Part 2
"You're a cloud-licking, thunder fondling, storm sucking feather brain!"
"Dinky, that is a horrible thing to say!" Derpy exclaimed. The pegasus broke into a wide grin. "Well done!"
"Really mama?" Dinky said excitedly.
"Oh yes, muffin, I was highly offended. I especially hated the part where you discussed my parents and the legality of their marriage after they genetically created me."
The filly clapped her hooves together in glee. "I'm gonna be the best Clover ever!"
"No no no!" the Doctor shouted, banging his head against the TARDIS' main console. After the 'Founding of Equestria' went completely off the rails the Time Lord had marshaled his family back into the blue box and begun seeking out an answer to what he had just seen. Currently he was trying to smash his skull in to see if that would provide some solution. "That is not Clover the Clever!"
"Of course it was, you dirt sucking mud swimmer!" Dinky exclaimed, jabbing her hoof at the Doctor.
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" Derpy called out. The mare quickly blushed. "Sorry, I kinda got wrapped up in the thrill of things."
"...was a hamster..." Dinky mumbled, jotting down the insult in her little notepad. "That is perfect, mama! Miss Cheerilee is going to be so excited when she sees how much effort I put into my part! I bet she gives me extra gold stars and everything!"
The Doctor turned his attention back to the monitor he was studying. "No Dinky, she will not, because that is not Clover the Clever you are mimicking!" He flipped a few switching and frowned at the readings. “The polarity of the neutron flow was reversed twice? That’s not even possible!”
"But... but she sounded just like that, Doctor!" Dinky exclaimed. "You heard her, didn't you? You aren’t going deaf, are you? You can’t go deaf, how will you hear my play?!" She scampered up to the Doctor, grabbed his tie, and bellowed in his ear, “CAN YOU HEAR ME!”
"Yes I can, no, I am not going deaf, and yes, I heard her but that could not be Clover the Clever!"
Derpy poked at the inside of her cheek with her tongue. "How can you be so sure? We've never met Clover the Clever before... maybe she was just a really rude mare who swore like a capricorn and history edited her down to the good parts."
"Derpy, I know that can't be Clover the Clever because I've read her unaltered journals and I would have remembered the chapter where she discussed her love of genocide and unicorn supremacy!" The Time Lord began to fiddle with some of the dials on the control panel. "Maybe we accidently ended up in the anti-matter universe..."
Dinky trotted up to her mother and tapped her on the foreleg. "Mama, I'm confused about something."
"That's ok, I'm confused most of the time too."
Dinky, well use to her mother, merely continued on. "I thought that Hearth's Warming Day was about the bonds of friendship... Clover, Smart Cookie and Pansy didn't seem that friendly." The little filly's eyes went wide. "Unless that's what friendship is! Oh, have Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon been acting as my friends all this time? Are the Cutie Mark Crusaders my mortal enemies who I should swear vengeance upon?"
Derpy considered this.
"The answer is no, Derpy," the Doctor called out, pumping one lever several times only to grumble when nothing change on the screen.
"Are you sure?" Derpy asked.
"Yes I'm sure! How could I not... are you just playing a joke on me?"
The pegasus smiled and stretched her wings. "Maybe..."
"Ugh," the Doctor muttered, running up to a panel and smacking it. "Playing jokes when we are facing the potential end of Equestria. Wonderful. Rose was never like this."
"Who's Rose?" Dinky asked.
Derpy leaned down and whispered. "Somepony who didn't know her place and tried to take what was mine."
"Like your muffins?"
"Kinda," Derpy said with a wink. A bit louder, she said, "Maybe Hearth's Warming Day celebrates those three ponies overcoming their differences and becoming friends. That seems like a touching story and sorta fits what the play is like. Maybe whoever wrote it decided to dumb it down for fillies and colts and got rid of the R Rated stuff."
“Why would it need to be dumbed down for fillies and colts?” Dinky asked, insulted that somepony thought she couldn’t follow something. For Celestia’s sake, she had solved the Atraxi Conundrum before she could walk! A play was nothing.
