The Scholar Pt 1
"Catholic scum." I pushed past the monk as we walked through the woods, "Why you bring me here?"
The monk shoved me, "Quiet you useless orthodox dolt! I told you, just head into town and find the largest oak tree." He planted his foot on my ass before shoving me off, "Now get out of here you drunkard!"
"(Eh screw you!)" I yelled in my true language, "(Idiot, I will take your face and break your face!)"
The monk yelled one final utterance back at me before disappearing. "They don't speak Romanian!"
I threw my arms up and walked on. "Is bullshit." I grumbled to myself as I walked bulkily along the path, "Ah auh!" I yelled as I tore my coat off, "I hate this place already!" I hung the heavy winter coat on a tree branch and stripped to my slacks and boots, "Is stupid."
I grumbled angrily as I hurried down the path, my satchel slapping against my thighs as I ran, "Mad." I muttered to myself as I started to see the town. "Peasant! Thatch roofs, cheap timbre frames, rustic accents!? Damn peasants!"
I let my arms fall to my side. Who was I to judge at this point, roped into going to this land by some catholic scum, now shirtless in the humid hell, and that's a damn pink horse!"
"Hi there!" The pink horse trotted over and gave me a toothy smile.
"He drugged me." I muttered quietly to myself, "The bastard drugged me!"
The horse started giggling as I pushed past, "Don't be silly. I-"
"I will not speak to my hallucinations!" I yelled back at the bright pink creature as I hurried off.
"Oak tree...well, this is oak tree with door." I mumbled to myself as I approached the large tree. I forced it open and stepped inside, kicking a small lizard to the side as I strode in. "Who wishes to meet me!?"
Just as I finished yelling my entrance an abomination of half bird half horse half mythical creature bolted into the main room. She smiled wide as she walked over and pranced up to my chest. She gave a quick giggle before speaking. "Why don't you have a shirt?"
I stared angrily at her. "Why are you a bird horse with a horn?"
She took a nervous step back. "Hey said you would be...rough."
"Who!?" I yelled as I towered over her. "The Catholic!?"
She flattened out her ears as she took a few steps back. "The other human. He said you were a little mean."
"Mean!? I am mean?" I snorted and crossed my arms. "I deal with horse creatures for him, I walk through forest in middle of night for him, I promise to keep his secret and he calls me mean?" I gave a quick grunt as I looked to the side. "Bull crap."
We stood there for a while until she hovered a book in front of me. "He said to give you this."
I cocked an eyebrow and grabbed the book. I flipped through it a few times before snapping it closed with my palm. "Some sort of Slavic language." I took a more in depth look at the book. "Hmm, perhaps more reminiscent of Latvian. The sentence structure looks to be Angle, as does the entomology. Prussian even. Yes, Prussian is the closest match structure wise."
I snapped the book closed and set it aside as I went to the next. "Hmm, so strange reading Balt words with Germanic structure." I sat on a table as I read a number of books. I mindlessly reached into my satchel, fishing a book out and jammed it in a nearby bookshelf.
"Oh! Thanks?" The purple creature walked over to me, she peaked her head over my arms to try and read with me. I pushed her away and went back to reading. "Hey...."
"Quiet you." I finished with the book and set it aside. "So who are you?"
The creature straightened up. "Twilight Sparkle."
I stared angrily at her. "Your new name is Purple."
"Purple?"
"Yes. Twilight Sparkle sounds like a name for some actor or fool."
Purple looked hurt as her ears flattened out. "You really are mean."
I nodded twice. "Yes I am. Here." I handed her a few more books. Following it up by taking a notepad out and finding a pen. "I am the Boyar of Valcan. Scholar not content to sit around like an old women, and that is why I have no shirt."
Purple looked at the books before looking up at me. "What?"
I cringed as I scratched my chest. "Many see fit to sit in large chairs being pampered, I am not content with that life and as such I came here. The heat is unbearable and thus I took off my coat and am disrobed.
"Okay?" She smiled weakly as she looked through the large book. "So you're a noble? I'm a noble!"
"Is that so?"
"Well...sort of."
I worked my pen before taking notes. "Patriarchy or matriarchy?"
Purple looked up at me for a moment. "Matriarchy."
I scribbled on my notepad. "Government?"
"Uh...I don't actually know. We have princesses."
I shook my head and scribbled again. "I shall-" I was cut off as something tiptoed quietly into the room.
"Twilight I uh...book...." The pale yellow creature walked past me and set a book on a table. "I'll just go no-"
I grabbed the creature under the forelegs and held her in front of me. She squealed like a child as I held her in front of me. She was nearly crying as I looked at her. "I take this for notes."
"Twilight help...Twilight help! Help!" I threw the creature over my shoulder and wandered into a random room. I cleared a table and set her on it. "So uh...I'll just go-"
I spread her body and poked her underside, causing her wings to fly open. "Interesting...." I started taking notes as I held the creature down.
