It was perfect.
Everything...was perfect.
Yet, it had been planned that way – from the very beginning.
The rays of the setting sun bathed the exterior of the marble Palace in its warm embrace. The bright peaks of the spires glistened, causing glittering pools of luminescence on the Royal Garden waters below.
By the pool's edge, Twilight sat under the shade of a cherry tree, its boughs still christened with blooming pink buds.
Twilight trailed her hoof along the pond's surface, watching as the waves from her movements rebound over the still waters as she drew a lotus blossom closer to her. She examined the flower's vibrant petals; it's smooth, radiant features. How fragile, how transient did its existence seem. It added nothing to the world, beyond its statement of purity. Its appearance, which could be seen as simple and unassuming, and yet, for all that beauty, though fleeting, was enchanting...
Twilight let the flower rest at the base of her hoof for a few more moments before loosening her hold – letting it silently float back into it's place.
The young unicorn felt a strange sense of peace as she relaxed in the dying hours of the day. She had dreamed of this moment many times before, often in fervent anticipation of when it would arrive, and now that it had, it almost seemed more than real; like some fantastical imagination. It was here, it was now, and still, she felt as though she didn't have a care in the world...
It was, after all, just another day for Twilight.
Everything in her life had brought her to this moment. This, beyond some meaningless titles, beyond some temporal friendships, was her true destiny – to reclaim what was hers, what had always been hers.
She had earned this, and she could have rightfully indulged herself with those feelings of righteous indignation which she had so often ruminated on...but she didn't. She didn't need to. For, in a larger sense, it wasn't her doing. No, fate had willed this. It was fate that had made this so; that had given her this possibility.. Not her petty machinations, nor her intrigues – it was justice. Everything had been aligned just so, and now all it needed was for her to act – and it would be.
Twilight grimaced, looking over the city of Canterlot as the darkness began to cover its face – the lights of the great city glowing in the gloom of the approaching night. From afar, it looked like some great jewel – sitting triumphantly perched atop its mountain; it's marble edifice still as breath-taking as it was from afar.
Tomorrow the city, its citizens, the crown, Equestria – all would be hers. But for right now, she was still Twilight...just Twilight. And before she claimed her just vengeance, she wanted to take the time to commit to memory what this moment was...what it felt like.
That way, years from now, when she would look over her brave new world, she could remember what it was like before, and how far she had come...
As Twilight rested her head against the cherry tree, nearly asleep, a hoof gently awakened her from her meditation.
“Twilight,” Rainbow said, kneeling beside. “It's time...”
Twilight looked up at her, as if coming out of a dream.
“So it is...” Twilight replied, rubbing her eyes.
“Are you alright?” Rainbow asked quizzically.
Twilight gave her a reassuring nod and she rose to hoofs.
“Yes, I was just...thinking...”
“Well, we're ready, if you are...”
“Girls...” Twilight began softly, but suddenly fell silent. In the pale light of approaching stars, the harsh countenances of her friends said enough. They all told her – wordlessly – what they all knew and understood. Nothing more needed to be said.
Twilight looked each of them in the eyes, thinking over everything they had ever done together, since the day they had meet that fateful afternoon...
Despite what she had used them for – and what she now expected them to do on her behalf – she did not wholly consider them immaterial. On the contrary, it was only because she had grown to know them all so well that she was able to earn their trust. She had put on a convincing display, though at times, Twilight wondered if she herself had not been played by her own part. She did care about them...she knew them, talked with them, and now...now...she was asking them to die for her. They were willing to give everything they ever had in this mortal life....to her.
Twilight felt a pang of conscience. What was this feeling? Remorse? Regret? Maybe both? Whatever it was, it disturbed Twilight profoundly, especially since she thought she had learned to tidily tuck away such emotions long ago. But now, as she stared into their faces – her friend's faces – she could feel the tears come – the hot streams of pain coursing down her cheeks.
Twilight instantly felt the loving press of her friends as they gathered around her – each of them shedding solemn tears. Twilight gave each of them a chance to say goodbye, planting a kiss on each of their cheeks she she heard their mournful valedictions.
When all this at last had been done, Twilight turned away as her friends all assumed their places – preparing themselves for what was to come.
Twilight prepared herself too. She couldn't waiver now; she had come too far to let one instance of emotional excitement make her lose her focus. Still, as Twilight departed her friends company, perhaps for the last time, and made her way through the gloom to the palace beyond, she could feel a dull ache in her chest.
This was it there was no turning back. The next few hours would decide the fate of all Equestria. This was the moment of destiny...
~
Meanwhile, inside the grand corridors of the palace itself, everything was also going according to plan. The decorations for the commemorative banquet were all in place – a titanic task set before the palace staff, yet it had all been done. The great hall was bedecked with mourning tassels and candles, used specifically in Equestrian funerals as a sign of grieving.
The mood itself was light yet, strikingly enjoyable. An ensemble of musicians had been hastily put together and stood near the opposite side of the hall; playing lively dances as guests, donned in 'mourning masks' – danced and conversed with one another.
