIA!”
Spectrum flipped his messy grey mane back toward the crowded podium as if to punctuate his point. Wild Fire looked back to see Red Line standing tall and proud above the masses, basking in the attention.
“Besides, I enjoy the nobility of competition itself infinitely more than I care for actually winning. Who needs the attentions of the fawning media and hero-starved public? Such a cumbersome life-style doesn’t suit my tastes,” Spectrum said, lifting his nose in the air haughtily.
The noise of the enraptured spectators died away as they passed through the arena doors into the large stonework lobby of the stadium. The hall was mercifully peaceful compared to the racing grounds. All of the concession booths sat empty of clerks and customers. The place was practically deserted, complete with tiny tumbleweeds of litter scattered on the sticky floor. Patrons and employees alike had rushed out to catch a glimpse of the record breaking pegasus.
Wild Fire eyed her friend curiously as they made their way to the changing rooms. Spectrum had always been rather odd. He had already been in the circuit for a year or two when she was added to the roster. When she had arrived for her first race, he had practically knocked Red over in a rush to introduce himself. He wasted no time taking up Wild Fire’s hoof and asking her out to a romantic dinner. Wild Fire smiled as she remembered how she had convinced him to give up his attempts at courtship. He was bruised so badly he almost had to drop out of the event. Red had laughed his flank off at the exchange and immediately invited her to join their training sessions.
Two years later, their easy friendship had turned into an almost familial bond. In all that time, she had yet to see Spectrum receive a derby medal. What really seemed strange to her was that she had never once seen him disappointed in his performance. He regularly skipped training sessions, usually in favour of a party or to chase some unrequited love interest. Sometimes he’s just too busy spending time with his favourite bar stool, Wild Fire shook her head fondly. Every derby was the same. Spectrum would show up to the event with just enough time to reach the starting block. After the race he would leave quietly, smiling with satisfaction regardless of his performance. His athletic routine notwithstanding, there were other things about the stallion which she found unconventional. He was obviously a product of Canterlot high society, judging by his speech and mannerisms, but he was notoriously tight-lipped about his time before joining the circuit. The fact that the refined lavender stallion seemed to relish in his time spent with his uncouth friends and in seedy pubs served only to deepen his mystery. Even Red Line didn’t know anything about his past, although Wild Fire doubted he had ever asked. Red wasn’t the sort to pry.
Curiosity overruling experience, Wild Fire decided to test the subject for the millionth time, “I don’t get you Spectrum. You’re the only pony I know on the circuit that doesn’t even care about winning.”
“It’s no matter really. With ponies like Red, Sandstorm and the indomitable Wild Fire herself in the roster, the likelihood of my receiving any titles is meagre at best. I'm content enough knowing that I contribute to the enjoyment of the fans in however small a way.” An amused grin spread on the lavender stallion’s face. “More to the point my dear, last I checked placing fourth carries the same monetary compensation as placing fourteenth, so I find little reason to spend any more time than necessary on the training grounds.”
Roughly clipping Spectrum’s shoulder with her hoof again, Wild Fire’s eyes narrowed teasingly. “I’ll remember that next time you hit me or Red up for bits at the pub.”
The stallion dramatically yowled at the strike, “Youch! What a base accusation! However, now that the subject has been broached...” Spectrum trailed off, throwing a pleading look toward the mare at his side.
Wild Fire rolled her eyes, “Yeah yeah, drinks on me tonight. Jeez, if only the Canterlot elite could see you now.”
“Humph, indeed. I’m afraid I never quite fit in with my family’s social circle. For one, there’s hardly the same level of excitement at something like a debutant ball as there is participating in death defying high speed competition with fine athletes such as yourself. Besides, truth be told, I have found the company of Red Line and yourself infinitely preferable compared to those of the more elitist echelons of society.” Spectrum made a show of rubbing his shoulder and wincing, “I usually consider leaving to be one of my best decisions.” Spectrum began miming a limp and pointedly glanced over at his companion. A short silence was ended as the two friends broke into an easy laughter.
Their laughter was interrupted when heavy stadium doors behind them banged open. Sounds of the fanfare echoed in the deserted lobby, drowning out conversation.
