A question that often roamed through the mind of an early riser was, “when did morning actually begin?” Did the morning only come once the sun began to peek over the horizon, or was there an hour on the celestial clock that marked the end of the night and beginning of the day? Or was it far more general-- simply when one rose and nothing more?
It was just one of many answerless questions that Celestia entertained as her mind began to stir.
A slow groan rolled through her lips as she twisted her neck, savoring the sensation of soft cotton across her alabaster coat. It tingled the skin buried beneath her fur, like soft tickles from deft hooves.
It was heavenly.
Slowly, her eyes opened, revealing the dark interior of her chambers. They were decorated and well-kept, just the same as it was before she went to sleep. A slow breath of air was taken in as she began to adjust her legs, moving the light sheets that covered her large form. Her head twisted, lifting off the pillow.
Even after centuries alive, the act of waking up never seemed to become any easier.
A small glow of light and hum of magic filled the air, both emanating from the long twisted horn from atop her head. Under the simple spell’s command, the sheets covering Celestia lifted and removed themselves. Bare to the air, the alicorn’s coat suffered the icy dance of a gust of wind, earning a small shiver in response.
She rolled her body off the bed, hooves lightly beating at the carpet beneath her. Celestia adjusted her wings with a small flap, pushing the air and working her muscles. The action earned another groan of discomfort, but it helped her eyes flutter awake.
The room was dark, as it always was when she woke up, but that concerned her very little. Where she needed to be now was not in her chambers, but on the balcony beyond the glass doors. It was hard to see the terrace now, in the room full of darkness. They were hidden behind the blinds, drawn by the ponies who believed she would enjoy the darkness to rest. She didn’t have the mind to point out how the sun rose and fell with her command.
Celestia smiled at the thought. They had learned well over the years.
Her hooves barely made a sound as she trotted across the carpet, familiar with her room when it was colored in the gray darkness of the night. Her tired eyes slowly recognized the rough outline of the hanging silk as she approached it. Another flash of her horn’s magic surrounded the thin material in her grasp. It took only a small thought to glide the drapes away. The glass doors were soon met with the same ethereal grasp, guided open under her command.
It didn’t take long for the cool air to glide over Celestia’s coat, causing a shiver far deeper and far more visible than the brief one from when she removed her sheets. For all the waking rituals she had practiced through her long lifetime, nothing seemed quite as effective as a cold blast of air. The breath she took in was just as chilled. It quickly banished the sleep from her eyes.
The first thing, and only thing, Celestia saw with her currently far-more detailed gaze was the night sky, Luna’s sky, her little sister’s masterpiece.
No matter what direction the white alicorn looked, a pattern of white lights dotted the black canvas of the sky. Outlines of ponies long past, connecting dots of magnificent shapes, and reminders that no pony but the alicorn sisters could name. They were all there, hidden in the lights. But the longer the newly-awoken princess stared into the sky, the more the lights appeared to change.
Holding her poise, holding her breath, and holding her gaze, the diarch watched carefully the lights appeared to brighten, before dimming beneath the intensity of others. Some would move across the dark canvas, only to quickly flee back when her eyes ghosted over to them. Celestia knew it was an illusion. She had known it for as long as she and her sister controlled the sky above.
It was the purest and most powerful of all illusions. Not for its magic and size, and not even for its age. It was an illusion of immense power because of the trait magic could not replicate.
It was an illusion you wanted to fall into.
Celestia had proven it by doing so herself.
A smile pulled at her lips as she shook her head, freeing herself from the comforting embrace of the night’s image.
“It’s morning now sister,” Celestia spoke to herself, her smile unfaltering. “It will be your turn again soon enough.”
Another slow draw of light emanated from the alabaster alicorn’s horn, lighting her balcony as she did so. The same hum of power vibrated in her ears, a dull ring that would retreat just as quickly as the light once she ceased her magic. That, however, would only occur once her task was done.
