It was pretty good. Kinda rushed though. Take your time to describe the details, and try not to fall into the "he did this. Then he did that. Then he did the other thing," trap.
I like this so far... kinda. It needs a lot of work though, I don't know much about writing but I can see this was quite rushed. I will keep my eye on it however, it looks like it has potential. Just try to put more detail into the describing part of things and try to spead it out more because everything roared by at 7000 miles per hour. Anyway, good luck and I will now read the next chapter.
could turn out to be good... stick with it and good luck.
Wow what a fantastic brother letting his bro drive home drunk great story so far though
It was pretty good. Kinda rushed though. Take your time to describe the details, and try not to fall into the "he did this. Then he did that. Then he did the other thing," trap.
being a discordian i love the idea of eris as a human, so allon-y
Her eyes freak me out a bit. Must definitely be a case of albinism and jaundice.
Interesting!
I shall look forward for the next chap!
I'll just add this story to the list of things that use my name.
Sooo its Humans.. Its Oc's.. what about this is a Mlp Fanfiction exactly?
3332321
They do look a like though I thought he was Brad Pitt as we'll! But then my friends told me he isn't and I felt like a prat.
I'll be honest here. I'm faving this for porn. Thank you.
3332321 Oh, lol. Silly me.
3332636 No they don't. They're not even from the same continent.
The Hemsworth brothers are Australian. Pitt is an American.
3335030 I don't think it's something to argue about, it was my mistake. Just leave it alone.
3335043 Well, could you please fix it. I feel very uncomfortable with a fellow Australian losing credit where it's due.
3332239
Eris is the fannon genderflip of Discord.
I like this setup.
I like this so far... kinda. It needs a lot of work though, I don't know much about writing but I can see this was quite rushed. I will keep my eye on it however, it looks like it has potential. Just try to put more detail into the describing part of things and try to spead it out more because everything roared by at 7000 miles per hour. Anyway, good luck and I will now read the next chapter.
3340705
R63 because FUCK YEAH!
Travis is kind of a dick. No wonder he's alone.
THIS SONG IS MADE FOR THIS BEATIFUL STORY!!!!
So he didn't question how did she got to his home?