How the Sunset Sparkles
by Scipio Smith
Chapter 1
Life After High School
Sunset Shimmer woke up, her eyes fluttering open to fix on the dark ceiling of her new home. Fumbling, she reached for the glass of water on the nightstand─
And knocked it over onto the floor with a crash.
"Every. Single. Time," Sunset groaned. "I gotta get used to not having fingers anymore."
Sunset Shimmer rolled out of bed and stood up. Then she lost her balance, fell over balance and nearly hit her head on the same nightstand from which she had just dislodged the water. Not having a bipedal body any more was something else she had been failing to get used to.
Not for the first time in the past week, Sunset wondered if she might not have been better off staying in Equestria-616, keeping the body she'd gotten used to over the past three years. But, considering the various possible futures in store for her there she had decided it would best to follow Twilight Sparkle home and throw herself upon the mercy of Princess Celestia.
As Sunset had expected, Celestia had indeed been merciful. Much more merciful than a judge, a school board or a government scientist would have been in the other world, she was sure. Sunset Shimmer was not to be banished to the Griffon Kingdom, thrown into a deep, dark hole, or indeed suffer any real consequences for her actions whatsoever. Of course it helped that she hadn't actually done anything wrong in Equestria, but even so she'd been surprised in spite of herself by the extent of her old teacher's clemency.
The only stricture under which she laboured now was a mild one: she couldn't leave Ponyville and had to report to Princess Twilight Sparkle every day on what she had done and was doing. She also had to suffer visits whenever Twilight felt like it so that she could check that Sunset wasn't secretly plotting to seize power.
They needn't have worried. Sunset Shimmer had played the game, cheating like crazy at every turn, and she had lost. If she couldn't complete her plans for power when she had every advantage of surprise and preparation on her side, how in Equestria was she supposed to achieve anything when everypony knew what she was like and what she was up to? No, Twilight Sparkle had beaten her fair and square, quite an achievement when you considered how unfairly the deck had been stacked against her, and Sunset had to respect that, and concede with as much grace as you could muster in front of somepony who'd seen you blubbing in a heap on the ground.
So glad that nopony else saw that, although she's probably told all of her friends by now.
Sunset summoned her magic - getting used to having magic again had been easier than getting used to not having thumbs - and lit the candles.
If we didn't have magic, would we have invented all the things that the bipeds have? Has magic stagnated ponies as a people?
It was something to think about, and Celestia knew she didn't have much else to do right now but think.
Sunset Shimmer looked around her room: the beige walls she hadn't decorated yet, the bedclothes that were white because that was what she'd been given and she hadn't gotten around to buying any more, the functional furniture. It was nice enough, and far, far preferable to a prison cell, but at the same time she couldn't help but miss her old digs, the stuff she had accumulated in three years in then bipedal world: her high school crowns, her record collection, her wardrobe. The return to continual nakedness had given her quite the case of culture shock on her initial return. She hadn't known where to look.
Not as much culture shock as when she'd walked out of the mirror and stepped out into the middle of the road stark naked and nearly caused a traffic accident mind, but still.
Sunset Shimmer's gaze fell on her ipod, the only thing apart from the clothes she'd been wearing at the time that she'd managed to bring to Equestria with her. The battery had nearly run out, and she wasn't able to charge it with anything in Equestria. Soon it would be dead.
Pity. Listening to it was the only to way spend an evening I had.
She padded into the kitchen and made breakfast, a kids' cereal called Chocochunks.
I know I'm probably too old for this, but give me a break, grown-up cereals are boring.
Which would make them very appropriate to my life at the moment.
She finished getting ready, which took less time than it did when she had to put on clothes, and stepped out into a new day in Ponyville, the happiest town in Equestria.
Smile, smile, everywhere I look everypony has a stupid grin plastered on their face. What do they all have to be so happy about? You're laughing at yourselves!
A couple of ponies gave Sunset Shimmer funny looks as she walked down the street with a resolute scowl defacing her features, but for the most part the good folk of Ponyville were too wrapped up in their own affairs to pay her much mind. Her arrival in Ponyville in mysterious circumstances had not gone unremarked upon, and everypony kept their distance, but nopony knew exactly what she was or why she was here. Certainly neither Twilight nor Celestia had been putting it about that she was a former supervillain or anything like that. She had been the source of gossip for a few days, but by now most ponies had moved on.
Almost a pity that, it would have been quite cool being the mysterious outsider for a bit, the way I was at high school. Who is she? Where does she come from? Some of the ponyfeather theories they came up with were hilarious. I think my favourite was the one where I was in witness protection preparing to testify against my mobster father.