Little by little, the lights in the sky began to die out, slowly disappearing into the dark abyss of the sky above. It was slow, almost unnoticeable, until the light began to break beyond the horizon. By that point, the stars were gone and the moon was falling behind the mountains.
Then, like a dragon stirring from its century of sleep, the sun began to rise from the horizon.
It carried itself into the air, drifting under the powerful force of Celestia’s magic. She took in a deep breath of air to calm her mind, keeping the ball of light and fire secure in her grasp.
When she released the air from her lungs, the sun remained hung in the air.
“Perfect,” she spoke softly, smiling as she finished. Her wings expanded to their fullest length, savoring the first warm rays of her sun as it began to dot the land. It warmed her frigid coat, fighting away with chilly blanket of Luna’s night, replacing it with her day. She took another slow breath in, puffing out her chest as she did so.
Then, with a turn of her tail, she left the balcony through the glass doors, her wings folded back at her sides. Her room was much brighter with the sun in the sky and her blinds open to the light. It showed off the golden sews and lavender cloths that decorated her room. Hanging from walls, wrapped around pillows, and all sporting some clever design of her cutie mark.
“Hmm…” Celestia lightly hummed to herself, walking past the pillows that littered the floor at the foot of her bed. Her dresser was pushed up against the far wall, just as decorated and well-maintained as any other piece of decorum in her chambers.
“I have court today with the ambassador from the Crystal Kingdom.” The diarch noted as the magic lit her horn, surrounding the doors to her dresser in a golden aura. With another simple thought, they slid open without any resistance.
“He’ll be giving me the reports on the financials and the integration of the kingdom back into Equestria.” Her horn gave another soft hum as the aura grew a bit brighter. From beyond the opened doors, crystal regalia slowly glided through the air, caught in the same ethereal glow as the curtains and door before them.
With trained precision they moved over Celestia’s body. Her hoof ornaments sliding into place, her necklace maneuvering over her head and down her neck, then the crown slowly landing over her mane. The weight of the crystal pushed down on her, familiar with its cold texture. She let out another breath of air. It was not for relaxing.
“After that, I have to organize military budget regarding the relocation of troops.” Her voice lightly noted again, shutting the dresser with her magic as she did so. “I’ll have to be careful about that. Taking out of the salary of any pony is an undesirable act, but it’s just as hard to get approval from the council members regarding increases in expenditure.”
She turned away from the dresser and towards the large white door matching the alabaster shade of her coat. It was etched with familiar symbols, detailed with recognizable colors. The outlines of a sun and the comforting lines of gold. Whether it be the dawn, the day, or the dusk, the room to her chambers was nothing to be ignored.
Celestia stalled just in front of it, stopping over the carpeting to her room. She knew well what was going to be outside the doors. The same row of servants, the same guards lining the hall, and the same façade she would have to wear until the day’s end.
A cool breath of air was slowly taken into her lung, not yet warmed by the sun’s rays. It focused her mind, brushing the lingering dust from her still sleep-addled brain. Carefully as always, she pulled the muscles on her face, adjusting herself until the features of Celestia the Mare were gone and Celestia the Regent of Canterlot were formed.
With a flash of her horn, she opened the doors.
“Good morning your majesty!”
The chorus of voices spoke to her the same way they did every morning. Proud, happy, and adoring. Some bowed until their manes drifted over the stone floor, others saluted with a staunch posture. But they were all happy, all of them adoring the proud and regal Princess Celestia with genuine smiles and honest eyes.
Princess Celestia disliked the frivolous ritual they performed, but she would never find discomfort or harm in appreciation and love.
“And good morning to you all as well,” the diarch spoke kindly to her ponies, lightly closing her eyes as she drew her lips, letting the majestic smile of an immortal ghost across her lips. “Thank you for greeting me once more this early. I understand it can’t be easy to do this all the time.”
“It’s no problem at all your majesty. We are only too happy to be of service to you.” One of the more familiar ponies spoke up. Tell-Tale, a mare who was in charge of scheduling the days for the alabaster alicorn. Meetings with diplomats, excursions across Equestria, or simply a free hour for tea in the garden; Tell-Tale could make it happen.
