You could be a bit more detailed with what is going on and a good ideal is to use some military slander for obvious reasons and add a bit more personality and thought when in the first person the story is a bit fast-paced ( I like a bit slower and more detailed gives a better picture ) otherwise it is so far good
3472355 ya i'm trying to work on being more detailed in my story. but schools been stressing me and I have family vsiting in a few days, so detail has been slipping my mind a bit. But I appreciate that you're giving me this feedback, thanks. i'll work on it.
Hey guys, the first chapter will come later than expected, because my computer just crashed in the middle of me trying to finnish it up, so I may have just lost most of the first chapter. But hopefully I didn't lose most of it.
You just need to fix a few grammar errors like "witch" to which, because witch means an old hag that has magical abilities or something along those lines.
i dont know if this is correct or not but i know for sure thet the army uses the m16 only and the marines use the m4 carbine. kinda got that mixed up but this is good story so far.
I like it!
>>RU55IAN Thanks, second chapter is almost done. I should have it posted by tomorrow.
This is pretty good for a first time fanfic writer! Good job.
You could be a bit more detailed with what is going on and a good ideal is to use some military slander for obvious reasons and add a bit more personality and thought when in the first person the story is a bit fast-paced ( I like a bit slower and more detailed gives a better picture ) otherwise it is so far good
3472355 ya i'm trying to work on being more detailed in my story. but schools been stressing me and I have family vsiting in a few days, so detail has been slipping my mind a bit. But I appreciate that you're giving me this feedback, thanks. i'll work on it.
I like it pretty good so far
Hey guys, the first chapter will come later than expected, because my computer just crashed in the middle of me trying to finnish it up, so I may have just lost most of the first chapter. But hopefully I didn't lose most of it.
3475935
me gusta
like and fav 4 this person i guess
oh b4 i forget there is some grammar errors but its kinda little so i dont think anyone would bother 2 complain.
3477185 thanks for the grammar notice, but it will be a while till I can do anything with my story. like I said my computer crashed.
3480093
Get a origin computer
It's hella good with a hella lot of terrabite
That's what I use to write store my shits and play LOL on
3480131 thanks for the computer suggestion, I'll see what I can do.
3480158
It's a bit pricey but it's fucking worth it
Never been one for ceossovers but this story is an exceptionth09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2011/080/9/d/i__m_ok_with_this___celestia_by_megasweet-d3c6xx4.png
good job man, good job
have some muffins... OUT OF A CANNON!!!!!!
rainbowdash.net/file/ditsydoo-20120625T145044-l83tlfa.png
Good news! I should have my computer back and running sooner than I thought.
what happen next?
3678879 sorry, i'm really caught up in school and other matters that i haven't had a lot of time to work on it. it's really bugging me.
You just need to fix a few grammar errors like "witch" to which, because witch means an old hag that has magical abilities or something along those lines.
SEAL should be all caps unless it's plural, then the last s is lower case (SEALs).
Also, is just an M4, not M16A3. It goes, M16A1, A2, M4, then A4.
i dont know if this is correct or not but i know for sure thet the army uses the m16 only and the marines use the m4 carbine. kinda got that mixed up but this is good story so far.