At a Place
The night was young, about four hours ago.
Now the night was about middle-aged or so, by Trixie's reasoning.
And reason she did, for The Great and Powerful Trixie was nothing if not reasonable.
Take that as you will.
But Trixie was not in the place where she was at the time that it be simply to ponder the life-cycle of the night, nay, for she had a purpose, the scale of which was certain and exact.
And so did Trixie proceed along her way to the destination she had set, her path guided by the light of Luna's moon.
Or rather, the light she borrowed from her sister's sun, she really ought to be more independent, or so Trixie concluded.
And The Great and Powerful Trixie was nothing if not conclusive.
(Refer to paragraph 4 for witty narration.)
But Trixie did not stoplong to conclude, for it was a conclusion of a more personal nature that she sought, a task entrusted to her by the greatest pony she knew.
Which was herself, naturally.
Of course, it was not for purely personal reasons that Trixie travelled to the terminus of her trek, for indeed her actions would affect many ponies besides herself, and she was ready to take responsibility for that as well.
Blah blah, nothing if not responsible, as you will.
But even as these thoughts swirled about her head, she was there.
Her destination was upon her, just as the hour became midnight, and Trixie knew there was no turning back, no reprieve, there would be no second chance if she backed down now, there was no doubt in her mind and no hesitation in her soul, there was no-
"Stop, stop right there."
"What?" Trixie's head snapped to glare of the police officer as he spoke, "You dare to interrupt The Great and Powerful Trrrixie's amazing and heartfelt story?"
"Oh Celestia," the officer, Quick Eye, muttered as he began rubbing his temples, he'd been in the interrogation room with the crazy mare across from him for three hours, and between her yelling and how garishly she stood out against the grey walls of the room he was developing a serious migraine, "Listen, I just want to know what you saw on the night of the fourteenth, is that so much to ask?"
"Trixie was just getting to that," Trixie raised herself up with the table to try and look intimidating, "that is, before you so rudely interrupted her."
"Listen," Quick Eye was tempted to smash his head against the table, but his sense of professionalism wouldn't let him, "the incident took place between ten-fifteen and eleven-thirty five, so I'm afraid that what happened to you at midnight isn't our concern right now."
"What incident?" Trixie rose, flourishing her cape as she yelled, "The Great and Powerful Trrrrixie has no recollection of you mentioning an incident."
"We've been over this fifteen times, Ms. Trixie," Quick Eye felt his sense of professionalism slip, but he held fast to it, "on November the fourteenth, there was a break-in at the local branch of the Royal Bank, and when I asked you what you knew about the incident over three hours ago, you said you'd tell me everything."
"Oh, Trixie must have tuned that part out, she just thought you wanted to hear about Trixie's amazingly interesting life!" Quick Eye's sense of professionalism fell at about the same time as his skull, "So, shall we get back to Trixie's Great and Fascinating Tale?"
Hearing no response, Trixie decided to continue regaling her audience with her tale.
And so it came to pass that Trixie, her deed now done at the predetermined place, set out again, this time in celebration, rather than in duty, and though she wished to finish her quest sooner rather than later, she first required sleep.
And so it also came to pass that Trixie, her deed long done and her body well-rested, moved to continue on her quest, but she was stopped by an officer of the law.
Surprisingly, he had already learned of Trixie's exploits the previous night, and he wished to hear first-hoof the story Trixie had to tell. Trixie naturally obliged, always having had respect for those who strove to keep the piece.
However, this officer was less than pleasant about Trixie's tale, to the point of interrupting her just as it reached the climax.
"And then through a series of hilarious misunderstandings and hijinks, Trixie was arrested for the possession of illegal magic but I swear it was planted on me so please please help me, if they catch me again I'll be facing a life sentence!"
Trixie's appearance was dirty and dishevelled, her mane was thick with mud, her cape and hat were torn and ripped, and most humiliatingly of all, she was begging for mercy in front of none other than Twilight Sparkle and her friends, who stood facing Trixie with expressions of varied confusion as they practically huddled together in the slightly cramped, too full basement of the Carousel Boutique.
Twilight was the first to speak, "I believe you Trixie, don't worry, we'll find a way to clear your name."
Applejack was the second to speak, "Ah'm mostly just curious as t' why you included the part with Quick Eye if you were just gonna sum it up not a minute later."