Although for sheer out there weirdness, Sunset conceded, you couldn't beat the guy who thought she was an esper sent to observe Pinkie Pie (who was god in this kid's head) and stop her from getting bored and destroying the world. That was just taking the cake ridiculousness.
"What ya doin'?"
Speak of the pink pony. Sunset Shimmer sighed, "I'm going to see Twilight, like I do every day."
"Then why are you frowning?" Pinkie Pie asked, doing an exaggerated expression of Sunset's scowl as she sat down in the middle of the road in front of her. "Going to see Twilight always puts me in a good mood. Unless I'm really upset like the time Rainbow Dash didn't write back from Wonderbolt Academy even though she promised she'd write every day the irresponsible irresponsibility pants and─"
"I'm scowling because, unlike you, I don't like being looked down upon by a self-righteous milksop," Sunset said forcefully.
Pinkie Pie giggled. "Silly Sunset, Twilight's not a milksop. Twilight's awesome."
"Really," Sunset murmured, rolling her blue eyes.
"Well, duh!" Pinkie looked at her as though she was an idiot. "What about the time she totally activated the Elements of Harmony even though five of the elements were in an other world and you had the Element of Magic? Wasn't that awesome? And then how about right after that she totally blasted you in the face with the magic of harmony, that was pretty awesome too─"
"Not to be me it wasn't and how do you know about that?" Sunset Shimmer demanded. "She said she wasn't going to tell anypony!"
"I dreamed about it."
Sunset blinked, "You... you dreamed it."
"Yup. I've been dreaming about that place for years and years now. Every night when I close my eyes I start walking on two feet again. My parents took me to see a shrink once cause they thought it wasn't healthy to have the same dream so often, but sometimes I wonder if I am dreaming. Like, maybe the real me is the one in my dreams and I'm what happens when she falls asleep and dreams that she's a pony. That would explain why you where there way before you were here, because I knew you in the real world for years before you finally turned up in my dreams!"
"I am not, nor have I ever been one of your dreams," Sunset Shimmer said firmly. "I am real. I was always real and I always will be."
"Really? Huh. Lucky for you nopony ever ran into the other Sunset Shimmer on the other side then wasn't it."
"There was no me on the other side," Sunset said confidently.
"But everypony─"
"There is no pony like me; there's just me," Sunset Shimmer said in the coolest tone of voice at her command. "Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go and see Twilight now. So this has been fun. Let's do it again. A long time in the future."
Sunset edged around Pinkie Pie and started to walk away. She stopped, paused for thought, then yelled, "And I'd better not catch you in my home when I get back."
"Aww, but I haven't thrown you a housewarming party yet."
"That's because I don't want one!" Sunset shouted, and began to run away before Pinkie Pie could argue the point further.
I swear she's even worse on this side of the mirror. Arguably what was weirdest was that she, unlike every other pony in Ponyville, knew exactly what Sunset Shimmer had done. She suspected Twilight had given her friends the revision notes version, but Pinkie Pie had seen it? Then why wasn't she scared? She'd seen Sunset turn into a raging demon of the inferno, why was she so blase about that? Did the Elements render me that toothless. Or is it cause she saw me crying? It's cause she saw me crying isn't it?
Sunset carried on through the rest of Ponyville without incident ─ except for the fact that she kept wanting to blush at all the ponies seeing her naked ─ until she arrived at the library where Twilight Sparkle ruled. Or lived rather, since Twilight Sparkle took pains to deny at every turn that she ruled anything.
Being a princess hasn't changed me at all. I don't do anything different than I used to. I'm still the same as I always was. Well then what are you doing with a crown you ungrateful little wretch? Give it up to somepony who'll use it! Somepony like me!
Just because she'd accepted that she was never going to beat Twilight in an unfair fight didn't mean Sunset Shimmer had to give up on her dreams completely.
She rapped on the library door with one hoof. The oak door was opened by Spike, whose eyes narrowed suspiciously when he saw her.
"Oh, it's you," Spike said sullenly.
"Top of the morning to you too, Spike," Sunset replied with faux-cheer. "It's that time again."
"Oh, joy."
"Come on, Spike, you can't be mad at me can you?"
"You kidnapped me!" Spike said.
"Technically it was Snips and Snails who kidnapped you, I shouldn't be held responsible for all the actions of my incompetent minions now, should I?"
"Yes."
"Oh for crying out loud, stop being a drama queen and get over it already!" Sunset shouted. "I got shot in the face by a rainbow and you don't see me making a fuss!"
Spike looked at her sceptically.
