As both Dreams and Twilight were back at the ship after their show they simply looked at eachother for a few moments. The free consumptions for the 'royal newlyweds' had clearly begun to rise to their heads.
They held the gaze for a moment or two before both erupting in absolute laughter.
It was Dreams who got enough breath to speak first.
“Darling, that was one of the most comedic things I have ever seen in my life! Does something as horrendous as that actually count as high entertainment? I mean, even I could predict what would happen. And do not even get me started on the acting.”
That statement, and the horribly fake canterlotian accent Dreams had spoken it in caused Twilight to go in a new bout of giggles.
But the thestral had a point, the play had been absolutely dreadful. The whole original plotline had been completely thrown out of the window, trampled upon in a buffalo stampede before thrown before a pack of rabid wolves. What had been left had been given to a writer with so little imagination that a grade schooler would have been a better choice to re-write it.
But atleast they had been able to get a good laugh from it. Though they had to keep it silent and to themselves lest they disturb any of those rich snobs seated in the booth besides them.
And then there had been the staff. Both of them had been dismissive and Twilight had tried to be approachable. But for some reason they feared that anything could be seen as an insult.
They could not even finish their meal or a drink before they were asked whether they needed a refill or if there was something else they needed.
The amount of pampering was ridiculous. Even more so when they finally had been away from it all.
The good captain simply stood there mouth ajar as the two mares where simply making a large joke of what would have been one of the greatest high points of the entire trip. Without any words to say to that He just left them behind, chalking it up to alcohol.
That night Dreams was laying in bed unable to find sleep. It might have been the alcohol, it might have been something else completely but her mind been working overtime. And the one thing kept haunting her mind.
The young alicorn currently using her chest as a pillow while she was softly snoring the night away. Dreams had never really thought about these things, her usual reaction to seeing her former bedmates asleep was pure disgust.
But with Twilight it was different, it felt different. Dreams had to admit that the sleeping form of her bedmate could actually be described as somewhat cute.
Not fluffy bunny or puppy-like adorable cute. Just normal cute, like how a book would describe a character.
The rational part of her mind was pointing out to the past few days and blaming it on the surreality of it all. That it all is just some kind of dream or otherwise hallucination. Simply because it could not be real.
Being plucked from her predicament, married off into royalty and with an what seemed to be genuine kind mare who had made sure that Dream's grandparent's were replaced into the castle's own wing for the elderly nobles.
And that was a thing another part of her mind had been trying to convince her that it wasn't just a dream. That she was now actually married to a mare, and even stranger she was alright with it!
In all of her previous often fever induced hallucinations and dreams it had always been a stallion.
Soon her mind wandered to different topics. Things a tired mind often things about like the strange grain of the wooden boards of the ceiling, the song of the wind against the slightly opened window or how nice the softness of Twilight's fur rubbing against her felt.
You know, the trivial and unimportant things of life.
The next day found them walking away from breakfast. For what they had been told there had been nothing planned for the day. It was just a simple day of travel across the nation to arrive at their next destination. A destination almost two full days away.
“So you are saying that you are not actually nocturnal at all?”
Twilight's voice had been quite surprised. She had started to ask Dreams a bit about herself, though mostly about thestrals in general.
Dreams simply nodded at the question.
“Yes, we are generally diacturnal. Just like everypony else. But for some odd reason we are just able to adjust to a different sleep pattern more easily.”
That had been a little tidbit that Twilight had not known, it was just often assumed that the thestrals where just naturally nocturnal.
Their conversation went on for a while, atleast until far after lunch had been served. The topics had ranged from common misconceptions surrounding alicorns and thestrals.
Though for some reason Pleasant Dreams had looked away and refused to talk further when the subject about them needing to feed upon blood on occasions.
Of course she had dismissed it wholeheartedly, but something seemed a bit off to Twilight. But since she still did not had puncture marks anywhere on her body nor had any real evidence of this practice ever been found Twilight was willing to let it go.