"They wanted to kill each other, Derpy," the Doctor pointed out as he turned a large crank, looking up expectantly only for his smile to fall when the lights above him turned blue instead of green and dubstep music began to play, "what would make them suddenly become friends?"
"A shared passion? Maybe they all like to knit."
"They all hate each other, so they have that in common," Dinky stated.
Derpy grinned. "Exactly!"
"No, not 'exactly'," the Doctor snarled, pointing his sonic screwdriver at the main console. The probe flashed blue, the pivoting head swirling for a moment before letting out a sound like an engine shifting down. "What? You shouldn’t sound like that…” He shook his head. “Anyway, Hearth's Warming Day was not established on mutual hatred!" Tucking his screwdriver away, he returned to the main monitor and looked over his findings, examining every bit of raw data he could find. "Something is wrong here. A temporal flux or a parallel timeline or a collision with dark matter..."
"Which is it?" Derpy asked, trotting over to the Doctor and looked over his shoulder as he looked over his final findings.
"None of it," the Time Lord finally admitted, hanging his head in utter defeat. "We are in the right place and this is the right time... but something is terribly, terribly wrong. Something that, if not fixed, could mean the end of Equestria as we know it." The Doctor trotted away from his console, his eyes shut as he allowed despair to begin to seep into his bones. He leaned against the rail and slumped his shoulders in defeat. "It is a waking nightmare: an Equestria divided along tribe lines. No unity, no harmony, no sense of mutual belonging. None of the three tribes could survive like this... they will fail and fall and I will have to watch, as I have so many times. I thought here, in this place, I might finally be able to stop running, as I have done for all my life… but instead I find that death and destruction and hate and wrath follow me-"
"We're a day early," Dinky called out.
"...what?" the Doctor said, instantly snapping out of his brooding.
Dinky had scrambled on top of her mother's back so she could get a better look at the TARDIS' console. She jabbed her hoof at one of the displays. "According to the timeosphere gauge, it is December 23rd, 15 BC. Hearth's Warming Eve happened on December 24th, 15 BC. We're a day early…. or 366 days late if you wanted to get here on December 23rd, 14 BC."
"But... but..." the Doctor sputtered, rushing back over to the controls and examining the timeosphere gauge. Dinky was right, it did read December 23rd. "I set this right before we left... did we hit an hour storm or a chrono-twister that damaged the TARDIS' internal directional drive." The Doctor pulled out his screwdriver once more and began to scan his beloved blue box. "This is not good, not good at all! If the TARDIS is damaged we can’t risk using her; we could end up flying through a sun.”
“Or make the Kessel Run in less than 11 parsecs!” Dinky exclaimed in fear.
“Exactly. I'll need to take a few hours to examine all the connections, to see-"
"Did you remember to set the clock back an hour after daylight savings?" Derpy asked innocently.
The Doctor looked at her, a befuddled look on his face. "How would that affect... unless one takes into account the passage of warp... nargles."
"I told you to set the clock back," Derpy said, tapping her hoof against the floor.
"The Doctor's in trou-ble!" Dinky sang.
The Doctor looked at the controls before nodding to himself. “Yes… yes I made a mistake. But like nearly all other times I have made a mistake-“
“Which are many… remember that thing with Twilight Sparkle and the brownies?” Derpy asked helpfully.
“-this one is easily turned into a success!” The Time Lord ran over to a door and, tugging it open, pulled out a massive rack of clothing, filled with all sorts of garment he had worn in past incarnations as well as pieces left behind by former companions before the Time Lord had finally settled down with Derpy. “By landing here a day early, we now have a chance to ensure that history occurs exactly as it should! Something foul is ahoof and it is up to us good, upstanding time traveling meddlers to fix it!” The Doctor ran over to the mare and filly and pushed them towards the rack. “Now quick, dress warm while I get some supplies! It will be awfully cold out there even without the windigos about and where we need to go will be even colder! No need to freeze our flanks. I will be back in a moment, just need to consult Clover’s notes!” He charged out the door like the fires of hell were on his hooves.