"Okay, I've mentioned it a few times in passing," Sunset conceded. "The point is, I have got it much worse than you or Princess Twilight in there and yet I am trying to make this work, so ─ hard as it is for a shrimp like you ─ you need to be the bigger pony and let it all go. Let bygones be bygones, move on with your life, get closure and all those cliches. Can't we be buddies, Spike?" Sunset gave him the most insincere grin in her arsenal of smiles.
"You don't really expect that to work do you?"
"Not at all and I don't really want it to," Sunset confessed. "Bugging you is about the only entertainment I have in this world."
Spike grunted, and moved out of the doorway to let her in. "Just so you know, I've got my eye on you."
"Ooh, I'm so scared of you Spike, you pint-sized baby lizard you," Sunset chuckled. "Relax, I'm not planning anything more devious than how to annoy you each day." She walked into the library, sat down on the floor with her head resting on the table, and sighed. "My life has become a small and petty thing." For now, at least. It will not stay that way. My plans failed, but there are other avenues in which a pony blessed with brains, ambition, charm and prodigious talent can achieve greatness. I just can't think of any right now.
"Where's Her Highness?" Sunset asked.
"I'm right here," the Princess Twilight Sparkle appeared at the top of the stairs. She walked down rather than flying, possibly so as not to appear ostentatious, though she wasn't doing anything to disguise those wings on her flank. "And I've asked you not to call me Highness, especially since you don't seem capable of saying it without sarcasm. Twilight Sparkle will be fine, or Princess Twilight if you must."
Why spend so much time trying to pretend that you're not different! It obviously isn't true and it's as ostentatious as it would be if you walked around in your crown all day.
Sunset said, "Okay, Twilight."
"Twilight Sparkle," the reproof was mildly given, but a reproof nonetheless. Twilight's tone reminded Sunset of Princess Celestia, the way that she would correct you without drawing attention to the fact that you had made a mistake.
"So I can call you Twilight Sparkle, but just Twilight is a step too far?" Sunset asked.
"Twilight is what my friends call me," Twilight Sparkle replied, with a courtesy so chilly Sunset thought it might single-hoofedly revive the windigoes.
Sunset Shimmer blinked, and said nothing. There wasn't anything to be said to that, was there? If ever there was a door slam that was it. She coughed to cover her embarassment. It wasn't that she wanted to be Twilight Sparkle's friend, nothing of the sort, but to have it stated so baldly that she was not counted among that number was rather disconcerting.
She masked her concern with mockery, "You mean that we're not friends? Twilight Sparkle, you hurt me. What happened to this being the land of forgiveness?"
"Forgiveness is quite another thing from trust," Twilight Sparkle replied. "Trust has to be earned, and after the things you've done you have a lot of work to do to earn it."
"Aw, come on, Twilight Sparkle, it was nothing personal."
"You threw a fireball at me," Twilight reminded her.
"Yeah, impersonally," Sunset Shimmer said. "I didn't do it because I didn't like you. I mean, sure, you got the crown and the wings and everything I ever wanted, but I don't resent you in particular. I would have treated anypony who came through that mirror trying to impede my goals just the same. It was just business. In my position you'd have done the same thing."
"No. No I wouldn't."
Sunset rolled her eyes. "Oh, right, I forgot I was talking to Princess Goody-Four-Hooves for a moment."
Twilight Sparkle frowned. "Perhaps we should get to business. How are you today?"
"I'm bored is what I am," Sunset said forcefully. "I've got nothing to do all day except come here and bother you and Spike. I don't have anything to occupy myself, occupy my mind. I am bored."
"You could always get a job?" Twilight suggested with a touch of archness in her tone.
Sunset said, "Yeah, that hadn't crossed my mind. Got any idea what I should I do?"
Twilight shrugged ever so slightly. "What are you good at? You must have some talents, or at least an enthusiasm for something."
"You sound like a High School guidance councillor," Sunset Shimmer said. "You know, in the other world they say there are some folks whose lives are over after high school. Either they were never as popular as when they were as the quarterback, or as the cheerleading captain. I guess that's me."
"Maybe you should have thought about that before," Spike interjected from behind her.
Sunset turned around to say, "I was planning to take over the world after high school. Somepony and her little dragon-dog ruined that plan."
"My condolences," Twilight Sparkle murmured dryly.
Sunset Shimmer shook her head. "The point is, why can't I move back to Canterlot? At least there I'd find something to do, and the real princesses could keep an eye on me."
"The real princesses?" Twilight asked, one eyebrow raised.
"You know what I meant," Sunset said. "Honestly, some ponies are so sensitive."