Even Princess Celestia herself, draped in an appropriate black dress and wearing an ornately attired mask of orange and yellow, had joined in the festivities; though in a very symbolic way. She had opened the occasion with the lighting of the first candle – a symbol of the pony’s significance in another's life – and had been danced once or twice herself until she had finally retired to quiet corner of the hall and watched the events from afar.
By the Princess' side, her ever loyal and newly-promoted Captain of the Guard, also sat watching as the events of the night unfolding; but not with any merriment or revelry. No, Night Storm attentively glared over every member, cautiously peering over the crowd; every watchful, ever observant of what was going on.
Along the balconies, stationed at their usual posts, the guards on duty stood rigidly at their positions – despite the festivities all around them. A testament to their training, no doubt, but it would take more than keeping post to ensure the Princess' safety.
A serious blow had been dealt to the Royal Guard's prestige, especially in light of recent failures concerning breaches of security. Night Storm wished to remedy this. Though it was his predecessor, Shining Armor, who had kept the guard to such high standards of conduct that earned the golden-clad guardsmen their fame. He would try to live up the reputation which was expected of not just the soldiers under him, but of himself as well.
As the merrymaking continued, and the joyous sounds of violins and drums floated in the air, a single solitary figure discreetly entered the hall. Night Storm had spotted her almost instantly; her modest apparel and unadorned mask contrasted with the bright colors of those ponies around her.
The Captain leaned close to the Princess' ear:
“Your highness, the Princess of Friendship had just arrived, although there is still no sign of either Shining Armor or Princess Cadence. Would you like me to send someone to investigate?”
“No,that won't be necessary,” Celestia said, waving it off dismissively. “My niece was suffering from something this morning. I'm sure she is just sick and her husband probably right at her side; poor thing.”
“It is troubling through...you think that this sickness might be the same thing your sister had?”
Celestia grimaced.
“I dare not contemplate that...” she replied.
“It might very well be something serious...” Night Storm suggested carefully. “Perhaps you should send a physician?”
“Yes,” Celestia said nodding. “I think I will visit my niece; later though. After the celebrations are done.”
“Yes, your highness...” Night Storm said Twilight approached the table, her footing shaky and her expression somber/.
“Good evening, Princess,” she said mutely, curtsying.
“Twilight, are you alright?” Celestia addressed her, with more than a hint of concern. “You don't seem well.”
“Oh...it's nothing,” Twilight said, distractedly. “Just...thinking about today is all.”
“I understand...” Celestia said plainly, having just gone through the same tumult of emotions herself. “Why don't you sit up here, next to me?”
Twilight gave a silent acknowledgment and assumed her place next to the Princess, with Night Storm's suspecting gaze upon her. The Captain of the Guard was right to be cautious, having not forgotten what he heard earlier that today. Something was off about this Princess – though he couldn't put his hoof on it.
Whatever it was, it left a strange feeling in Night Storm's stomach.
“Have you seen your brother lately?” Celestia asked Twilight casually.
“No, not since this afternoon,” Twilight said carefully. “Last I saw of him though, he seemed to be tied up...”
“With what?” Celestia wondered aloud.
“He did mention Princess Cadence...I'm sure it was just his concern. You know how he is – always so devoted.”
Twilight smiled, even as she felt the blade of the dagger she carried under her wing pressing at her skin, begging to be let free.
Twilight cringed. How much she loathed feeling it – now of all times too. It was like it was teasing her, taunting her. How eagerly her feelings of righteous anger wished to end it all, here and now. Tossing aside all worldly concerns, she would have...only her bottomless restraint and will to finally claim what was hers prevented her from doing so.
The Princess of Friendship took a deep breath, and exhaled all her frustrations; as she sat content, for the moment, in her place.
“That was my guess,” Celestia replied. “By chance, you haven't seen Cadance at all have you?”
“No,” Twilight said plainly. “I haven't. Shining said she was complaining of a headache, that's all I know.”
Princess Celestia frowned, causing Twilight to shift uncomfortably in her chair.
“So the celebration is going well,” Twilight said, trying to change the subject.
For a moment, Celestia didn't respond, but seemed to be deep in thought until at last she spoke.
“Yes, it was a difficult task, but everything seemed to come together quite well...”
And so it continued between the two of them; with both Celestia and Twilight chatting idly about whatever subject happened to come up; which Twilight made sure to steer far away from anything that might arouse the Princess' attention.
Time passed, and as the night wore on and the candles began to flicker low, though that hardly seemed a deterrent to the revelers. Twilight who, up to this time, had keep herself composed by sipping on her glass of wine and sometimes breaking off a piece of bread during lulls in their conversation, didn't want to wait too long and risk loosing her nerve, and so gathered as much resolve as she could, and with as firm, but equally measured voice, solicited the Princess' attention.
“Princess...” Twilight said, gently nudging Celestia's hoof. “I was wondering if I might be excused. I was wanting to take a stroll out in the garden.”