Pinkie Pie was the third to speak, "I'm curious why you had a note referring to a paragraph in a spoken story."
Rainbow Dash was the fourth to speak, "Yeah, I'm mostly confused as to why you had so many potentially self-deprecating statements in your story."
After that the conversation broke down into a discussion on the pros and cons of both Trixie's story and her storytelling, but eventually it was decided that Twilight herself would take point in the mission to prove Trixie's innocence.
Unfortunately, since Trixie had to stay in Ponyville, she doesn't know what happened to Twilight during that time, but three days later is when chaos struck.
Thankfully Discord never touched the library Trixie was hiding in, so she wasn't revealed by the time Fluttershy convinced him to stop.
Not so thankfully however, Quick Eye somehow found Trixie's hiding place, and he rather efficiently arrested her.
"And that your honour, is how I came to be here."
Trixie's time being sheltered by Twilight had done her good, her mane was impeccable, her coat was shining, her hat and cape were restored and, most impressively, she was standing tall facing Princess Celestia herself.
Sure, she was the subject of a criminal trial, but it was mostly good.
Celestia herself looked like she had seen better days, her mane was limp and drained-looking, her eyes were red and bloodshot, and her coat lacked its usual divine lustre.
"Yeah, 'm gonna be honest," even her usually wise and serene voice was coarse and ineloquent, "I'm seriously hung over and I don't think I heard half o' what you said, so I'm jus' gonna let you go free and anypony who has a problem with that will be decreed guilty of whatever you're being tried for."
And there was much rejoicing in the courtroom that day, as Trixie's name was cleared, and nopony had the balls to call Celestia on her shit.
The end.
"Wait a minute," Twilight objected rather obnoxiously from the front row, interrupting Trixie's show on her restored wagon, "you never even mentioned my part in that whole mess!"
Trixie scoffed from onstage, "That's because getting the Princess drunk and bedding her is hardly what I'd call worthy of Trixie's Great and Fascinating Tale!"
"Include my royal conquest or I'll have Celestia try you again, and you won't be found innocent this time."
Trixie knew she meant it, and so she had no choice but to do as she was demanded.
"Fine, I'll add an addendum to the next retelling."
"And that, my little ponies, is how The Great and Powerful Trrrrixie cheated the legal system by abusing her connection to Princess Twilight!"
The Cake twins merely stared blankly at Trixie, their thoughts split between two concepts that translated roughly to 'dafuq' and 'where's Pinkie?' respectively.
Sighing, Trixie turned to look at you, "Tough crowd."
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Eh, this was all right. A bit too meta for my tastes, and no, I don't like Trixie. I just found this and had time to kill.
Not worthy of the hate it's gotten already, as some thought has been put into it, and the further fact that it's not a trollfic, but nothing to be overly praised, either. Too bad.
I liked the obligatory twist ending, though. Good job.
~ TDG
3482967 Thanks for the honesty, I'm glad to at least get feedback on why you didn't like it.
Well that was...err...something.
Did the Kraang edit this story? Or Mojo Jojo perhaps?
Not downvoting, not upvoting...just gonna pretend I never saw this.
3483008 Er, beg pardon?
I'm afraid your references are lost on me, what about the story are you referring to?
Very meta. Very confusing. Very entertaining. I liked it!
Point of note:
Should be past tense.
....
I'm going to be honest.
I have no idea what I just read. It was weird enough to make me scratch my head, but not weird enough to actually be funny.
And it was decently written, but everybody just felt so completely out of character that it completely killed all off the jokes for me.
Trixie is arrogant and likes to talk about herself... but to the point of obstructing justice?
Twilight is such a rules obsessed dork, that she makes checklists for her checklists... and yet she hid an acquaintance she doesn't like that much from the cops?
And Celestia... Oh my god, Celestia. Not even Molestia would pull the things the Celestia in this fic did.
No. Just no.
I'm not going to down-vote the fic since it was a decent try, but it just didn't work for me.
Better luck next time.
(And just from the record, I came here from I Just Want A Comment. Just thought you might like to know that bit.)
3483257 Consarnit! Gotta fix that... EDIT: That's actually right, since Trixie is speaking to the judge at that point.
3483265 Yeah, I just started from weird and kept going until I was done.
Thanks for the comment by the way!
(Maybe I should plan out my stories before writing them...)
