Chapter 2
Twilight tumbled from the chariot's bed and slammed her head against its railing, rendering her incapable of registering the clawed shadow tearing through the cushion where she had slumbered until vital seconds after it had passed. By then, her attacker had reversed and was coming in for the second assault, his scraggly gray feathers and scaly talons illuminated as he came within range of Twilight's wisp light. The screeches of other griffons--fifty, sixty, there was no time to count--bombarded Twilight's ears, but once she spotted the blood on the incoming griffon's claws, all else faded. She had a single second to realize they were under attack before the griffon was upon her.
Talons latched onto Twilight's haunches and hauled her, kicking vainly and making a din fit to raise Tartarus, along the hard stone terrain. She yelped as the thorn-sharp claws dug into her muscles, making each kick weaker and more painful. The griffon tore his talons from her haunches and reared up on his hind paws, and Twilight blinked away the water welling in her eyes as she rolled out of the way of what could have been a bone-shattering ground pound. Heaving and wheezing, Twilight began to drag herself away with her forelegs. She then remembered her wings, but too late. As she unfurled her wings the griffon pounced on her, shoving her nose into the dirt and pinning her newly-acquired appendages to the earth.
"Twilight!"
Celestia's frantic voice rose above the chaos. Twilight's hopes soared and she grunted as loud as she could, only to have her efforts drowned out by the noise of the attack. For a fleeting moment she believed Celestia would look over her chariot and heave the griffin from her prized pupil's back as easily as she would pluck a petal from a rose, but such assistance never came. The griffon had been wise enough to drag her out of the range of her wisp's light, and Celestia only could have seen an eerily empty chariot if she cast about in Twilight's direction.
The griffon began pressing her head into the ground. She had moments before her neck was snapped or her head crushed under the weight of her attacker. She couldn't cast any offensive magic--the griffon seemed to be making a point of grinding her horn as painfully as possible into the stone, and even if she could bring her head up she doubted she would be able to buy enough time to cast a teleportation spell. Her hind legs were completely shot, the muscles punctured and rendered virtually useless.
Her wisp. It was too late to use it to guide Celestia, but maybe she still had time to call it to her side.
There was no time to calculate how fast she could summon it from this range. Neck muscles howling in protest, Twilight lifted her head a millimeter off the ground, her horn bursting to life like a small supernova. The griffon immediately screeched, this time not a cry of war but a cry of agony. His talons lifted from Twilight's neck and she flipped over to see her wisp burning into his flesh.
Shocked at her own brutality, Twilight pulled back her weapon. "Get off!" she demanded, her voice several octaves higher than she had intended. "Don't--"
Her sentence was cut off as the griffon roared and struck towards Twilight's face with his razor-sharp beak. Her wisp shot in his path, grinding into one wild amber eye. He recoiled, grasping at his head and screaming as Twilight's magic worked its way deeper into his skull. Twilight hardly noticed what she was doing until blood streamed onto her cheek and the griffon fell to his side, his cries fading to faint moans of what Twilight could only imagine to be deepest suffering. But even those fell ominously silent.
In that moment of shock, Twilight had the chance to realize the gravity of what she had just done. Her wisp fizzled out, leaving behind an empty hollow where an eye had once leered down at her. She had done the unthinkable. There was only one word for it, so old and barbaric even the most learned of ponies preferred to ignore what its very existence entailed.
She had committed murder.
Her mind threatened to go blank. She had to keep it together. Around her roared a commotion of wings, claws, paws, and flashes of light at the edge of her vision. It was only a matter of time before one of her enemies noticed she wasn't in the process of being killed and took up the task.
Two sets of bloodstained hooves were thundering towards her. Twilight looked up and saw her guards, their armor stained scarlet and scored by powerful claws. She tried to speak, to say their names, to ask them what was happening, but her voice was shaking too much. When she looked into their eyes, desperate to convey the questions locked in her head, she saw the same messages reflected back at her.