“— love to stick around and chat with you, Madden, but I have an after-party to get to.”
“Anytime son, let’s hear it one more time for the Derby Champion, RED LINE! ...There’s an after party?”
When the ponies could hear themselves think once again, Wild Fire looked over to her friend. “Well I guess any hope of your modesty rubbing off on Red just went out the window. Now that he smashed Fleet Foot’s wing speed record there is going to be no living with that pony,” she said with a sigh.
Spectrum smiled in agreement and opened his mouth to comment, but the familiar voice of the pegasus that had just entered the room beat him to the punch.
“Hah. You say that as if anyone could stand that pony before,” Sandstorm said as she approached the pair. She stood proudly, chest thrust out to display a gleaming silver medal. “Honestly, I don’t know how you two put up with that show-boat.”
Eyes lighting up, Spectrum immediately took a step forward, moving to take Sandstorm’s hoof in his own and throwing up his most charming smile. “Greetings Miss Sandstorm! As always, it is my deepest pleasure,” he said, planting a kiss on the mare’s hoof and raising an eyebrow in her direction.
“...Traitorous snob” Wild Fire muttered under her breath as an unimpressed Sandstorm attempted to free her hoof from her admirer's grasp.
Having, through some effort, recovered her hoof from the grinning lavender stallion, Sandstorm turned to face the other mare. “Come on Wild Fire. You can’t tell me Red Line isn’t starting to get under your skin with his attitude. Just listen to the way he’s going on out there,” she jerked her head towards the arena doors where the faint sounds of fanfare were still seeping though. Gritting her teeth, she continued, “well he’s not all that. I know I’ve gotten close to beating him before. Dung, you almost beat him a few times yourself. But if you listen to the way he’s been talking it’s like he was flying alone out there. It gives the rest of us a bad name.”
Hmm that’s new. Usually it’s just a few quick insults and she takes off. That almost sounded like a compliment, Wild Fire thought in surprise. She lost her angry glare and cast an appraising eye on the tan mare. Despite her prideful stance, her expression was uncharacteristically troubled. Something must really be getting to her today. Alright, let’s see where this goes.
“Look Sandstorm, I know Red’s personality can be ... a lot to handle, but he’s honestly a decent pony if you get to know him. And despite my friendship with Prince Charming over here, I’m usually a pretty good judge of character,” she spoke cautiously.
“I have to agree with Wild Fire my dear,” Spectrum piped up. He responded to Wild Fire’s insult by flicking his tail up directly into her face as he stepped closer to Sandstorm. He sniggered as it found its mark, feeling Wild Fire angrily attempting to bat the tail away as he continued to pester her with it. “Red Line is a friend of the highest calibre once you get past his boisterous exterior. Why, he was instrumental to my entering the circuit when I arrived here from Canter—”
Spectrum’s sentence ended with an uncharacteristic yelp as Wild Fire clamped onto his flicking tail with her teeth and yanked him backwards, sending him sprawling to the tile floor.
“What my friend is trying to say,” Wild Fire sneered down at the lavender stallion, “is that while Red may think he’s the greatest thing since Celestia created the sun, he’s always willing to help other ponies train and improve their skills. That’s how we all became friends.”
The only change in Sandstorm's expression was an eyebrow arched in disbelief. “Yeah, I’m sure he’s just rushing through that interview so he can get back here and help you guys break his brand new record,” she shot back sarcastically.
So that’s what this is about; Wild Fire managed to hold back a biting remark as she responded. “Listen Sandstorm, after today it does look like Red is the fastest pony around, whether we like it or not. You can’t let it get to you. All the rest of us can do is keep working to be the best we possibly can.”
A withering look from Sandstorm was her only response. Sighing, Wild Fire tried a different tact. “Hey, why don’t you come to our next training session? The best way to train is to train with the best, right? We could learn a lot from each other, and I’m sure that if you just spend some time with us, Red would soften up. It’s not like we don’t have any common ground here,” Wild Fire motioned toward the shining silver medal.
“A splendid idea,” Spectrum called up from the floor. “And afterwards we could have a celebratory dinner in honour of you three qualifying in today’s race! Sandstorm and I will understand completely if you and Red are unable to attend, Wild Fire...”
