A Distorted Memory
“Luna!” Celestia shouted, her cry echoing across the deserted moonscape as she wandered it in search of her sister. With only the dim light of the stars guiding her, she found herself tripping several times, injuring her legs to match her battered hope. She didn’t know for the life of her where she was, how long she had been walking, or if she would ever find Luna at all. She was wretchedly lost, both in location and spirit, but she still continued to blindly walk through the darkness. What else could she do? The whole ordeal reminded Celestia of a thousand years ago, when Discord had trapped her and her sister in a vast labyrinth in the castle dungeons, to wander aimlessly, eternally, and alone.
“Where is my sister, Discord?!” a disheveled, tired Celestia screamed at the draconequis, hovering above the princess on a cotton candy cloud and amusedly grinning down at her like the manipulative spirit he was. “Tell me now, or I swear to Faust I will make you choke on that cotton candy, you vile, monstrous son of a—!“
“Let’s not finish that sentence, shall we, dear?” said Discord. With a snap of his fingers, a bar of soap materialized in Celestia’s mouth, silencing her. “It’s not very lady-like language, especially towards somepony you’re trying to get to help you. Although, why you even care about your sister is beyond me.”
Celestia spat out the soap bar. “Cease with your accursed riddles!” the princess demanded, her Royal Canterlot Voice reverberating throughout the maze of corridors she was trapped in.
“Actually, for once I’m being quite straightforward with you, Celestia darling,” Discord replied slyly, slinking down from his perch on high to stand beside her. “I would have thought it obvious, or are you illiterate when it comes to your own writing?”
“W-What are you talking about?” Celestia asked, eyeing him warily.
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Discord in a tone that meant he certainly did know. “I’ve just been doing some—“ With a snap, he summoned a small white notebook bound in gold. “—light reading as of late.”
“You’ve been reading my diary?!” Celestia shrieked. Since magic and wings weren’t an option in this maze, Celestia jumped to grab it, only to have Discord dangle it just out of reach.
“Well, not all of it, of course,” he replied, his demonic yellow eyes alight with mischief. “Those parts where you complain about negotiations with the Griffin Kingdom and balancing the nation’s budget were a complete bore, I tell you. However, there were some golden nuggets I was able to find through it all. You really do enjoy venting your stress through your sister, don’t you? A ‘constant annoyance,’ ‘yet another problem for me to deal with,’ an ‘insolent pest who never does any actual good for Equestria’? My my, you do have a way with words, Celestia, especially for the Bearer of Honesty and Magic. I wonder what your lovely sister would think if she had the chance to read this?”
“I… You think those words, words written in anger and frustration, were ones I meant?”
“Will you be the one to say that they aren’t? Oh Celestia,” Discord laughed as she shot him her most poisonous scowl, “you truly are special. I’ve come across thousands of ponies during my reign, but none have even come close to how narrow-minded you are. You think you have everything, don’t you? Wealth, fame, power, beauty, and the admiration of an entire country. Do you really think that will be enough to save you?”
“Normally, I would have corrupted you by now,” Discord continued, “but seeing as you’ve done such a good job by yourself, there’s really not much else for me to do. I think I’ll just sit back and watch as your perfect world crumbles, like a falling house of cards, princess.”
Discord leered at Celestia’s crown, embedded with the Elements of Magic, Honesty, and last of all, Loyalty. “Whether it be tomorrow or in a thousand years, Celestia, you will become your own downfall, destroyed in the only way a Bearer of Loyalty can.
“Betrayal.”
Bitter tears stung in Celestia’s eyes, but she angrily brushed them away. She wasn’t about to melt down and cry, not now. Searching the entire moon was a daunting task, but now more than ever, she needed to stay level-headed. There had to be a logical, systematic, reasonable solution—
Seeing no other option, Celestia used her magic to conjure up the image of a golden bit, the device through which all important decisions were made.
“Okay,” she said to herself. “Heads, I keep searching the light side of the moon. Tails, I go searching on the dark side.