Then Twilight fixated on an avian figure charging up behind the guards and let out a strangled warning. Her guards--Brisk Blade and Silver Sheath--spun around on their hind hooves, forelegs raised in preparation to crush the griffon as it streaked towards them. Without breaking stride and displaying the utmost of cat-like grace, the griffon knocked the two pegasi off their hooves with one swipe of its talon. The guards flared their wings, catching themselves before they fell completely to the ground. Silver Sheath--at least, Twilight thought it was Silver Sheath beneath the bloody helmet--flung himself over the griffon's head as it plunged towards Twilight, apparently completely unconcerned that it could no longer see where it was going.
"Princess!" Brisk Blade bellowed.
Twilight focused her magic. She wouldn't kill again, she couldn't kill again, but she had to stop the griffon before it trampled her.
A blast of solid magical energy flew straight into the griffon's chest, sending it reeling away as though it had hit a very real obstacle. Silver Sheath maintained his hold on the griffon's head, bringing one forehoof down again and again on his enemy's skull. In moments the griffon had ceased moving, and Silver Sheath shakily backed away from its corpse.
It was no victory to Twilight, and just from looking at the grim circles under her guard's eyes, she could see her guards shared the sentiment. Each griffon defeated was only a tragedy, one they couldn't explain, one they had instigated. Twilight was unable to tell whether it was blood or tears trickling down the sides of her face. Gritting her teeth, she turned her attention to her decimated haunches. There were more griffons coming, and she had to be able to move.
A brilliant golden beam seared the air like a strike of lightning, followed up quickly by a frigid explosion of silver energy. By the light of the princesses' spells, Twilight could see other griffons hanging back, watching her and the guards with calculated caution. Her guards stood staunchly by her side, muscles taut as they braced for another attack. Griffons flew low overhead, harassing the guards but never coming quite as close as before. Twilight clenched her jaw as her magic knitted the broken muscles back together, forcing herself to hurry despite the pain. It would be a shoddy job, but she would at least be able to run.
"Can you stand, Princess?" Silver Sheath asked, his voice ragged. He made to offer a hoof for support, but stumbled as he raised his foreleg. Moved by the gesture, Twilight snatched Silver Sheath up in her magical grasp before he could fall and set him firmly back down on the ground. He flattened his ears abashedly.
"Thank you," Twilight said. "But I think I can stand on my own." She staggered to her hooves, wincing as pain lanced up her hind legs. Upon realizing that her voice had returned, she wasted no time in speaking the question that had been trapped in her head. "Why are the griffons attacking us? I-I thought they knew we were here for a diplomatic mission."
She kept one eye on the shadows of griffons prowling in the night behind the guards. It was impossible to count how many there were, but Twilight had a sinking suspicion that it had to be at least an entire city's worth. She knew without turning around that there were griffons lurking in the gloom behind her. The more time they spent lingering, the longer the griffons would have to organize a larger assault.
The guards bowed their heads. "We... cannot answer that question," Brisk Blade admitted. "It is all we can do protect you, Your--"
"Don't waste your breath," Twilight interrupted. If the guards didn't have any answers, there would be no benefits to squandering unnecessary time at leisure. She ducked as another griffon whisked overhead, feeling the air stirred by its talons ruffle her mane. "Come here, the both of you. You can't help if you're bleeding like that."
Brisk Blade flinched as the magenta aura of Twilight's magic settled over a gash across his snout. "But your energy--"
"I don't care!" Twilight fumed. Frustration churned in her gut. She was angry with herself for not having answers, but even angrier that the guards seemed to have no care for themselves when she bore the least wounds. "You are my subjects, and you are going to survive. That is an order."
The gravity of her words settled over the guards as she tended to their injuries. Neither guard dared speak a word, nor did they make a sound of protest as Twilight swept the blood from their eyes. The griffons continued to lurk outside of the illumination of Twilight's magical aura. Even after she was done with the guards, Twilight kept her horn ablaze, both for light and in case she needed to charge up a spell. She swung her head back and forth, squinting her eyes to see if she could discern the griffon's exact movements in the gloom. Why aren't they attacking?
Another ray of golden light shimmered across the night sky. There were more shrieks, but from much farther off. Twilight felt her heart skip a beat as the answer to her question became clear.
