... Sorry, but this is far too OOC for what I've seen of Rainbow Dash in this fic. I could see her sleeping with the first stallion that crossed her path on the way to her hotel, sure, but her going back to Soarin after that is just so bullshitting OOC it's ridiculous. This was poorly thought out, and even more poorly executed. I am so disappoint.
I was SO happy that Dash had stuck up for herself and told that conniving Jerk just what he had coming, it was just about the best thing I've ever read on this site, then this?!? Whatever THIS is. I don't even know. I don't even wanna know. I think just about everyone was disappointed with this chapter(chapter 4). And then I read chapter 5. Huh boy. Twilight would never. Not in that way at least. Made me wanna barf like Rainbow. *Sigh* :(
I quite liked what you did last chapter, and then this? Sorry, I'mma have to mirror what most of the others are saying. It doesn't make sense in the context of your story, and seems like an added drama llama simply for the sake of it. Rainbow was clearly pissed off and unimpressed with Soarin' the whole time. She finally rage-quits his obnoxious company, presumably getting quite a bit of cold air and distance between them to help with her problem, so it wasn't an action of overwhelming need or anything...and then what? She just randomly goes back to him? No thanks.
MmmmmMMMMMMmmmmMMMM I like what you wanted to do with this arc. I see what you wanted, and I have to disagree with the others when I say that it doesn't fit or that it was out of character for RD. I find RD is actually quite weak-willed and thought it was unskillful of you in the last chapter to have her so plainly diss Soarin outright. I think that the idea of this scene redeems that perceived mistake. I thought it was out of character, because she is the type who seems to necessitate attention and confirmation, and I feel in my personal headcanon that it would be far too easy for her to simply reject him for being an asshole, (when he kinda wasn't, he made it pretty clear in my eyes what he was after and didn't really lead her on at all. If someone is that plain about wanting casual sex and doesn't really lie, is it still really unfair in that same sense? Lying to get sex is one thing but Soarin was pretty straightforward and I see nothing wrong with that) especially considering her boundless adoration for him. I feel that the execution was poor, and I understand that this chapter and the preceding one were meant to be short, but they felt rushed in more than just that way. What happened in this chapter wasn't exactly clear to me until I looked over the comments and your note. Regardless, I stand by my point that I do like what you did and the idea, but it should have been a bit more carefully executed and slowed down.
I can see were you tried to take this, and I admire you for that. My problem is that it feels rushed. You jumped to something that has no context of why she's there and or how she got there. Im not dissing the story. I find it interesting and still like it. But this short chapter makes no sense, and feels out of place. My advice to you is more context clues. You went from Rainbow Dash calling out Soarnin (Which was epic btw) to she's in Soarnins bath room and Im guessing they had sex. and I'm not even sure about that. A short scene between RD and Soarnin to explain how she got there and what her motive was would've been nice. All in all though I like the story. And just a reminder I am not, i repeat I AM NOT trying to bash your work, but only trying to help you grow as a writer. If I come off in anything but wanting to help that is not my intention
Um...
Wait... What just happened?
Alternate ending to the Rainbow Dash part. That's what happened. Isn't it?
3387247>>3387191 I... I don't think this was an alternate ending, having read what comes next.
this part is confusing.
In the end the heat won, that's what happened.
Huuuh. Self-interestd cuntweasel Soarin is rarest Soarin.
Wow...
That made me feel all over the place.
ok... soo, wtf? where is the part of the story that leads up to this?
So....I'm asuming heat over came Rainbow and she made up with Soarin and
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMTEvMjEvMThfMzVfMTNfNzMyXzE1OTA1OF9fVU5PUFRfX3JhaW5ib3dfZGFzaF9xdWVzdGlvbmFibGVfYXJ0aXN0X3Rvb25iYXQiXV0/159058__rainbow%2Bdash_derpy%2Bhooves_questionable_artist-colon-toonbat_and%2Bthen%2Bthey%2Ball%2Bfucked_and%2Bthen%2Bsex%2Bhappened.png
I wouldn't say it's dark. It's sad and depressing, rather.
Shit, reading this just ruined my day. I'm gonna go watch some comedy or something.
:(
Yeah, I agree with the rest. What is this?
holy shit. sorin is the biggest dickface ever
Damn... Can you say mood whiplash? This is genuinely... just... I don't know. I'm not sure if I want to continue reading after this.
... Sorry, but this is far too OOC for what I've seen of Rainbow Dash in this fic. I could see her sleeping with the first stallion that crossed her path on the way to her hotel, sure, but her going back to Soarin after that is just so bullshitting OOC it's ridiculous. This was poorly thought out, and even more poorly executed. I am so disappoint.
I was SO happy that Dash had stuck up for herself and told that conniving Jerk just what he had coming, it was just about the best thing I've ever read on this site, then this?!? Whatever THIS is. I don't even know. I don't even wanna know. I think just about everyone was disappointed with this chapter(chapter 4). And then I read chapter 5. Huh boy. Twilight would never. Not in that way at least. Made me wanna barf like Rainbow. *Sigh* :(
This is...well, not something I like at all.
I quite liked what you did last chapter, and then this? Sorry, I'mma have to mirror what most of the others are saying. It doesn't make sense in the context of your story, and seems like an added drama llama simply for the sake of it. Rainbow was clearly pissed off and unimpressed with Soarin' the whole time. She finally rage-quits his obnoxious company, presumably getting quite a bit of cold air and distance between them to help with her problem, so it wasn't an action of overwhelming need or anything...and then what? She just randomly goes back to him? No thanks.
MmmmmMMMMMMmmmmMMMM
I like what you wanted to do with this arc. I see what you wanted, and I have to disagree with the others when I say that it doesn't fit or that it was out of character for RD. I find RD is actually quite weak-willed and thought it was unskillful of you in the last chapter to have her so plainly diss Soarin outright. I think that the idea of this scene redeems that perceived mistake.
I thought it was out of character, because she is the type who seems to necessitate attention and confirmation, and I feel in my personal headcanon that it would be far too easy for her to simply reject him for being an asshole, (when he kinda wasn't, he made it pretty clear in my eyes what he was after and didn't really lead her on at all. If someone is that plain about wanting casual sex and doesn't really lie, is it still really unfair in that same sense? Lying to get sex is one thing but Soarin was pretty straightforward and I see nothing wrong with that) especially considering her boundless adoration for him.
I feel that the execution was poor, and I understand that this chapter and the preceding one were meant to be short, but they felt rushed in more than just that way. What happened in this chapter wasn't exactly clear to me until I looked over the comments and your note.
Regardless, I stand by my point that I do like what you did and the idea, but it should have been a bit more carefully executed and slowed down.
I can see were you tried to take this, and I admire you for that. My problem is that it feels rushed. You jumped to something that has no context of why she's there and or how she got there. Im not dissing the story. I find it interesting and still like it. But this short chapter makes no sense, and feels out of place. My advice to you is more context clues.
You went from Rainbow Dash calling out Soarnin (Which was epic btw) to she's in Soarnins bath room and Im guessing they had sex. and I'm not even sure about that. A short scene between RD and Soarnin to explain how she got there and what her motive was would've been nice. All in all though I like the story.
And just a reminder I am not, i repeat I AM NOT trying to bash your work, but only trying to help you grow as a writer. If I come off in anything but wanting to help that is not my intention