I gazed wistfully at the stands of fresh produce from my hiding place. The numerous amount of ponies here were all on a mission for one of the many vendors, with bags hanging from their sides and even trading around what I had to guess was currency. I should have been amazed at how these things were able to set up their own economy even, but it's hard to be impressed with anything when your stomach is growling at magnitude eight.
My belly was aching so loudly that a couple of the passing ponies (which, at the risk of being racist, I had taken to calling them,) seemed to look around, trying to find the source of the disturbing noise. That's how loud it was.
All of the best food stands were out of reach, and there was no way I could get to them without being seen. Luckily for me, between a pony selling cabbages and another sporting some carrots, I spotted a stand which was selling what had to be the most appetizing berries I've ever seen directly across the road. Those things looked beautiful, I tell ya. A work of living art! I had to get some. Unfortunately, not only would my presence probably scare everything there, but unless U.S. dollars are universal, I had no way of paying for them.
And if that wasn't trouble enough, the stall of fruits was being supervised by a much larger pony. A gradient of purple hair, turquoise body, and boy did he look pissed off. At least, I think it was a dude. My point is, you'd have to be desperate to try to steal from him. But I was that desperate, and those berries looked so worth it anyways. Besides, I could take him on if it came to blows.
But how would I get some without being seen? I'm not stealthy, and I'm sure to be spotted if I stay here too long.
Sheesh, you'd think I haven't eaten in days with how hungry I am! Actually, given how I had no idea what happened between the events at the bar and coming to in the frozen desert, it was very possible that I hadn't actually eaten in a while.
In a once in a lifetime opportunity for me, I hatched an idea. Me! Hatching an idea that could actually work! Who knew, right?
Wasting no time, I felt around my deep pockets for the stupid crystal I had stepped on earlier. With the blue rock in hand, I watched the passing crowd for my chance, and waited.
And there he was across the street to my far left, walking on by and minding his own business. He looked frail and small, like he'd be knocked out easily by this thing. I felt somewhat bad knowing what I was about to do, but he'd be fine in the end.
Making sure noone was looking in my direction, I gripped the rock in hand and hurled it as hard as could at the back of the small pony's head.
Boom, direct hit. As expected, the blow was enough to take him down. Thank you, high school football.
A bunch of other ponies immediately noticed him collapse, and before I knew it, they all hurried to huddle around him. Even the angry looking one at the berry stand left his post to see what the hubbub was about. Perfect.
With nobody on my right paying attention and everyone else on my left tending to the injured pony, I channeled Sonic the Hedgehog and sprinted across the street behind the berry stall. With great vigor, I reached into one of the baskets around me and grabbed a handful of the incredibly appetizing fruits.
Just to be safe, I looked back towards the distracted crowd. Sheesh, I know it's strange to see somebody randomly fall to the ground, but I didn't hit the guy that hard. I didn't think he'd need a hundred ponies to help him. Strange, really, but what's done is done, and now I had a fistful of food.
Oh my god, I can't believe this worked! I silently celebrated as I lifted the multicolored berries to my mouth. Maybe I don't give myself enough credit. I just may be able to get out of here and... and...
...
I didn't finish the thought as I was currently spitting out the rabbit turds these ponies called food. "What the hell!? These berries taste like shit!" I whispered in disgust. Eating these things was like eating dirt and mosquitoes. Seriously, these were up there on the list of most disgusting foods I have ever eaten. Just past Tofu and right behind McDonalds.
In my attempts to remove the taste from my mouth, I hadn't noticed the tiniest pony ever, standing right next to me and staring at me with blue eyes the size of dinner plates.
Oh shit, how long has she been there!? She wasn't moving or saying anything, so I had a small amount of time to absorb this situation. If I had to guess from her size, she looked like she was only a child. What really confused me was that she didn't have a tattoo on her ass like all the others. So they're definitely not born with it. Was getting a tattoo a coming of age thing for these ponies? Whatever, I had to shoo her off or risk getting caught. I hoped nobody would believe her when she said she found an alien.
"Shoo, shoo!" I tried to tell her, but to no avail. "Go away!" I whispered loudly, batting an arm at her. She backed up a bit, but she didn't seem to get the message still.
Suddenly, the kid looked off into the distance and began to say... something... very loudly in their unintelligible language.. "Nlnnb, nlnnb! Ollp dszg r ulfmw!"
"No, shh! Be quiet!" I pleaded.
She didn't listen. She was too busy screaming for everyone to hear. I had to get her to shut up. In an act of desperation, I tried to shoo her off again. This time more aggressively by gently nudging her away or swinging my arms in the air, gesturing for her to go away. She was still obliviously yelling at the heavens and not paying attention to me.
To my eternal bad luck, one of my wild arm swings went a bit too far, and knocked into the stand I was hiding behind. This caused the box of dogshit-berries sitting precariously on top of the stand's edge to fall over.
Right onto the kid's head.
Well, it got her to shut up, but now I faced a bigger problem. Upon lifting the box off of her, I saw her eyes begin to water, and her lip began to quiver.
