THREE WEEKS POST-ASCENSION
"What do you think happens when we die?"
The light titterings of conversation died off, leaving the table outside the Haute Cuisine eerily quiet. Her three friends looked at Twilight queerly, which caused her still new wings to fluff out a bit under the attention.
Finally, Rarity cleared her throat to break the awkward atmosphere. "Twilight, are you alright?"
“Aw, don’t mind her,” Spike said, not even looking up from his Power Ponies comic. “She’s been sulking all week.”
“Now, Spike, that ain’t very nice,” Applejack said.
“What? It’s true!”
Rarity kept her eyes on Twilight. “Is everything alright?”
"Why do you ask?" Twilight asked.
"Well, it's just that you've been sitting there silent as your little retinue there," she gestured to the pair of stone-faced guards flanking the princess, "then you suddenly bring up such a... er, morbid topic."
Twilight shrugged. "I don't know, I'm just... curious if you girls ever think about it."
"No way!" Rainbow said through a mouthful of hay fries. She gulped loudly, wiping her hoof across her lips. "Who has time to think about that stuff? I'm too busy being awesome in this life to worry about whatever's next."
"How philosophical,” Applejack sighed.
"So, you never even thought about it?" Twilight asked.
"Nope!" Rainbow tapped her chin. "Well, there's that old pegasus thing."
Twilight perked up. "What?"
"Well, I remember in history class they once told us about Cloudhalla. The old pegasi warriors believed if you died in battle, you'd go to this, like, eternal battlefield or something. Fight demons for all time. We pegasi were pretty hardcore back then, ya know? Heh, some of us still are." She puffed out her chest.
"An eternity of fighting?" Rarity shuddered. "How uncouth, though I suppose it fits with how brutish pegasus ponies used to be." She let out a sigh as Rainbow smirked even wider. "Anyway, it's a nice idea. Sadly, not all nice ideas are true."
"Now, wait just a darn minute," Applejack said, leaning in on the table. "What're you gettin' on about?"
"I am simply saying that we have this one life in Equestria—the here and now, if you will," Rarity said. "And I can't help but feel as though it is somewhat spoiled by dreams of a life beyond what we already have. What use is there in weaving tales of something that doesn't exist?"
She shrugged. "I realize that it brings many pony ponies comfort—after all, nopony wishes to see their loved ones gone forever—but it's a terrible fact of life that adults like us must come to realize that we simply cannot just reframe reality to suit our whims. It's natural, of course, to yearn for something more: some further meaning or purpose in life."
Her eyes drifted closed, and she took a quiet sip from her tea before placing it neatly back down on the tablecloth. When she spoke again, her voice was gentle, subdued. "At some point, though, it becomes necessary to put away childish things, and to meet real life on equal hoofing."
As Rarity was talking, Twilight’s ears had slowly drooped. She nodded thoughtfully. “Well, that makes sense, scientifically, at least. There is no evidence of any kind of afterlife.”
"Ah, bull-honky,” Applejack huffed. “Science can't explain everything 'bout life."
"Applejack, I can open a book and tell you exactly what you are, down to the atom."
"So? That don't mean squat. Look, Twi, you could take every element that makes up my body 'n put it in a big pot, an' you wouldn't have nothing. You could hit it wit' lightnin', light it on fire, and it ain't gonna come alive. Ponies have been tryin' for years, yeah?"
"Well, yes."
"But when I was a little filly, I saw my momma take a little bit of her an' a little bit of my daddy, and eleven months later, eleven months, out popped a brand new bouncin' baby filly. That right there was a bona fide miracle if I ever seen one."
Rarity sighed. "No, Applejack, that is life."
"Exactly," she replied with a small grin. "It's like I said, you may know exactly what in the brain does what, what chemical or neuro-whatsit makes me decide that I like this here fancy tea”—she held up her cup—”but for all that knowledge, after Celestia knows how many years of tryin', the brightest minds in the world still can't do in the fanciest of labs what two simple farmponies can do in one night—create a life."
A distant smile fell upon her face as she leaned back in her chair. "Look, Twi, I'll be the first to admit I ain't the smartest of ponies when it comes to science and the like, but even I can see that us ponies are so much more than this ol' bag of meat we walk around in. There's some... spark somewhere, some kinda essence or somethin', more powerful than anything, even yer fancy alicorn magic. I can't rightly believe that all that energy can jus' up and vanish when we die. There's gotta be somethin' else."