They had seemingly surpassed the initial awkwardness that had surrounded them when they had first boarded the graceful airship. Though at times the conversation still sounded a bit forced, and occasionally one of them stepped away from the other in a way that screamed 'leave me be for a bit'.
But all in all they had grown to be atleast a bit more accustomed to being near each other as it often tends to happen when traveling with an unknown pony.
Still they were a far cry from being good friends, or even lovers at that, but the start had been made that morning.
The innocent and rather naïve question from Twilight, why Dreams could be so chipper in the early mornings for a thestral, had sparked a long winded conversation that revealed that they both had one thing in common.
A incurable curiosity, and a sharp and intelligent enough mind to slake this thirst for knowledge. Though they both had completely different fields of interest. One liked the more exact sciences like magic, math and chemistry. The other seemed to prefer the looser subjects things relating to ancient lore and myths or simple philosophy to an extent.
But despite the difference, it was a way for them to connect in a deeper way than trying hit and miss tactics during the attempts at a serious discussion and their small talk before.
A few of the ship's crew allotted the change to the alcohol both had consumed the night before and that it had opened their minds enough to allow for usual honeymoon activities.
Though besides a more closer cuddle nothing of such sort had actually occurred.
But right now they had been silent. Simply watching the desert flow by beneath them. It was the first time for Pleasant Dreams to be so far away from the green region of Canterlot. Even during her time in Cloudsdale had she never seen something as arid as these lands.
But something caught her eyes, far in the distance she could see a small acclimation of what seemed to be houses right next a sea of green.
When she pointed it out to Twilight, the alicorn had simply smiled.
“Ooh, that must be Appleloosa.”
The sight made a small smile come to Twilight's face as an idea started to form in her mind.
“Hmm.... I'll be right back.”
When a set of confused eyes stared at her Twilight simply nodded with her head towards the steering hut.
“Just need to talk to the captain real quick.”
Though it was said in a friendly voice, the way Twilight had said it made Dreams' spine shiver a bit. It made her recall the tone her old masters' father had used with the servants, it told very clearly that he would not tolerate going against his requests.
Yet somehow, Twilight had made it a lot less forceful. Maybe it was due the fact that her stance was not aggressive in any way, or maybe it was the fact that she merely walked away without stomping on the floor or without shouting at anypony.
Perhaps 10 minutes later Twilight came out of the steering hut, a smug smile adorning her face. The captain had refused at first, but after a while he relented. A few chosen words and a set of decent arguments about service had been of great help in convincing him.
As she stepped outside Dreams approached her with a cautious look, experience screamed at her that ponies in the mindstate she had seen Twilight in before speaking with the captain is a bad idea.
“So euhm? What did you just do?”
Twilight did not need to answer, a sturdy turn of the wheel made the entire airship cruise towards the small village.
“We are going to visit a few friends of mine. Lets just hope they are home.”
And that was about everything Dreams could get out of Twilight as the latter had been staring over the railing.
With a curious look Dreams looked in the same direction and could see a large herd of buffalo stampede right underneath them straight towards the town in the distance.
She could not believe her eyes, a real life stampede! That was something one could only read about in books. The wild tribes of the west had been in a steady decline for ages as they had slowly integrated into Equestrian society.
“Is, is that a real buffalo herd? That can't be. I thought that they no longer existed in such ways!”
“Ooh yes thats a real tribe. Probably one of the last few who still live the traditional way. Chief Thunderhooves and his tribe live a few miles to the west. Most likely we will meet up with him later. He's keen to having his apple pie after the stampede for what I've heard.”
As the air yacht hooked itself up to several tree's in the Appleloosa orchard it had already attracted a rather large crowd.
Without an official boarding ramp Twilight and Dreams had to use their own wings to drop to the ground level.
It was at the point where Twilight's hooves touched the ground that Dreams made a resolution. When this trip was over she was going to take Twilight flying, as often as time would allow both for Twilight's sake as her own. Because that landing was everything but safe.
For neither of them.
As Twilight was attempting to knock the dust off her coat caused by her most recent 'landing' a large buffalo and a brown stallion with a stetson approached them.