Celestia never forgot a face, and names stuck with her forever. Even so, it would be hard for anypony to forget a mare that did so much without ever losing face. The monarch felt a familiar and heavenly warmth flow through her like air. Her genuine smile cracked through the thin mask she had set.
“Regardless, I thank you for it,” the alicorn spoke again, leaning down to match the much smaller height of the pony she spoke to. “And now I must ask, where are we to go first?”
“Oh right,” Tell-Tale briefly replied, collecting herself with a small diversion of her eyes. The rest of the ponies began to disperse, as their morning rituals were still not complete. The maids took off to their various duties, and the guards returned to their staunch, statue-like attention. Tell-Tale’s horn flashed, bringing a small clipboard to bear in front of her gaze.
“You have a meeting with an ambassador from the Crystal Kingdom, but that is not for a few hours. Until then, the only thing on your schedule is a good breakfast. I believe the kitchen is already preparing a fine tossed salad with olive dressing.” The immortal would have spoken ill of herself if she claimed the meal did not sound appetizing.
“Mm hmm,” Celestia hummed in agreement. “And how long do you suppose it will take until that is ready?”
“I’d have to guess no more than ten or twenty minutes. Sweet Spot was telling me how careful she had to be with dressing, making sure I understood that it was the most important part of the salad.”
“She does know how to prepare delicacies from simplicities.” Celestia let out a small chuckle as she spoke. It was no secret to anypony who worked within the stone walls of Canterlot Castle that their ruler of a thousand years preferred the less extravagant things in life. A preference for eating dishes, not banquets. Deciding to enjoy the afternoon sun from her balcony over a chariot ride above the city. Small things that most ponies would miss.
But the ponies who worked beneath the alicorn had done so for more than a brief moment. They had come to recognize their ruler. Her kindness, her loyalty, and her generosity. They had experienced the very best of her, and in return, they gave their very best to her.
“Alright, then,” Tell-Tale began again, using a quill to mark down on her clipboard. “What will you do until then?”
“I’ll go for a walk,” Celestia spoke without a moment’s hesitation. “I’m sure there are other ponies that are up early for my sake.” The answer brightened Tell-Tale’s already vivid smile.
“Yes of course. I’ll tell Sweet Spot to wait before applying the dressing. It’ll be ready for you when you want it.” Celestia smiled kindly down to the detail-oriented pony, feeling her own coat warm beneath the mare’s words. She always was concerned with keeping things in order, and only felt too proud of herself when plans proceeded as they were designed to. She reminded the diarch so much of another pony who was close to her.
“Thank you, Tell-Tale,” Celestia spoke honestly to the mare. “I’ll be in the dining hall within the hour.” The pony gave a low bow of respect before trotting away from the alicorn, her clipboard hovering in front of her muzzle. It wasn’t difficult for the immortal to guess that the mare was going to check on other plans, ensuring that the rest of the day was secure. It was her job, and she did love her job.
Celestia turned in the other direction down the hall, fully intending to let her mind wander before she even took her first step. There wasn’t much to plan, but there were always things to think of.
Just as it was time to manage the budget with the increase in guards, that meant a new budget proposal and balancing were likely due for many departments. The maids and garden keepers were likely next, then would follow the council members and various politicians. It was the only thing they agreed to go last to. It usually meant they could save a few more bits before the inevitable cuts came to their purses.
It was a joke among many of the lower-class members of Canterlot that Celestia was a regular Robin Hoof, taking from the rich and snooty and giving to the ponies who needed it more. She never spoke against the claims, but neither could she agree to them, no matter how amusing they were.
In truth, it had little to do with taking from ponies who didn’t deserve money and giving to ponies who did. No matter the claims of the unlucky, not all the politicians and politically-abled ponies were crooks and thieves. Many deserved the bits that they made, reorganizing entire structures in business while managing sectors across Equestria that Celestia touched on only once in a blue moon. It was hard work and it was long work, so it made sense that pay was given in turn.