“But of course, Twilight,” Celestia responded, her motherly smile giving silent affirmation to her words.
“Princess...” Twilight said, her voice low. “I was wondering...if you might come with me?”
The question was direct, if not somewhat timid.
Celestia has always appreciated her student's earnestness; even if it prompted some to see her as being a little forward. She had always know her as analytic and frank. Not quite Celestia's ideal virtues, but she could definitely appreciate them when the situation called for them, which they often did. The Princess also knew that when Twilight talked to into that manner, whatever she wanted of her was of the utmost importance.
“Yes,” Princess Celestia said arising. “I think some fresh air would do me some good...”
Night Storm arose too.
Twilight flashed an apprehensive look to him and then back to Celestia, who recognized her feelings immediately.
“Your presence won't be necessary, Night Storm,” Celestia said, with all the authority that her royal voice commanded. “I wish to speak with Twilight alone.”
“Your majesty,” the guard said, more than a little dazed at the proposal of the Princess going unattended. “With all due respect, do you think that is a good idea to go alone?”
“You have guards posted don't you?” Celestia asked.
Night Storm hesitantly nodded.
“Yes...”
“Then it will be fine,” Celestia said, turning back towards Twilight. “If you need me, I will be outside. I need some fresh air anyway and then I'll be back. Until then, you will remain here.”
Night Storm pursed his lips.
“Yes, your majesty...” he responded obediently, bowing as the two departed on their way to one of the doors leading to the garden...
~
Outside, in the soft tranquility of the garden, the evening flare of the stars illuminated the dark sky over-head, while below the soft glint of fire-flies dancing along the pond's edge gleamed with the soft reassurance of safety – far apart from those presences still hiding in the bushes.
Twilight and Celestia made their way along the familiar path, leading into the middle of the garden, passing by the royal fountain; it's many intricate figures shimmering with the reflections of the pools below.
“It's beautiful out tonight...” Twilight remarked, trying to hide her anxiety.
“Yes...,” Celestia said, slightly enraptured as she stared into the heavens. “Something worthy of my sister...”
Twilight nodded as she steadied herself.
Her friends waiting all around her only waited for her signal – an embrace – before they struck. It was carefully considered that if the Princess were distracted – if only for a moment – then she would not have time to react before they delivered the fatal blows. It was all up to Twilight now...
“Princess...” Twilight said, looking down, her voice meek and subdued. “There's something I've been wanting to tell you...”
“Yes,” Celestia said thoughtfully. “There's something I've been wanting to tell you too.”
Twilight's steadied her breathing, her mind crowding with anxiety.
“What is it?” Twilight said, trying to mask the uncertainty in her voice.
“These last few days have been filled with uncertainty and doubt. But you have been there for me, Twilight. And you, my humble student, have shown yourself to be a true and respectable Princess; modest, virtuous, and selfless. Which is why I believe that the time is right...”
“Time, Princess?” Twilight asked confused. “Time for what?”
“To tell you the truth, Twilight,” Celestia replied. “You see, long ago, I had witnessed another death – my father's. He had been sick for many months, and when he died, it was revealed that he had left the entire Kingdom under the control of Starswirl – his adviser. I'm sure you are intimately acquainted with his works, yes?”
Twilight's heart leapt, and for a moment she almost couldn't bring herself to answer.
“Y-yes, Princess...”
“You know then that Starswirl was a great sorcerer; well respected for his many spells and theories of magic. But more than he was one of my closest mentors and a good friend. My father trusted him too, and he was to look over us as Stewart of the Realm until we came of age....unfortunately it didn't work out like that.
“You see, Twilight,” Celestia said, looking up at the stars. “Power has a way of changing things. It makes a pony – any pony – capable of doing things that, they themselves, would never have done otherwise. So it was with Starswirl...
“Starswirl believed that the only way for the subjects of Equestria to thrive and prosper could only be achieved through friendship. He began to obsess over his spells, looking for the perfect element that would make his friendship spell work; including using black magic. What he failed to realize, however, was that friendship cannot be forced; it must be learned, it must be cherished. Friendship is does not lie in magic of the will, but magic of the heart...yet he could not see that...”
“The more he pursued it, though, the more it consumed him, until finally, his quest for universal friendship and harmony, drove him mad. That was when our departure was arranged....
“My sister and I were to be taken away to a foreign land, supposedly as a means of ensuring peace. But the night before we left a guard came to us and informed us of the real reason for our departure: Starswirl intended to send us away to seize the throne and then banish us from our Kingdom...”
Celestia voice grew low and melancholy as she continued.
“Sometimes Twilight, we do things in life that we regret. And many times I have wondered if things could have been different. I wish I could tell you that I was righteous in my actions, but that would be a lie...”
“What did you do?” Twilight asked, her voice barely audible.
“Celestia turned to Twilight, a forlorn look in her eyes.
“We killed him.”