I knew what was about to happen. "Oh no. No no no no, please don't—"
Too late. She was crying and screaming at the top of her lungs now. Praying I hadn't hurt the poor kid, I picked her up and held her in a lame and creepy attempt to comfort her and get her to stop crying, but it wasn't working. To be fair, I'd be pretty freaked out too if an alien I've never seen before hoisted me into the air. What was I thinking?
It only took about ten seconds for me to realize that every single pony in the crowd was now gazing slack jawed at me. Holding a crying child next to a ransacked dogshit-berry stand. I can imagine how bad it looked.
I opted to chuckle guiltily and slowly put down the crying child before I addressed the masses. "Uh... hello?"
And I guess that was their cue to release a collective scream and panic. Hollering and running, they all emptied out faster than I thought was humanly— er... horse-ly(?) possible. In less than a minute, they had all run away or hid in their homes. Even the big tough stall guy, the crying kid, and the one I injured with the crystal seemed to have disappeared from sight. I guess I really spooked them.
"Great. Can't wait to see what repercussions this will have, I thought in bitter defeat. Well, might as well take the time to see if I can find something actually edible.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"What are we looking for, again?" Dusty Ore asked repeatedly. He and Coral had donned their spears and enchanted coat color-changing armor, and were both patrolling the streets in search of the 'strange visitor' that had been reported.
"For the last time Dusty, I don't know. The captain just told us to go find what looks like a b— minotaur, and assess whether or not it's a threat," Coral responded, more than a little annoyed at his partner's constant nagging. "If it is, we bring it back with us. If not, then this was an immense waste of time."
Dusty nickered in Coral's direction. "You're not really going to start with that 'bovine and minotaur' manure, are you?"
"Hey, I'm not too fond of our current captain, but he's right about one thing. If we're going to live in this time, we need to start changing the way we do things," Coral stated. "Besides, we don't exactly want to anger a minotaur."
"Like I care." Dusty snickered. "Also, 'not too fond of him?' You're just saying that because he whooped your sorry flank."
"I am not," Coral pouted.
"Except you are. You're mad because he humiliated you in front of us all, and now you're never going to hear the end of it from us," the snarky stallion remarked.
"Shut up."
"The truth hurts, doesn't it? Well, you're gonna have to—"
"No, I mean actually shut up. You hear that?"
Dusty and Coral both paused and stood still, honing in on their sense of hearing. What they heard didn't sound promising.
"Screaming? What's happening over there?"
"Sounds like it's coming from way over there," Coral pointed out before he took off running. "Come on! I bet that's where we'll find our target!"
"Right behind you!" Dusty replied, sprinting after Coral.
Coral feared what he would find. On occasion they would run past a pony currently running away from their destination. The two defenders stopped one mare with a crying filly to ask what was happening, but she was hysterical and raving about some horrid beast that nearly devoured her daughter. Hearing this only quickened their pace.
"Do you still think it's a minotaur?" Dusty called to Coral.
"I don't know what we'll find! All I know is that it's up to no good!"
Dusty thought for a moment. "I can only imagine what foul things the beast is doing right now!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"P-too! What the fuck, does everything here taste terrible!?" I exclaimed as I spit out the chunks of chewed apple. I had been from stall to stall and every food I ate tasted horrible, and each one I threw it away. At this rate, I would have to choose a food and stick with it. Even if it tasted bad, food is food. I couldn't very well die of starvation after coming this far. That would just be pathetic.
Tossing the apple aside, I made my way to the next stall. Along the way, my journey was interrupted when I stepped on something familiar. The blue crystal I lobbed at that pony's head. Upon closer inspection of it, I began to see why such a large crowd had formed around him earlier.
The crystal had a red splotch on it. A single taste of it confirmed my suspicions. That wasn't ketchup.
"Oh..." If I didn't feel bad before, I certainly did now. I must've really hurt the guy. I didn't think he would be that fragile! I didn't even know these things could bleed! I just thought they were purely made of crystals, or whatever!
I wanted to throw the stupid rock away again, but I didn't want to hit anyone else with it. So with much umbrage, the dirtied mineral went back into my pocket.
Deciding now was not the time to mope, I went back to scanning the market. Cabbages, watermelons, carrots, all of which looked deceivingly delicious. Maybe I'd try the watermelon later, but I knew better about the other two.
I was still secretly hoping for a wagon full of cheeseburgers to appear.
My eyes finally fell upon the last abandoned cart in tow. But this one didn't have produce on it, rather it sported what looked like fresh baked pastries. So now I knew these ponies could cook, too. I guess that's good to know. I mean, it would be a lot better to know if they ate steak or bacon, but I doubted it.
Now, I knew fruit and vegetables would taste bad, but I wasn't exactly sure about baked goods. Maybe these would be different. They weren't sparkling like the rest of the foods being sold around here, so that could make a difference. Reluctantly, I stepped up to grab what looked like an ordinary muffin. I slowly lifted it to my lips, expecting it to be laced with poison ivy, or something equally terrible, but nothing bad ever came to taste buds. In fact, it tasted... bland.