How much they earned, however, was always an honest and deserving question.
Celestia turned down the hall, spotting a pegasus mare in the floating in the air as she did so. The maid’s wings fluttered lightly in the air as she had a duster in her hoof, taking care of painting frames that hung from the high walls. A content and satisfied smile was placed over her lips, complete with a small cheerful tune, doubtlessly to make up for the lack of other life around her.
The diarch stopped to listen to the tune, soft and gentle but carried over the stone like a swelling melody. It was uplifting with its simplicity, though it doubtlessly came from a grander score. It mattered little to the pony who hummed it or the alicorn who patiently listened to it. Finally though, Celestia decided to make herself known.
“That is a lovely tune,” she spoke as kindly as ever, being sure to walk slowly towards the floating maid. Her voice clearly shocked the pegasus from her reverie, her wings momentarily stiffening in tandem with her constricted eyes. The sight brought a small giggle to the alicorn’s muzzle. It was rare for Celestia to sneak up on ponies so effectively; usually her size gave her away.
The pegasus looked at the diarch from her higher vantage point. The smile that lit up the mare’s muzzle was quick, but brilliant. She descended to the carpet, her wings tucking into her sides as she did so. Her eyes never lost contact with the taller alicorn. Then, when the distance between them was adequate, a real conversation began.
“Good morning your majesty,” the polite greeting and bow was offered from the maid, a pleasant and genuine smile across her lips.
Celestia felt a bit of warmth crawl through her body, pleased and grateful to have such a kind and gentle welcome. Not an action made by force or fear, but freely offered, given from the maid in gratitude to her kindly ruler. It was the kind of greeting Celestia loved to have.
A moment of silence hung between the two as the diarch focused her mind, searching for the name and history of the mare in front of her. She knew her, as Celestia did all of the ponies she had met, but that did not mean they were all so instantaneous to come to her memory. However, like a flash of magic that she was found of casting, the mare’s past came to her.
“And a good morning to you as well,” the alicorn kindly spoke, smiling with a well practiced turn of her lips. She briefly searched her mind before speaking again. “How is your foal doing? I believe he is two by now, is he not?”
The smile the mare gave in return was a joyful mixture of surprise and jubilance. A rare, but ultimately favorable, reaction.
“Oh, he is doing extremely well,” the maid replied in kind, rising to her hooves as she spoke. “He’s already started speaking and learning new words, although many of them are simply childish gibberish.” A friendly exchange of laughter was given between the alabaster alicorn and the tan maid.
“He sounds like a curious child. There is much good that can come out of nurturing such a mind.” Celestia noted, her tone full of the same kindness and warmth she was known for possessing.
“Yes, my husband and I have thought as much. We hope to enroll him in flight school when he is able. Hopefully it won’t be any longer than a few months from now.” The mare’s tail flicked and her wings adjusted as she spoke.
They were signs obvious to Celestia, when displayed in tandem. She was nervous about something; a detail in her life she was afraid to share to one of the diarchs of a powerful nation. A logical choice in judgment, ultimately, one Celestia was not foreign to. It was a good thing she was so used to these situations. It only took a single guess for her to see what was wearing on the mare’s mind.
“Please, seek me out when it comes time for him to enroll. I will see to it he gains entry into the division post haste.” Once more did the stunned joy light up the mare’s features, and once more did Celestia enjoy a warm wave of appreciation rolling up her form.
“Oh thank you, your highness!” The maid nearly yelled, rising into the air with her beating wings as she spoke. It took her a moment to recompose herself, letting her hooves gently tap back down on the floor. A hot blush did remain stained across the coat on her face. Celestia lightly giggled at the sight.
“Think nothing of it,” the ruler commanded, dismissing the mare’s ecstatic cry. “I care for all my ponies, and I see to it that I am able to help them in any way I can.”
The maid lightly opened and shut her mouth, searching for words as her lips began to move. When her jaw shut, a smile spread across her lips, appearing to be smelted there with the intensity it was glowing. Celestia enjoyed the heartfelt thanks emanating from her small gesture.
