"Shining! Try this one on next!" The small purple unicorn shouted across the room.
"What is it?" Shining questioned with curiousity. He was very clumsy with moving because of the loose clothing Twilight made him wear. to his horror, he managed to turn around to see a pink, frilly dress filled with white flowers on the edges, and a little white bow on the front. He paused, thinking of a way to get out of the situation before it got any worse than it was starting to look. Twilight called to her brother again to get him out of whatever he was thinking about.
"Um, Twily, you do know that's a mares dress, right?" Shining questioned, hoping that his sister caught his hint. She looked at Shining, giving him a facial expression that explained to him exactly what her true intentions were. Shining backed away a litle too quickly before falling flat on his back.
"No! please Twilight! I don't want to wear that dress!" Shining screamed before wiggling out of the clothing he was wearing. He looked up to see Twilight sitting there, dress in hoof, staring at him like he just ripped out her heart. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't live with himself if he made his baby sister cry. Sucking up his pride as a colt, he trotted over to Twilight and nuzzled her cheek.
"Okay Twilight, you win. I'll put on the frilly dress if it will make you happy." Twilight nodded and hoofed the dress to her brother. He reluctantly put it on and managed to slide it onto his body. It was a little looser than he originally thought.
"There, happy?" Shining asked, starting to feel a little warm and somewhat embarrased.
"you look perfect! It's almost like it was made just for you!" Twilight praised getting a good look at how well Shining fit into the dress.
"Although, you look a little flustered. Are you feeling alright?" Twilight looked at shining with concern. Shining could feel the dress hugging his body and it was making him excited. He was starting to enjoy the feel of it. It was almost like a drug to him and he wanted more.
"I-I'm f-fine. I'm j-just a l-little lightheaded..." Shining huffed, and weezed, causing Twilight to look more and more concerned for her brother.
"Shiny, I think we should get that off you now." Twilight took a step forward before she noticed the look on shining's face. She couldn't recognise the facial expression from any of the books she's read, but it made her blush a little. Shaking her head and ignoring the feeling it gave her, she proceeded to bite down on the dress and pull. After a few tugs, and an almost inaudible moan from Shining, the dress came off with a pop.
"Shining, are you sure you're alright? You looked like you were in pain. We can stop with the dress-ups if you want. I won't force you to wear something like that again. I'm so very sorry!" Twilight apologized profusely. She cared for her brother more than anything, and she didn't want him to start hating her because of this. She was starting to tear up.
"It's okay Twilight, don't cry. I'm not hurt. And also...I actually kinda liked it...is it okay if we do more?" Shining asked, blushing as he spoke the last sentence.
Twilight suddenly became a little purple missile knocking her brother over in excitement and hugging his neck. With a big cheesy smile on her cute little face, she said as she dragged him across the room to the closet. "You bet we can!"
~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
Shining armor awoke abruptly at the sound of a metal object hitting the ground. He sat up and looked around the room for the source of the disturbance and saw a maid bending down to pick up a large metal platter and a few pieces of spilled salad. He stared at her, or more specifically her outfit, for a few more seconds, before the maid looked up at him after cleaning up the mess.
"I'm so sorry for waking you, Prince Shining!" She apologized. She was fumbling with the metal platter as she shifted from hoof to hoof. Shining was still looking at her dress as she was standing there, until a pony coughed at the entrance to his room. There, standing in the doorway, was Princess Cadence, his wife. She was staring at him with a quizzical look. He shifted underneath his blankets as her stare was becoming more and more exscruciating.
"Shining, if you're done admiring the maid, please get ready and head to the dining hall. Princess Celestia wants to have a word with you, and you know you can just ask me if you want a threesome." Cadance winked at him before leaving with the blushing maid in tow. Shining saw she had a small smile on her face, like she was actually contemplating having a threesome with him and his wife! He was blushing profusely as well, the image of Cadance and the maid coaching him in the loving embraces of their hooves. Shaking his head, he rushed
to the bathroom to take a shower, hoping to wash away the images in his mind before meeting Princess Celestia in the dining hall.
He entered the shower, letting the hot water rinse away the images he had. He stood there for a few minutes, relaxing, before he remembered the dream he had last night. 'Strange, why am I having a dream like that, especially now of all times?' Shining thought to himself as he turned the water off and got out. Drying himself off and hanging the towel on the rack, he headed out the bathroom and into the glowing halls of the crystal castle. No matter how many times he sees it, he just couldn't get used to the beauty of it.
He trotted towards the hall, when he realized something. Cadance wasn't in her room, and she had recently bought a new pair of mare's underwear and clothing. He got a devilish smile on his face before whispering to himself.
"She shouldn't have teased me with that comment about the threesome, now she'll have to pay for the consequences of exciting my libido and my "Bad Habit"." Shining trotted quietly to Cadance's room, before opening the door and galloping inside before any of the maids saw him. They know he isn't allowed in her room after what happened a few weeks back, so they've been very cautious with him.
