Hey Batty, Batty
By My Only Weakness
Chapter 1
You slowly open your eyes to see nothing but a complete blur of light. As your eyes come into focus you see a light hang from the ceiling. You lift you head up to see that you're in a bedroom of some sorts.
This doesn't look like anywhere I know you think to yourself as you get into a sitting position onto the bed with a blanket covering half of your body.
Suddenly the door opens and blueish grey Pegasus mare walks in... wait does don't look like ordinary Pegasus wings... they look like bat wings... and her eyes, her pink eyes, her pupils aren't round they're slits. This mare notices that you're awake and smiles at you and you can just about see sharp like teeth.
It finally clicked in your brain she was one of those Bat ponies, the one that ponies told to the younger colt and filly that if they stay outside in the dark they will be snacked away by these creatures.
"Well, look who's finally awake." She says walking over to you
You give an afraid and yet an astounded look "I-I though you types of ponies didn't exist"
"What?" she ask in confusion, but then realizes what you meant "Oh, because I'm a Bat Pony, yeah, we get that a lot."
"A-and how did I get here?"
"I found you lying on the streets. I also noticed that you were bleeding a river so I brought you back here and fixed you up." She explains with a look showing that see's proud of herself.
"Well thanks" you say gratefully "I guess I better be going now" you try to slide off the bed but the Bat Pony stops you.
"I wouldn't get off the bed If I were you"
"Why not?"
"This is why" She pulls the blanket off you to reveal a big cast on your leg.
"WOAH!" you shout "How did that happen?"
"You don't remember?" She says in a confused tone but then a look on her face that shows that she just got an idea on why you can't remember "I guess you must have hit your head hard when you hit the concrete."
You can't stop staring at the big case that is on your leg. The only though that was running in your mind was How in the world did this even happen The Bat Pony snaps you out of your thought with a question.
"So what's your name?"
"Oh, my name is..." you suddenly stop and come to realize that you don't know your own name.
"Don't tell me you can't remember your name?"
"I-I-I can't remember" you stutter in fear.
"Great" She exclaims in a angry tone "Oh well there nothing we can do about it" she continues smiling at you slightly "Since you can't remember your name I'm going to have to call you..." she places her hoof under her chin "Cass!"
"Cass?" you repeat in a form of a question
"Yeah, because of your cast on your leg"
"Makes sense" you says nodding your head slightly "What your name?"
"Night Watch" she answers
"So, how did you get this cast on me?"
"I went to the local doctors and he fixed you right up." She chirps happily
"And how long do I have to have this cast on?"
"The injury was pretty bad so he said it would take at least four to five weeks to heal." Night Watch explains "But hey at least you're safe in here instead of out there"
"I guess" you say slowly and uneasily.
You notice out of the corner of your eye you see that Night Watch has a little angry frown on her face.
"I'm not going to bite your neck you know" She says in annoyance
"I didn't say that!" you say defectively.
"Well by that slow 'I guess' kind of implied that" she says quoting you
"I didn't mean that!"
"I'm pretty sure you did!" She shouts raising her voice slightly
"I'm sorry." You say to her with a hint of confusion in your voice
She sights and says "No, I'm sorry." which catches you off guard. "I'm just so sick of that rumour that us Bat Ponies bite other ponies necks." She continues looking down at the floor.
"There's no need to worry about it, and besides," you stop to get her attention "I'm the one who didn't think that you guys existed remember" you say with a smirk that make her smile and laugh slightly
"You're right" she say smiling at you "I'm sorry again"
"Don't worry"
"Is there anything I can get you?" she asks walk to door
"Just a cup of water please, my throat's a little dry" you say to her
She nods and then turns back to the door giving you a clear view of her hind quarters and you look away in a blush. Before she exits the room she turns around to you and give a confused look
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine"
She nods again and then walk away from the bedroom and towards the kitchen
Dat Plot.
Quiet you,
What? I'm only sayin'
It's rude to say that.
