Twilight eats a Draven

by RustyServbot

League of Peaches

The dead of night in Ponyville was not as quiet as one might expect. The sun shone it's orange glow from the horizon, as Celestia never really relinquished her totalitarian grasp over the land. Birds chirped, confused by their own nocturnal habits. Clouds chirped, wishing they were birds. Even the trees chirped, the explanation for which was still undiscovered.

Princess Twilight Sparkle, worn down and out of princess-juice after long day of princessing, arrived home in her dingy treehouse library. Though she was tired, she had her a great hunger. The immortality of a princess is matched only by their endless pits that in any other creature would be called a stomach. The appetite of a Goddess was truly something to be reckoned with, and something that might run a town like Ponyville to ruin.

But Ponyville was safe this night, for Equestria did possess a mighty fruit, fit for the gods.

Dravens.

As she savaged her kitchen, in a desperate search for the mighty moustache'd fruit, but to no avail. Without syaing a word to Spike, she slammed the refrigerator door shut, locking him inside.

Meh, he's a chill guy. she thought.

But this lack of Dravens would not do. Twilight's new imperative was to locate some Dravens to eat.

Such it was that Twilight brought her search to Sweet Apple Acres first. Her friend Applejack was the town's provider of a fruit, so surely the grocer would know where to find some Dravens.

"Sorry sugarlight. This here farm only grows apple-trees, an' will only ever grow apple-tress less'n I want Iðunn to take ma first-born daughter." said Applejack, after Twilight interrogated her as to the whereabouts of some Dravens.

"Ah cayn't afford ta lose Big Mac like that again."

"How much cider have you had tonight?" asked Twilight, noticing her friend's lack of balance as Applejack stumbled left and right.

"Yes." was her curt response.

The response was not as formal and respectful as befit a princess, and thus Twilight was annoyed.

"Your execution will be held in the town square at noon." she announced.

"Daingit...not again" muttered Applejej.

Her princessly powers of flight allowed Twilight to take her crusade to the residence of a one Rainbow Dash. Twilight's infallible princess logic dictated that a fruit would know where to find more fruit, and thus that Rainbow would have some information on the whereabouts of some Dravens. She wanted those Dravens more now than before.

"Didya ask Applejack?" asked Rainbow Dash, as she shoved a green pegasus colt into a small woodchipper. An ever-enthusiastic worker, Rainbow could only agree when asked to take her work home with her. It saved on workplace injuries.

"Indeed I did!" claimed Twilight. "I even turned her on and off again, but no such luck. She could tell me nothing of where to find the Dravens."

Mid-push, Rainbow began to think. This was ill-advised, as the featherduster that she called her brain began to go through a Critical Existence Failure, causing Rainbow Dash to shrink and implode into a tiny multicolored singularity.

Thinking quickly, Twilight reached into a closet which contained a large plastic package, wherein lay a supply of around 8 more Rainbow Dashes. Pulling one out, and pulling the tab from the battery slot, Twilight placed the replacement at the woodchipper, and let it get to work.

"I'm glad we sprung for the 12 pack" she said absent-mindedly.

"Me too." said Rainbow Dash V

Twilight's Quest then took her to Sugarcube corner, as her infallible logic informed her that the purveyors of foodstuffs would have a detailed knowledge on foodstuffs. And Dravens were definitely a food, no matter what Lyra said.

Her flawless deduction earned Twilight a pat on her back from herself. She deserved as much.

"Hi Twilight!" Greeted Pinkie Pie, as Twilight entered the bakery.

"Watcha doin?"

"I'm looking for Dravens." Stated Twilight.

"Have you seen any?"

"Nope! Sorry Twilight, but this is a bakery, we don't sell fruit here." replied Pinkie.

Twilight Sparkle got super-de-duper sad at this sombre revelation. She didn't deserve that back-pat at all.