Then, with another bow, the mare trotted down the hall, doubtlessly to continue the job the diarch had interrupted. The guess was quickly confirmed as the pegasus fluttered her wings, ascending into the air with a duster in hoof. Celestia gave the mare one last smile before heading down the hall, quickly losing track of the pegasus behind the white stones that surrounded her.
It wasn’t much longer before Celestia felt the familiar craving for food reach into her; a desire for something sweet yet good to eat. The gentle reminder of a sweet sauced-and-tossed salad waiting for her was enough to make her lick her lips in anticipation. She eagerly began to maneuver down the labyrinth of halls towards the dining room, ready to enjoy her meal.
Celestia was well-aware that following her meal the real work for the day would begin-- an important conference followed by book and budget balancing. The former would decide just how long the latter took. After both of those activities, there would doubtlessly be a few choice discussions she would have to have. None quite as important or politically relevant as the meeting with the Crystal Kingdom Ambassador, but all important nonetheless. She could hardly be a princess to her ponies if she never listened to what they said.
In the end, it mattered little to her now. The future was coming no matter what thoughts her mind formed, and thinking of what could be only created expectations, which were let down when what was came to be.
“Lost in thought, your majesty?” A voice teasingly asked the diarch, earning her pink gaze. Celestia smiled down at Tell-Tale, who was emerging from a connecting hall with her clipboard in her magical grasp.
“Yes, you caught me once more,” the diarch admitted with grace, lightly nodding her head as she spoke. The smile Tell-Tale gave in return held no malice or unjust desires. It was only the smile one friend would offer another.
“Actually, I had something to tell you before you began your meal, and it most definitely could not be said while you were in the midst of your meetings.” The words were nothing Celestia had not heard before. As such, they brought about no new reaction Tell-Tale had not seen before.
“And what is that? Has a foreign diplomat made an unannounced visit?” Celestia lightly guessed, joking as she spoke as to break any tension Tell-Tale may have. It was clearly needless, as the mare’s gaze was only focused, friendly and calm. There was no trepidation or worry in her form.
“In a way, you could be right, but the pony is actually one you are familiar with.” Tell-Tale let a brief moment of silence pass between the two before she spoke on. “Twilight Sparkle has made a request with me to see you. She made it clear that the meeting she wishes to have is more informative than recreational, and, as such, requested your official time. And before you ask why she did so, it was because, and I quote, “I wouldn’t want to trouble the princess in her free time”.” The words earned a small chuckle from Celestia.
“I believe Twilight would say something like that,” the immortal admitted with a pleased smile, content to hear that her student was visiting her. “But if she did say something like that, then it would be fair for me to assume that she told you what she wished to discuss with me.” Tell-Tale raised her brows lightly, as if to acknowledge the diarch with a knowing stare.
“You know us both so well, your majesty.” Before Tell-Tale could let the alicorn respond, she raised her clipboard to her eyes, flipping through the pages until she came across the notes she desired. “According to her message, she wanted to discuss with you some of the changes that have occurred to her following her coronation.”
Celestia could only find herself smiling as she nodded.
So like her student to worry about things that had already been explained. Then again, it was not a simple change, or one that occurred to any pony in a regular lifetime. Some concern was to be expected.
“More specifically,” Tell-Tale went on, her eyes squinting as she read the final lines of her notes. “She is curious about you.”
Those words caused Celestia to pause.
“Curious about me?” She repeated, her smile dropping in place of a inquisitive stare. She looked at Tell-Tale with half-lidded eyes and a twisted head. “Did she specify as to what it was concerning?”
“Yes, actually,” Tell-Tale admitted. “She is curious about the differences between you and her now. More specifically, why you are immortal and she is not.”
Celestia stopped.
So sudden was the motion that Tell-Tale found herself trotting next to nothing for a few hoofsteps. When the mare turned to ask her monarch what was wrong, she was greeted with a stare she could not describe. There was no joy, no horror, no hatred, and not even a speck of confusion. There was only shock. Pure, stilling, shock.