"They're luring Celestia and Luna away." She shook her head, trying to throw off the terror that had settled upon her thoughts like a dark fog. "That's why they're so quiet. They're waiting until they can attack without alerting the others."
Silver Sheath opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. He swallowed when he spotted Twilight looking at him intently. "I-I was going to suggest we leave before the other princesses are too far removed from our location," he said hastily. "But I will do as I am commanded, of course."
In the back of her mind, Twilight made a mental note to apologize to the guards for being short-tempered with them. She nodded sharply, then sighed. It's a good thing I placed well in the Running of the Leaves. "I'm going to cast a shield," she decided. "We're all going to get under it and run at the griffons. If they don't move, they should get... knocked out of the way, hopefully." I'm not going to kill again.
"We'll be pursued," Brisk Blade pointed out. "There will be no chance for rest."
"No, there won't," Twilight agreed. She narrowed her eyes and semi-transparent dome of magical energy began to form over their heads. Griffons swooped experimentally close to the half-formed shield, then squawked in surprise as it spat magical sparks at their advances. "So get ready. We're heading towards Celestia and Luna."
Twilight's shield developed into a sphere that surrounded the trio on all sides. The griffons stirred and began to move in closer, slinking into the light of the glowing shield. Their avian features were cast with a violet hue, highlighting the curves of their talons and meticulously sharpened beaks. Twilight could see the determined gleam in their eyes as they drew near. For the first time that night, she remembered Luna's words about the griffons being notoriously vicious, and not for a second did she doubt that they had been proven true.
She bolted, and the guards were all too happy to follow her example.
They plowed straight into the line of approaching griffons. The shield bent under the enormous weight and Twilight frantically channeled more energy into her spell, knowing that if the shield shattered, they would be at the mercy of their attackers. The griffons dug their hind paws into the ground, but only succeeded in scraping their pads across the stony ground as Twilight relentlessly pushed them backwards. Sweat beaded on her brow as the griffons began to shove back, snapping their beaks and hissing. They were heavy, much heavier than she had expected. They scraped at the face of the shield with their talons, sending pain running up Twilight's horn. Her shield crackled and spouted sparks that singed the griffons' feathers and fur, yet still they refused to move aside. Passive tactics weren't going to be sufficient, but Twilight dreaded the alternative. Move, she pleaded. I've had enough of hurting you tonight.
"Behind us!" Silver Sheath warned.
Her shield shook as a griffon collided with it from behind and she stumbled forward, narrowly avoiding a disastrous faceplant. The griffons at the fore of the shield refused to budge, even as she shoved with strength renewed by fear. If anything, the advances from behind only gave them more energy, as they cawed what Twilight imagined to be encouragement to their fellows. She and her guards had to escape now or their protection would be crushed between the two waves.
Twilight spread her wings. "Fly," she said desperately. "We'll have a better chance flying!"
The guards dropped away from Twilight's side and flared their own wings. She jumped into the air, pumping her wings up and down and scrambling to recall everything she had ever learned about speed flying from Rainbow Dash. There had been nothing about dodging griffons, nor had there been any need to learn evasive maneuvers. All she knew how to do in this situation was flap for her life.
Griffons swept past her spherical shield on every side as she laboriously gained altitude, her guards imitating her motions in tense silence. Between the swarm of airborne griffons, Twilight could make out more of the princesses' magic in the distance. If she was able to navigate the treacherous skies and rejoin her fellow alicorns, they would be salvaged. But taking in the enormity of the opposing griffon force from the air caused despair to take root in Twilight's heart. The enemy knew where she needed to go, and griffon after griffon made a point of moving to obscure her view of the princesses' location before resuming their hawk-like circling. She braced herself for the struggle ahead.
Twilight winced as an enormous pressure suddenly settled on her forehead. She looked up to see a pair of talons and lion paws perching precariously on top of her protective enchantment. Two beady amber eyes peered down at her, curiously watching their prey while the griffon took experimental jabs at the shield's surface with its beak. Between her exhaustion, misery, and the newfound pressure, cracks snaked across the magenta force field. Twilight's wings faltered, and she began to lose precious altitude. They wouldn't be able to hold out for the princesses at this rate unless something was done.