The mares ignored the prone stallion as they regarded each other. Wild Fire did have a point. Her expression softening over a short silence, Sandstorm spoke hesitantly, “...well... I don’t know. Maybe we—”
The Stadium doors slammed open again, halting all conversation as the three ponies whipped their heads around to see Red Line saunter into the lobby. Surprise touched his otherwise cocky grin as he saw Sandstorm conversing with his friends. “Well well, if it isn’t my fan club! Hey Stormie, you looken to join up?” Red Line quipped playfully, throwing his boyish smirk her way.
The tiny smile that had been forming on Sandstorm’s face melted away, replaced by a vicious snarl. “You know what? I don’t bucking need this!” Sandstorm snapped as she whipped around and stormed out of the lobby.
“Sandstorm, wait! He’s just ... joking,” Wild Fire tried to call after the insulted mare, but the exit doors slammed shut on her words.
“Woah, who dropped a dung in her cornflakes this morning?” Red Line asked, face a mask of innocence.
Holding her hoof up to her face, Wild Fire shook her head in frustration and anger. “You know Red; you really are a foal sometimes! Last time I try and help you,” she shouted as she turned and stalked toward the mare’s changing room.
Confused, Red Line looked down at the stallion lounging on the trash-strewn floor of the lobby.
“I must say your way with mares never ceases to amaze, my friend.” Spectrum called up, smiling as he folded his hooves behind his head, making himself more comfortable.
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i have had problems with my fic too, don't worry the more you write the better you'll get. If you need help, just asked or take a sample from my my fic.
PS good so far, but could be just a bit better
3776455
Hey Breezie,
I want to say thank you very much for your advice and encouragement! Between the story comments and my PM inbox, I've received some very good technical and creative advice which I'm planning on using to edit the current chapters as well as keep in mind for the rest of the story. I'm working on my third chapter of my first fic and I already feel like I've grown by leaps and bounds due to great comments like yours!
Now, as for your offer to create a cover picture for this story. Let me start by saying that you sir have gravely offended me.
I took a look at your deviant page. To downplay your skills as an artist is a crime. My personal favorites are your more abstract works [The Fillydelphia Crater] and [My OC w/bg]. Also the [Innocent-Looking Manga Girl] is just plain cute.
In short, I would be honored if you wanted to devote some time toward making a cover for this story. If you do, I would be glad to give you a big shout out in my description as well as a link to your deviant art page.
PM me if you are interested and we can discuss further!
Thanks for your time reading and commenting!
I think you were going for
.
is a group of rooms people rent in a hotel
Gold.
I'm content enough knowing that I contribute to the enjoyment of the fans in however small a way.”
Not sure about this
------------------------------
“...Traitorous snob” Wild Fire muttered under her breath as an unimpressed Sandstorm attempted to free her hoof from her admirers grasp.
admirer's
----------------------------------
The Stadium doors slammed open again, halting all conversation as the three ponies whipped their heads around to see Red Line saunter in the lobby.
is it saunter in or saunter into?
------------------------------------
“Well well, if it isn’t my fan club! Hey Stormie, you looken to join up?”
looken?
-------------------------------------
“Woah, who plot in her cornflakes this morning?”
I do not understand this line
----------------------------------------------
Good stuff so far.
Spectrum's character really reminds me of Brock from Pokemon, I'm not gonna lie.
Chapter Two, ready go!
Same as last chapter, a new sentence in the thoughts needs a capital.
Plural possessive, needs an apostrophe after the ‘s’
Singular possessive, missing an apostrophe before the ‘s’.
I think you may have the wrong word here. Perhaps you meant “betrayed”? Or am I confluffled?
Unneeded capital.
Same as above, a new sentence in the speech needs a capital.
Unneeded apostrophe as it is plural and not possessive here.
Singular possessive, missing an apostrophe before the ‘s’. You have gotten a lot better about these in your newer stories.
Two more comments before I call it a night. First off, plot is another word for but, basically. Some of the times you use it seem out of place. If you’re looking for a word in place of the s-word, may I suggest dung? Other than that, I love Spectrum! He’s really funny! I may do chapter 3 in the morning, depending on how I'm feeling. See you later!