“Y-Your majesty?” Tell-Tale spoke carefully, her voice tripping over itself. It was rare to see Celestia in such a way. It was enough to knock her from her own comfortable schedule. “Is something… amiss?”
“Tell-Tale,” Celestia spoke in a calm voice, full of neither authority nor jubilee. “When is Twilight scheduled to arrive?”
“Um, just a moment.” The unicorn spoke before tearing through her notes, finding what she needed quickly. “She will be here just past mid-day’s sun, following lunch.”
“Move her up,” The words came without pause or trepidation. “Make the arrangements for Twilight and I to eat in the garden, just past the statues.”
“But your majesty, the guards positioned near there are minimal. Only a single pegasus knight that circles the garden.” Tell-Tale was becoming worried with every passing word. Something was wrong, even a foal could see that.
“Yes, you’re right,” Celestia spoke with a nod of her head. “Tell the guard stationed there to take an early break and return following his lunch. He will not be needed.”
Tell-Tale’s clipboard fell from her aura.
“Your… majesty?” Tell-Tale didn’t know how to ask it, or even what to ask for that matter. So many questions, too many mysteries, and so many things being decided so quickly that the unicorn didn’t even know where to begin. Celestia, however, made her decision clear.
“I have a very important matter to discuss with Twilight, Tell-Tale.” The diarch began, her pink gaze hard as she looked into the scheduler’s eyes. “It will not be an easy meeting for me, nor will it be one I enjoy, but it is one I must now have. And I would prefer if the information I am to pass remain only between me and my student. Do you understand?”
Tell-Tale, for a change of pace, found herself wordless as she numbly nodded at the diarch’s words.
“Thank you,” Celestia spoke.
Then, without another word, the alabaster alicorn continued her walk down the hall, approaching the dining room just ahead. Tell-Tale remained rooted to her spot in the hallway, staring into a void as her mind was left tumbling.
There were a million and one curiosities working through her mind, dozens of scenarios and thousands of wonders that were burrowing through her skull. But no matter what her mind landed upon, there was only one question that truly rung above the rest.
What was Celestia trying to hide?
Oi, a long time back I thought you had quit :). Glad to see that's not the case.
3320101
Wha? Quit? No! I'm writing a bunch of stories still!
Well for a moment there I felt like it was starting to drag a bit, as it was just following Celestia through her day. But I will admit, that end hooked me and reeled me in. I will definitely be staying for the next chapter.
3320113 Well thats nice to know. If the rest are like this then... Well im going to have alot of good fics to read aren't I? Have a like n fav!
3320101
Balderdash and blasphemy, the quitting part that is.
now this is intriguing...
Sorry, but I'm only here because of your description.
To the most literal extent.
As of now, you're saying that Princess Celestia is a substance that causes a reaction with the sun. While maybe technically correct (), I believe that was supposed to be 'regent'.
Oh shit indeed...
Celestia's got a secret of impressive scale...
~Skeeter The Lurker
Why is Celestia immortal, yet Twilight is not?
Celestia reveals her greatest secret!
Twilight, I am your... God!
Meh. Sorry, but your Twidash is a head and shoulders above Twilestia. At least the first impression is... Disappointing.
A "reagent" is an ingredient or component. Could be a play on words, of course, but did you mean "Regent" as in a reigning monarch or the temporary officeholder for one?
EDIT: didn't read previous comments. See 3320449 .
Way to blue ball us Wizard!
*shakes fist*
3320616 Why is Celestia Twilight's god? You know that I can still read what it says even though you sort of censored it.
I up-voted this story.
shit just got real.
Intrigued.
Let's get some baseless speculation up in here!