Twilight's stomach turned. Her own mentor had just admitted to her wrong-doing, her transgression. Was this real...or was it a dream? Yes, she must be dreaming. There was no way this would ever happen...but it was. It was real. Too real. Yet Twilight found herself unable to act, only continue to listen as the story unfolded before her.
“How did you...kill him?”
Celestia gave a long sigh and looked down.
“On the day we left, he was to escort us as far as the River Halycon, over the Saddle Mountains. We had it all arranged. When we arrived at the bridge, he was tossed into the water. We knew that he didn't know how to swim so...he drowned.
“We feigned it as an accident; that way Starswirl's legacy would not have been tainted by his treachery. To that end, I did everything in my power to keep his memory as the wise and compassionate colt I knew him once to be alive....”
Celestia paused for a long moment, and, turning back to Twilight yet again, continued; her voice steady and composed.
“I let his mistress stay in the city. I even let his foals and their descendants keep every privilege and benefit that Starswirl enjoyed. It was the least I could have done for them, but also because I knew that the progeny of such a great Conjurer would be powerful indeed...
“Which brings me to you, Twilight...”
“Me, Princess?”
“Yes Twilight...you are Starswirl's descendant.”
“I...don't understand, Princess. Why are you telling me all this?”
“Because Twilight, the murder of Starswirl has something that has plagued my conscience for many years. I've known fthat a time would be coming when I would have to be held to account for my crime.
“You see Twilight, when you had passed your entrance exam into my school, I realized that you possessed great power. Even more, I dare say, than me...But I knew that power needed to be honed, but most importantly: I wanted you to succeed where Starswirl failed.
“To that end, I knew your studies could only bring you so far, and so I arranged for you to be sent to Ponyville, knowing that it was necessary if you were ever to learn the true meaning of Friendship.”
Celestia sighed.
“I tell you all this because, it was intention – as it has always been my intention – to one day hand over the throne to someone else. And with the death of my sister, I feel that time is now. That is why I asked you if you would accept to be my successor. I feel it is something you are entitled to Twilight...for Starswirl's sake and your own.”
By now, Twilight could barely keep the tears back. Everything she had always been told was true...but equally false at the same time. The world seemed to be shattering around her as she struggled to grasp what had been revealed to her.
Celestia...Starswirl...the crown. Meaningless now, meaningless.
A dark feeling started welling up inside of the purple unicorn. Suddenly, waves of guilt began to rush over as everything began to flash before her eyes. Her fillyhood, her admittance into the School for Gifted Unicorns, her time in Ponyville and now the murder of Luna.
Twilight felt her stomach cramp and the tears flowed unabated as her emotions overcame her.
Princess Celestia, seeing Twilight plight moved forward, even as she tried to keep her at a distance. Before she knew it, Twilight felt the long legs of her mentor wrap around her, and then she knew it was too late...
It happened in a flash, a blur. All at once, from every direction, like phantoms they descended – their daggers glistening in the dark. Lunging, twisted, stabbing, screaming as the whole world seemed to be spinning out of control.
And then there was the blood...so much blood...
Before Twilight could even come to, it was all over. In front of her, the twisting, writhing mass of the Princess lay crumpled on the ground, convulsing in agony. Twilight immediately fell to her side and wept; her tears mixing with the blood on the Princess' white coat as she struggled to breath.
“Twilight...” her low, a raspy voice called. “Twilight...”
The Princess looked up at her and gave a faint smile before turning her head and drooping forward – her eyes vacant and lifeless.
She was dead. Just as it had all been planned. But nothing was as it suppose to be. Nothing at all.
Everything around Twilight seemed at once to be consumed with darkness, and life had no more meaning. She felt her own dagger, still pressed at her side, and felt at once she could turn it on herself. To feel the coldness of death; to join her Princess.
But she couldn't. Even now, her sense of self-preservation still governed her hoof, even though her life had already ceased to be. There was nothing left now. Nothing at all. And as Twilight looked around, she felt as though for once in her life, that she was truly and utterly alone...
A sickening queasiness overcame her, and she almost wretched, but only just managed to keep herself contained, when the heavy roll of hoofs came thundering towards her.
In the pale moon light, and through the obscurity of her tears, she saw the form of Night Storm, still clad in his gold armor.
“What happened!?” he yelled, as loudly as he could.
Twilight tried to answer between sobs.
“They killed her! They killed her!” she cried.
For a moment, Night Storm was unable to act or say anything – merely looking on in a state of disconcerted shock, unsure of what to do.
He finally knelt beside the hysterical Twilight, and placed his hoof on her shoulder, almost as equally distraught.
“Princess,” he said in a soft voice. “Please, we must leave, they may be back...”
Twilight shook her head, as she clenched her eyes shut, unable to speak.
“Princess...”
Twilight looked down and then, wiping her cheeks, tried as best she could to stand to her hoofs; wobbling even as Night Storm helped her.
“Go call out the guard,” Twilight said to him in a quiet voice. “Tell them the Princess has been murdered, but don't alert the guests. Meanwhile, make sure that every entrance is sealed off. I don't want any pony leaving. After you have done that, go and arrest Princess Cadance and bring her to me.”