With no time to waste, he made his way to the dresser to search through drawers for the underwear and dress. All he saw were socks, stockings, and and her old underwear. He checked under the bed, the other drawers on the opposite side of the room, even under the mattress! He was stumped! He gave a sigh of defeat as he tried to think of a way to get one of the maid uniforms when he noticed the closet doors. they were slightly ajar and something Pink and frilly poked out. It reminded him of the time he had with twilight when they were young. He slowly trotted over to them to get a better look.
In an instant, the doors swung open to reveal the dress hung from the closet door and the new pair of panties that was folded neatly. It had pink and black stripes and looked absolutely gorgeous! He stared in awe for a few more seconds before snapping himself out of it. "Okay, pull yourself together. Cadance will be looking for you in about 10 minutes, give or take, that's more than enough time to saturate this "feeling"." He sitlently warned himself. Shining grabbed the clothes and made his way to the large mirror at the side of the bed. He put on the clothes as fast as he could, and before long, he could feel the euphoric excitement that was starting to course through his body. He looked to the mirror to study how well everything fit into place. He didn't like what he saw. He was to muscular and could easily be found out. He then remembered a spell his sister taught him after she graduated from her basic magic studies. He'll have to thank her later for such a grand spell, he may even buy her a new book!
After about a minute, he charged the transformation spell, and a few seconds later, poof! the spell was finished. The room filled with a bright flash of white light, and when it died down, his form was completely different! His tail was more curvy, his mane was closer to Cadance's, but slightly shorter, his body was shorter and alot more slim and curvy than his muscular, toned body, his muzzle was rounder than his original, even his horn was stubbier!
"Wow... that spell actually did a lot more that I expected." Shining spoke in amazement. His voice unfortunately, was still the same, just slightly higher and less gruffy. Satisfied, Shining admired himself in the mirror, striking a few 'sexy poses' that he saw cadance do for him.
"Heh, I look preety good in this dress. Now i just need a name..." Shining tapped a hoof to his chin in thought for a bit when a distant memory re-surfaced.
~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
"Now we just need a name for you. Hm... how about Amethyst Shield?" Twilight asked, a gigantic smile plasterd on her face on how good Shining looked in their mother's dress. Shining contemplated the name for a moment before giving his answer. "How about Amethyst Star? After all; I have a star in my shield on my cutie mark." Shining brought up. Twilight thought for a moment before shaking her head in an understanding manner.
"Sure! That's a perfect name for you BSBFF!" She shouted with glee. Shining stared at Twilight quizzically on what she just said.
"BSBFF?" Shining questioned twilight.
"Yeah! Big Sister Best Friend Forever!" She squeed. Shining contemplated this and agreed on the phrase.
"Sounds great! Well LSBFF, should we continue what we were doing?"
"Yes! Let's have some more fun BSBFF!" Twilight ran to their mother's closet to find some more clothes. Shining couldn't help but smile a big, cheesy smile, then followed his hyperactive sister to their parent's room.
~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
"That's perfect! Amethyst Star will be my name!" Shining shouted a little louder that he would have liked. He closed the closet doors and began to leave the bedroom. Enveloping the door in his magic while humming a tune, he opened the door to find a certain princess standing there with an unbeliveably large grin plastered on her face. Shining stared at her for a couple more seconds, believeing she was just a figment of his imagination, before saying one phrase he wished he would have to never say again for as long as he was alive:
"Oh Celestia damnit..."
So he just made himself a mare?
You have enticed my curiosity. Please, continue.
oooooo buuuusteeeedddd dont worry shining..im sure the princess wont do anything.... to bad
Busted.
So... Is Shining a cross-dresser? Drag-queen? Transvestite? Or magically made transexual?
I hope you've got some tricks up your sleeves. Crossdressing can open up a whole can of worms and I'd love to see the emotional fallout. However, given that this is marked for comedy, I fear that this will devolve into a crossdressing is strange, so Crossdressing=Funny territory. It's some pretty heavy emotional baggage, and I would love to see it. I just hope you can pull it off.
I can believe it.
Where's his tail?
Of course, I was drawn here due to the advertised premise, but now I'm... not so sure. I mean, yeah, the premise definitely has a lot of potential to be either hilarious or heart-wrenching... or a combination thereof.
But there are major problems here. For one, I was thrown off when Shining made himself into a mare. Which he may not have; I'm not sure due to the vague language. But Twi called him her big sister afterwards. So he's either transsexual, transgender, and/or genderfluid. All of which are incredibly heavy subjects in this day and age that would be hard to make jokes about without getting into insensitive territory. Two, despite the Comedy tag and the potentially funny premise, the delivery of the actual jokes were kind of botched and not as funny as they could have been. This was mostly due to the third issue, which is that you really need to get yourselves an editor, because the errors and typos seriously became too thick to enjoy the story.
Favoriting this story to track it; really hope you two can improve this as it goes along.
The cover art makes me feel strange in my pants at my grandmas' house!
There's some gramatical errors than needs to be fixed, but it's okay. You have my curiosity.
quickmeme.com/img/28/28eab5b2a7dfcbb5be466f25433c012ee7dd7fbe80d627d642ebc22df9069263.jpg
What is wrong with this fandom.
