To Have, and To Hold

by Ponyess

Prologue: 1

We had decided to send three very important messages. I sent the first to Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire, since I had intended to have the ceremony at her place. During the third Fair of the Empire, which would be at the very center of her most important time. When the chrystal heart was to be 'refilled', but what better way to lift the spirits, then to hold a marriage? What better place, to have my first foal, then at the fair, on the very special day, with the most loving of ponies by my side?

By the calculations of Twilight, we need a Unicorn per Mare which means two. Second, for asking to have twins, then you would need another. This means we need five for safety reasons. We chose, however, to have two extra to make certain there was no stress on any partaking Unicorn. Even if five are know to be Alicorns and are strong, we still wanted to be safe. It is at least my understanding. We had chosen the Fair, with Cadence, for the sake of the purity of love. Now I need both Celestia, and Luna, since I know them to be both true and able Alicorns.

The third message went to Trixie. I may know part of her act is just that, a 'Stage Act', but she could still do some good, and if she accepted my offer, she would gain from it, greatly. In the presence of Cadence, the pure love should shield her from whatever corrupting influences, or it is what I was hoping. She would be invited to the wedding as well, just to show good will. I had no hard feelings towards her. Maybe it is my element, or it could be Zecora, who influenced me yet further? I guess she would be nice to keep by my side, at the wedding?

“If you would agree, I would love to hold the Wedding at your fair. In hope it would lift the spirits, as well as the joy of visiting you. If you would attend, and help me with another matter. I would need your help, for the pregnancy, you see, I would love to have twins, with Rainbow Dash, who would wish for the same. If you and Shining Armour was there, it should give the best chances, for the foals to come. I am going to ask Celestia and Luna to help out, together with Twilight, and another friend, but two of your best guards should complete the result!” the message to Cadence red.

“I'm planning to hold the wedding with me, and Rainbow Dash, at the Fair of Crystal Empire, and would love for the two of you to be there, Celestia and Luna. I would also wish for the two of you to help with the coming foals, for me and Rainbow, if it isn't too much to ask.. I am asking both Cadence, and my friends to be there for us!” the second message, to Celestia and Luna red.

“Trixie, if you are interested, I would love to see you at the third Fair of the Crystal Empire, it would be a great honour for you to perform at the fair, for one. But I would also love for you to be at my wedding, and to help me with another matter. If it all goes according to plan, I know you would gain more, then you may expect. Ofcause, it isn't just to be seen with Royalties by your side, which I doubt you put to much import to? It isn't so much of the challenge, as the time to show yourself, on a stage, greater, and more important, then you are likely to see the likes of, in your lifetime?” my message to Trixie red.

I never told any of them, I was to bring certain reinforcements, or that Trixie may have a chance, to play the role of an Alicorn, if just for the short duration of this play?

I had asked Twilight, and she had apparently agreed to lend Trixie a pair of wings, for the tree days the spell would give, not the wings made out of due, but real wings, this time.

Wings doesn't make a Unicorn into an Alicorn, as I had come to realise. Trixie would merely be passing for the Alicorn, while she would in fact just be a winged Unicorn. It would still give her a boost in confidence. Maybe it would pull her out of the slump? If so, she could become the great and powerful Trixie, she liked to fancy herself?

In the presence of Cadence, what influences would take the most, and long lasting hold? Could even the Amulet pull her down, with such pure love, so close at hand? Not in the Crystal Empire? It may all be a great gamble? Either way, I had taken the risk.

Messages had been sent, and received. Now, all I wait for, is the day to come to pass, and the replies. With the positive not, that is.

Comments

[thesinnamonroll]

My main problems with this story are that; first off, it is in the first person and, secondly, the grammar and spelling in this is atrocious.

dicteated

Decided- "come to a resolution in the mind as a result of consideration"
Dictated- "to order; to say aloud."

Empuire

Empire

centre

Center

I had dicteated, and sent three very important message, the first to Princess Cadence, of the Chrystal Empuire, since I had intended to have the ceremony at her place, at the very centre of her most important time, the third Fair of the Empire.

This is a complete and total run-on.
I had decided to send three very important messages. I sent the first to Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire, since I had intended to have the ceremony at her place. During the third Fair of the Empire, which would be at the very center of her most important time.

By the calculations of Twilight herself, we need an Unicorn per Mare, which means two, and a second, for the fact of asking for twins, then you'd need another, since we're asking for two twins, leaving us with five, for safety, we chose to have two extra, just to make certain, there was no undue stress on any partaking Unicorn, even if five are known to be alicorns, and thus stronger.

Another run-on. It left me rather confused.
By the calculations of Twilight, we need a Unicorn per Mare, which means two. Second, for asking to have twins, then you would need another. This means we need five for safety reasons. We chose, however, to have two extra to make certain there was no stress on any partaking Unicorn . Even if five are know to be Alicorns and are strong, we still wanted to be safe.

Alicorns is a race and should always be capitalized.

The third message went to Trixie. I may know part of her act is just that, a 'Stage Act', but she could sill do some good, and if she accepted my offer, she would gain from it, greatly. In the precence of Cadence, the pure love should shield her from what ever corrupting influences, or it is what I was hopiing.

Presence not precence.
Another run-on.
Hoping not hopiing.

There are more run-on's in the text. I would suggest getting an editor. It would be very beneficial to you.

reseaved

Received - "to aquire; to get"

possitive

Positive - "to be certain; to be merry."

With the possitive not, that is.

What does this sentence even mean? I'm very confused with this sentence.

Okay. That is enough of a review/helpful comment. I'm sorry that it is a long text wall, but I am trying to assist you in the only way I know how. It is a shame that you have this many downvotes without any comments as to why someone didn't like your story or why they did; I, however, have decided that I would give my insight into why I must downvote. I'm sorry to do that because it has a lot of potential, but I just could not even get past the first chapter. It is a sad truth, but it is the truth.

Good luck in your writing ventures and hope that someone will come along and help edit the rest for you.

[Ponyess]

3880198 I would like to know why 'First Person' is a problem. if it isn't too much to ask.
Then I thank you for taking the time to point out these mistakes and typos, hoping this will make for more enjoyable reading experience for future readers.

I have some problems with the 'Capitalisation', since it isn't used where I live.

My search for 'Editors' is not going as well as I had hoped, I only have one for another story.

Thanks again.