It's the month of October, and ponies are mysteriously disappearing across Equestria, leading to considerable fear among it's populace. On the first night of the week preceding Nightmare Night, as a week-long stretch of heavy rainfall begins to fall across Equestria, a life-threatening series of events involving Twilight Sparkle and some of her friends convinces the princess's protege to take up her own personal investigation into the disappearances. Joined by the irrepressible Rainbow Dash, Twilight's investigation will lead her and her pegasus friend outside the town of Ponyville across the rain-soaked land to the wet, cobble-stoned streets of Canterlot. However, Twilight has no idea just how much danger her investigation is about to put herself, her pegasus partner, and eventually the rest of her friends in, as the dark forces responsible for the kidnappings conspire to stop them by any means necessary. And to make matters worse, the events of the week will gradually serve to awaken long-thought dormant emotions in Twilight, dark, bloodthirsty emotions that she's done her best to suppress since that day over a year ago when she nearly lost control of herself in front of her friends. Now she struggles to contain her growing dark side, before it consumes her completely...
A dark adventure mystery delving into matters concerning the supernatural, dark magic, and the occult.
My only gripe would be some parenthesis in the narrative.
Other than that, very nicely done. I quite enjoy a little bit of Dark when it's written so well.
3555712
Huh, could you possibly point out what you mean about that, so I can see for myself?
Thanks! Glad you like it so far.
Although, just wait til nightfall come Chapter 3; that's when I really plan to ratchet up the darkness level.
3555756
Right there! Eeeevil
Hey...this looks...familiar...
Didn't I edit this?
3555799
Well, I wrote that to imply that Dash either just didn't notice the look Twilight was shooting her, or she did notice and just decided to continue ribbing Twilight for fun. She strikes me as being one who enjoys a good ribbing at her friend's expenses, but of course, she'll let up and apologize once she gets the impression that they want her to knock it off.
But, I can see how that statement you pointed out can seem a bit contradictory. Hope I was able to clear up why I worded it so. I appreciate you for pointing it out.
3555885
Hey, Ri2! Yep, this is indeed the chapter I had you look over way back when. Glad you noticed me posting it!
3555917 Congratulations on finally putting it up.
3555904
I get that, but you use a dash to show that, not parenthesizes.
Not noticing (or just plain disregarding) the dangerous steely glint in Twilight’s eyes proper, Rainbow continued on
vs.
Not noticing—or just plain disregarding—the dangerous steely glint in Twilight’s eyes proper, Rainbow continued on
3555957
Hmm, I do suppose you have a good point there. It does look better that way. Okay, I made the change there from parentheses to dashes. Thanks, good sir!
3556008
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130630180448/aceattorney/images/9/96/AAI_Miles_Edgeworth_Bowing.gif
I have to ask. Is this related to the game Heavy Rain in any way?
3565609
Yeah, figured someone would notice and assume that before long. Was kinda expecting it, heh.
But to answer your question, no, my story is not going to be a retelling of Heavy Rain with ponies. Believe me, I have something much darker planned than a regular old serial killer for this story.
But that's not to say that there isn't some measure of truth to your claim; I did adapt one major aspect from that game into my story, namely, the heavy rainfall that seems to be a constant presence throughout the game. It's one of the big reasons why I loved that game so much; the rain seemed to ratchet up the feeling of depressing gloominess and the overall sense of noir-ness of the unnamed city the game takes place in. It reminded me so much of one of my favorite thriller/mystery movies of all time, Se7en, and the near-constant rainfall that blanketed the city as the two protagonists worked to catch the Seven Sins Killer. So I decided to take that one aspect that I loved so much from those two sources and adapt it into my own mystery.
And as for the title, well, I guess I'll just admit that I really couldn't think of a better one, and the fact that 'Heavy Rain' sounds like such an awesome title by itself, I just couldn't resist naming my own story that.
A massive storm…disappearing ponies…a silent Princess Luna…and a drought in Appleloosa…yeah, there's no way those are all connected.
Ah, typical Earth Pony stubbornness. By which I mean stupidity.
What is Applejack hiding?