Okay, go!”
Celestia squeezed her eyes shut as with a flick of her magic, she tossed the coin high into the air. Please don’t be like the movies, she begged. Please, please, please don’t be like the movies…
Only when she heard the faint clatter of the coin hitting the ground did she dare open her eyes. She first looked down at the coin, then at the corresponding direction, then down at the coin again, as if expecting the result to change.
It didn’t.
“Oh, why does it always have to be the dark way?!”
“Hello? Is there anypony out there?” Celestia called for the fifth time. In the pitch-black darkness, with only Luna’s glowing magic orb and her own horn for illumination, the light princess could hardly see two inches in front of her muzzle. As a result, her mind kept imagining some fast-moving creature dashing just beyond the edge of her vision. Celestia mentally shook herself. It was no wonder how Luna had gone insane here; in the end, her own mind betrayed her. Nevertheless, Celestia kept a wary eye out, preparing for anything that threatened to jump out at her. Even though her hoofsteps felt strangely silent, she still strained her ears for any other sound as the pounding of her heart became a deafening roar. The hairs on her back stood on end as she felt through that crazy, inexplicable sixth sense that somepony was watching her.
Like that! Just then, something in the shadows had moved! A dark, looming presence was close by, its eyes of shadow turned on her. She wasn’t just imagining things anymore. Very slowly, Celestia came to a halt and carefully circled around, on her most cautious guard, her eyes piercing the darkness, searching not for a source of light, but a denser shadow.
It is truly amazing, how ponies never notice things that turn their backs on the sun. It is a deadly curse, for perhaps those most desperate to hide need only require the luminance of day.
Slowly, Celestia was able to see not just one shadowy figure, but another, then another, until she found herself standing in the midst of a whole swarm of the creatures. They all whizzed past her however, as if drawn away by an overwhelming magnetic force.
Recognizing them as the Creatures of the Nightmare Dreamscape, Celestia started edging away in fear, while more just continued to come, drowning her in a terrible sense of dread. Where could they all be coming from? The almighty Equestrian princess trembled, overcome with the insistent need to run away, and yet her hooves were firmly grounded in the moondust. She was unable to move as the Nightmare Creatures started howling in mourning, the sound eerie and horrid, like screeching nails on a chalkboard and then driving those nails into a live pony, causing a harmony of screaming pain. Celestia could feel an insistent, impatient energy flooding off them, the kind of crazy excitement only found in a pack of ravens going to tear apart a dying body.
When one of the Nightmare Creatures slithered right by Celestia, dousing her in that sensation, she shivered in disgust. These vile monstrosities had to be going somewhere, right? And as much as Celestia didn’t like it, the fact that there was only on other pony on the moon meant that place was probably Luna. And if that was true, then that meant Celestia had to follow to Nightmare Creatures, the very embodiment of fear itself.
Well, this is going to be a lovely experience, Celestia thought bitterly as she fought to uproot her shaking hooves from the ground, which proved to be just as difficult as actually uprooting a tree. She concentrated with all her being on just taking one single step, a significantly more challenging feat when terror had turned her muscles to jelly.
Finally, after a millennia of internal struggle, Celestia was able to take that single step… in the opposite direction as she ran away from the nightmares.
Oh for Faust’s sake, stop being such a baby, Celestia! she admonished. Just because you raise the sun doesn’t automatically make you afraid of the dark! You’ve charged down Discord, Sombra; surely you can handle a few creepy shadows! But of course, Celestia was less afraid of the Nightmare Creatures themselves, and more afraid of what they could lead her to. A devastated and magic-less Luna, crying or hurt or worse…
Which was why she needed to step up now! Luna needed her again, and she would never allow her sister to fall prey to another nightmare, not on her life. The image of Luna shined like a beacon in Celestia’s mind, making her forget the darkness and gloom around her and instead focus on the light at the end of the tunnel before her.