Pinkie Pie paused for a moment. "Shouldn't the author be working on F-" began Pinkie, but she was cut off as an Orange Pegasus wielding an empty soda bottle crashed through a closed window, and bashed her across the head with it. He then began to violently beat her over the head with the surprisingly sturdy object. "I WILL GET TO IT, WHEN I GET TO IT!" He yelled. He paused to look at Twilight. "Have you checked under your mattress?" he asked, at which point a look of revelation and wonderment drew across Twilight's mug.

Of course! She had put them under her mattress so nopony would try to eat her Dravens!

She thanked the Pegasus as he continued to pound the party ponies pink posterior to a pulp, and left the building, chirping.

'Finally' Twilight thought to herself. 'I finally have some Dravens!'

Sat in the kitchen with a bowl of ripe Dravens, she levitated one to her mouth and bit it.

It was still the greatest thing she ever tasted. The flavor was simply divine, unmatched by anything that will be or once was.

Except maybe Jinxes, those tasted pretty good too.

Just then, Twilights number-one assistant walked into the room. He looked considerably warmer.

Twilight smiled and offered him a Draven.

"Hi Draven! You're back from helping Draven already?" asked Twilight Draven. Draven simply Dravened at her. "Yeah, Draven didn't actually need that much Dravening today. She already Dravened a lot of her Dravens." Draven Dravened at Draven.

"Well its still very Draven of Draven to Draven, Draven." Draven Dravened at Draven, Dravening Dravens Dravens Draven Draven.

Draven.

Author's Note:

Such a weird thing going on right now, Everyone is writing fics about Twilight eating Draven.

So weird.

Comments

[Dash The Stampede]

Time for league!

[adrenalinrush]

Draven

[Rinnaul]

Would have been better if the fic had just been 1,000 words of the scene with Applejack.

[Byrag]

Welcome to the league of Sparkle

[MasterSmasher]

This is

The funniest thing.

[Distrance]

I love this.

[MasterSmasher]

Report Draven for feeding.

[Captain Princess]

I don't even like Dravens.

Much prefer Jinxes.

[Talguy21]

I laughed once, then moved onto more serious fics. The Draven business is too silly for me, plus, I have a friend who gets me my daily dose of Draven so I can Draven the Draven like a Draven.

Draven it. I've Draven'd too much Draven again.

**ERROR 1337**
Tal.exe has stopped functioning.
Reason: Too much Draven.
Restart
Close Program

[Admari]

Draven is Magic.

[meerkat8472]

Okay, I guess this is ignorant of me but, what the bloody hell is a Draven? Or a Jinx for that matter?

[Admari]

3655661 Draven is a champion in the game League of Legends. His predominant character trait is that he's as full of himself as someone could possibly be, to the point that when you pick him in champion select he says "Welcome to the League of Draven!"

Jinx is another character. She's nuts and likes explosions.

[meerkat8472]

3655690 Ah okay, wait, this fic is about Twilight eating them?!

[RustyServbot]

3655238

Reason: Too much Draven.

Now you were going fine with the English for a while, but I noticed you switched to a language that is clearly not recognizable in this dimension and then went back to English.

Its weird though, it almost looks like it says "Too much Draven", like that's even a thing.

[Captain Princess]

3655701 ok so basically he was making fun of all the "Twilight eats peaches" fics.
Why he went with Dravens I can't say.

Servbot's is a mind that works deep within the the warp, it's secrets unknowable to the sane and rational.

[Talguy21]

3656105

See, I was trying to be funny by having that be an error window. I wasn't the thing saying that.

[RustyServbot]

3656117 WELL YOUR ERROR WINDOW IS IMPLYING SOMETHING THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE GOOD SIR.

IN WHAT DAY AND AGE WILL THERE EVER BE ENOUGH DRAVEN, LET ALONE TOO MUCH DRAVEN

[MasterSmasher]

3656288

You FOOL! There can NEVER be too much Draven!

[Captain Princess]

3656288 Sir I think you are confused.

Draven is very dakka

[TheDrunkenKnight]

Not Draven, Draaaaaven.