Both with a large smile on their faces.
The stallion smiled even more brightly
“Highness, welcome back to...”
But before he could finish his sentence the buffalo placed its hoof over the stallion's mouth. “I believe she knows Braeburn I do believe she knows. But perhaps she could introduce us to her companion and explain her presence.”
He quickly added “Not that we would not welcome her after all her friends and herself have done for us.”
Walking towards Dreams Twilight simply waved a hoof to her friend.
“Chief Thunderhooves, Braeburn meet my wife Pleasant Dreams. Dreams, these are Chief Thunderhooves of the Thunderhoof tribe and Braeburn Apple representative of the frontier village of Appleloosa. And for our presence well we are on our honeymoon and where passing by on the way to our next destination.”
Twilight quickly waved captain Cloudsail over to their location as he had been flying down himself.
"And perhaps present a rather lucrative proposal to the township and the buffalo's. But captain Cloudsail can fill you in on more of that."
Hours later found the small group in Braeburn's house for a pint of cider. The first ever Appleloosan cider, brewed by the old Apple-clan recipe which had been altered a bit with ancient Buffalo herbal knowledge.
It had a bit of a harsher and more earthy taste, but both Twilight and Dreams found it to be a vast improvement over the champagne and expensive wines they had been getting on the ship.
Chief Thunderhooves and Captain Cloudsail had left sometime ago after some serious negotiations.
Just as Twilight had predicted and proposed to the captain he was able to procure a contract with the buffalo's and the village.
Appleloosa was now an official stop for the Luna's Grace, marketed as a visit to a real frontier town; a must see for everypony.
The rich and snobby will be seeing a traditional stampede from an angle where they cannot possibly get dirty, afterwards they will go for a real frontier dinner in the local saloon and they will be getting the opportunity to buy some hoofcrafted items from the townsfolk and the buffalo.
All in all for a price that was acceptable for all three parties involved.
With the cider flowing as richly as it had Braeburn had offered the royal couple a bed for the night.
Cuddled closer to each other then ever before on the 1.5 pony bed Dreams and Twilight finally found a decent position. Facing eachother face to face.
While Twilight had fallen asleep almost instantly Dreams had trouble sleeping. Her alcohol addled mind drifting back to her thoughts of the previous morning.
And now with the alicorn gently snoring the night away with her face right in front of Dreams it made the thestral even more confused then ever.
The whole trip, the way Twilight treated the staff at the castle or even the common pony here in a village in the middle of the desert. There was no doubt, she was for real there was no act. Not even the greatest actors could keep up that upbeat, nerdy and sometimes rather OCD-ish personality forever without it being the real deal.
It set something at ease in her heart and mind. Previously she had been giving Twilight the benefit of the doubt. But right now, with all she had seen Dreams made a vow to herself.
To atleast try and open herself, to try and befriend Twilight.
Closing her eyes she snuggled into the blankets. But before sleep could claim her Dreams felt the soft fur of Twilight gently pressing against her in a cuddling motion.
Hesitantly she placed her own hoof around Twilight, feeling the alicorn trying to instinctively snuggle further into the thestrals fur.
It felt different than any previous experiences, she might go as far as saying it felt nice and even calming.
If the rest of life with the alicorn would be like this then she could live with it. And while she was no materialistic mare, for 500 bits a week she would most definitely be able to live with it.
Even if the thought of selling herself like that did make her feel more than a bit dirty.
The next day came early, a bit too early if one would have asked both mares. But if one stays with a farmer, one will raise at dawn like a farmer and Braeburn was no exception to the rule.
But the simple breakfast he had provided with had been excellent, it reminded Twilight of the times in her youth she had been allowed to help in the castle's kitchen.
According to Celestia it had been an exercise, to help fine tune her telekinetic control over multiple objects. She had been clumsy due still very young age. But the taste of that fresh bread straight out of the oven with just a small layer of butter?
Nothing could beat that, yet Braeburn's still steaming sourdough was getting to be a very close second.