It was just one of those moments to fling all reason out the window, grit your teeth, and run, and that was just what Celestia did. With half a war cry and half a whimper, she closed her eyes and charged headlong into the tidal wave of nightmares. Immediately, Celestia felt the disgusting sensation of being dunked into ice cold water, a feeling that only came with powerful dark magic. Yet she pushed it all aside, focusing only on finding Luna, her only light in a dark millennia of solitude.
Beforehand, the Nightmare Creatures had been more than willing to ignore Celestia, but now that she was galloping right beside them, hostilities began to show. The phantoms hissed and veered away from her, and while they showed no outward violence like before, they did make sure to keep a very safe distance away from her.
Celestia was fine with this arrangement. Those wraiths only served as another reminder of Luna’s fall from grace, and besides, not having to drive away their negative energy helped her concentrate on keeping up with them as they ran at neck-breaking speed. Still, a part of her held a morbid curiosity about these creatures. After all, they represented a darkness that, as much as Celestia wanted to deny it, was an intrinsic part of Luna’s exile, and that was what she had come to discover, wasn’t it?
The wraiths were moving slower now, as more and more of them continued flooding in. As a result, some of them were forced to walk much closer to Celestia than they would have liked, giving her an opportunity to further examine them.
What Celestia hadn’t noticed before was that these ghostly creatures bore a similar form to that of an equine, with cracked horns and molting wings, too deplorable and disfigured to be thought of as alicorns. They were all terribly thin, just scraggly muscle and bone, bearing the toughened demeanor of a pony worn down by a life of hardship on the streets. Where kindness and love should have softened the lines of their face, there was only jagged, hollowed-out emptiness. They walked with their heads bent to the ground, as if weighed down by a load of shame heavier than chains.
As intimidating as they were, there was also something tragically broken about them that would have moved Celestia’s gentle heart to pity if it had not been for those gouged-out eyes, those dark abysses set in an expressionless face. They seemed to draw in the darkness, relishing it and making it a part of their shadows. Inside them, there burned a cruel kind of pride, accompanied by an insane cunning that terrified Celestia. Unlike changelings, who were motivated by blind desire to feed off love, the Nightmare Creatures appeared to have a frightening combination of intelligence and insanity. They were fully aware of their brokenness, of just how far they had fallen, and took pride in the accomplishment. Their twisted hearts carried no remorse.
Or at least, that was what Celestia thought.
Without even realizing it, Celestia had taken to gliding along with her outstretched wings so as to be able to stretch out a trembling hoof to touch one of the Nightmare Creatures, so concentrated with smoke and shadow that she wondered if they were even substantial. However, as she raised her hoof, the nearest phantom reared up on its hind legs and, in a distinctly feminine voice, whimpered a cry that Celestia understood all too well.
It’s actually afraid of me, Celestia marveled. These terrifying nightmares, these vessels of fear, were actually capable of showing fear themselves. And it made sense, didn’t it? Besides being the only new pony they had encountered in a millennia, she was also princess of the sun, the polar opposite of these creatures who lived in a world of eternal night.
More cautiously this time, Celestia reached out, and with almost filly-like wonder, brushed her hoof against the shadow of the nightmare.
No sooner had her hoof made contact, Celestia gasped as her eyes turned a pure, resplendent white. For the briefest second, Celestia looked out to the desolate moonscape and instead of seeing the hordes of Nightmare Creatures, the shadows instantly parted, revealing a faded image of a younger Luna underneath, a vision repeated a thousand times for as far as the eye could see. No two images were they same; some depicted Luna in her infancy, and others right up until the point of her exile. Some bore a smile, some bore a tear, but all of them were beautiful. It was if somepony had taken a picture of every event in Luna’s fillyhood and brought them to life here, in this timeless space of a thousand snapshots. And as the nightmares were pieces of Luna’s very own mind, it just so happened that this was exactly the case. Most every point, major or minor, was represented by an individual Luna, as if she had been cut out of pictures in a photo album, and all of it was for Celestia to see, exactly as she had remembered it.
