Equestria
Equestria
A beautiful world full of myths and legends that most people would never believe existed. Creatures that have only been dreamt of populate this magnificent landscape. Even those from nightmares. Consisting of grassy green hills, surely this land possesses no imperfections. Everything which touched the sun glowed. If anyone ever dreamed of a pure utopia this had to be it.
Hugging the side of a mountain stood the shining capitol of this great land: Canterlot. A bustling city containing the success and elite prosperity. A mass of creatures known as ponies. These beings came in many shapes, sizes, and colors. The Earth ponies were attuned to nature and were the strongest physically. The Pegasus ponies were more agile and could control the weather. Finally, the Unicorn ponies had a deep connection to the magic surrounding us all.
Overlooking this city stood a castle, finely crafted by these ponies generations ago. In this castle lived the princesses of this fine land. One stood admiring her handy work for yet another perfect morning.
Princess Celestia, monarch of the sun, was larger than an average pony. Standing a couple heads taller than the norm, she possessed a flowing, pastel colored mane. Her coat was a light shade of pink that looked white in the glowing sun. She wore regal attire consisting of golden slippers, necklace, and crown. On her flank sat a picture of the sun symbolizing her connection to the star lighting Equestria. The strangest thing about her was that she was neither a Pegasus, a Unicorn or an Earth pony. For she was an Alicorn, she possessed a pair of wings like a Pegasus and she had a long horn like a unicorn.
She smiled as she bathed in the glow of the morning sun.
“Today is to be another great day. I can feel it.”
Then it hit her. Slowly but surely she felt a great anomaly make its presence known off in the distance. There was a ripple down pass a small quaint town in a dark unsettling forest. Celestia didn't know what it was. She learned to never question the strange occurrences that happen in the Everfree Forest. When the strange feeling began to dwindle it suddenly hit Celestia She collapsed to the floor as a powerful force tried to break through her mind. It was malevolent. It was pure hatred. Her ears were ringing as she heard a horrible screaming reverberate through her head. When she couldn't take anymore, it suddenly stopped.
Celestia shakily stood up. She looked back out her balcony and stared at the forest in the distance. She narrowed her eyes in confusion, contemplating her next course of action when-
“Tia!”
Bursting forth through Celestia's bedroom door stood another Alicorn. This one was a head shorter than Celestia herself and had a darker color scheme. Her coat was a dark blue and her mane, black with a star pattern, was made to look like the night sky. Her flank had what appeared to be a black ink plot with a crescent moon on top.
Princess Luna, monarch of the moon, co-ruler of Equestria, and younger sister to Celestia stood disheveled in Celestia's doorway. They needn't even speak for they knew.
“You felt it too,” Celestia simply stated as she turned back around to watch the Everfree.
“What do we do?” Luna asked now standing next to her sister.
Celestia narrowed her eyes in contemplation. Suddenly a feather and piece of parchment poofed into existence. She quickly wrote something down, rolled up the parchment, sealed it, and used her magic to send it on its way.
“Are we sending the royal guard to investigate?” Luna asked.
“No.”
“No? But you felt that malicious energy in the forest!”
“Which is why I am sending the Elements of Harmony.”
In the outskirts of a small town beneath Canterlot, stood a small cottage bordering the Everfree forest. But don't let its small size fool you. Inside was like a zoo, the first floor of the building was filled to burst with animals. Birds slept in unlocked cages hanging from the ceiling, squirrels, deer, chipmunks, and all sorts of woodland creatures took up the floor.
On the second floor, sleeping soundly in her bed, was a Pegasus named Fluttershy. As the morning light shown through her window she began to stir. She let out a quiet yawn as she began to stretch her stiff muscles. She had long silky, smooth pink hair and a butterscotch coat. Her flank possessed three pink butterflies.
Fluttershy got out of bed and opened the blinds to let more sunlight in. Smiling, she trotted down stairs and her smile brightened as she observed her animal friends.
“Wakey, wakey, my little friends. It's time for breakfast.” Fluttershy cooed as she began to gently awaken her animals. She took time to tend to each and every one of them, making sure to give them all equal amount of attention.
She gathered together food for her animals, mostly grains and vegetables. She placed a bowl of salad for her pet rabbit, Angel, who remained asleep. She placed bird feed in all of the open cages and walked outside. Outside, she strewn bird seed across the ground in her chicken coop and watched as the the now awake chickens pecked the ground.
Fluttershy smiled warmly to herself. Everyday she received great joy in caring for her animal friends and she knew today would be another joyous one. As she began walking back into her cottage she felt a sharp pain in her head. Her vision blurred and she wobbled to the side trying to keep herself upright. One of her legs collapsed underneath her and she hit the ground hard. Gasping for air as the pain became worse, she felt something. Something evil. Something cruel.
Suddenly the pain stopped. Fluttershy opened her eyes. Shivering, she stood up and brought a wary gaze towards the Everfree forest. As she stepped forward she froze as a nearby bush shook. A family of squirrels ran out, climbing onto Fluttershy. They huddled together in her mane shaking. At least she thought they were shaking, her shaking was blending in seamlessly with theirs. Soon more rustling erupted at the edge of the forest as more panicked animals rushed out, ranging from little chipmunks to huge bears. One by one they all hid behind the visibly shaking pony.
“D-d-don't w-worry little ones,” Fluttershy stammered, “I'm s-sure there is absolutely n-nothing to worry about.”
A menacing roar erupted from the middle of the forest, startling a flock of birds from their nests.