“You think that she is behind this?” Night Storm asked astonished.
“I don't know. Whether she is guilty or innocent is irrelevant right now...but we will soon find out the truth. But for right now, I need your loyalty...”
Twilight turned to him.
“Swear your loyalty to me,” she said, pressing against him earnestly. “For your Princess and for Equestria.”
Night Storm, overcome, almost immediately keeled.
“Yes, Princess. I swear...I will be loyal...”
Twilight nodded.
“Then we haven't a second to lose. Go, do what must be done, and leave the rest to me...”
Sighs. This narrative probably is not the worse i have encountered, but there are enough substantial flaws to make it fail as a story.
A very large one is the concept that an alicorn can be so easily slain. Weakened or not, alicorns have shown to be being of great power. The idea that something as simple as a pillow could kill one simply a product of plot convenience rather than interpreting the concept that is alicorns and applying it. Luna would have far more than enough power to blast away the pillows, and likely part of this visage of twilight's face.
The worst is the characterization. I could to some degree accept this twilight visage as it is, a false twilight made for this part. Yet that would have required the other character being in character. The narrative failed in this regard as well. Celestia would be far more intelligent than what has been shown.
However what has made me decide this story is simply bad is this chapter alone. The mane six would have been listening the entire time. However you completely ignored who they are as characters. The mane six are not blindly loyal.
They would do as Twilight asked perhaps, trust her. But only at first. Once Celestia spoke every single one of them would not commit to the task because each one of them would be listening, and they would question what they are doing here. They would drop their daggers and ask what is going on. Demand answers. Not act like mindless automatons of your plot and kill Celestia.
This story finally reveals itself for the line of conveniences it is. Even the characterization of the mane six has been usurped. And it is a pattern i fear will continue on.
I don't have any words for this, but I dislike the death of Princess Celestia of this point.
6279469 A little of that might be me. i wasn't able to get around to editing this chapter, life just got in my way. between breaking a window and a door, I've been busy fixing things. I'm just gonna apologise to everyone at once.
6280771 I do not think that would have helped. He intended for this to happen. The issue is that under no circumstances would the mane six have killed Celestia after hearing what she said. They would immediately stop what they are doing and confront Twilight about what this is all about.
It is also far from the only issue with this story, but it was my breaking point. He wrote himself into a corner where, if he wrote the characters as themselves, his entire narrative would have collapsed in on itself. In a sense it was already shaky the moment luna was murdered and not a soul investigated the cause of her death. Let alone the idea that an alicorn could be killed in such a mundane way. If illness could slay a god in equestria, Celestia would have been lost long ago.
In addition if he continues the tale i can tell he would use the same flawed logic with Cadance. At this moment she is one of the only two powerful beings in equestria left. Yet he would likely have her easily subdued inspite of the fact she is powerful enough to repel even sombra if she needs to. To disregard the power these beings have for the sake of making them vulnerable is not good writing. Instead of finding a way to work the tale while including their attributes, he ignores them.
Celestial died much too easy wouldn't she have spell made to tell her if she was about to be attacked or at least alert her to any other ponies nearby? Maybe Twilight magical enchanted the dagger could there be a bit more depth please?
6280951
The show has never said that alicorns are gods, nor that they're immune to illness or the like. I'm not disputing your other complaints, but to fault the story for not following your alicorn headcanon is quite unfair.
6281512 Was mostly using it metaphorically, but you must take into account that Celestia is over a thousand years old. So alicorn at least should be unable to die of sickness as such a thing is inevitable over such a lifespan.
Mostly what i meant was that they are clearly very enduring. Albeit ponies in general seem to be enduring. Either way, and especially if the universe she is in is darker, Celestia would have had encounters with illness and attempts on her life many times before. This time would not be any different at all.
Though the concept of not being killed by suffocation has less to do with them being immortal or something and more to do this requires one try to obstruct their breathing, and thus placing themselves perilously close to their horns. Horns that could blast through castle walls, not to mention just seize the assailant and smash them all over the room in a mystical field.
So it is far from headcanon. It is simply deductive reasoning. Otherwise it would just be dumb luck that celestia did no catch a fatal disease, was not stabbed to death, and was not killed by some invasive force long ago. That is doubly true in a world where everything is all the darker. So how else could you explain her survival in this world if she did not have some advantages to help her endure?
Well damn. Another God has bitten the dust. Now the only thing that can bring this story around to a happy ending is if the captain finds the flaw that Cadence was ill and therefore certainly had an alibi. Or if Shining Armor just bucks up and say in the court that he and his sister planned all this.
Also what happened to the other five? Did they just cheese it or they were standing there, shocked at their deed and not saying anything?
Also, that guard is totally not loyal. Automatically swearing to another princess after you just saw the murder of your real princess and lover? Yeah, gotta be either a trick, or you need to work on driving his complex emotions forward.