But for Pleasant Dreams? Who had only started getting decent food a few days ago, it was Elysium in breadform. Especially since it was nothing like the fancy overpriced and often overspiced food they served in the castle and the ship.
Saying their last goodbye's where the ship was anchored above the orchard Breaburn had promised to visit Ponyville soon.
Dreams had noted that this time Twilight's landing had gone a little smoother, while still horrible there was no faceplant into the deck.
Within seconds the captain had walked towards them.
“Aah you are here. Now then I do hope there will be no more unscheduled intrusions.”
A small glare went towards Twilight, followed by a somewhat greedy smile. It was obvious that he was being richly rewarded for the little deal in Appleloosa.
“Then now we all are back on the ship we can head off to our last stop where we shall be staying for two days before heading back. We should be arriving there early in the evening. Though I will not say where.”
He did not need to say anything. There was fairly little in the desert. The only thing it could be was about 100 miles to the south.
Las Pegasus, the den of debauchery and sin. The capital of gambling.
And the last place both Twilight as Dreams wanted to go to. But then again it had fitted perfectly in the picture of Bluebloods double-sided present.
All the rich and powerful loved to go there and flaunt their bits.
Not that Twilight wasn't powerful or rich (because lets face it she was rather well off. Being the royal protogé wasn't the best paying job in the world. But her numerous research in magic and alchemy made up for it bigtime.)
But it was the flaunting part that bugged her. She had flaunted a little bit in the past, like paying for 'the usual' whenever she went along with Fluttershy and Rarity or anonymously donating a large amount to the local school.
It was just how she looked at it, there was just no reason to start throwing around bits just to show that she was better off than others.
That just felt wrong. Especially since there were still others who were worried whether there would be enough bits to buy food until the next paycheck.
As the ship continued blurs of speech from the crew could be heard, but mostly it was the same obnoxious stuff all ponies visiting this particular city where spouting.
Dying to see this and this, wanting to change their luck through that.
Dreams just let them have their dream of a better future. She knew from personal experience that a dream could mean the difference between life and death. Between lawful slavery and freedom.
Still somewhere deep inside of her Dreams also felt the alluring pull of taking a chance. And she knew that while Twilight had been firmly against the city the alicorn would most certainly be willing to take a shot at it as well
The city of vice was even brighter up close then from a distance. Even the walkway from the air docks were paved with glitters.
Twilight had made the joke that there was enough of an energetic vibe in the air to even outmatch Pinkie Pie, simply buzzing with life all around.
But as the two went on the grand tour they sadly also saw the dark side of the city. Alleyways filled with ponies down their luck waiting for their ride back home.
Atleast for those who still had a home.
Even when the grand dinner show at one of the most renowned casino's did little to ease their minds.
Twilight thought it to be horrendous that a pony could simply gamble away everything they possessed without anything stopping them. She would be writing with Luna on that one for a while she suspected.
Celestia was great, a real good mentor and a even better leader. But Twilight had swiftly found out who had been the brains behind many of the laws and tax-systems.
Luna just had a better head for those things, she did not care that it would upset a few if it would benefit the many.
And on that Twilight had to agree with her.
Dreams however was more shocked by the sight of the 'taillifters'. She knew the industry, not from experience but many of the 'entertainment' on parties had been of the same kind.
Young mares, often barely out of their familyhood, lured into traps with promises of a good job and a bright future.
Only to be ensnared into a web they cannot ever find a way out of alone, and none outside the web is willing to even lift a hoof to help.
To say it had put a damper on things would be an understatement. Without visiting any of the slot machines or various tables.
One could say they were retreating to the only safe place in the entire town. Their cabin aboard the Luna's Grace.
With both of their minds and hearts downtrodden there was little conversation. Just an early bedtime.
The next day found them in a little bit of a better mood. They were even willing to try their hoof at some of the plentiful games.
But both had known it would happen and taken precautions for it. Neither had more than 40 bits on hoof. And they had promised to stay close to pull the other away if need arises.