“Doctor!” Derpy called out.
“…yes?” the Time Lord said, poking his head back into the control room.
“Daylight savings time?”
The Doctor weakly smiled and walked over to the TARDIS’ clock.
“Fall back, not spring ahead.”
“Right right,” the stallion said with an embarrassed grimace.
“What would he ever do without us?” Dinky said, trying of a spare pair of the Doctor’s ‘brain specs’.
~DH~DH~DH~
“So, where are we going exactly?” Derpy asked, flipping the long brown, green, yellow, red, black, and blue scarf over her shoulder. A fedora topped her head and the long brown coat she wore hid her wings, which was great, since they were making their way through earth pony territory; also there was candy in the pocket which, while a bit fuzzy, was still tasty. Dinky was wearing a red stocking cap (reversed to hide her horn… and to let her happily play with the poof ball that now hung in front of her) and a fluffy yellow winter coat.
The Doctor was decked out in a tall furry hat and a black Reinssian long coat he’d picked up from the year 823 AD during one of their many almost-revolutions. “It is useless to try and talk to any of the leaders.”
“Since they are frozen?” Dinky asked, kicking at some snow and giggling as it flew all over.
“Not those leaders, Dinky. Since they are frozen the tribes will elect new leaders, most likely Clover, Smart Cookie and Private-“
“Commander,” Derpy reminded him.
“-Commander Pansy. I might be an eternal optimist but even I can see that way will only be a waste of energy.”
“So we are giving up, then?” Derpy asked, considering this. “Ok, I’m in!” She fell to the ground, threw her forelegs out and shouted, “I give up universe! Bring on chaos and broccoli muffins!”
“We aren’t giving up,” the Doctor stated, helping Derpy back up. “We are going to find the one pony that can help settle all of this rubbish.”
“Princess Celestia?” Dinky asked.
“No.”
“Why not? The Princess is pretty tough and strong…”
“And at this point she and Princess Luna are younger than you… and are under the protection of Lord Tydal and the capricorns of Bridle Bay.”
Dinky sucked in her lips and shook her head. “Yeah… let’s not go visit the capricorns.” They had been learned about the capricorns last month during geography class and Miss Cheerilee had explained about the warrior cultural and their king, who’d raised Princess Celestia and Luna when they were foals. While most of the boys, and Scootaloo, had been excited to hear more war stories about the mighty capricorn army that swam beneath the waves and fought glorious battles against deadly foes, Dinky had quickly decided that of all the many species her and her family could visit, the capricorns would not be one of her picks.
“Is it me?” Derpy asked.
“Why would… no, Derpy, it isn’t you,” the Doctor said, noticing the mare’s sly smile. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Derpy was a notorious prankster… and unlike some ponies, she hid her talents quite well. “We need to find Starswirl the Bearded.”
“I dressed up for him for Nightmare Night a few years ago!” Derpy said happily. “Twilight did too… she was so embarrassed!”
“That’s because your costume was better than hers, mama!” Dinky chimed in.
The Doctor continued on, having long gotten use to Dinky and Derpy going off on weird tangents while he was trying to explain his plans. “The problem isn’t mechanical, my screwdriver told me that much back in the cave, so either another race has interfered with their emotions and feelings, or some kind of magic gobbly gook has been placed the founders. I’m leaning towards the first but I can’t rule out the second, which means Starswirl is our best bet, as he is the greatest mage in this era.” The Doctor paused, scanning the snowy landscape before deciding they needed to hang a left at the next rock formation. “An added advantage is that as Clover’s mentor, he might be able to snap her out of whatever hex or jinx she is under.”
“How are we going to find Starswirl?” Derpy asked, readjusting her scarf. “What if he’s with the other unicorns?”
“He isn’t,” the Doctor said, reaching into his jacket and snagging a small book out. “This is a copy of Clover the Clever’s diary.”
“You stole her diary?!?” Dinky gasped.
“No… they sell them at most bookstores.”
“Oh… right,” the filly said, instantly deflating her outrage.