By this point, Twilight was leaning forward towards them. "Like what?"
“I don’t know, sugar cube, could be anything. Why, my grandaddy used to spin tales ‘bout the Elysian Fields, a never-endin’ plain of the freshest grass and the juiciest fruit trees, where you and all your loved ones can gallop and graze and play for all time.”
“Whoa,” Spike said, finally looking up from his comic. “That sounds awesome! But, do you think they have a quarry? I wouldn’t want to spend forever without some rubies.”
A light round of chuckles spread across the table. “I don’t rightly know, Spike, but it's fun to think about, and I'd be lying if I said part of me weren't lookin’ forward to findin’ out.”
Rarity nearly dropped her teacup, just barely managed to set it back on the table. “So... you want to die?!”
“Oh, good gravy, no! It’s just... well, Granny Smith has a little sayin’: 'live as long as possible, but when your time’s up, it’s up. Don’t fear the Pale Pony'.” Her brow furrowed. She turned back to Twilight, taking her hoof in hers. "Now, how's about you level with us, sugarcube. Why you asking about all this?"
Twilight blinked.
There's just no way to tell right now, Twilight. You and Cadance are the first two ponies who have ascended. Luna and I were created as we are. Your mortal nature may remain, but you must remember you are now intrinsically linked to Magic itself, a force as permanent and lasting as the sun and moon. I wish I had answers but right now I'm... I'm just not sure.
Twilight smiled. "Like I said, just curious."
So, is she wondering if she is immortal or not? This theory could be worked out very well, actually. The sun and moon are eternal and are forever there, so the same would be with the princesses who control them and are magically linked with them. Wouldn't it be the same for Twilight since she is connected and linked to magic which is similarly eternal and forever lasting?
Darn. I was hoping Rarity would share the old unicorn legends. Still, a wonderfully in-character conversation, though rather grim when taking into account the previous chapter. I can't help but wonder if the planet as a whole is beginning to die...
So if the magic in Equestria saps, Twilight dies? Damn.
Theory time: Based on this chapter and the last chapter, my current guess is that Twilight is so linked to Magic, that her mortal alicorn body may be sapping magic out of all of Equestria to sustain itself, thus these steadily growing wastelands. That quote from Celestia near the end clearly indicates that both Twilight and Cadance are not immortal, so if magic is dying off, Twilight must directly or indirectly be the cause if she's going so far as to blame herself.
3483176
i'm of the opinion that Twilight being naturally used to the idea of having a set lifespan and being once a naturally mortal pony, has grown tired of imortality ... seeing loved ones grow old have children and die, and having their grand children and great grandchildren pass on until no living pony even remembers her friends has made her grow tired ... falling in and out of love only to have the cycle of gain and loss repeat itself again and again had taken its toll
so being tied to the very magic of the land she somehow set up a means for magic to be sucked out of (what was intended to be) a localized area ... an elaborate form of suicide that would only affect herself and the place she'd deemed as her final resting place ... she understood the ponies she left behind would be hurt at her demise ... but as time had shown her again and again, she would be forgotten ... and if there is such a thing as an afterlife, then she could finally join her friends in the eternal fields of nectar and honey, storm the gates of cloudhalla, and dig the rich quarries in a far off land ... unfortunately the device did not work as she'd intended... the small area she'd desegnated was not enough to sap her body, so she ramped her device up to a larger and larger and even larger area ... but still it did not work ... she kept increasing the power until the device/spell she created reached a point where it became uncontrollable and self sustaining ... a sort of black hole for magic
wow ... didn't mean for it to get that longwinded ... my mind kinda ran with it on this one XP
either way i look forward to reading the story
Not a fan of this chapter, Jake the Army Guy. Whatever sense of mystery, tension, and urgency you were building up in your previous chapter, you just obliterated with 1247 words of what reads like an episode of The View. All the action just ground to a halt so the Mane Six could enjoy some tea and have their little debate. Fittingly enough, the chapter is titled "The Talk", although "The Talk Show" would be more precise.