Hours later somewhere around noon both mares had exited the casino. Pleasant Dreams had actually been forced to drag Twilight away from the Roulette-table by the tail.
Not because the alicorn was losing. On the contrary, Twilight had seemed to have figured out the exact calibration of the table.
It might have been rigged, but that did not stop her from doing what Dreams had thought to be impossible.
Twilight had achieved a win ratio of 9 to 1. Of every ten games played she had effectively got profit from nine of them. Baffling both the snobs surrounding the table, the croupier and even the owner of the establishment.
It had taken poor Dreams almost every bit of her self restraint not to burst into laughter at the scene the owner had caused.
He had burst in and accused Twilight of cheating. Twilight on the other hoof had simply looked at the stallion before going off on a lecture of epic proportions. Explaining into minute detail the math behind her winning streak
Apparently she had used some kind of probability-equation combined with estimates of the speed of the wheel and the ball. Combining that with the factors she had observed like prefered numbers and wins of other players.
She had claimed it to be nothing more than a simple game of chance that could easily be won if one had the right numbers.
But what Twilight had not realised was that she had lost all others, some brave souls had tried to write down what she had said. But the question marks in their eyes just grew larger and larger until Dreams had stepped in and simply dragged the still lecturing alicorn away.
Still it had proven to be amusing and it had proven a rather harsh and stubborn rumor amongst the nobles to be true.
Their new princess was a complete and utter nerd. One that would even go as far as to start pouting at Dreams for dragging her away from her little lecture.
It actually brought a smile to her face seeing Twilight act like a little foal being dragged out of a toy-store. It gave a sense of endearment to the whole persona Twilight seemed to have.
Over the course of the meeting, the wedding and the trip she had shown herself to be caring, sweet and hyper intelligent. But also having a bit of a OCD and being a bit of a worrywart.
And right now she seemed to be even a little naïve and foalish.
The following day the two mares found themselves having their final breakfast on the air yacht. It had sailed off towards their last destination early in the night. According to the crew it would arrive at Ponyville just before lunch.
To Twilight it was the beginning of a period of adjustment, adjustment to living with another mare.
To Pleasant Dreams it was the start of a new life, one filled with choices and uncertainty. But a life in relative freedom nonetheless
And both could not be looking forward to it any less.
Are they looking forward to it, or not? It's not all that clear from the phrasing.
Your headcanon is that RAINBOW DASH is the straight one? Irony
5106124
I know, that makes it sound like they're dreading the coming changes.
5106124
5106191
Yes they are looking forward to it.
5106157
True but also that many think her to be gay due her hair and tomboyish nature and it irks her to no end that any stallion she tries to pick up doesn't get the hint.....
5106218 good point, but it's still funny
I do like a good Sorin x Applejack, and though the idea that best way to a guys heart is food I kind of like the idea that AJ's unrequited crush on Rainbow has enamored her to the Stunt Flyer.
Also, is Polyamory legit in your setting?
While its never said in the Fic the idea offers some hope for Dream.
Ohhh.... Spike x Sweetiebelle Yes must ship. I guess I'm the type that when the obvious ship is an unrequited love, go for the next best thing. But I also Like the Idea that Spike will realize Sweetie will grow to look like her sister, and she would be enamored with the perfect gentle drake that Rarity practically cultivated.
5106363
I believe that was the plan of Rarity all along. Generous enough to sacrife her own perfect gentlecolt / automatic creeprepellant for when she does hit the big leaguesso her little sis can be happy.
Headcannon is that Sweetie already has a small crush on spike but just hassn't realised it yet.
Polyamory is legal, but not activly persued. Its more a deal between a couple and a few mares....
5106500
Ahh that warms my heart, both for the Sweetie x Spike and the hope that strait Dream isn't completely SOL. Not saying that needs to happen or anything, but just that its possible Im happy.