"We'll drive it off," Brisk Blade proposed. Twilight glanced back to see the resolve mixed with trepidation etched in his face. "You will be free fly to the princesses and aid their battle."
Twilight considered ordering him to stay. What could they expect if nothing was done? Her force field would collapse, and she would have no time to construct another one. The griffons would be on top of them like crows to a carcass. But if the guards left her protection, they could be slaughtered anyways. She discovered a growing hatred for scenarios with no clear answer. There was no formula, no rhyme or reason for her to use. None of her teachings had dealt with strategy in the middle of a battle. The only resource at her disposal was untested logic concocted in the midst of a terrifying ordeal.
"I'll wait for you," she breathed. There were other things she would have said--chiefly, an order not to die, whatever good that might have done--but there simply wasn't enough breath in her lungs to produce the words.
Without another sound, the guards dropped through the bottom of Twilight's shield. Their appearance made the griffon take to the air, and Twilight let out a rasping sob of relief as the pressure on her head lifted. Maybe the sight of the guards would be all the incentive the griffon needed to leave them be. Maybe Silver Sheath and Brisk Blade would be able to come back inside the shield, and together they could fight their way towards the explosions of Celestia and Luna's magic.
Blood began to run down the front of her force field. Her heart fluttered as she realized they must have been forced to engage the enemy. She kept her eyes fixed on the location of the other princesses, trying to smother her worst-case scenarios in admiration of Celestia and Luna's offensive skill. It had to be griffon blood. It was putting up a good fight, that was the explanation for the streams of crimson staining her shield. Twilight flattened her ears as bird-like screams penetrated her force field. No pony could shriek so convincingly like an eagle, so it had to be a griffon under assault. Perhaps she should call the guards back in before they got too carried away, or the other griffons decided to assist their comrade.
She looked up.
At first, she thought that maybe she had drifted. All she could see was a swarm of feathers and talons, buzzing with activity like a hive of bees. Individual griffons were indistinguishable among the rest of the flock. Blood rained down in a fine mist from their center, and between the movement of the griffons and the specks of scarlet dotting the top of her shield, Twilight's heart froze.
Her guards were being savaged.
There was a moment of clarity, the cruelest clarity Twilight had ever known. She had made a mistake. She should have chained her guards inside the force field and handled the griffons herself.
Twilight shook as if she were a volcano about to erupt. She wanted to scream, to kick, to hurt something. Her vision blurred, whether from tears or anger, she didn't care.
Silver Sheath and Brisk Blade had lives. They had families and a home waiting for them back in Canterlot. They had spoken to her, protected her, told her their names. Their dreams, their aspirations, their world had been stolen from them by the greediest creatures on the planet. The very same creatures that were undoubtedly whetting their violent appetite upon what remained of the two guards. The same creatures who knew no justice, who deserved to be punished, deserved retribution of a godlike nature. The same creatures who were flying free, even as she watched in horror.
As a princess of Equestria, she had failed. She had failed from the very start. How could she not have known the world could be so horrible? There was no excuse for her to be unprepared, to be able to watch the death of her loyal guards while she cowered inside a fragile purple shield. But there was no excuse for the world to tolerate such torment in the first place,
Twilight screamed.
She screamed out of sorrow for the guards and at her own failure, but also at the world. She wanted the world to understand it had betrayed her and everything she had ever known.
Her magic roared to life, generating an explosion that rivaled the birth of a small star. She was deaf to noise and blind to the burst of light, only aware that her targets were being incinerated, one by one. She unleashed another blast and felt herself falling through the air, surrounded by the heat of magical energy. Her horn began to let off magic without her command, flinging destructive spells with total abandon into the night. She didn't care what she destroyed in her pursuit, but there would be no griffons left. She would steal from them what they had stolen from her guards. As a princess of Equestria, it was her duty to punish the guilty and avenge the innocent.
As a princess of Equestria, it was within her power to destroy those who had harmed her subjects.