“Now then, when Princess Platinum decided to lead her tribe towards the great mountain, Starswirl charged Clover with acting as her protector and guide.” The Doctor ducked under a tree branch, flakes of snow raining down upon him. “She wrote that Starswirl had decided, while she went on this task, that he would head off to a ‘point of great spiritual power and enlightenment’ in order to seek out answers from the universe that might allow him to better guide his tribe and prevent the errors that had doomed their lands the first time. That point happens to be just a mile from here.” The doctor pursed his lips in thought. “She then went into rather graphic detail about a rather erotic dream she had… Clover was into some strange things. Only can tell that though if you use the cipher she hinted at in 15th entry.”
“What things?” Dinky asked, only for Derpy to cover her ears. “Hey!”
“Doctor…”
“Right right, no naughty talk in front of Dinky until she is 13.” The Time Lord cleared his throat. “Now then, let us just continue on-“
“HALT!”
The family spun around and came face to face with four earth pony guards who’d managed to sneak up behind them. Each was dressed in heavy cloth cloaks and the only metal they wore was the horseshoes upon their hooves, each one sharpened to such a point that they were like axe heads.
“Stallions sure were… bigger bin this time,” Derpy whispered, craning her neck up as the massive stallions stomped towards them.
“Let me do the talking,” the Doctor said. “Remember, we are a family of earth ponies just out looking for some roots for a stew. Do not let them know you are a pegasus or Dinky is a unicorn. If we do this right we might even be able to get them to help us” He flashed a smile at the grim-looking stallions. “Hello gentlecots, my name is-“
“We don’t care what your name is, blood-traitor,” one of the guard’s snapped, snatching Dinky’s cap off and revealing her horn.
“How did you know?”
“You weren’t whispering as loud as you thought you were,” the second stallion said.
“Oh,” the Doctor said morosely. “Don’t suppose you could let us go with a warning?”
“March, traitor.”
Dinky glared at the stallions, stomping her hoof. “That’s mine!” she shouted, trying to snatch her hat back, only to be knocked away by the first guard.
“Learn your place, you pathetic little runt!” the guard snarled, slamming his hoof down mere inches from Dinky’s face. The guard turned, only to find that the Doctor had stopped moving and was now glaring at him.
“That…” the Doctor said coldly, his eyes narrowed and his face stern, “…was the dumbest thing you could have ever done. Had you just taken us, you might have stood a chance. Now there is no power in the world that can save you from what is about to happen.”
“Are you threatening us, blood traitor?”
The Doctor shook his head. “Oh no. Not me. You only wish it were me. Me, you might have a chance. Me and you might actually be able to lead a normal, all bit dull, existence after today. Not me though and you want to know why? If there is one thing I have found true, in all my travels, through all the many times and worlds I’ve gone through, I have found one truth to be true. Just one. Would you like to hear it?” He leaned in close, whispering the secret knowledge. “Never… and I mean never… hurt a foal in front of its mother.”
“You…” Derpy whispered, staring down at Dinky’s shaking form, “hurt…” her head snapped up, the stallions took a step back as her eyes focused on them… both her eyes, in tandem, “…my...baby.”
She never raised her voice. That was the worst thing: the fury of Derpy Hooves.
She just… broke them. All their training, all their skills and strength and abilities… they were meaningless. She was like the thunder and the lightning and the storm rolled into one. Those that tried to defend themselves found that their blows were as effective as raindrops upon heavy stone. She just kept coming at them, bringing with her pain the likes of which they had never felt. Even after she was done with one and left him to focus on his companions the stallion would still weep for the pain remained, buried deep within his bones, tattooed upon his flesh much like his own cutie mark. She never screamed though, never shouted… she just kept coming.
“Here’s your hat, muffin,” Derpy said happily, pulling the red stocking cap from the one guard’s trembling form.
“Thanks mama!” Dinky said happily, slipping her hat back on and happily bopping the poofy ball at the end of it.