Well then....
3689541
what?
3690435 I was at my grandmas house when I saw the cover art... and, you know.
3690454
I thought you meant you were like, a girl or something in pants and you felt weird because your grandma is old fashioned or something
3690468 I just noticed I fucked up on that comment.
3689506 We will try. Thank you for the feed back its grately appreciated :)
3690793 original idea was Appledash, but I came up with the premise. So I should say we both take credit for the whole idea, as it should be
3690928
AHAHAHA OH GOD
I LOVE A GOOD COMEDY STORY WITH SHINING ARMOR IN IT
Sup: and in the end shining's dignity has left the building
Sip: I want to try on those dresses
3690984 I can draw one with you in it once I get my computer back :)
3691147
ooo sip is the one with glasses
3691183 thanks for the info!
3691308
Sup: thought you might want to know
Sip: YAY im going to get other clothes im so excited
Sup: don't get your hopes up just yet
Sip: party pooper
Oh dear.
Y'all got a recipe for fun and an interesting story. I like where it's going, but do be sure to look over it with an editor or some-such, because I counted about ten grammatical issues.
ex:
capitalize the A, see the Celestia example.
Closet door
Celestia should be capitalized, not just the P if it's starting a sentence. Names are always capitalized no matter the placement in the sentence.
Pretty; capitalize that 'i' before 'just'
alot is two words. a lot. Common mistake, I only noticed cause my phone auto corrects to 'a lot'.
bathroom; not sure if you were ending the sentence after 'shower' or if you mistakenly capitalized the 'h' in hoping.
excruciating is a toughie. Hell, even I looked it up!
That's about all I found at a glance. I know there might be more, but this is a good start point for fixing it up. Make it nice n' neat and I'll have no choice but to fave relentlessly.
Jesus. That image is fucking disturbing. Seriously. My brain glitched trying to identify his (hers?) gender. Looks like someone put his head on a woman's body.
But my curiosity is talking louder and because of that I'm waiting the next chapter.
Just so everyone knows I'm transgendered so I'm drawing on some of my past experiences and firing ideas at Electric Spark
Potential, i like that word a lot.
More please
OOooh Dear.
3688332
Two-Spirit, Perhaps?
(Sorry, Only read about half the story at this point.)
Some mistakes I found:
"You" should be capitalized.
"Bacame" should be "became". Also, there is an "i" missing in "missile".
"Celestia" is not capitalized and there is a comma, right after a period.
You wrote "bathrrom" instead of "bathroom".
Shouldn't "pink" be small here? Also, you wrote "atwilight" instead of "Twilight".
I suppose "loset" door was supposed to have a "c" at the beginning.
"Okay" should be capitalized and you wrote "sitlently" instead of "silently".
"Cadance" is uncapitalized here.
You wrote "preety" instead of "pretty".
There is an "e" missing in "plastered".
"Twilight" is uncapitalized again.
"That" should be "than".
Don't you use a spell-checker? Some of the typos should have been caught by one.
All in all, that starts promising. Unlike a few others, I hope for something rather light-hearted (as it seems to be), but either way I look forward to the next chapters. Especially since I want to know whether the princess at the end is Cadance or Celestia.
I'm following you...because I could not stop laughing at the uniqueness this has.
3695438 Thanks. I'm glad you liked it
I need my drugs again, know why because i am craving the drug called MOAR!!!!
3695818
Give us moar! More! Oh, and this gave me area ideas
Area? God donut
Donut
Curs you auto cucumber!
Auto cucumber
I give up
3696268
This is THE best comment I have ever seen
I can't stop laughing, this is just great. You have earned a follow and like.
3697200 Thank you.
3696275
seriously? i through
through
... lessee here "was led to think that" auto coconut
coconut? really?
fappy place fappy pla- what the dollar?
DOLLAR?! you have got to be kidding me!
and FAPPY?! gah!!!!!!!!!
...
...
sorry, rage quilt
...
damn you to hell new tablet
hey it twirked!
twirk?
really twirk?
i glib up
grrrrrrrr....
oh, so that worked?!
i despise you auto coronet... DAMN YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!
3699630 You just broke a record.
NEW HIGH SCORE
Appledash won't be on till next year everyone. He has some stuff to take care of so, have fun! No update till he proof-reads and runs over some stuff with me.
3695368 some-pony is a grammar nazi
3703191 I welcome grammar nazis appledash. You should, too, since your spelling is literally crap.
3699638
uh, what record? i think that if i pay attention to what it suggests it won't be as wrinkly...
spoke too spoon
okay, now i know you're doing this on porpoise
... that's such an old joke...
pardon me, i need to hit something
...
...
(hello human! it is i the cute and sexylicious lyra heartstrings!
praise my awesomeness with cookies! oh, hey midnight, i was playing with your tablet!)
how are you even typing?
(magical energy hands, duh)
... sorry, she does this a pot
WHY DOES IT WORK FOR YOU?!
(cause it likes me)
... i'm going to my sulking corner
(see you later!)
3704538 I think my heart just failed, so here have a cookie