There would be no Griffon Kingdom after judgement was passed. They couldn't stop her, they wouldn't dare. Only when all the mothers and fledglings turned to ash would she be satisfied. They would never grow up to harm her nation. She would purge them from existence.
A shadow fell over Twilight's magic.
She felt her horn's aura begin to darken and bubble, and the tears leaking from her eyes turned to vaporous mist. She smiled, a giggle sneaking its way out into the superheated air. Was this what it felt like to be a princess? To be a god, to decide good and evil? She liked it. How could anypony not like holding the world in their hooves, with enough power to annihilate entire civilizations at will? The mere of thought of its destruction would be sufficient to wipe the Griffon Empire from the map, maybe all of history if she concentrated hard enough.
She could see it happening before her. The canyons would crumble, inhabitants crushed beneath tons of stone, their bones cursed to never see another dawn. Or maybe their rivers could overflow, sweeping their nests all the way down to Tartarus, where the eggs would be devoured by Cerberus. Perhaps she could organize Equestria's royal army and conquer their territory for her own country. Anything she imagined could become reality.
Just one thought...
Twilight thought of her dream. The mother griffon had tried to attack her, even though she had done nothing to threaten her young. Let her know how it felt to be persecuted on a whim. Let her know how it felt to have life stolen away from her and her loved ones. Again the image of the bristling mother griffon emerged in Twilight's mind, and she saw that the young had awoken and were quivering with fright.
"Because this time," came a sharp voice, "you are a danger to them, Twilight Sparkle."
The madness that had gripped Twilight's mind shattered into a thousand fragments.
It was as if Twilight had been trapped behind a mirror. The world came back into focus, but it was not the same as when she had left; she wasn't even sure it was the real world at all. After a moment of disorientation, Twilight recognized it as a variation of Celestia's astral plane. The shadows were deeper, with more stars glittering in the blackness. Princess Luna stood regally at its center, looking down at Twilight as if she was a creature to be pitied. Twilight became unpleasantly aware of how Luna towered above her and how the warmth of her eyes had dimmed.
"You are lucky I was near," Luna said brusquely. "I am not sure there would have been much of you left had I not stopped you. Or the Griffin Kingdom, for that matter."
"Luna," Twilight murmured numbly. She placed a hoof to her forehead, trying to assuage a pounding headache. Where had her power gone? She felt weak as a leaf, all godlike power and delusions stripped from her mind. "I... what happened to the griffons?"
Luna looked distastefully down at Twilight. "Dead," she responded. "Every one of them involved in the assault, dead. You made quite sure of that." She forged ahead as Twilight opened her mouth to reply. "For all your moaning about the horrors of the world, you seemed to have no qualms about inflicting them upon the masses yourself."
Twilight was silent. There was no happiness, no surge of triumph at the news. She shrunk away from Luna, fixing her eyes on the ground. The death of two guards, no matter how traumatic, was not worth a massacre. She had no justification for her actions at the ready, and Luna knew it. But there was one question that she had to know the answer to.
"Why?" she asked. She blinked back tears as the entirety of her horrible experience burned in her mind's eye. The deaths of Silver Sheath and Brisk Blade, the pain of the griffon attack, and the way she had catastrophically lost her senses had been seared into her memories as if by a hot iron brand. "Why did they attack us?"
Luna observed Twilight critically, as if debating whether or not she was worthy of an answer. "Self defense," Luna snorted after a period of deliberation, "according to the Equestrian-speaking coward I managed to track down." She hesitated and pawed the air with one hoof. "It was an organized attack, independent of the queen and her delegate. Their kingdom felt threatened having three alicorns inside its borders and the civilians resolved to deal with it themselves." Her voice took on a steely edge. "And perhaps rightfully so, taking into account your foolish lark with dark magic."
The astral field seemed to darken with its master's seething fury. Twilight scuttled backwards as the fearsome princess advanced, her volume rising until the astral plane shook with the echoes of the royal Canterlot voice.