I have to wonder, readers objecting to things like the meta nature or the story telling and the general WTF tone of the whole thing, did these readers not see the Random tag on the story, right there at the top? This was, as promised, Random. Not a big fan of Random, more of a deadpan humor guy; but if inclined to taking a break and read something Random for a change one could do a lot worse than this.
It almost requires an outline to read this; I would dearly love to see the writer's outline. Taken for what it is, what it was advertised as, and what it's meant to be, this story is delightful.
3483302 Outline?
The heck is an outline?
Good effort. A little more planning, along with some editing, and this would have been golden. <w <.
3483518 Well thanks! That's pretty high praise for a silly little thing I cooked up in a sitting.
Just realized I'd missclicked dislike instead of like.
3483553 Hooray! And here I was feeling self-conscious.
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
This said it has sex in it.... I failed to find any sex or sexual references
3483745 It was tagged for the sexual reference.
Odd. And entertaining. Thats all I can really say.
3483525
Sometimes the best things are. : P Just because it took minimal time doesn't mean it isn't quality.
This review proudly brought to you, by the group Authors Helping Authors.
Name of Story: Trixie Does a Thing at Midnight
Grammar score (out of ten): 7
Pros:
1) There was a nice amount of wit.
2) You've got Trixie pretty well down pat character-wise, at least I think so. She might be slightly more arrogant than usual, but it's Trixie.
3) I think I just blew chunks of brain to the milky way with this random silliness. Nice twist at the end.
Cons:
1) Your punctuation needs a bit of work.
2) There's a fair amount of repetition of words in there, careful of that.
3) I think I just blew chunks of brain to the milky way with this random silliness. It was hard to follow, at least at first.
Notes:
This was a pretty "challenging" read, in the end. I like challenging reads (The Warm Diary of Twilight Sparkle and Apotheosis are prime examples), but I really had to go over this at least three times to properly comprehend what was happening. Trixie's tale was recounted fairly well, I could hear Trixie telling it. At first, I thought that there was a lot of unnecessarily OOC moments, for everypony besides herself. However, this becomes a non-issue once you realise that she's just telling a silly tale for the cake twins. Actually, my mind now is imagining Pinkie in a Trixie suit, telling the story.
It was short, amusing and different from my usual reads for sure, but I still liked it. If you want, I can pm you a list of grammar errors for you to correct? I'm confident I could get you up to at least a 9.5/10. Just simple things like a missing space, dialogue punctuation and some small others. Nothing too major, although some of your sentences are a little long, too.
I hope you enjoy your review! Thank you for your continued efforts in reviewing my story, Keeper of the Crystal Heart.
P.S. Cheers for the watch
3527597 Thanks for the feedback!
In response to con 2, a fair bit of that was deliberate, 'stylistic suck' is the phrase that comes to mind for it.
Other than that, if you're willing to point out my flaws I'd be open to it.
You know, this is probably the strangest thing I've published on site, supplanting A Secret Thrice Unconnected.
And I'm already writing something stranger.
A review on behalf of Mondai Shunketsu of Writers of Equestrian Lore
Yo, you wanted a review, so I'm gonna give ya one. I don't feel like I need to point out any grammatical or spelling mistakes considering there's a group for that, so what I'm going to do is give this a Flash Quality review. So just like Flash Sentry, it'll be low maintenance and quick. But a review nonetheless.
The story itself was all right. The premise was good and the twist at the end tied everything together nicely, though there were occasions where I was confused due to the execution of the shift in scenery. I had to re-read a few lines to understand that the scene had abruptly changed. The Characters, yeah, I won't beat a dead horse, but they were a little off as far as characterization, but then again you had a random tag, so that fixes a lot of things. It was a humorous little tale, but it didn't yield anything beyond a mild chuckle from me. Still, don't let that discourage you. This fic was different for its kind, and I applaud you for that.
Total? Er, if I had to make one...
7/10. Like I mentioned, I won't point out grammar or syntax considering it's already been done and there is the Overly Extensive Editors Group, but to me, grammar plays a large part in the story execution. I can look past it, but it WILL be counted against you in a review. Ok, hope this helps!
3549452 Yeah, thanks for the review!
Honestly all I was shooting for here was a silly little thing to chuckle at, and getting a 7/10 is about as much as I could reasonably hope for.