That’s all a nightmare really is, Celestia marveled. A distorted memory.
Now that the Nightmare Creatures’ shadowy exteriors had been dispersed, Celestia found herself crying as she watched them all fly by her. She saw a Luna shaking with nervousness as she attempted to fly, another one humming a cheerful little melody as she skipped through the castle, and still another running to hug Celestia and welcome her home from a diplomatic meeting, with her face alight with the purest joy.
Simple little moments swirled past Celestia like flurries in a snowstorm, so mundane when singled out, yet the very basis of a pony’s life when strung together. They were fleeting, too: whenever Celestia tried to fully immerse herself in one of Luna’s memories, it just ran past, leaving her a lonely bystander. It was saddening to realize just how many of these precious moments she had missed or just hadn’t appreciated, too caught up in affairs of state and not enough in the affairs of the heart.
‘I don’t want to go running after you, trying to keep up with it all, all the thousands and millions of precious moments of life that I missed and can never get back.’
“You weren’t the only one who missed out, Luna,” Celestia murmured softly, lamentation in her voice.
Shying her blurring eyes away from those now painful reminders, Celestia turned back to the Nightmare Creature she had touched before, only to take in a sharp gasp. For this phantom’s shadows had too dispersed, but unlike its brethren, there remained not an image of Celestia’s beloved sister, but a featureless pony composed entirely of glowing navy blue cytoplasm, the same color as Luna’s coat. The cytoplasm pulsated sickly as like quicksand it began to suck Celestia’s hoof into the repulsive substance, causing her to cry out in disgust.
But that was nothing compared to the terrified whines of agony as it thrashed about blindly, obviously in great pain. Alarmed, Celestia was just about to pull her hoof out when the nightmare’s head suddenly jerked to the side, and Celestia found herself staring into those tunnel-like, soulless eyes…
She was younger now, eons younger, and far shorter that she had ever remembered being. The features of Celestia’s chambers towered over the filly’s head, but she hardly noticed as she scampered about, searching the entire room from top to bottom. Perhaps it wasn’t outwardly noticeable, but her heart was brimming with a boundless excitement, the kind that only came with breathless anticipation, like when waiting nine months for a cartoon series to air its newest season, now just around the corner. She had waited weeks for tomorrow night, and she wanted to make sure everything was perfect when that time came.
However, another kind of excitement followed her, only this one a little less innocent-natured. It was the thrill that came with breaking rules. She wasn’t supposed to be in her sister’s private chambers; Celestia had made that very clear when she shut herself up in there every night after Solar Court, with only the furious scratching of a quill as company. Sister was very irritable nowadays, and she didn’t want to do anything to upset her. Still, she was just looking for something; it wasn’t as if she was causing trouble. If she could slip in and out with Celestia being none the wiser, it would be just like one of those princess and robber games she used to play with Sister, back in the days when sibling love didn’t manifest in courtroom shouting matches and Sister actually wanted to be her sister.
And so, the filly’s fluttering heartbeats, counting down the seconds remaining in Celestia’s court, spurred her into action. Perhaps it was too much action, judging by the disarray of the room. The filly blushed as she tripped over yet another fallen tapestry sprawled across the floor. She would clean it all up afterwards, she promised!
With a flick of her magic, the alicorn started yanking open drawers in Celestia’s writing desk. “She has to have those astrology charts around here somewhere!” Luna exclaimed aloud, all too eager to start planning for her meteor shower for her beloved ponies of Equestria. Normally, her heart would have sank at the remembrance of the ponies who continued to shun her night, but her smile did not so much as falter at the thought. She was walking on Cloud Nine, on top of the world. Nothing could possibly sour her elation. She just felt so happy, overwhelmingly and undeniably, more than she could ever remember.
She had also taken her crystals that day.