“But maybe we should head back inside just in case!” Fluttershy pushed the horde of animals huddled behind her into her cottage. Locking the doors and turning off the lights, she peered through her closed blinds into the dark edges of the forest. “Okay, Fluttershy, calm down. You're just overreacting. Besides what are odds of that thing coming here to-”
Fluttershy 'eeped' as knocking came from her front door. She began shaking. She slowly walked to her door as the knocking became louder.
“Fluttershy are you there?”
Fluttershy sighed in relief. She easily identified the voice to belong to one of her closest friends Twilight Sparkle. She unlocked her door, opening the door she came face to face with the recently appointed Alicorn princess. Accompanying her were four other ponies, all close friends of Fluttershy's.
“Oh, good morning girls. W-what are you all doing here?” Fluttershy asked nervously, fearing the answer.
“I'm sorry we couldn't meet on a happier note today, Fluttershy. But Princess Celestia sent a message describing a mission of the utmost importance,” the purple Alicorn known as Twilight Sparkle stated.
“What did the message say?”
“Only that some unknown creature appeared in the Everfree forest,” a blue, rainbow maned Pegasus with a lightning bolt for a cutiemark cut in.
“Whatever this thing is, the princesses could sense malicious intent and she wants us to capture it.” Twilight said.
Fluttershy's eyes widened, “W-well I hope you have fun. I have to go and take care of my animals. Bye!” She stepped back, but before she could enter the sanctity of her home a pink blur stopped between her and the door.
“But you have to come with us!” a pink Earth pony with a poofy mane and cutie mark of three balloons pleaded. “We have to welcome it to Ponyville! Then we could throw him a party and there would be balloons, candy, and games. I wonder what kind of cake it likes!”
“I seriously doubt it would want a party, sugarcube,” an orange Earth pony with a blonde mane coincidentally enough in a ponytail said in a southern drawl. Her cutie mark depicted three apples.
“I concur, judging by Princess Celestia's message it would most likely commit a heinous crime than attend a party,” a white Unicorn with a curly purple mane said in a very posh accent. Her cutie mark was three purple diamonds.
Ignoring the banter of her friends, Twilight said, “Fluttershy, please. We need you. Something out there is dangerous, but may respond to you and you alone. Your skills with animals will be a big help.”
Fluttershy frowned. She was frightened by that malevolent entity she felt. But her friends needed her. Steeling her nerves, she said, “I'll do it.”
“Thanks Fluttershy, we couldn't do this without you,” Twilight smiled.
“Hold on just one second, if that's okay with you,” Fluttershy ran back into her house. Double checking that her animals were okay. A couple were still shaken, but she assured them that she was going to get to the bottom of this. “Angel, you're in charge until I get back.” The bunny in question saluted lazily before going back to sleep. Stepping back out, Fluttershy rejoined the group and they began their trek to the forest. As they got closer, though, Fluttershy's resolve began to crumble. “On second thought maybe I should stay. Angel looked a little under the weather.”
“Oh no, you don't!” Rainbow Dash bit Fluttershy's tail, “There's no turning back now.” Rainbow proceeded to drag Fluttershy, her hooves digging into the ground in an attempt to get away.
Fluttershy gulped as she looked back, peering into the darkness that is the Everfree.
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Okay, now I'm downvoting.
There are even more errors, the sentences are losing their structure, the beginning is especially jumbled and since when can Fluttershy detect evil?
Also it's spelled "Drawl" not "Droll"
This story needs help, because this really is an awesome idea for a story, but there are just too many issues.
Please do some rewrites, if you do I'm sure that it will get a lot more views.
Off to a good start, but you really should get a proofreader for your chapters to check for any mistakes.
i am very much enjoying this. please do continue
Interesting... Please do go on...
3779733 I do admit I was up late last night so I expected the worst. Thats gonna be explained later.
Made sure to fix that and the 'its' problem I had with the first one.
Do you proofread? Maybe you could help me.
I like the direction your bringing it in so far, can't wait to read what happens next, but the folks here are right.
You've got some work to do regarding your grammar, I think it was going a little too fast with it as well.
Well, I enjoy it so far. Although I am curious, was Strange's device a disintegrator, or was it meant to be a inter dimensional portal? I'm curious because either way it's odd that an evil psychologist would have something like that. BUT, you need to get Croc to Equestria some way. And if you changed it to much we wouldn't get to start our story in Arkham which is always a great place to start.
3781612 Stay tuned my friend! That will be explained in time!
Hmm...honestly I'm not too sure how this will work out. But I'm curious to see where it goes.
3782103 Oh you rapscallion!
3782298
I have to say, i like the idea. Some grammar errors here and there, and maybe a few small plot holes, but other then that, i really like this.
3788978 Plot holes? Care to explain?
3789079 Well, i understand Luna and Celestia being able to sense major evil entities - them being demigods and all that - but since when did Fluttershy get the evil-monster-radar, too?
3789141 I knew you were gonna go there. That will be explained later. I dont want to spoil anything so I merely ask that you be patient
3780624 I'm not sure how we could make that work, if you tell me how to do the whole "Proofreading" thing then I'll see what I can do.
3805273 You could send me your email address in a private message and Ill send you my finished chapters so you can proofread them.
Fluttershy sensing evil strikes me as odd, but it might be tied to her being an Element of Harmony, so it's not a real gripe to me.
Interesting so far. Keep it up.
Whens the next chapter?
FINALLY, A KILLER CROC FIC
Dude whens the next chapter?!