Allthough I have a hunch what Flutters fetish is... or at least I expect this fetish being used in this story too. Time will tell if I am right and if that particular one goes to Fluttershy.
Don't normally downvote without explanation, but CarcinoGeneticist and MrNumbers have pretty much covered all of my objections already, so I'll just add two.
First, it can be very "telly". There are plenty of places where you could have easily established emotion via action, you simply state all the characters' emotions outright. Second, your actual sex scenes just come off as awkward and difficult to read. I'm actually just skimming those parts.
Regardless, I'm still going to read through it and watch for updates, but that's mostly curiosity at what fetishes you're going to assign each one.
3548226 Thanks. I always tend to have a few spelling/grammar errors I never notice. I'm my own editor, so some things tend to slip by me. I admit, Pizzorto's the gender-bent version of my oc, but it wasn't my oc's personality or actual character being indulged into the story. I was just thumped thinking of names, so I threw it in. Besides, if you disregard of my username, you'd only think of him as another character, Rainbow Dash is my profile picture because I love her character and all. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was tying to indulge myself into his story, because I wasn't.
3549397 Rarity's chapter will be chapter 6. I already have her fetish planned (I've had all theirs scheduled way ahead of time) and it's kinda what most people are expecting, but what it actually is isn't at all what people are expecting (Or at least not that I know of). I won't say anything about Flutters', though.
I'm liking this in an oddly platonic way. Not a boner in sight, but many smiles and strange little d'awws.
Good work on this one, I love the detail. Despite only having about three sentences to make a character feel like a character before the boning, you do it really well. The Traveler didn't even have a name, but she still has enough detail to make me sit here thinking up a backstory. Keep this going.
Haven't read Twilight's yet, but so far, I'm just going to say one thing: None of these are THAT wierd. Pinkie's is to sweets, and the chemicals released in the brain when eating small amounts of chocolate are similar to those released when falling in love, and large amounts similar to the ones released when having sex. Applejack's is to hooves, and the nerve path in your feet connects with the nerve path from between your legs, thus resulting in quite a few people having foot orgasms. Rainbow's... well, I'm pretty sure that people really do stuff like that.
I loved it all so much that was one sweet and sexy chapter.I can't wait to see what happens next.And it looks like that spanking wasn't going to be her last one that night.
Twilight cleared her throat and tossed the others a scold for making Applejack feel uncomfortable with herself. “So, Applejack… Do you feel better now that you’ve admit that?”
unf, moar
MOAR! um if don't mind that is.
Oh my. If Rainbow's dad ever makes another canon appearance, I don't think I'll ever stop cringe-laughing
Thank you sir may i have another!....no seriously i want another chapter right now.
Can't wait for Twilights! More please! :D
Boy I hope Rainbow doesn't suddenly get very aroused while flying. That wouldn't end very well at all.
What my fellow readers said. More....
Allthough I have a hunch what Flutters fetish is... or at least I expect this fetish being used in this story too. Time will tell if I am right and if that particular one goes to Fluttershy.
Flutters last so it's either Twilight or Rarity will go next.
Still waiting for Twilight.
3547724 Don't worry. Twi's chapter is next
From what I can see, these fetishes are in an order from least to most outlandish.
Oh, the possibilities for Fluttershy
inb4 rarity's is anal
3547607 Yeah, Twi is next, it said in an earlier chapter that she is number three.. Should be good.
A minor typo, but somewhat jarring as it is in the opening sentence of this chapter:
Also...
Given your user name and choice of profile picture, the use of an author self-insert OC is fairly obvious.
Somepony is in trouble.
I kinda hope this has Sparity or it lost a potential reader. ('o_o)
Don't normally downvote without explanation, but CarcinoGeneticist and MrNumbers have pretty much covered all of my objections already, so I'll just add two.
First, it can be very "telly". There are plenty of places where you could have easily established emotion via action, you simply state all the characters' emotions outright. Second, your actual sex scenes just come off as awkward and difficult to read. I'm actually just skimming those parts.
Regardless, I'm still going to read through it and watch for updates, but that's mostly curiosity at what fetishes you're going to assign each one.
3547789 does Raritys fetish include bondage.. Or fluttershy
WHAT A TWIST if it's shy
3548226 Thanks. I always tend to have a few spelling/grammar errors I never notice. I'm my own editor, so some things tend to slip by me.
I admit, Pizzorto's the gender-bent version of my oc, but it wasn't my oc's personality or actual character being indulged into the story. I was just thumped thinking of names, so I threw it in. Besides, if you disregard of my username, you'd only think of him as another character, Rainbow Dash is my profile picture because I love her character and all. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was tying to indulge myself into his story, because I wasn't.
It's be funny if Fluttershy's fetish topped them all XD
3549397 Rarity's chapter will be chapter 6. I already have her fetish planned (I've had all theirs scheduled way ahead of time) and it's kinda what most people are expecting, but what it actually is isn't at all what people are expecting (Or at least not that I know of). I won't say anything about Flutters', though.
3549747
Calling it now: Fluttershy's is Zoophilia.
3549992
Zoophilia? That would be too obvious. I more expect Watersports for Flutters.
3550168
Huh. Fair point, I guess it would be obvious.
I have a feeling Twilight has a teacher fantasy
3547789 I know! It's just I can't wait to see what freaky thing she's into. It's going to be great.
3549751 Is one of their fetishes hypnosis?
I'm liking this in an oddly platonic way. Not a boner in sight, but many smiles and strange little d'awws.
Good work on this one, I love the detail. Despite only having about three sentences to make a character feel like a character before the boning, you do it really well. The Traveler didn't even have a name, but she still has enough detail to make me sit here thinking up a backstory. Keep this going.
Haven't read Twilight's yet, but so far, I'm just going to say one thing: None of these are THAT wierd. Pinkie's is to sweets, and the chemicals released in the brain when eating small amounts of chocolate are similar to those released when falling in love, and large amounts similar to the ones released when having sex. Applejack's is to hooves, and the nerve path in your feet connects with the nerve path from between your legs, thus resulting in quite a few people having foot orgasms. Rainbow's... well, I'm pretty sure that people really do stuff like that.
Wow. Just wow. Rainbow's fetish gots to be pretty weird. Gotta wonder what fluttershys is
Has no one realized that the playcolt model is Firefly from gen one?
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/075/3/f/rainbow_dash_x_firefly_by_cheryl_jum-d5y7mst.png
(i used a g4 version of her to spare your brains and sanity)
I absolutely adore the ending ! when the dad says that...
That's My Little Dashie reference to me, although she says goodnight rather than okay in MLD.
...
I loved it all so much that was one sweet and sexy chapter.I can't wait to see what happens next.And it looks like that spanking wasn't going to be her last one that night.
Twilight is best therapist.