With shaky telekinesis, Luna levitated a midnight-black flask from her saddlebags and popped off the cork. Immediately, a plume of dark smoke erupted in her face, but she impatiently brushed it aside to reveal a layer of ground-up black crystals. These crystals, or Nightshade as Luna endearingly dubbed them, were originally taken from the Crystal Empire in the hopes of scientifically analyzing the nature of Sombra’s dark magic so as to potentially recover the lost empire. The research had only been discontinued once the levels of corrupted magic were deemed too hazardous for ponies. Despite Luna’s insistent demands to continue in the hopes of saving the empire, Celestia had shot her down every time.
Of course, the lunar princess wasn’t just going to take no for an answer, so she took matters in her own hooves and began independently experimenting, working late into the day on her own secret discovery.
And what she discovered was that it made her happy. At first she believed it was the project itself, the chance to sneak away from the tribulations of royal court, but it was more than that. Whenever she was filled with anger from a court proceeding, all it took was a step in her laboratory to fill her with inexplicable euphoria. Soon, she started to take the crystals with her, taking little pinches here and there to just boost her morale. It wasn’t as if she was doing anything wrong by taking it. All she wanted was to be happy.
Luna swiftly tucked the Nightshade away and resumed her search. The alicorn channeled her magic into a telekinetic grasp to open the drawer, but was only met with a wavering navy-blue magic field that quickly flickered out. On her second try, a super-charged bolt of black magic shot like a released bow out beyond Celestia’s balcony with tremendous force. Her third attempt only brought sickly trail of purple and black magic oozing like oil from her horn.
That was fine. Her magic had been acting up as of late. Kneeling down, Luna simply used her hooves to yank open the drawers.
“Aha!” she shouted in triumph as she found the star charts rolled up in the very bottom drawer. She waved them around in her once more steady magical grip, like celebratory banners announcing a great victory in battle.
Her triumph was short-lived however, when she noticed the mess she had made of Celestia’s room. “Oops,” Luna giggled good-naturedly. “Better start cleaning up!”
With cheerful spring in her step, Luna started tidying up Celestia’s desk, righting overturned inkwells and placing papers into their previously neat stacks. The young princess was grateful Sister had been delegated to most of the paperwork, while Luna got to handle finance with the bubbly Moonshine Celebration. Trade negotiations in one pile, law proposals in another, and down the list went, until after the eternity of thirty seconds, Luna finally stopped to look with weary eyes at how many papers she had left to sort. Luna let out a groan as she thumbed through the large stack of documents. Deciding to take a break from that and start hanging up the tapestries, she turned away from the writing desk. She had to hurry up, because judging by the night sky, Tia would be back any moment now, and she couldn’t see this mess. Moonlight spilled from the windowsill and cascaded into the room, throwing a spotlight on the panicking filly running around trying to clean up her latest disaster.
Luna sighed. That was all she seemed to do lately. Making a fool out of herself in public, botching up legislation, and worst of all, earning her sister’s constant disapproval. If Luna hadn’t realized she made a mistake, Tia would be sure to point it out. No wonder she had been pushed to the side and given dull, inconsequential jobs. That way she wouldn’t throw Equestria into a national crisis. No, it was better for her to stay hidden, tucked away inside the palace with her books and her numbers to be left alone. She couldn’t stand being a bother. All she wanted was for ponies to be happy.
With a tired pout, Luna rested her head dejectedly on the windowsill and gazed up at the full moon. Maybe the ponies of Equestria would notice if they even bothered to look, but to Luna, it seemed as if the craters formed a frowning face as it hung in the night sky, so empty and distant and alone.
Luna could relate to that. She was so tired of trying to pretend like she was happy, even to herself. She couldn’t let herself cry in front of ponies; that would only make Tia even more stressed, and she shouldn’t have to worry about her. If she just kept smiling, then everything would be alright, wouldn’t it? Nopony would have to be bothered with her. Letting ponies see her sadness would only bring them pain, and if she couldn’t be strong enough to bear her sorrow, then it she deserved to suffer through every tear. If she suffered in silence, the tears would pass like a dream. She would fight through this sadness, even if the smiling made her cry out in pain. A million smiles could piece together a breaking heart.