6281950
You are VASTLY overstating the dangers illness has to a physically healthy being in their prime. There are quite a few people in real life that have never gotten more than a cold (before the effects of aging take hold). For a being that never has to deal with the ravages of time, and is in good condition, avoiding fatal diseases for a thousand years isn't far fetched at all, especially if one is careful. Even in real life, a place without magic, there are very few contagious diseases that have good odds of being fatal if treated early and with modern medicine. Of the top ten illness releated causes of death in developed countries, none of them would be likely to affect someone like Celestia, someone who is in her prime and doesn't seem to have any genetic diseases.
Let's compare Celestia so a healthy US citizen. Even if their medicine isn't as good as ours (it might be), the use of magic likely makes up for it. Look at this chart:
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/29/Causes_of_death_by_age_group.png
Celestia is likely permanently in the 25-34 range, physically, and the chances of death to any of the top ten causes is ridiculously low (and many of those deaths are likely caused by situations that the leader of a country wouldn't have to deal with). It would likely take at least an order of magnitude longer or more for the odds of Celestia dying to a fatal illness to even become a worry, assuming she continues a healthy lifestyle.
However, while odds are it wouldn't kill her off in a mere few thousand years, it's still not zero, so it could conceivably happen to Luna if unlucky enough, as happens in the real world every day.
6281991
No worries, the next chapter is from his POV, so it should offer some insight into his thought process. But I hope you would agree that most people do things under duress that they normally would never do otherwise.
And yeah, the other 5 fled (as per instructions). Again, will elaborate more int he next chapter.
6282025
Most civilians would, but for a captain of the guard he easily keels over control of the situation to a third party, something of which he would probably get reprimanded for by his instructor.
Please have a mindset of situational awareness when writing about his thoughts. While he is
humanpony, his actions are honed by military trianing., so he isn't just a shocked guard.6282081
Yes, precisely so. Duty and obligation are put as the highest virtues of any military man (at least, any good military man). And in a society that basically worships its monarch(s) as Gods, I think that the added emotional ties of an actual relationship, coupled with that sudden and bloody loss, would shake anyone up pretty bad.
That being said though, you will notice that, even while all that's going on, he never actually starts caving in emotionally either. He acts like a proper soldier and immediately falls on his training, insisting that he get, what he assumes is another target, to safety.
Still you are right in your observations, and I appreciate your insight. In the next chapter, I will definitely keep that in the forethought of my mind.
6282022 There are diseases to deadly to fight if you have the same body as even a healthy mortal. A thousand years only increases that chance.
However you have put a large check on one of the fatal flaws of this story. By all logic, Luna's death is completely suspicious. And the likes of Celestia would have realized this. There would be an investigation, period. And twilight could not remove the hair her equine body left behind. Nor the signs of asphyxiation .
6281991 I hope you can also take into account the error of writing that has occurred here.
By no logic would the other five have gone through with this deed. Not after Celestia's little speech. It would create doubt in every single one of them. They are not doing this because they have a duty or were trained. Their obligation is of their own invention. Thus it would have waned completely once they realize they do not have all the information here. They would question what they were told. Their only certainty is that they do not know what is actually going on, and it would have made them drop their daggers. Not even Rainbow Dash would do it, despite her loyalty, and despite her impulsiveness.
The writer obviously and completely dismissed them as who they are, individuals and reasonably intelligent, in order to create this implausible scenario. This story is a story of a false twilight we are told to accept as canon, inspite of the fact her characteristics make her completely and entirely inept at being an element of harmony. Because of this the characterization of the other characters were vital, and he has failed in this regard.
6282288
Yes, and said diseases are incredibly rare, to the point that 1/10000, 1/100000, 1/1000000, or less people in the developed world get them. To be likely to catch such a disease, you'd need a heck of a lot more than 10, or even 100 times the normal lifetime, even combining every single one.
I'm not talking about the intricacies of the story (I'm not interested in going into defending it or not), just the idea of alicorns being immune, or even resistant, to diseases.
6282501
6282288
None of those are the point. The author could have written it as a necromantic ritual that killed them, as an ancient enchanted artifact, a potion formulated specifically for such a purpose, et cetera, but at the end, it makes no difference. The author could have easily written it as something else, and suddenly, your arguments hold no water. These things are all interchangeable. It's not like a huge plot hole or anything similar. It doesn't really matter.
6292460 On the contrary, the issue would equally apply. A necromantic ritual that somehow kills them without detection? A potion that is specifically made to slay them? These are both items of extreme convenience to the plot and would add nothing but said methods of contrived murder. Even if we are to say such things exist, how would Celestia be able to avoid such things for the thousands years she lived? It is implausible that twilight would be the first to try. Especially since Celestia's enemies would often enough be users of black magic.
Even if we include such contrivances into the plot, it does not change the fact that none of the mane six would have gone through with this after hearing what Celestia said. This is simply the writer of this story simply ignoring that these characters are characters rather than just instruments of his ill executed plot. He lacked the ability to make them able to do this as themselves, because they would be incapable of doing this as characters.