As for Rainbow, she is too cool to be held down by any one guy. Id like to think that she has dated around but no pony has ever been able to keep up with her. And Id like to think that maybe the One stallion she has kept her eye on and has never treated like a quick fling, the one pony she will want to spend the rest of her life with is... Well not sure exactly. He would be a slow earthpony, some pony that is always getting in trouble, somepony that despite his slow nature is incredibly selfless and Loyal. Kind of like her pet Turtle.
I would suggest not to pair off everyone, unless you want a shipping war to break out in the comments. They draw attention from the main pairing, and you can easily put off people if you introduce the wrong pairings.
But since we are playing, Rarity and Celestia. The actual princes are a) spoken for or b) about as likable as a rabid badger, so a princess would be the logical choice (and they are better, anyway). Celestia is calm and collected and would work wonderfully to balance out Rarity's hysteric phases. Rarity, meanwhile, is an expert at communication and socializing, and could perform well in a position handling the nobles or something similar. She also knows when someone needs to take time for themselves, and how to not forget one's own well-being while caring for others, something Celestia needs.
So Twilight Sparkle is now the Princess of Gambling???? And the Casino wanted to accuse her of cheating??? I loved the stopover in AAAAAAA-pple-LOO-sa and Twilight setting it up as a tourist sight to help the town and the cruise line. Pure genius!
As for ships, hmmm. I agree with the below pros for Sweetie Spikeimg2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120424015513/mlp/images/thumb/a/ae/Spike_and_Sweetie_Belle_dancing_2_S2E26.png/640px-Spike_and_Sweetie_Belle_dancing_2_S2E26.png , it definitely has potential.
For Rarity, I'll suggest Thunderlane, he saved her in Wonderbolts Academy so I can see her treating him to a meal and making him a nice outfit for it. Plus, they're both older siblings and could bond over stories about Sweetie and Rumble. Mare wise I say Aloe and Lotus since she's always at their spa and it can get kind of intimate there Sapphire Shores is another possibility, she's used Rarity at least twice for costumes and they might need some extra time to discuss ideas that results in dinner meetings because Sapphiere Shores has little free time between tours.
For AJ.... hmmm, well the biggest problem is finding a stallion her family won't scare off Ideally she'd need someone who could stop her from going overboard like in Applebuck season... Iron Will has the guts! Plus, I can see him punching trees instead of bucking them. Soarin is another possibility since he loves her pie and I can see him constantly stopping by to get some and staying for chats that turn into dates. Mare wise... hmmm Cherries Jubile, they meet for a business venture or conference and start writing back and forth, maybe both have stallion troubles and go to a bar to commiserate, end up sleeping together and liking it????
Rainbow Dash first needs to adopt Scootaloo if our favorite little Pegasus is an orphan. Soarin works for her, they did dance at the wedding and she saved his pie, I've seen them together in enough fanfics I think it could work. to appeal to her sense of adventure I'd say Dr. Whooves as in the Pony Timelord, going on adventures through Time and Space would probably be fun for Rainbow. My only downside to that is I Dr. Whooves with Ditzy...
The one stallion I say none of the mares should fall for is this guy:
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120211211957/mlp/images/thumb/c/c3/Pony_strangely_obsessed_with_tubs_of_jelly_S2E17.png/480px-Pony_strangely_obsessed_with_tubs_of_jelly_S2E17.png HE'S JUST PLAIN CREEPY!!!!
Uh rarity is a no go as well she is obviously straight. If her crush on blue blood and trenderhoof can be counted. The only one I can see rarity getting together with is spike the dragon. The two just seem to click. Rarity can help spike control his greed and spike can help her learn to be careful with her generousity. Both balance each other out a lot.
As for applejack I was thinking sorin of the wonderbot team. Seems that guy likes her cooking skill and can definitely apreaciate her hard work.
And we don't know for sure on rainbow as she is to much of a tomboy to consider dating stallions plus her issues back in flight school are total points to having her be at least bit bi. The one I consider her dating is spitfire due to the captain testing her and learning about the real rainbow dash and not what everyone else sees of her.
Honestly with fluttershy I don't see her with red heart as that's a unexpected pairing. Fluttershy doesn't interact with red heart much in the series.