"Yes, that's the problem," Twilight said in a voice laced with sarcasm. "If you are bored, then you can always tidy up the library while you think."
"What?" both Sunset and Spike demanded at the same time, in the same tone of incredulity.
"That's my job," Spike said.
"Am I your assistant now?"
"You said you were bored, and I've just given you something to do," Twilight said. "Spike, I need your help with some research for the princess."
"I could help you with that instead," Sunset suggested.
Twilight Sparkle looked her in the eye. "I don't think so."
Sunset Shimmer sighed. "Okay, okay, where do you keep the feather duster?"
As she cleaned up the place, which truthfully didn't require a lot of work since it was quite well maintained as it was, Sunset noticed two things. The first was how cute Twilight Sparkle looked in the pictures of her that dotted the library here and there.
"You know you're much cuter as a pony than you were as a biped, Princess Twilight," Sunset called to them.
"Um, thanks," Twilight said uncertainly. "Shame I can't say the same about you."
"Hey, whether as a pony or a human I look smoking hot," Sunset replied.
The second thing she noticed was how long it was taking Twilight Sparkle to find anything. She kept having to send Spike scouring the bookshelves for books, accumulating a steady stack of them as she referenced and cross referenced.
It got Sunset thinking.
Back in that other world, she could have just looked all this stuff up on the internet, and been able to keep her notes on the cloud and accessed them from wherever she was.
Except we haven't got anything like that.
But why can't we?
A light shone through the library window and onto Sunset Shimmer.
That's it. That's what I'll do. I'll bring technology to Equestria! I'll invent the internet, spread IT across the country, become the most famous inventor in the whole of pony history! I'll be famous. More famous than Twilight Sparkle!
Look out Equestria! Sunset Shimmer, Captain of Industry is on the move.
I am going to put this on my priority read latter list. I am intrigued.
Mr. Flare
Of course, that'll come right after you invent the computer...
And telecommunications...
And programing
And network infrastructure...
And servers...
And train other ponies how to run this stuff, unless you want to try doing that all by yourself...
Methinks Sunset bit off a bit more than she can chew...
Although, given how much free time she has, maybe that's a good thing.
Uhm.... he's aware of who Twilight is exactly? and who her friends are? That said friends include the spirit of Chaos himself? That she is good friends with princess Luna who once was Nightmare Moon? That Princess Celestia sees her as a pseudo daughter? That her sister-in-law wields magic powerful enough to to KILL King Sombra and that her brother, who's more protective over her than Fluttershy is over her critters, has comand over TWO huge armies?
Yep. Totally a good plan to go after Twilight just to gain political influence^^
3681000 Did we read the same story?
3681049 I didnt read the story yet^^; made that comment after reading the describtion^^;
Well look what we have here. I approve of this pairing, it pleases me greatly.
And if you want a pre reader, just shoot me a PM.
3683645 Well look at what we have here, yet another writer currently working on a Twilight x Sunset piece! Both of you are doing quite well, I must add!
3683645
I should hope so, since you gave me the idea.
3683645
DAMMIT, I WANTED TO MAKE AN >INB4 ALBINOCORN POST!
T+T
That will be a lot to take in there, Sunset. Though it sounds like she is about to become the Steve Jobs of fucking Equestria
Interesting premise but Sunset has forgotten something very, very important: The technology of the pseudo-Earth is the end result of decades and even centuries of development. In some cases, many cases in fact, even the crudest versions of these tools and sciences do not yet exist on Equestria. Sunset will have to do things like re-invent digital computing from literally raw materials (silicon-gallium semi-conductors) and upward from there; that's a process that took about half a century on Earth.
I'm sure that Magic will enable her to find some short-cuts but a lot of the basic work will be necessary, especially as I bet she doesn't have an encyclopaedic knowledge of electronic engineering, materials science and electromagnetic theory. I do hope that she has a half-century and some contacts in the mining and materials fabrication industries; she's going to need them.
Fav'd to see where this is going.
How can she bring the internet when they don't appear to even have phones or the telegraph?
Well, this seems to be off to a good start!
3690132
Sunset hasn't exactly thought this through in perfect detail (or even any details), but you can't fault a girl for dreaming big.
Not bad, not bad at all. Could use some proof reading, however.
Missing a phrase there, are we?
And another one!
There should be a break between these two lines. Nothing fancy, just a few asterisks. Otherwise, you have what is essentially Sunset asking for the duster, then half a second later, she's pretty much finished cleaning up the library.
Well, these ponies do have magic, which could open up many new fields of in and of itself. Just imagine what arcane computers would be like, even in their crudest form!