Come on, It's not like she can hear us
True, but I don't want to hear you say something like that again, got it
Fine, Fine
Night Watch come back with two cups. She places one down on the counter next you and sits down next to the bed with her own cup. You grab the cup from the counter and take a sip.
"I know you were looking at my plot" she says which make you choke on the water
You recover from your choking of the water and look at her trying to put on a confused look "What?"
Busted
"Don't try and play that game with me" she says smirking "I'm a Bat Pony I have good senses and I know you were looking"
"Well I.. err.." you try thinking of an excuse but you start to blush.
"It's alright", that caught you off guard so you look at her with a real confused face "But don't do it again alright?"
You nod your head in agreement and take another sip of your water.
click
How about clicked...
must of hit
Must have hit
"It's alright", that court you off guard so you look at her with a real confused face "But don't do it again alright"
Caught not court...
Some of the mistakes I left in there cause it's not that big of a deal...
Unless you want me to go full out grammar nazi...
How bout addin the main six?
Don't make a lot of sense.
What kind of doctor is he ?
He didn't check for the head injury, he didn't let him stay in hospital, he just casted him and threw him out with an unknow pony, and all that when he was still unconscious? Doctors doing this kind of work in the 1950's city of Chicago is possible, but in Equestria ?
But a broken wing ( RD from read it ) is healed in a night ?
Then the fact that the MC seems to have lost his memory and he don't care at all ? He just accept the fact that he's going to be disabled for 5 weeks just like that ? He didn't ask Night Watch to conduct him to the guard station so they can find where he live and contact his possible familly so they don't freak out ?
Way too many incohérences here.
Dat Plot!
I have favourited this because of bat ponies they are amazing!
I'm just so sick of that rumour that us Bat Ponies bite other ponies necks." She continues looking down at the floor.
My reply would of been " Who knows? Maybe bitings my fetish. "
It's been said before about the grammar. I advise getting an editor to help out with the smaller stuff the falls through the cracks. The whole doctor thing seems suspicious as well considering the complete list of injuries he has endured.
Another thing, and this I know by experience, don't put in your authors comments "if this gets enough likes, ill continue". This seems shallow as if the only thing you like about writing is the green thumbs up attached to your story. I want you to write because you like writing; to hell with the rating system!
I look forward to the next chapter. PM me if you need help editing.
3474405 did I miss a couple mistakes?
edit: appearently yes...
meh, not a bad time for my first time as an editor
dude hurry up and put in chapter 2 I'm not the kind of guy who can wait for stuffz like this and don't write for the likes man its not good of a look on an author so write just to write
3469421
Whenever I see a good story with a couple of mistakes I want to point them out to the author but I always feel like it would be rude to do so
3476718
3476153
Don't worry. It's something that comes with time and experience. Keep up the good work.
hehe he got caught XD
Damn't I looked again!
I have a friend who always looks at girls "plots" if you will, and I'm dying for the day he gets caught. Good job so far.
3968471 If you see him looking yell "Dude are you looking at that girl's ass?"
pretty good
So far it's really cute I can't wait to read the whole thing.
Hmmmm, alright, I'll settle
Let's do this
"I'm just so sick of that rumour that us Bat Ponies bite other ponies necks."
You an me both, sister.
4841739
i know right i am part bat pony, Alicorn, Dragon, Changeling, and Griffin.
5188031 and my wings are artificially enhanced dragon wings
Well i like t more than i thought, but i think he don´t need to apologize, the way he was saying it, it looked like he saw it accidently because she turned around. Just to be sure, in most of the fanfic´s the Plot is hidden because of the Tail, and this make´s me thinking, that she lifted her tail or didn´t thought about it that moment. (the translator did a bad job there, but i am pretty sure i reconize what the word (plot) means.
It isn´t important for me, but i thought it wasn´t necessary that he made this apologize, i mean if he really didn´t looked because he wanted it or something like that.
5188031 LOLWUT