Either way this is quite a story still keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to the next one.
Uh rarity is a no go as well she is obviously straight. If her crush on blue blood and trenderhoof can be counted. The only one I can see rarity getting together with is spike the dragon. The two just seem to click. Rarity can help spike control his greed and spike can help her learn to be careful with her generousity. Both balance each other out a lot.
As for applejack I was thinking sorin of the wonderbot team. Seems that guy likes her cooking skill and can definitely apreaciate her hard work.
And we don't know for sure on rainbow as she is to much of a tomboy to consider dating stallions plus her issues back in flight school are total points to having her be at least bit bi. The one I consider her dating is spitfire due to the captain testing her and learning about the real rainbow dash and not what everyone else sees of her.
Honestly with fluttershy I don't see her with red heart as that's a unexpected pairing. Fluttershy doesn't interact with red heart much in the series.
Either way this is quite a story still keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to the next one.
5106938
Being seen as straight and being fully straight is not the same thing.
A friend of mine was to all what we knew completely straight. And as far as he knew aswell. But he surprised us and himself after a classmate of his (a guy) asked him out. He wanted to say no but in the end he just said "why not, its just a date after its done its done"
They have been together for 3 years by now.
5106218
"Not looking forward to it any more." Is actually the proper way to say it, Cealdra hon. I know it sounds weird but that's just how it works.
5106956
Rarity is whatever the author of a story wants her to be. The show staff said none will have their sexuality revealed. Just because Rarity was interested in a male doesn't mean she enjoys stallions on the whole, at all, or likes stallions NOW that the males she went after turned out to be douchebags. She could (more likely) be bisexual, even. And that's just following logic from what we were told. In the story, the author decides. If they want Rarity to be into tentacle monsters and find ponies ugly, then that's a thing that can happen and no one can say anything about it. It really frickin' annoys me when people show up and say "Rarity has to be straight." or "Rarity can only be shipped with Spike" or something. It completely devalues the character and seems whiny when someone demands their viewpoints on a character's sexuality come before the story.
I have a huge bias here... but RariJack! Seriously the two play off each other so well and their natures directly calm the other's more eccentric sides. AJ's down to earth attitude can keep Rarity from going nutty like how she did in Simple Ways. Rarity's nature as a generous person would help her keep AJ's stubbornness from getting her in trouble and her friendship with AJ would keep her family from scaring her off.... and they get really close in Look Before You Sleep.
..The princess of completely screwing over any and all casinos completely legit.
When did the rating go down toTeen? Haven't read the chapter yet but that confuses me.
I believe the phrase you are looking for is diurnal.
Other than that, really liked the chapter. Vegas really isn't worth the trip except for the awesome dinner shows.
You can have Rainbow Dash trying to decide if she want to be with Thunderlane or Soarin. Pleasant Dreams help Rainbow decide which one to choose. I don't know really. Great chapter by the way. I can't wait to read future installments.
I loved this idea. As rough as the story is from a technical standpoint, I still found myself reading it to the current end. The character of Dreams is actually pretty well done for as rushed as the story is.
The story is rushed. It switches between viewpoints when really it should be told almost entirely from Dreams' point of view, there are an incredible number of instances where "I"s are not capitalized, numerous other grammar mistakes, etc. I really want to love this story, simply because the story concept is so good. Hopefully the author will become better at writing with practice.
5110823
Well to improve is why I'm posting here so I can look through the comments to see stuff to improve upon and how to improve them.
5110979
I'm glad you feel that way. That is also the reason I write on this site--to improve.
First of all, the grammar is horribly distracting, and sometimes it's hard to determine what you were trying to say. There's a lot of simple mistakes that should have been caught. For example, in some of the chapter titles, the word "Chapter" is lowercase. This should always be uppercase. In some of the titles, it is done correctly. Try to be a little more consistent with things like this.
Second, even though the story is third-person, each section should essentially be told through one character's point of view. Sometimes you switch between Twilight and Dreams. If you want to switch between what different characters think and experience, add a break of some sort.