Except, you know, trespassing and theft.
Other than that, enjoyable first chapter
O sunset, twilight will always be awesomer than you. She knows Discord, and rainbow dash and pinkie and rarity and applejack and Fluttershy are her best friends and the elements of harmony.you have to except that.
Listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXazVrO6jh4&sns=em
Can't get the link XD.Anyway, search up "Discords Mix" on YouTube.
For the love of Luna if you are going to leave out words at least make sure they are not as important as NOT!!
Ruthless industrialist, Sunset Shimmer? How could this possibly go wrong?
I definitely like the premise, although you really could use a solid editor. Bringing technology to Equestria is one of those delightful schemes that make me want to shout at canon for being so incredibly irrational. I mean, it's all right there for the taking. And yet, at the same time, I don't hate canon for it. There is a wealth of story material that canon shoves at us without even touching itself, and that's what makes the MLP fan ficion community so strong.
Anyway, interesting start. There was one point, besides your grammar, where I think you could use some improvement. You use a lot of adverbs with your dialogue tags. It's not inherently bad, but it doesn't achieve quite the impact you could otherwise have if you either reworked the dialogue so the adverb was obvious or if you replaced the adverb with an action (such as knitting brows for confusion).
When did I become such a Grammar Nazi... Ehem. Anyway, I'm probably not going to point out grammatical errors in later chapters, but in the interest of having a strong first chapter, here you go.
Perhaps just 'fell over'?
Missing second comma after the parenthetical aside (place it after 'there').
Comma splice. Use a period after break, semicolon, or most appropriately, a colon.
In the context of Suzumiya Haruhi, Sunset Shimmer would be a slider, not an esper.
I am about 70% sure that to use taking the cake as an adjective, you need to write it as taking-the-cake.
Not inherently wrong, but a bit awkward.
The conditional mood here uses were instead of was.
Run on sentence (between that and she) and a comma splice.
A little awkward but not very. Possibly consider removing 'be'. Also, consider placing an exclamation mark (or just a period) after 'wasn't' and capitalizing 'and' (I could be biased on Sunset's voice here due to the presence of the 'be').
Blinked is not a saidism. Use a period.
Place a comma after 'then', and consider adding a question mark to the end (not necessary, but rhetorical questions often uses question marks if there is any doubt as to the truth of the preceding statement).
Comma splice.
Again, place a comma after 'crying'.
New speaker, new line.
Third time's the charm.
Comma splice. Also, 'now' is part of the rhetorical question and should be placed after the comma.
Double comma splice.
The latter half is not a saidism - at all.
Not a saidism.
This shouldn't be capitalized.
General note: You seem to make use of the Oxford Comma, but not consistently. Strongly consider revising your use of it to be all or nothing.
I read Sunset's idea at the bottom of the chapter, and couldn't help but think that Sunset's plan is going to fall apart really fast.
Great Story! Keep up the good work!
i could not bring myself to start the story, but now i readed the first chapter and i like it. Sunset is going to be the nice one way to soon i asume, but it is no often that Sunset is allowed to keep her bad temper even one chapter. I like that she is not pure as an angel right now.
Pinkie the Philosopony?
Quote by Zhuangzi:
Once upon a time, I, Chuang Chou(other spelling), dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was Chou. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man. Between a man and a butterfly there is necessarily a distinction. The transition is called the transformation of material things.
And haruhi Suzumya refrences with the theories about sunset. Good job
Why did Sunset cross over naked? Twilight crossed over fully clothed.
6215877
The theory I heard from various reviewers on the internet was that Twilight's saddle bags turned into her clothes on the other side of the mirror, but Sunset might not have had saddlebags.
But I'd be lying if I said it was really anything but a funny image.
Forget SunLight, I want to hear that story.
Edit:
That one too.
So Sunset's plan is to do exactly what I would do trapped in Equestria? I also like how the IT has the double meaning of "Information Technology".
The "three years" part kinda throws me. Sunset Shimmer was Celestia's student prior to the Rainboom, and the main cast were still children when that happened. Factor in at least one year spent in Ponyville, and Sunset Shimmer being Celestia's student two years prior to the start of the show seems unlikely.
7506625
Tiedye.
Three years on Earth is equivalent to roughly twelve or thirteen in Equestria at least.
Hell- all the movies, shorts, and specials take place over a single school year despite it being about four or five in Equestria.
Equestria-616
I see what you did there.
Wait... Sunset followed Twilight home after the first movie?! But... Well, I guess the human world goes to Hell as the Sirens and Midnight Sparkle fight over it now. Pity.