“Hmmm,” the Doctor said, looking down at the guards. “Consider that a well-learned lesson. Now then, ladies, let us continue on. Starswirl is around here somewhere and we must-“
“As much as things change…” a voice called out, the family once more whipping around towards another stallion that had managed to sneak up on them.
“How do ponies keep managing to do that?” the Doctor complained.
“You look like the pony in my magic textbook!” Dinky exclaimed excitedly.
“That, my dear, is because I am the pony from you magic textbook.” The old stallion tipped his dark blue hat, his beard brushing against the snow upon the ground. He had a golden tan coat and wore a long blue cloak dotted with stars and a trim of bells. A great oaken staff was held in the crook of one of his forelegs, twisted and weathered yet strong; much like its owner. The stallions face was old but his eyes, while deep and dark, held a youthful spark within them that had not been diminished by his many years. He was at once old and young, with one hoof in the realm of mortals and another in the land where the never-dying trod. At once Dinky and Derpy looked upon this stallion and thought of the Doctor. “Starswirl the Bearded, at your service. I’ve been waiting for you, Doctor.”
“Starswirl, I am… wait, what?” the Doctor blinked. “How do you know my name?”
“He knows your name?” Derpy asked, looking around nervously, expecting those creepy Silence aliens to suddenly appear.
“Not that name… I mean how do you know-“
“That you are the Doctor?” Starswirl asked with a smile, approaching the family. He gave the earth pony guards a glance, knocking one with his staff and muttering to himself, clearly annoyed that they had attacked the family. “I know your name and those of your companions for the same reason I chose this place to meditate: you told me.” At their confused looks, Starswirl smiled and motioned for them to follow. “To see you all so young… it warms my heart. But come, we can discuss this all on our way.”
“On our way?” Derpy asked. “On our way where?”
“Where else?” Starswirl said. “On our way to save Hearth’s Warming, of course!”
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And here is Part 2! So much fun stuff with this. I love Derpy and Dinky joking around and egging on the Doctor, plus I love how they take the winds out of his sails. Lucky for him the next two chapters will give him plenty of heroic moments.
Please remember to review and let me know what you think.
So, is Starswirl a Time Lord, cause that would be amazing? Or is he a future regeneration of The Doctor?
So not a Rose fan then, although she might be referring to the Dr shaped sex toy he left her in her new universe.
So on hurting Dinky then, it's a bad idea.
3609613
Starswirl and the Hooves Family connection is covered next chapter.
3609935
I'm an Amy Pond fan. I find Rose a touch too whiny for my tastes. Plus, I like the idea that Derpy is the possessive type.
."
This line confused me until i remembered who the author was and what happened in God squad lol nice continuity
Fury of a mother scorned is a scary one indeed, looking forward to more on Starswirl.
Nearly died laughing at that.
Can't wait to find out about Starswirl's connection to the family.
3610039>>3610630
Yeah, as I said, I do not like Rose that much. I haven't seen her in a ton of episodes, but Amy kicks her ass.
3610630
We get the first hints next chapter
I forgot to mention that for Starswirl, while it would be easy to cast Ian McKellan or Christopher Lee in the role, I actually see Patrick Stewart playing the part best. He would give it the weight needed but make Starswirl different from Gandalf or Dumbledore.
I honestly loved the whole "blood traitor" thing, even though it was probably just meant to be epic and not a reference, very potter of you! Can someone say that their father will hear about this? I mean I know you've already got Hairy Grabber, but...
PS: You haven't happened to watch A Very Potter Musical, have you?
3619134
No, I have not.
The Blood-Traitor thing was an homage to Harry Potter. Luckily for me, I guess, I found it hard to come up with pony-racial slurs so I ended up borrowing that from HP
Hah! Either you're a fan of "Human Nature/The Family of Blood" or you like the trope Mama Bear a whole lot. (Maybe both?
) /)
Can't wait to see what they get into next...
Onward!
well, this fits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZfEki4zUcM
3612510
Patrick Stuart for the win!
A Monty Python reference! And there was much rejoicing!
3685469 Video is unavailable.
6706354 Not to mention all the leap year stuff.