shadowpheon
Joined 12th Dec, 2012 ·
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Hmmmm. Not bad. I've seen Dead Space: Downfall and I liked it. Good job!
keep it going my friend i love it so far
i.imgur.com/4ucHZgY.gif
Didn't she leave that with her badge? Near the wreck?
i.imgur.com/uhw71Nz.jpg
1. up on her
2.Why was Twilight sneaking up on her?
3. This is a bit... cliched? Maybe not quite the right word, but still...
I don't know. I like where you're going with this, but the chapter feels... kinda sloppy, as if you were writing it in a fit of inspiration. This in and of itself isn't bad, but that it doesn't appear to be edited, or at least, edited well (props for good spelling and basic grammar. You'd be surprised as to how often I've read something, only to want to gouge out my eyes due to terrible grammar) kinda turns me off of the story. Not terribly so, but still.
I would suggest working a little bit more on making a more "finalized" product for future chapters, but this was nonetheless a good chapter.
Good job.