I am a big fan of MLP and ocassionally think up stories but my main focus is reading interesting stories on here. Also Aaron Master is actually my personal ponies name.
Aaron Master was a simple brony living life when he found Trixie and became a pony but he thought of werewolfs hence becoming a werepony during the spell. Now he finds himself trying to make friends. But can he fit in with pony society or will he be an outcast? Oh and I do not own LuLu or Sweeney. Both were from The Other Ponies and Sweeney is really named Marshal.
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...is this serious? I can't tell.
It was actually meant to be a bit of a funny moment. Mind you he also wasn't a pony yet and somehow Trixie knows about humans. Try reading the entire thing. I was nervous the whole time and was afraid no one would like this at all. That's why some parts may not seem as good as others.
I shouldn't have to say this, but there's a difference between "tale" and "tell".
What?
Who?
What?
What?
What war?
Huh?
You can't just mention stuff and assume people know what you're talking about. I'm guessing all this shit comes from Tumblr pages or whatever, but you know what? I don't read all of the same things you do, and you can't assume that any of your readers know about anything other than the show itself.
Then there's your lack of transitions. "This happened to this pony. Then this other thing happened to this other pony. Because of this, a third pony did something completely different." Between that and your name-dropping, everything comes off sounding like a fever dream.
F
LuLu and Sweeney are explained in the longer description of the story. They are from a story I read on creepypasta wiki. I just gave Marshal the appropriate nickname Sweeney since he was meant to look and sound like Sweeney Todd. I also assume people would read the authors note stating Princess Pinkamena was my friend Rebeccas character. I didn't think I need to explain something in the story that the author note at the top and the description explained. Am I the only one that reads every thing and not just the story part? As for the war and other details I'm sorry if it was confusing but I thought too many details would make it boring.
Well no one seems to bother to read the full description or the authors note at the start of the story and this seemed to be a complete failure. Maybe I shouldn't do my next story after all. Maybe I shouldn't have bothered with this story. Maybe I should've stuck to reading stories and never bothered with writing. It took mde several attempts till this story was finally accepted and now barely anyone likes it. This just seemed so pointless.
I was gonna have this go to multiple chapters with details but the chapters meant to explain things were too short so i tried a one chapter but needed to edit it more. Now everyone seems to think I need to change it even more to include more detail which I left out cause I thought one long chapter with way too much detail would be more hated then this. I was trying to fit a story that would never be long enough in one chapter and would've mentioned everything despite the short chapters into a one chapter story with the important info in the longer description and the starting author note but chose not to add most the info. Didn't think anyone would like the violence in the war scene so I didn't go into detail and thought explaining the Lust dimension would lead to something way to complicated or that the nature of the Lust dimension would be downright hated. It was hard working on this and I wanted to just quit....maybe even quitting the site several times thinking everything would be hated and I'd never get anyone to like me on here anyways. I was lucky enough to make friends but now I feel I let everyone down.