She stayed put but continued to whimper as I poked and prodded her body. "I'm sorry- I should-"
"You stay put." I sat back and continued my notes. She stayed put as I picked her back legs up. "Trimmed fetlocks, well cleaned hooves," I ran my fingers along the inside of her hooves, causing her to giggle like a chambermaid. "Hmm. Strange."
"Sorry...." She hid her face with her forelegs as I took my notes.
I shook my head as I flipped her onto her front and turned her backside to me. Her tail snapped between her legs. I yanked it to the side. "Do not stall." I finished with my unpleasant observations and finished another page of notes. Her whimpering and squirming was becoming rather bothersome. "I have no malicious intent little one. Be still and let me observe." I jabbed her flank with my pen, causing her to kick reflexively.
"Why did you have to look at me...down there?"
I blinked hard as I turned her around to face me. "Leave no stone unturned, no mystery unsolved. I am also not some simple stable boy, venturing to lose his virginity to some mare in the winter. I am a man of science and not some simplistic yokel!"
She nearly fell off the table as I stared at her eyes. "Oh...okay...."
Once I finished with my sketches and notes I took a final time to run my hands through Yellow's mane and scratch up her side. "Is done." I reached into my satchel and pulled out a small purse of coins. "Take these and buy something nice." I set her on the ground and scooted her out the door with the side of my foot.
With her out of the way I hurried to find Purple. "Purple, I require breeding papers for as many horses as you can get me."
Purple looked up from a book. "Breeding papers?"
"Yes. I wish to see genealogy of you creatures."
"Oh...well I might-"
I cut her off and walked over to Yellow. "Too much time wasted, I take field notes. Yellow!" I snapped my head to her. She nearly fainted as I looked at her. "Take me to more horses." I picked her up despite her whimpers and hurried out the door.
"Huh..." Twilight looked through the book the I had given her as I walked out. "What's an Ottoman?"
I turned back to the building for a final time. "Greasy pig human! The Ottoman Turk is the devil!"
I hurried off into town as I contemplated using some of these horned ones to send against the disgusting pigs. "Hmm. Yellow, have you heard of Wallachia?"
"N-no?"
I pet her head as I hurried off. "We find food and I tell you of great nation."
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what? Just what? Did i miss a chapter because something seriously seems out of place here
3795106 The point of view has shifted. I believe that the 'Catholic scum' at the beginning was the monk from the previous chapters. Looks like this one is through his friend's eyes, who was mentioned at the end of last chapter.
I like this guy. He's funny (although I do worry for Fluttershy).
3795185 i figured that but this new character came so out of the blue. He wasn't even characterized apart from being 'mean'. There are some glaring issues that need to be addressed here
3795195 What exactly needs to be addressed? In one chapter he's already a more fleshed out character than the original monk.
This makes for a comical change of pace
A foreign scholar who happens to be a bit of a douche
Poor Fluttershy might be brainwashed later on
3795226
firstly, are they in Equestria? I can't rightly think if they are or not even though i assume they are
secondly, if they are in Equestria, then is it just these two humans? it seems that way judging by the ponies reactions but the humans seem pretty chilled with it.
thirdly, does this mean the human or at least the monk can just jump between worlds? Or is this a human/pony world where humans somehow have never encountered the ponies?
lastly, as i stated before. Where did this new guy come from and for what purpose? Can we even get a name?
This story just feels SO disjointed. Worse than this authors usual style
Man, I love this guy!
Hmm. Excuse me kind author, but would it be too troubling to have an equitable exchange of more?
Read it with the accent. So much better.
3795511
I do say! I, in all good mind, body, and soul, come into complete agreement with this fine scholar, gentleman/woman or what persuasion he/she/it goes by, and peruser of fiction not officially made by the original creators of the fiction that this literature is based off of. I shall declare, in the current layman's terms, of acquiring, post haste, 'moar' fiction created by a devoted fan, based on a man of the cloth interacting with the equine beings, and his droll and barbarian acquaintance hailing from a nation long past. Thank you, you fine sir of the literary arts, to write more of this 'fiction made by a fan', I as a self proclaimed scholar, would be kindly pleased to see his repertoire of favored literature continue to receive new installments overtime.
Yours Truly,
Alternate Madness
3795590 Hey! Just because I can write in fancy, doesn't mean I can understand it!
3795627
TL;DR
Damn straight bro! Gimme Moar! Thanks for updating again!
3795276 They're in Twilight's library. What other oak tree with a door containing a purple alicorn can you think of?
As for what purpose? To study. It's stated right at the end of chapter two.
Your other questions don't personally seem pressing to me. The story's based around cultural exchange, not dimension hopping. If it's important then it'll get explained, you just have to be patient.
3795276
Sometimes less is more, and you will never get any names. Ever.
3796156 Unless we make them up ourselves.
3800670
Naw...they are all nameless. Any name you could come up with would pale in comparison to their true names.
I miss the Monk already. This chap is just a bit too impersonal. Funny yet impatient. He's going to get along great with applejack and rainbow dash.
3800707 If they're nameless, how can they have true names? Unless they're names are nameless...
Is it weird that I here him talking with a Scottish accent?
Vlad the impaler? Cool.