But it was more than her heart that was breaking. Dark crescent moons hung beneath her eyes, the sign of an insomniac. She didn’t eat either, and she felt sick and dizzy too. Drastic mood swings like this were so disorienting that they only left her drained and confused. Day after day, all the time, she felt so cold and hollow inside, walking around while dead inside. She was tired of pretending when she was so weighed down in sorrow. She could hardly remember why she was sad anymore. Maybe it didn’t even matter. Nothing seemed to anymore.
Luna took out the near-empty flask of Nightshade again and peered into its depths. She could have sworn it had been full yesterday. Nevertheless, she measured out a hoofull and tossed the powder into her mouth, grimacing as she swallowed the poison. The crystals were fast-acting, and within seconds, Luna felt her former hyperactive energy draining away into a sense of utmost relaxation.
Maybe the meteor shower could help change things, she hoped. Yes, that was it. All she had to do was prove her worth to Equestria's ponies, display the true loveliness of her night, and perhaps they would love and respect her like Sister. That was all she had to do. Insistent doubts and concerns plagued her mind, but she brushed them all aside in favor of her hope, that single strand of self-worth that had become her very reason for living.
Sister loves me; Sister loves me, Luna chanted in an endless mantra. Despite the many shortcomings and all the times she had failed her elder sister, Luna had to believe in that somepony loved her, which meant others could as well. That was her last remaining hope. She didn't know how she could go on without it.
Sister loves me; Sister loves me... right?
She was too tired to clean up now. Getting up, Luna began to walk away, watching the moonlight trail behind her like a wedding train. Light flew like sparks to ignite parchment a ghostly pale white and reflect off it in a glimmering gold…
Wait, moonlight didn’t do that. Luna turned around to see a small gold corner poking out as it was buried under the pile of papers, which she hastily pushed aside to reveal a notebook, white and bound in gold...
“No!” Celestia screamed as she wrenched her hoof away. Her eyes sparkled with tears as she turned away in shame, not wanting to see any more. She already knew how this memory ended.
With the birth of Celestia’s deepest nightmare.
Uttering a last cry, the Nightmare Creature collapsed into the moondust. Pain wracked its body, cloaked with shadows once again, as it lay twitching feebly in its desperate bid for life before it finally fell still, dissolving into ashes.
Celestia stood by and watched the nightmare’s death with a calm, quiet acceptance. It was no great loss, for its purpose had been fulfilled. Nightmares were only meant to teach and guide, nothing more. They couldn’t stay, couldn’t live on, for all things in the world had their own time, and the nightmare belonged in the past. And as much as the memories hurt, Celestia couldn't allow herself to mourn them.
But Luna hadn’t realized that, had she? The Creatures of the Nightmare Dreamscape were proof that she couldn’t see past them, instead letting them flood her present. All she could see was smoke and shadows.
So maybe all she needed was a little light.
Celestia looked out to the distance, where she saw a rolling wave of darkness just cross the horizon, moving at breakneck speed. If she didn’t start running now, she’d most likely never catch up.
That was all the encouragement she needed. With the orb of Luna’s magic held in her golden aura, and the newly resurfaced memories held in her heart, Celestia took off, running as if Luna’s life depended on it.
Stats
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
710 users online
991,890 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Phew, finally got this up! Almost didn't make my deadline!
Eleven hours until Season 4.
MY. HYPE.
Wait! Luna was doing drugs
See kids, if you do drugs, you get sent to the moon. Or prison.
Looks like Celestia got what she deserved
3526715 3526884 3527761 I love how the point everyone's commenting on was just a last-minute addition that I was the least certain of.
So, Season 4's premiere seems to have for the most part left this story's headcanon untouched, except for the aspects of 1) the details of Luna's actual banishment, and 2) the Everfree Forest being corrupted by Discord's magic instead of NMM/Sombra. While I won't be rigidly conforming to Season 4, expect edits on some of the recent flashbacks (yes, which may include druggie-Luna
).