"Dark magic should never be used in times of emotional turmoil. I know what you were thinking, I was in your dream, and I know you would have wiped the griffon race off the planet before you destroyed yourself. It is one matter to fight in defense of one's self, but another to erase an entire race. I know the thoughts that went through your head, and we are not gods! It is not our place to choose the fate of civilizations and their inhabitants, and to do so will never be anything less than the greatest act of tyranny this world has ever witnessed!"
"I-I know..." Twilight fought to keep her voice from breaking. She squirmed as Luna's gaze bore into her, and she only could have been more ashamed of herself if Celestia been the one dealing out the reprimand. "I didn't mean to use dark magic," she protested, trying not to quail under Luna's looming presence. "It just... I saw things. Horrible things that I never want to see again." She closed her eyes to hide her tears. "The griffons murdered them, Luna. I... I've never known sorrow like that before. I never knew it existed. It shouldn't exist."
A thousand more words seemed to swell in Luna's lungs, but she deflated before they could form on her tongue. "No," she muttered, "I will leave the rest to my sister." Her silver hoofshoes clicked against the transparent earth as she walked closer to Twilight. "But there is something you must learn."
She placed one hoof under Twilight's chin and lifted her muzzle. Despite every urge to turn away, Twilight met Luna's fiery eyes. She grasped for anything she could say to redeem herself, but staring into Luna's narrow pupils, she saw very little opportunity for immediate forgiveness.
"You are going to learn what it truly means to be a princess of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle, and I do not expect it will please you."
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Interesting chapter. A few comments:
Judging from Luna's account of her captive's motives, it appears the local griffons knew just enough about alicorns to be afraid, but not enough to know they should be 'curl up in a ball and hope the bad things go away' afraid, as opposed to 'whip up a mob and we can take them' afraid. And given that apparently Twilight, inexperienced as she is, could have wiped the griffon species out (at the cost of probably dying from overexertion), alicorns clearly fall in the former category of 'scary things'.
Which leads me to my next point. For all her squawking, I sincerely hope Luna and Celestia really were totally blindsided by this. Because if they had any inkling that something like this might happen, they are fucking idiots for bringing an inexperienced, immature alicorn with a history of flip-outs into a situation that might set her off without training her properly first. And they are much too old and experienced to be able to claim they wouldn't have foreseen the possibility - they at the least have Luna's Nightmare Moon episode as a case study, along with whatever else they might have seen that they don't talk about quite as freely.
And if this IS the training, and they foresaw this possibility and brought Twilight anyway, they are fucking idiots AND monsters. Luna said it herself - griffonkind nearly went kablooie. They do not have the right to risk another sentient species' existence like that just to teach their newbie not to go overboard with the murder.
Very interested to see where this goes.
Please, Luna, enlighten me as to what she was suppose to do. Her shield's collapsing, her guards are dead, and you and Celestia are doing fuck all. It was either whip out the Dark Magic, or trigger a war between Equestria and the Griffin Kingdom (as I doubt Equestria's citizens are just gonna let one of their princesses get assassinated while on a diplomatic mission, regardless as to what Celestia and Luna tell them).
This is also why, when going on diplomatic missions--especially to hostile countries--you go to the capitol and get treated as guests by the country's government, with the country's security forces preventing any idiots from trying to spark a war. You do not go camping in the middle of the boonies and then wait hours/days for the other sides diplomats to meet up with you.
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Luna's condemnation rings more than a little hypocritical in any case.
Like she's one to talk about ponies falling to dark magic. She who became Nightmare Moon because ponies simply weren't paying attention to her nights. Twilight on the otherhand, was responding, quite logically, to an unprovoked act of aggression. Maybe she would have taken it further than it should have, but she's only talking about killing off one species. NMM on the other hoof, was willing to kill off everyone.
Plus... new princess, new to powers, and first assassination attempt, and not by a lone or small group, but by a huge flock of griffons is more than justification for loosing it, in addition to seeing her guards killed in front of her. Plus, she's an incarnation of Harmony, seeing Griffons being so disharmonious would no doubt ring poorly against whatever psycho-magical-somantic responses she might have. Wasn't as if Luna or Celestia were stepping up to stop the attack and save Twilight, so to hell with Luna.