I'm of the opinion that we should have gotten to know Dreams a little bit before she met Twilight. It would be more emotionally rewarding if we saw how miserable her life was before this chance-of-a-lifetime appears to save her. It would let the readers know her a little better and help identify with her.
The stuff about Fluttershy came way, way too fast. That should have been a huge reveal that should have had a lot of time spent to discussing it. And then right afterwards it was revealed that Applejack was the one that found her! Then that wasn't brought up or discussed again. It was so preposterously rushed that I almost stopped reading right there.
The interlude chapter confused me. Nothing indicated that it was supposed to happen in the future until the end of it. I thought that you had just skipped the entire wedding, which kind of pissed me off. There's really not a reason for it to be there in the first place, and it ruins the suspense that maybe Twilight and Dreams won't get along.
Also, I would be really hesitant about adding romantic interests for the rest of the characters all in one chapter. It would take the focus off of Twilight and Dreams, and would feel incredibly flat and undeveloped. The focus should be on those two. Fluttershy and Redheart are okay, I guess, as it's only one more to talk about. But adding so many more would dilute the whole damn thing.
As I said before, the story progresses way too fast. This is the most grievous error. The story would be much better if it took things slow, allowed us to get to know the characters before huge things start happening. A lot of this has to do with "Show, don't tell". Instead of telling us how a conversation went, actually write out the conversation. It would be so much more rewarding. For example, when Twilight and Dreams visit the museum or go to the musical, actually show that seen instead of telling us what happened. It would be funny and build chemistry between the characters. When Dreams meets with her grandparents the first time after everything happened, that had to absolutely be written out. It was a huge emotional point that was glossed over. How was she feeling? What did she have to say to her only family after so long? Did she reassure them about Twilight? I was pretty upset at this.
Again, for all its flaws, the fact that I kept reading the story says something about it. I would normally have stopped long ago, but I was interested enough to keep going. You have something good under all these problems; I was just upset it got so muddied.
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I shall try and keep them in mind for future chapters. Maybe once I get decent enough I'll do a overhaul on the previous chapters.
But I know that I got a loooooong way to go. And the stuff you mentioned should most definately help me advance.
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Happy to help.
This is a really strong story, so far! As others have said, it's rather rough around the edges from a technical standpoint, but you've said your aim is to improve and you already have noticeably improved, so it really isn't as big an issue as it could be. Meanwhile, the actual story is very good; the concept is interesting, and you've done a great job handling Dream's characterization and the fallout of her upbringing. Discord's role is rather interesting as well, but I'll admit I'm mainly interested in seeing how Twilight and Dreams' relationship develops.
Oh, and just for the record, my vote is for Rarijack, but I also agree with those saying you needn't necessarily pair up the rest of the Mane Six.
I look forward to seeing more from this!
is the drinking of blood going to come up as a problem because I hope that its something you bring up again.
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Sorry, no spoilers
I hope you don't pair off AJ and Rarity. At least don't put them together. It's way to common and i hope that if you do pair them off one of them is paired off with a guy. If I actually could finish one of my stories and put it up. I tend to try not to pair the entire mane six, (Though I have already in two I tried to write.) But, it dose get boring to see the entire cast paired off with each other in a lot of stories. Depending on if you have time jumps that involve years. Try and wait to pair characters at later points. Also, I hope you put up another chapter soon.
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Like I said before: no spoilers.
But lets just say that Discord has given them a gift for a reason
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Twilight's family was a minor noblehouse of Equestria and a higher house of the Crystal empire. But a higher house of the empire has no real power in Equestria and vice versa.
So in short: Twilight's parents simply do not come from an old/rich/powerfull enough house. The differences are like being a sir/knight or a count/duke. To commoners not a whole lot, they are all nobles and thus basicly the same. But to the higher nobles the minors are vieuwed with only a little less disdain then commoners.
That is the story-reasoning. The real reason:
The writer just thinks Twilestia is a tad creepy and refuses to write it. (thought there is nothing wrong with liking that ship, its just not for me)