Author's Note: Do you know that feeling when you have something good? Great! Now, do you know what it's like to constantly get ideas for a story? That's my problem, I overthink them. Now, on with the story!
Prologue: How It All Began
"Sometimes being small is a blessing, just like being immortal can also be a curse...a curse that never goes away."
It was a cold Neighvember night when a certain alicorn, huddled up close to the fire place, was reminiscing over an old memory, a memory that started so much for her. Then a prophecy arose for her, and after that it was love and war....
In the Golden Oaks Library, about a thousand years earlier.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Her Majesty, Princess Celestia, cordially invites you to the castle. She wishes to have a lesson with you over some of the more abstract areas of friendship. She also would like to go over your previous friendship reports in further detail. After that she wants to talk about the night sky, and discuss some common wrong beliefs.
The required items are ten pleasure reading books, a star map, an astronomy book of your choosing, sleepwear, a manebrush, shampoo and conditioner, and various other toiletries. You are to arrive at the castle a quarter past noon. The stay will be for a full week, so pack accordingly. This message will be sent back to us for recycling after you have taken sufficient notes.
Thank you,
~Her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia
After Twilight finished reading the letter, her notebook at her side for when she took notes of the letter, she just stared at the paper. She was hoping to catch how it would be sent back when there was a knock at the door.
A voice sounded from the door before Twilight got to it, saying, "Ms. Sparkle! I came to bring your letter back to Canterlot!" The voice obviously belonged to Derpy Hooves, the mailmare of Ponyville, as she opened the door to hand her the letter. "Thanks Twilight! I don't what would happen if I returned without the letter, and this will definitely help me get a promotion," Derpy said before she flew off.
Twilight closed the door, utterly surprised that she didn't even get to say a word. She remembered that she needed to pack and saw that the time was ten of the clock. She would have to get ready in one and a quarter hours, thus meaning that a certain assistant was going to need to read the notes she took.
In Canterlot Castle's Throne Room, 1 hour after leaving Ponyville.
I hope Twilight will get here soon. It can get so boring filing papers and meeting with nobles, which are constantly trying to get more power, that she decided to ask Twilight to come over. The Princess started to hear some wings flapping at that moment and asked the staff to start preparing dinner for three. After that she waited for Twilight to come into the Throne Room.
On a balcony in Canterlot Castle, night time and during Night Court.
It was an ordinary day in the castle, except for one thing. Two ponies were cuddling, as usual, talking about things, as usual, and we're looking at the stars, as usual. But then the subject started changing, changing into something full of wonder and excitement!
The subject changed into that of alicorns, about what they are and their limits, and then it all started to change even more. It changed into a secret that was to never be spoken, and a question that was never to be answered.
Can you guess it? Can you guess the very question that lead to this tale of sadness, courage, love, and hope? Well, no matter, it was answered this very night. So that one secret that will be spoken on this night will cause one mare to change the world, but for better, or for worse? That is where our story truly begins, in the castle, when one question starts us down a road that cannot be forgotten. And that road, that road is love.
The conversation started out with Twilight and Celestia talking about the stars and the moon, the constellations and the nebulae, supernovae and black holes, worlds seen and unseen.
But then a lavender mare asked the one question to find out the secret that never should have been spoken. And so, Twilight asked the Princess, "Princess, why can't we travel to other planets?" Her tone was of curiosity and exploration. She made it sound so sweet and innocent, but it never truly was. She had her own secrets, one of which would not be known unless Twilight wanted to die of
embarrassment.
"Well, Twilight, it's because Luna nor I have the strength nor the magic power necessary to power a spell that would be capable of doing that. As much as want to, we can't." The ivory mare replied, her voice somber and melancholic, wanting to cry because she couldn't fulfill this wish of her student. She wanted to hug her tightly, kiss her forehead and tell her everything would be alright, or did she? Could there possibly be something more? Could she actually like the mare next to her as a lover?
"You don't have enough power? But I thought that an alicorn's magic was limitless? How could that not be?" Twilight asked, this time with concern and wonder, treating this as an opportunity to research alicorns. The mare waited for a response patiently, knowing that this would be a good thing to remember.
"But isn't that where corruption begins, Twilight? Through limitless power and adoration? That's why we, as alicorns, are only strong with magic in one area. We are strong in whatever are cutie mark is, but weaker than the average unicorn in all of the other areas. That's the number one secret of the alicorn, and we don't tell many ponies about the secret because then they know that we can easily be defeated. It's hard to live knowing that your species is a lie, but we have to. It's a very sad life as well...." The Princess then started trailing off until nothing was left.
And Twilight could not even speak. She was trying to go over what her mentor had just said without having her brain get fried. So, the mare sitting next to me is powerless compared to me? Why? And how? How does she use so much power in her everyday tasks, unless she modified them to use power from the sun. But would she really be able to do that? And what about me? I'm so much more powerful, and what would happen if I became an alicorn? I am the element of magic, and magic is my special talent, so how would my magic be affected?
At this point she had begun looking upon Celestia in a new light. Twilight saw a weak, fragile mare, covered in armor and shaking all the time. She had such great courage, to stand there and fight knowing her disability, but such sorrow knowing that she might not be defeated. Is there something about her now, or does she seem more confident? And the moonlight shining through her mane is so...beautiful. Wait! Why did I just think about her that way? Gah, I'll just investigate it later. Right nowis the moment! I need answers to my questions! At this point Twilight began to speak again, much to Celestia's relief.