The constant 'warming' sensation Celestia gets when love passes to her makes me get the impression she's an emotion-eater like Chryssy - just not so mean or ravenous as her. She controls the sun but does not derive her longevity from it. Perhaps she and Luna need emotions to live so long in order to prevent the control of day and night from falling into the
handshooves of squabbling mages and nobles? Anyway, that's what I'm getting from this. Celly and Luna are 'changelings' (read: emotion eaters) of some sort or other.3322881
*Ahem*
content.screencast.com/users/SkeeterTL/folders/Jing/media/6658f95c-51bc-4ded-be11-f749b30b56de/00000357.png
Now.
Shut the hell up and enjoy this excellent fic.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3322636
'Tis a joke, dear fellow, 'tis a joke.
I blanked that section so as to make one wonder what it said.
I also had considered using mother instead of God, however I believed that would have been an obvious and blatant reference to Star Wars.
Yes...must see how this ends!
So many new Twilight and Celestia-centered fics.
Delicious.
Oh, I do love this setup.
I saw the romance tag... and looked... I don't see twilestia warnings. (Or just missed them)
Can I be hopeful about just reading an emotional non-twilestic romance story? Or should I leave without causing trouble?
3325655
It's almost like you don't like Twilestia.
3323584 All I have to do is move my cursor over it and bam! There's the 'hidden' word!
3322881>>3323508>>3326348
I'm starting to wonder if anyone actually commented here AFTER they read the story.
Hmmm... I shall watch this...
3326354 I did read it. ***SPOILER ALERT***
Celestia just thinkin' things over about Twilight's mortal life.
It wasn't really a spoiler, I'm just a troll... or, at least I think I am... I don't know...
I'm going to point this out because no one else has. Please stop using 'the passive voice'. If you would like to know what I mean, well you have the Internet. A great resource to look at is www.slickwrite.com. Also filter words are bad, too. Seriously, they are both ruining this story.
Hmmm, this is getting interesting.
Well, that's a lovely dangling question there... One wonders what she wishes to say. It can't be "because" since that's the usual answer and wouldn't require secrecy. It seems obvious that it is not to ask Twilight why it is anyone thinks Celestia is immortal, since that appears to be implied to be true.
I can't decide whether to think that the answer is "of course you are..." and the resultant impending terror of that thought or that some other reason whether it be unknowable or horrible or other results in Twilight thinking that becoming an alicorn just took the better things in life away from her or gaining a negative view of Celestia.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
Princess Celestia, Reagent of the Sun
3329453 Sure he could submit it, but it would never get through. So many grammar mistakes and typos for one.
3329569 besides the one in the title, could you name some others? I work as his editor, and it'd be good to know what I missed.
3327134 do you perhaps mean filler words? If so, the choice to leave them in is deliberate. As for passive voice, that's part of Wizard's trademark style. He also has a peculiar fascination with describing eyelids, lips and cheeks. Pouches of coiled flesh on the face, in other words. It's an acquired taste, but I decided that the repetition of words gave the story a distinctive tone so I let them slide, and trust me when I say he knows how to write outside of the passive voice.
3330747
You... You do care...
3330749 was it the constantly editing your stories regardless of content when I could have chosen from dozens of other authors on the site or the constant words of encouragement at the end of every chapter I didn't have massive problems with that tipped you off?
Also, please fix the opening blurb. Much as I am a fan of chemistry, people are starting to giggle rather a lot at the misspelling, and I can't touch the text you write for the title. Also, it bugs my OCD.
3330747
Filter words are words like 'felt'. They distance the reader from the characters unnecessarily, and though they aren't always inappropriate (if your goal is to create that distance), they usually are.
As for the passive voice. The only thing I find more annoying in writing than the passive voice is switching between past and present tense. Saying that something is 'my style' is not a valid excuse for passive voice any more than it is for bad grammar unless it adds to the narrative in some way. For instance, in a first person story from the perspective of a young child, you could argue that sentence fragments add to the narrative.
If he doesn't want to change, that's his choice and fine. I won't be reading, however.
Edit:
Active/passive voice is like a hammer. It is designed to be used in a particular way, but there maybe times when an alternate method is more desirable. I have never found a good reason to use the prongs instead of the peen when hammering a nail.
