Moments in Time

by DragonShadow

Equestria Girls: Holy Brony (Comedy)

This story is rated (M) for light sexual language

Equestria Girls: Holy Brony

The hallways of Canterlot High School were bustling with activity as the student body went on about their day, shuffling from class to class without a thought given to what lay beyond the borders of their school. Sunset Shimmer thought about it all the time though, she had to. Being originally a pony from Equestria, she hardly knew what her options were going to be in this human-led world. Being the overlord and high master of two enslaved worlds had been thrown out the window… and she sure didn’t want to end up a minimum-wage fry cook.

Sunset Shimmer’s locker door closed with a clang to reveal a girl with a bright face standing directly behind it with a wide, ear-to-ear grin.

“Gah! What the Hell…!?” Sunset Shimmer jumped back.

“S-sorry! I d-d-didn’t mean to s-startle you!” The girl stammered like she’d just run into the famous movie star, Bomb Cruise. “I’ve been t-trying to work up the c-courage to say hi for weeks!”

“Um… okay…” Sunset Shimmer was used to being feared and semi-admired by her peers, but this was pushing it. “And why did you want to say hi to me so badly?”

“W-well you know, since the whole… Fall Formal thing happened… there’s been people saying that you’re a… a…” The girl blushed even deeper.

“A…?” Sunset Shimmer pressed.

“A pony!” The girls squealed the word at such a high pitch it sent Sunset reeling back. “Ahem… sorry, a p-pony! Is it true!?”

“Um… yeah.” Sunset Shimmer brought her hands up cautiously when the girl’s eyes lit up. “And… who are you, exactly?”

The girl’s eyes snapped wide and she giggled furiously. “Oh! Duh! Wow! I am so rude! My name’s Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings! I’m kind of a… a big fan of ponies!” She blushed furiously. “Such cute little faces and adorable little hooves! Sometimes I want to be a pony…”

“Uh…” Sunset Shimmer glanced around the empty hallway, as if seeking salvation. “Well that’s… quite an aspiration you have there… but I have a lot of classes to get to, I really need to walk away now.” Sunset Shimmer turned to leave quickly, but she could hear the footsteps following close behind her.

“I’ve always wanted to ask… wh-what’s it like being a pony?”

“What’s it like? Um…” Sunset Shimmer thought for a moment. “It’s like having four legs and no hands. And fur.”

“Oohhhh…” Lyra nodded as if she’d just been given some ancient secret. “Wow, that sounds so amazing… I bet life is so peaceful! Doing nothing but walking around and eating grass…”

Sunset huffed and clenched her fists. “Excuse me? We’re not mindless beasts, that’s freaking racist.”

“N-no! I didn’t mean it like that! Sorry…”

Sunset Shimmer took a deep breath. “Whatever, can you leave me alone now?”

“S-sure! Can I just ask a few more questions first?”

Sunset Shimmer made the second worst mistake of her life. “Ugh… fine.”

“What does it feel like having fur?”

“Do you wear horseshoes? If I had hooves I don’t think I’d want to wear shoes.”

“Is your sense of smell better than ours? Most animals have that, right?”

“Pony babies must be so cute! Can I see a picture of one?”

“Do you have a government? Or do you have princesses? Maybe a few queens in there somewhere?”

“Are ponies really strong? I bet they’re really strong.”

“Can you outrun horses from this world?”

“Can you outrun an ostrich? Or a cheetah! But nobody beats a cheetah, because they cheetah so much!”

“Do you ride each other around? I’d love to be able to ride my best friends when my legs are tired! But Bon Bon slaps me whenever I try…”

“She won’t ride me either when I ask her to for some reason. She just gets all blushy…”

“What do you think of humans? Do you think we’re weird? Hey, what’s that look for?”

“How much do you eat in a day? Do you have breakfast, lunch, and supper, or do you just kind of keep eating?”

“Do ponies drink beer?”

“Do you really not wear clothes there?”

“Can you like, see each other’s vaginas and penises just dangling?”

“How big is a stallion’s penis? You know, for science.”

“How do you have sex? Does he mount you like a normal horse or do you do missionary position?”

“Do ponies go to school? What kind of things do you learn?”

“How long do you live?”

“Do you eat anything besides plants?”

“If you chop off a pony’s leg, can it still walk with only three?”

“What’s your cutie mark? You have those right? Like in the TV show?”

“Do you have a TV show called My Little Human?”

“Do you even have TV?”

“Or how about electricity?”

“If you have magic there does that mean you can do awesome things like fly and shoot lasers from your eyes?”

“Are there pony superheroes? That would be so awesome!”

“How about a Spider-Pony? With the power of a pony and a spider!? So awesome!”

“Can you climb with hooves? How does that work?”

“Do you think I’d be a pony if I went there?”

“How long can ponies hold their brea-”

Sunset Shimmer slammed her locker shut with a thunderous bang that brought the attention of the entire hallway their way, but she didn’t care. Five hours of constant questions had pushed her well beyond her limits, and she whirled on her verbal aggressor with her fists clenched. “You know I can and will punch you in the freaking face! Principal Celestia would never punish me!”

Lyra recoiled in shock like she’d already taken a swing. “What’s wrong? I thought we were… y’know, bonding, like gal-pals!”

Sunset Shimmer snapped. “Bonding!? There’s a difference between bonding time and an interrogation! I’d rather be turned over to the police! At least they’d ask less probing and annoying questions!”

“Oh…” Lyra rubbed one arm demurely and looked away from her. “I’m sorry… I just wanted to be friends… I should’ve known, this always happens, I… sorry.” Lyra turned away from her with a deep blush on her cheeks, leaving Sunset Shimmer standing in the hallway with dozens of pairs of disapproving eyes watching her.

“Nnngh…” Sunset Shimmer grunted and rushed down the hallway after her, grabbing her shoulder to get her attention. “Look, I should be trying to make friends, so maybe… maybe we can get to know each other.”

“R-really?” Lyra looked over at her with a smile, and tears in her eyes.

“Slowly,” Sunset insisted. “No more following me around all day asking me about Equestria, alright?”

“Oh, okay.” Lyra wiped her eyes. “But I do still want to know so much more about it!”

“Well then… from now on, you can ask one question about it a day, and otherwise, we can… y’know, hang out or something.”

“Hah, oh awesome! I can’t wait!” Lyra grinned with a girlish giggle. “Come on, I have one more class to get to! I’ll walk you to yours first!”

“Yeah, sure, alright.” Sunset rolled her eyes and turned to follow Lyra down the hallway. “So tell me about yourself. Why are you so into ponies anyway?”

“Well it all started when I wore a cat costume for Halloween one year…”

___

Twilight Sparkle emerged from Golden Oaks Library with a yawn, stretching her wings and hooved out to banish the morning stiffness. “Mmmh, am I so glad that business in the Crystal Empire is over… now things can finally get back to normal.” She turned to close the front door, then yelped and jumped back when she saw a green unicorn with a golden lyre cutie mark grinning wildly at her from behind the door.

“Is it true!? Were you really a human…!?”

Comments

[Psykosis]

Y'know, I'm not usually a huge fan of Lyra being completely obsessive about humans/ponies, but this was actually pretty funny.
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[Jakob85]

Really enjoyed it, you should write a fallow up story with Lyra and twilight.