6333064 I have remained silent on this point, but as it seems you have nothing better to do in your life than to criticize, I suppose I will make an address to your grievances.
Firstly, I started this story at a time when the idea of "Princess Twilight" was making the scene. I was naturally opposed to this, because I felt the character didn't need such an elevation, as it seemed to put the emphasis off the mane six as a whole and made Twilight the focal point of attention; which I thought was hypocritical since the show always seemed to have a pretty even-handed approach to all the characters. (Two years on and Twilight still seem to be her regular self, so that begs the question: was giving her wings and a Princess title even necessary?)
But that point aside, I decided to write down a quick fic with the idea in mind that: "What if this had been the plan all along?". After all, it didn't seemed so far-fetched. Twilight's family was marrying into the Royal House, and from an unconnected view, it would seem they were trying to put themselves in a position of power. Of course this is far removed from the actual story itself, but I wrote it, more or less, for the amusement, rather than any means of concretely placing it as a canon alternative.
As to the actual means of how Luna was killed, I felt was not as important. Like the other person said, had it not been one thing, it would have been another. The point is: Luna is dead. And to me, the pillow suffocating was more poignant because, as you may or may not have noticed, a large part of this fic is inspired by Roman Emperor and various plots that happened during their reigns (hence also why the chapters are in Latin). That particularly means was actually rumored to have been how the Emperor Tiberius met his demise at the hands of Caligula; but of course that is all speculation.
Also, the reason I chose a pillow for Luna's demise was cause the irony. A being who survives 1000 years on the airless moon somehow is killed by suffocation from a pillow. But I think that point escaped you.
As for the Mane Six not going through with the action - did you ever think they maybe they didn't hear what was being said? But as for the actual particulars of their thoughts, I will be getting to shortly in the next chapter. On that criticism, I grant you is reasonable. On all the others, they're really moot and arbitrary.
6333064
And a pillow isn't plot convenient? I digress. Yes, they're characters, not mindless sheep, but this is fanfiction. OOCness is the standard.
6334389 Of course they would hear the conversation. They would be right there to be able to attack. They would be waiting there at the ready. So they would hear. Any other means would be contrivance.
And did it not occur to you that if luna could survive thousands of years in an airless environment, she cannot succumb to suffocation? Of course the manner of death is important. These are not mortals. These are beiings with actual power. So they cannot die by such meager. She can pierce mountains with her magic. A pillow is nothing. So she had a legitimate, dangerous method of surviving the attack. Yet you disregarded it completely. And it does not work. You cannot ignore these factors. It is not good writing.
From what i can gather, you were driven by the same mindless hate of alicorn twilight as others. And it somehow drove you to write a story where your primary intent is to make it a poor imitation of greek narratives without taking any regard into what the ponies are, are capable of, and even if it makes sense that one who can literally destroy buildings with their face could be suffocated by a pillow.
This is far from the only one. What broke me is the mischaracterization of the mane six. It just made it all fall into place.
6334790 That is my point. Either some magical specialization or a pillow is far too contrived.
And fanfiction is no excuse for such poor writing.
6335247 Yup, you got me. You figured me out: I am an irrational, jaded, prick of a writer and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about that. Rejoice! For you have uncovered my true intentions, which was to befuddle and confuse any sense of canon and instill fear and doubt but throwing the characters into unsavory lights. O fie on me! For my true intentions have been discovered!
I bow before your clever discernment, oh wise oak-of-marble. The maybe-gods-who-might-can-die-but-have-never-actually-been-stated-to-be-so-in-canon will surely reward you most heavily for laying bare my fallacies of wickedness.
And yet, I exalt you as well! For even after all of that, you still continue to read it! With so many things cluttering your free time, I could only feel so honored that you would take time out of your busy life to constantly harangue me with my plot contrivances. Truly you are the master of all literature, ever!
6335247 Oh, also - Twilight drugged her friends with a magical potion. In case you didn't catch that, I thought I'd mention it, just to clarify the point.
6335901 Now you reveal the ultimate errors on your part.
Firstly, you mistook me seeing your motivation as me calling you jaded.
And secondly you proved the ultimate issue of your story. She drugged them. More than likely this would mean she would NEVER have been applicable for the element of magic to begin with. Meaning non of these events could have occurred because this false twilight could never use the element of magic. This is one of the core issues. this twilight is evil and cold. The elements of harmony reach deeply into other beings to determine them worthy. She would never be able to hide her true nature before the element of magic. It would know.
If you can just pretend to want friendship and all this other nonsense you have written, then what is the point of the limitations of the elements of harmony?
Also another bit of plot convenience on your part. Even then, it was supposedly supposed to make them more aggressive. The issue there is that aggression does not equal violence. Irrational behavior. In other words, even more likelyhood they would act on their feelings here, and their feelings would tell them not to do this.