"So, how do you perform your everyday spells? Did you use lots of practice, or did you modify the spells to feed off of the sun? Am I more powerful than you, as well? And what would happen if I became an alicorn? What would unfold in my magic?" Twilight asked Celestia, who was starting to get a little bit sleepy.
"Well, my student, I actually practiced the spells a lot. Although I do like your idea of modifying the spells, I might try that some time. And yes, you are technically more powerful than I am. And as for you becoming an alicorn, I do not know. Having somepony who's special talent is magic would change it up quite a bit. I would have to say that you could probably do anything, but there might be a cost to it all. I don't know for sure though. Maybe one day we will find out, after all, I am getting rather lonely at night."At this point Celestia's eyes were filled with lust, and when the lavender mare looked at her it grew even more intense.
All of this made Twilight wonder what was going on, and even began to subconsciously snuggle even closer to Celestia. "I sure wouldn't mind your company. I could hold you, squeeze you, pet you, love you, and maybe even kiss you."
By now, the Princess had waited long enough. She decided that now was the time to make her move. She quite literally jumped on Twilight, who was more than surprised to say the least. She had to do only one more thing to make this night complete: kiss her. But by then her thoughts were depleted, for, to her shock, Twilight was kissing her as passionately as could be.
But then something unexpected happened that she was not prepared for, nor could she have been prepared for it. Twilight started standing up. Not on her own, either. But what was really surprising was the words she was about to speak:
"The end of all magic,
Once feared know loved:
The chorus of voices
All praying for her
They speak a story,
One spoken through years,
Of the ultimate sacrifice
For whom she held most dear.
The end of all magic,
Brought about by one
Who's name is told
To Sparkle when called.
Her lover told her
One single secret
That forged a blade
Of love and pain
But that blade,
Though sharp and feared,
Will never hurt those
Whom she holds most dear.
So she learns
One final lesson,
Of love and sorrow,
To teach her to Listen."
And so it has begun, the time of which she starts her journey of love, sorrow, pain, joy, and sacrifice. But why does Twilight have this feeling that Celestia doesn't love her? Or is it that Twilight is just using the Princess for a cure....
I'm going to start out here with some of the positives.
1. The idea is interesting, I don't think I've ever encountered the prospect of alicorns actually being weaker than their unicorn counterparts. To build on this as a backbone for the romance (I assume the romance will be the main part?) could potentially create an awesome story.
2. As it stands now, your writing is pretty good for someone who has only written a single story. The dialogue between Celestia and Twilight was done fairly well.
Then there were negatives.
1. In general sense, grammar. You really need a proofreader for this, more so to catch mistakes like this
Now I'm pretty certain that you know to check up on your work for stuff like this There are a bunch of minor errors, but I have to pick out one little guy in particular. He is known as the ellipsis. (or the dot, dot, dot).
Its okay if you want to use them here and there, but you've put them just about everywhere. I'd say eliminate most of these, as they're not needed the majority of the time.
2. I understand the whole Twilestia thing is present here, but it seemed... abrupt? I just didn't think it flowed well how Celestia randomly gets interested in Twilight, including the whole cuddling thing. Was that because Twilight looks to her in a motherly way, or something else?
Take your time with something like that, there is no need to rush
3. More of a style thing, but as a suggestion, perhaps lessen the size of the paragraphs. Some of them are quite large and include multiple thoughts which could use some spreading out. Makes it look nicer, and is easier on the reader.
That's all I got at the moment. Now I'm not trying to be hard on you at all, so sorry if it seems like that. I'm just throwing in my two cents on how I think you can improve. I still need improvements on some things myself.
I'll keep this in watch, and I'm interested to see where this goes and how your overall writing improves with time.
Cheers!
DJRD
3553543
FINALLY!!! CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!!! Thank you for everything, and I will now try to address everything that you just said:
1. Thank you for liking the idea, and yes, it will serve as the backbone but I won't say anything about how yet....
2. Thank you. Being a grammar nazi and writing a lot in school clearly helps out.
Negatives:
1. I really hate it when the space key doesn't work. I use an iPad for my stories so that can't be avoided much, especially being that the proofreader group is too hard to setup with an iPad, or at least to me.
1B. I really do use the ellipsis too much, but it's something that I am trying to improve upon! I managed to cut down on my comma usage recently. Needless to say though, I was just shocked that you didn't say that I put an extra dot at the end of some of them.
2. Yes, I wanted to get my idea out for it was bugging me and so I rushed it. I'll probably do a rewrite and fill in the gaps and make it more explanatory and less abrupt. Also, I will explain why it was like that in the next chapter. I had an outline, then I got this in my head and then figured out how to make it tie into my outline...and now I'm rambling.
3. Spread out my thoughts...why didn't I read that sooner?
Thanks for all of the pointers! I am definitely going to like you as a commenter. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to fix a mistake.
3572839 No problem! You've read a couple of my stories, so its only fair to read one of yours in return!
3573568
Thanks then! And the rewrite should, hopefully, be up by tomorrow. I am going to work on it right now to ensure that it is!