3588465
Don't worry, Ri2, Princess Luna is not going over to the dark side again. She'll play an important role later in the story, though; there's a reason why she's one of the main character icons. But I think I mentioned that to you a while back, although I guess you could've just forgotten.
Yep, and Appleloosians are the stubbornest of them all, lol!
And I thought it would've been pretty obvious that Applejack was talking about her parents. I imagine she shared her grief pretty openly with Granny Smith and Big Mac in the aftermath of their deaths, which is what I meant by 'a shoulder to cry on'.
3588513 Oh, I know she hasn't gone dark. I'm just assuming there's a connection and I am right.
And racist! Those poor buffalo, being driven off their land. And unicorns forced to suppress their powers because of a prejudiced 'tradition' which is more of an excuse to mock the superior master race.
Oh right, her parents. Curse those wicked Pears!
APPLEJACK has precognition? Blasphemy! Everyone knows that's Pinkie's domain! She's trying to steal what makes other characters interesting in an attempt to compensate for being Worst Pony!
Oh, and I can totally see Flutters being into heavy metal. And while she wasn't a prostitute…I could see her as a porn star.
3622424
Hahaha, calm yourself, Ri2, Applejack's danger-sense will be explained at some point in the future. But, by chance, have you read 'It's A Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door'?
Oh, and I'm glad you think so too. Metalshy is awesome!
3622714 You mean the story where AJ, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash went on an epic adventure to save Twilight because nobody thought it might be a good idea to TELL PRINCESS CELESTIA HER PRECIOUS STUDENT WAS DYING AND ASK IF SHE COULD HELP? Or take her to the hospital. Or for the hospitals to have this ridiculously rare cure stocked up just so people don't have to trek all the way to an impossibly dangerous mountain in another country just in case a Unicorn overdoes a few spells, because honestly, that says terrible things about the Equestrian health care service.
3623796
Uh, yeah, that one, lol.
I suppose in the case of that story the author of that story had to settle with those obvious flaws in order to tell the story he wanted to tell. If he had beat himself up over those disparities, we wouldn't have gotten one of the most epic MLP adventure stories in the fandom.
But anyway, since by your response I'm assuming you have read the story, then you should have an idea as to where Applejack's danger-sense ability stems from.
3623897 It was an epic story, but that was a massive, nigh unforgivable plot hole. I vaguely recall Twilight insisting they not tell Celestia so as not to bother her, which is STUPID. I hate it when a story only works due to everyone acting like an idiot/failing to communicate key information.
And no, I haven't actually read the story, just parts of it.
3623905
Well, from what the YMMV article for the story on tvtropes, it's apparently because Twilight didn't want it to appear to Celestia that she didn't have faith in her friends being able to attain the cure for her, but yeah, I agree that's it a flimsy excuse, at best. The article even states that it's the biggest glaring flaw of the whole story and its one major shortcoming.
Oh well then, like I said, it'll all be explained at some point in the future.
3623998 Yeah, that is a horrible flaw.
a fic based on heavy rain..............
this is going to end with a lot murdered ponies, isn't it?
3797195
Actually, this fic is not based on Heavy Rain in any way. Like I said in a previous reply, I just adapted the name and atmosphere from it. This is a story with a completely different plot from the game. Although, I guess you can be forgiven for thinking that initially, lol.
A five inch long switchblade? Damn. Nice to see Equestria's got pretty lax weapons laws. They need it with all these cults running around and there not being any police to speak of.
3805651
Well, I did kinda model it after Assassin's Creed's hidden blade gauntlet, heheh. I'm not exactly sure how long the blade is for it, though, so I just did a rough estimate of how long I thought it would be, from photos of it and such.
And yes, the regular police force has been really unsuccessful in tracking down this cult. But they're one of those cults that covers up their tracks extremely well. Kidnapping cases are very hard for police in real life, if there are no witnesses to the kidnapping. All they can do is file a missing person's report and hope that they'll eventually catch a break somewhere. Considering that serial kidnappers are also often serial murderers, it makes it an especially gut-wrenching feeling, when people are going missing and then turning up dead, and all you can do is hope that the killer eventually slips up somehow, giving you a key piece of evidence you can use to track them down. And so far, this cult has done a very good job of covering their tracks and not leaving any evidence. And so, the police are stuck.