There is a time and place for exposition, including having your characters explain their stances on death and the afterlife. It is my firm belief that the first few chapters are not that place and time. I suggest that you concentrate first on hooking your reader with intrigue and action in the present time. Once we're thoroughly invested, then you can unleash the flashbacks and lectures (carefully threaded through the story mind you).
3485193
The flashbacks are kind of the point. I admit, things seem hazy, and that is by design. Things will come into focus eventually. This is only set to be around ten-fifteen chapters of similar length. It's an experiment in style, a series of snippets telling a greater tale as opposed to a straight narrative. Maybe I am too hazy? Maybe, quite possibly, but it's my intent. I hope things will become more clear eventually.
Then again, I could just be blowing smoke and this is gonna crash and burn. Meh...
I agree with both AJ and Rarity here, but to explain how and why would dwarf this awesome story.
Looking forward to more.
Heyas, Jake man! Dropped by to see what all of this was about from the SA chat, and I gotta say... hmm. I'll try and address your key concern - why the format isn't working for some and is for others. I think it really just has to do with pacing expectations.
For the first part you've got your sunny-dusty-wasteland-slow-walk kind of setup, so I was expecting something Fallout- or SS&E-esque in terms of experience. You know, lots of retrospect, a thick tangible nothingness in the horizon, a mood that tiptoes the line between intriguing and boring. In this chapter you've got something that feels like "dread-inducing" - that impeding sense of doom, Fridge Horror i think it's called? - but we don't have any investment as of yet for this to function. There's not enough time spent with the characters for a reader to feel anything other than curiousity. Which the discussion above and the nifty drained-magic-affects-all-ponies piece of worldbuilding do play up, so you have those working for you. So, first point: not yet enough stakes to start pulling the dread strings.
Reading this, I'm a tad confused as to what to think of the story. As in, "what kind of story is it?" - am I supposed to be looking expectantly towards the ending, or just enjoying the journey? There's both too much and too little for it to swing either way. Too much stuff in between too little vital details you need to set up the situation (e.g. starting with a report telling Twilight something's crashed in the Everfree, for instance - which links directly to the main conflict you've introduced to help keep us reeled). As it is now, I'm interpreting it as one of those long-haul stories - the kind where you read just because, rather than because of a pressing urge to find the end. In other words, Slice-of-Life-ish. Though I'm sure the dissonance may be more vivid for other readers. Second point: reader dissonance. People just find simpler things easier to digest.
The thing is, neither of these are problems. I can't spot much in the way of those either; your voicing and style are all good quality, though you certainly don't need me to tell you that. These oddities are just a result of your new structure and authorial choices, which will be answered in time with enough words in there, I'm sure. I should like to relieve this dissonance of mine, at any rate, so I'll be seeing ya
I am very interested in seeing where this goes, the first chapter really caught my attention. And now after reading the conversation in chapter two it only makes me anticipate the coming events more and more! Very nice job so far!
3485296
Well, it's not really the haziness, it's more of the blatancy in fact. What I get here is that you're trying to emulate Austreaoh's style of story-telling (you actually mentioned it somewhere). It's a very difficult thing to accomplish, something which I don't even trust myself to try. But, while the flashbacks in Austreaoh were really hazy and subtle to the point of mind-boggling, this chapter's characterizations are rather heavy-handed. You have Scientist Twilight, Existentialist Rarity and Sort of Believer Applejack explaining their beliefs to each other and, by proxy, the reader. The exposition stops me cold rather than making me more curious. I don't think 'Wow, what was that all about? Maybe the next chapter will make things clearer', instead I go 'Wow, Jake's really smacking me in the face with the characterization here. It's like they're taking turns standing on a soap box'.
I admit that I'm not a fan of the style (I haven't even finished Austreaoh) so I'll more likely stick to your more straightforward stories.
Cloudhalla huh? The show shows the ancient pegasi to be more Greek than Nordic but I can dig it. Hope next chapter will go back to Twilight walking the fields of pestilence.
Yeah . . . about that, heh heh.
3485296 I think it's risky, but okay to do it this way. It would be better if they could've said those things within some context.
But here:
I think the word "saw" might not be what you want... though in most historical cultures that would in fact be the case.