Believe it or not sir, your writing is not at all clever. Luna's fate is contrivance, not intelligence. Celestia being slain by daggers is completely lacking any thought, as she has lived a millennia without anyone managing to stab her to death. False twilight's evil could not be hidden by the evil killing mcguffins. And your plot is completely predictable. I knew they would somehow just fall in line in-spite of their actual nature. I knew you would have another mundane death. And i know that you will, again, ignore the raw might of the alicorns and have Cadance captured and or killed, because you refuse to take into account anything that exists in the show that can negate your story, in-spite of the fact that they exist in great numbers. And no, sickness would not stop her because she would need to protect her child.
There is another issue. Cadance would detect the lack of genuine love from Twilight immediately. Again another ignored factor because it would destroy your story, despite its existence.
Your story is not executed with nearly enough effort on the characters. For there is one other issue. Both pinkie pie and fluttershy would react incredibly negatively to the potion. Violence is so against their nature that they would realize something is wrong with them. The others would thus not perform the task because those two are not well. Once the potion wanes, then they would be able to rationalize the situation.
THAT would ahve been intelligent writing. A good twist to the story. Taking into account characters and realizing that false twilight's plans would fall apart because of these attributes.
Instead you ignore all contradicting information. The fact you chose to ignore my criticisms rather than acknowledge them even partly shows this strongly. Your plot is full of so many holes that it makes me wonder how you couldn't even see one of them. This story cannot function as an actual story because it is so reliant on a universe full of things that would repel this false twilight has to somehow not repel her.
Then again you will simply reject this criticism too. Rather than improve, you will stick to your ill conceived plot. You will continue to not actually think here and just do, imitate greek stories, and ignore that things able to shoot magic blasts do not exist in those stories and thus different rules apply. Most of all, you will continue on despite in all rationality this entire story would have fallen apart the moment luna blasted the pillow and false twilight. Because that is what would happen. Your story cannot exist in the context you provided. Dozens upon dozens of factors are against it, too much to be ignored.
6336493 Kay.
6336503 Sighs. Further evidence. You cannot refute the claims so you ignore them.
This story will not improve. It cannot hold under scrutiny. Though it is clear that the readers of this story do not want to scrutinize it for whatever reason, and because of that it has been left in this state of continuous plot convenience and character assassination, of both the figurative and contrived literal sense.
Please continue! I so badly want to see Twilight's reign!
At first I was skeptical towards the quality of the fic itself (it being accepted that Luna could be bedridden by some illness [tis a tad contrived]) but I've come to enjoy the tale it has spun. Sure, Twilight's vastly OOC – though I hardly started reading because I wanted to see Canon!Twilight doing her thing – and some of the plot points become easy to decipher (Cadance having a muffin baking, Twilight realizing the error of her ways only to late), but it's still immersed me within the world and its characters.
If I had any complaints, I'd say the suspicion and doubt that's leveled at Twilight becomes hard to swallow at times. Celestia being killed like a mere mortal, surprisingly, doesn't bother me since her track record for getting her flank handed to her is pretty solid. Plus, I don't see her surviving a dagger being plunged into her heart.
6396193 Thanks for the comment. That really means a lot! :D
Am I the only one that sees a certain Kevin Spacey Netflix show? Right anypony? No?
7449324 You know, it's funny. It wasn't until one of my other brony friends actually read this that they told me about House of Cards. :p
7449467 Right? I mean hate to be a critic. But Twilight could do a couple 4th Wall monologues.
7642556 Probably. He's a clever kid; a lot more so than I probably took him for at the time. Still, a part of me thinks that with Twilight idiosyncratic behaviors, Spike might have casually shrugged it off as a "Twilight thing".
7643259 INCEST OVERLOAD!!!!
Huh. Now I wonder who Star Swirl's mistress was (Clover?), especially given she and her foals set in a thousand-year-plus conspiracy to kill Luna and Celestia.
*After reading the first couple of lines,* Insert This Day Aria ~ Reprisal here.
6336493 Oak, you seem to be holding a number of presumptions, that are, honestly, arrogant of you to take for granted.
For starters, you presume to know how the Elements of Harmony function. Who are you to say that they choose a wielder, that they are sentient, that they are even the ones the house the power? Who are you to proclaim to understand the Element of Magic, and how it relates to the other Elements? Can you point out a moment, in the show, where they exposite on what it means to be an Element Bearer, much less a Spirit of the Elements of Harmony? Can you tell me, conclusively, that an Element of Harmony could not choose a sociopath, entertaining the idea that they even choose in the first place?
Lastly, I'd like to ask you, what are the tags on this story? Can you tell me, with absolute certainty, that the rules for how things function, or even happened, in the show are 100% applicable here, under the context of what you've seen in the tags?
6336493 Basically, in the words of our favorite triclops in DBZA, "Making a lot of assumptions there..."
6279469 Celestia(in canon) has proven herself to be quite naive and rather stupid.
Long Live Twilight Sparkle!
Okay, we can stop beating the dead horse now and just drop the argument.
On a side note, this author is the most laid back author I have ever seen.
I love it
Damn.
A moral plot twist at the end.
This is like reading a Shakespeare play, with all the massive misunderstandings and such. It’s great!