3331299 It's a deliberate choice to develop a distinguishing voice, though... It's not like "oh, right, well, uh, I meant to do that all along". It's that "I know how to write in active voice, but my stories have a specific narration to them and I prefer to utilize the passive voice for them." You wouldn't have a problem with bad grammar if the narrator is implied to be of a lower intelligence than the characters around them. If you won't be reading, that's your decision, but just know that he does have a grasp of the basic tools used in writing and he is fully aware of what he is doing.
As to filter words, I'll be keeping my eye on them in the future.
3330716
Synopsis:
uncountable is usually used as a term in grammar and mathematics and thus isn't a very good word for narrative.
so to come the questions. -> so too
Prologue:
She could not bring herself to hate things that had to be, and fear of the same thing would only lead her immortal life to be wrought with worry. -> comma is extra.
She could hope it away, though she knew the good it would do. -> it would do no good. Right now it is confusing if it actually would do good or not.
Be them sacrifices she didn’t wish to -> Be they
This was something she could not-- and would not-- enjoy. -> Double dash isn't the same as an em-dash '—'. alt-0151. Spaces aren't used before or after and em-dash.
It only made sense that as she grew[] her desire to learn grew with her. -> Missing a comma
Twilight Sparkle became an alicorn, a princess, a ruler with a heart as large as her mind. -> had become
A patient sight left Celestia’s lips. -> sigh
Sorry but I don't have time time to go through the first chapter, or any inclination either. I just came here to giggle at the silly synopsis. I would never read a story written like this, and only went through the first part because you've been a nice enough chap when commenting on my fics.
This story is a textbook example of purple prose, overcomplicated run-on sentences, and overt use of passive voice. You can call it his "trademark style" or whatever, but to everyone else it's just an excuse to write badly without wanting to improve or change. He's not being an unique little snowflake—stuff like his fills the Twilight/Anne Rice fanfic sites. And yes, they're garbage there too.
3332050 It is a style, though. I've seen what you're talking about in other parts of the site. Heck, I edit stories like that all the time. I have yet to find a style the same as his, and since I know he can write in an active voice (I keep bringing this up--does anybody even listen to me anymore?), I keep it the way it is. Maybe you've found some really shitty fan fiction writers who have that same style, but I doubt they're aware of it and able to shift out of it. I'd put that down to coincidence, since I've seen plenty of *awful* fanfiction and it rarely comes close to how he writes. And yes, Wiz does tend to purple prose things up. I would like that to change, but I haven't found a good time to bring it up. As for run-ons, I do my best where I can. He's hardly in love with them, either. But they do crop up from time to time. That said, he's far from a talentless hack and I don't really appreciate you treating him (and, given I do the editing for him, me by extension) as if he is. In fact, on rereading your comment is exceedingly rude.
As to me being a nice enough chap.... no. You can ask Rainbowbob about me. I can be nice, it's true, but I can be biting when I see something I don't like.
Intriguing story and a nice, smooth style. Will be watching after this.
3333323
You are literally the first to comment on liking my style. Thank you.
Such beautiful writing! With this perfect tempo and flow, I can tell this will be one of my new favorite fics. Can't wait for the next chapter!
3332132 Don`t make me laugh, please.
As you may have noticed, I haven`t answered on an any replys to my comment. I just said my 2 bits, that`s it.
As for you comment: Don`t you think it`s rather presumptuous to tell me what the autor (i. e. not you) will think about what I wrote? If anything, if he thinks that any comment is worth deleting, he is able to so himself.
So, thanks for your concern, but maybe leave your attitude to censor the world from anything criticising at home.
Edit: Oh, just noticed. You also sign every comment with your already visible user-name. Well, that may explain, why you also feel offend by my previous post.
PS: I won`t answer of any of your replys (I do know about comment wars, don`t take me for a foal). If you want to explain yourself, why you thought it important to re-open somehting like that (after no one cared for almost a week), than pm me.
And don`t try to be the hero in a little comment-thread.
Pure shock:
I thought all Allicorns were immortal? It's also been proven that this is in fact true.