Luna's attitude here does feel off, yes. Twilight's just seen ponies she cares for murdered, she's just been attacked unprovoked by creatures entirely willing to kill her - using lethal force to defend herself is understandable. Luna shouldn't be angry about that.
Being angry about using dark magic? That I can understand. But it's a fine line to walk; essentially a 'Defending yourself is not wrong, but how you did it is' would make sense. As is, Luna is basically saying 'No, they shouldn't have died' which is more or less bollocks. When you assault someone with lethal intent, them retorting with the same is justified.
Very good action. Wasn't hard to visualize the characters and everything else that was going on! Twilight made a lot of bad decisions, but she was panicked and in a scenario she was never trained to handle. (A curious failing on Celestia's part, but she's made mistakes before too. They're only equine after all.)
Like some others have said, Luna's verbal dressing-down of Twilight seems to completely ignore the context of the situation. I won't go on, others have made the same points I would.
What tripped me up was the "sudden" slipping from a vengeful, berserk rage into a giggly power-mad sadist. Reading it again, I can see where it's implied that she did a lot of destruction first, but it's just a single paragraph between fury and tripping on her power. That part could have used a bit more to show her "evolving"... like vaporizing several griffins and trapping more and then finding that she was not only satisfied by the fear she induced but that it made her FEEL powerful, or something. The way it's paced right now, it's like she just turned on the dark magic and suddenly she's evil. That and the Luna thing are the only two things that bother me about this chapter.
Otherwise, your writing is good, readable and consistent (which is a bit more rare than you'd think) and everything really puts me into the setting and what's going on. I do want to read more, because I'm interested to see your take on just what the Princesses are.
3500527 3500726 3501380 3501601 Wow, I did not actually expect my story to get comments, this is great!
Thanks to everyone for all the feedback! Honestly, I wasn't quite as happy with this chapter as the first one, so it'll probably undergo some editing once the story is done, taking some of this advice into account. I did intend Luna to come off as something of an aggravating hypocrite (judging from the reaction, it seems I succeeded
), and her behavior will be explained in the next (and last!) chapter. As for the sudden dark magic > evil: yeah, that was a little fast, and will definitely be one of my edits. 
I'm glad the chapter was enjoyable otherwise. Next one will probably have to wait until after this week, both because life and because I want to make sure I address everything brought to attention here properly.
Thanks for reading and I hope the final chapter doesn't disappoint!
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Glad you appreciated my comments. :) I generally keep my mouth shut but the rest of the story has been handled quite well and your writing is good overall so I thought I'd offer a suggestion. ^^ Take your time and do things right and it can only get better!
3502126 Last chapter?
Oh well...
Anyways, Twilight did not murder. Killing in (non-preemptive) self defense is justified and is not murder.
3504953 Sorry, but it has to end somewhere.
Glad to know you enjoy it enough to care!
As for the usage of the word 'murder' in this case, I imagined it as Twilight blowing it slightly out of proportion, sort of like tardiness = total disaster, just in a darker way. If that makes sense.
This was awesome, and I cant wait to see where its going
Great story
What almost over already? Noooo
Name of Story: Princess
Grammar Score: 9/10
Pros:
1. I loved the expansive use of vocabulary. Lots of new words, it made it very interesting.
2. I also loved the description. You described the scenery and the characters very well. There was also good description with character feelings. The characters were also portrayed very well.
3. I also like how you introduced the characters before getting to anything else.
Cons:
1.
I think you mean something else with fodder. I searched the word up and fodder means dried feed. I am guessing you meant folder or something along those lines.
2.
I feel as though and isn't needed there and instead should be cut by a period.
3. ... I don't have another. Sorry.
Notes Section:
I find that using your expansive vocabulary was a great idea. I just hope that other readers enjoy your vocabulary efforts as well as I did. You used them to describe the scenery, however more so the characters. The portrayal was great, you have clearly paid attention to how each character would react in this situation. You made sure to introduce each character in a way that revolved around the main character. There were very few errors and I thought you did a great job.