"Good enough for me." Before long, I was digging into a box full of the flavorless muffins working them down with the power of fifty Oliver Twists.
I was still halfway through the last one in the box when I heard a shout from behind me. "Szog!"
Turning around with a mouthful of muffin, I spotted the source of the noise. Two brilliantly shiny purple ponies in silver armor, both of which were carrying some sharp looking spears on their backs and looking severely pissed off and baffled at the same time.
...How do they plan on using those spears, exactly? I wondered. It wasn't like they had hands to carry them with. I decided I'd save it for later. Right now, it looked like I was busted.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"What in the name of Celestia is that thing!?" Dusty questioned as the creature turned to face the two armored guards. "It's hideous!" Whatever it was, it was doing quite a number to that pastry cart.
"It's gigantic," Coral spouted. "But that's supposed to be a minotaur? Are those.... clothes?"
The beast swallowed the muffin currently in it's mouth, and began to walk towards them on it's two legs. The two guards realized this and immediately readied their battle stances. Whatever the thing was, it seemed to understand they were being a bit apprehensive, and stopped in it's tracks with it's upper appendages held in the air.
"What's it doing?" Dusty asked.
"I don't know. Let's approach it slowly."
With each wary step they took, the monster didn't move. Coral disliked how the beast did not seem afraid or intimidated by them in the least.
Only when they flanked the creature on both sides did they try to communicate with it. "What manner of creature are you?" Coral asked.
"Dszg?" it said, facing Coral. The language it spoke was like nothing they had ever heard before.
Coral hesitated. "Do you understand us?"
"Uli tlw'h hzpv, hkvzp Vmtorhs!" Whatever it said, it seemed to be getting annoyed.
"That's not Equestrian. What is that?" Dusty asked his partner from afar.
"I have no idea."
The two legged creature gave a sigh. "Ollp, R'n hliib zylfg trermt vevibylwb z hxaiv, yfg..."
The unknown entity continued it's long rant while Coral and Dusty eased up. The two decided to walk closer to each other while the individual spoke in it's strange language.
"...zmw gszg'h nb hglib, zoirtsg?" The bipedal fellow finished, leaving the two guardians puzzled.
"Do you think it's dangerous?" Coral asked Dusty.
"Maybe. It hasn't exactly tried to attack us, yet."
"Well, we know it's intelligent. Has there been any newly discovered species in the last thousand years?"
Dusty rolled his eyes. "Don't ask me. I wasn't paying attention during the captain's lecture."
"Look at it's legs." Coral marveled, poking at the creature with a hoof. "I've never seen anything like— Gah."
"What's wrong?"
Coral brought a hoof to his head. "I don't know, I just suddenly felt... weaker."
Dusty faltered. "Are... are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm good now. Strange, it only happened when I touched him."
"You think he did it on purpose?"
"Not sure, but we can't let him roam around the city as he is right now."
"Right. We should take him to the Captain. He'll know what to do."Dusty paused. "It is a he, right?"
"I assume so."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Oh my god, what the hell are they saying?
Ever since I tried to explain to them my situation, they've just been talking back and forth and prodding me with their nubby little hooves, much to my annoyance.
The two security guards (or whatever they were) didn't seem to be on edge anymore, so that was good I guess. Means this little encounter will probably go smoothly. Although it would be going even better if we spoke the same damn language.
Wait a minute, what's on his head? I hadn't noticed it at first, but one of these ponies had some sort of pointy protrusion sticking out of his forehead. "A horn? Oh, you're kidding me." It was silly to consider, but here I was in the presence of a real live unicorn. "What's next, Sasquatch?"
Then one of the enforcers had moved behind me. What were they doing now?
"Nlev!" he barked at me. No idea what he wanted from me, but it didn't sound polite. The unicorn one in front of me said the same thing, but I still didn't get what they were trying to communicate. I cocked my head at him.
To my displeasure, I felt the one behind me give me a push. Or at least he tried to and I only budged one step. In the process, the guy must've passed some static electricity on to me, because I felt a tiny little shock. Seconds later I saw the armored guard behind me, struggling for breath. I knew I was strong, but man these things were lightweights.
Whatever. Served him right. Don't push, asshole.
Although, I have been feeling pretty good these past few hours. I felt like I could lift a horse right now. And not one of these puny little pony things. I'm talking one of those big-ass shire horses that are about as tall I am.
I silently wondered why I was feeling this way while the unicorn soldier in front of me said some gibberish and went to the aid of the weak one behind me.
I shook my head. What is the deal with these things?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Are you alright, Dusty? Come on, don't collapse on me now." Coral was wary to see his friend out of energy so fast.
"I'm alright, I'm fine."
"Sure you are. You were panting like a wolf in heat just seconds ago." Coral joked.
"No really, I'm fine now." Dusty flexed every muscle in his body to prove it. "You weren't kidding about touching him."
"So he won't cooperate with us, and we can't physically move him without some major effort," Coral stated, looking at the strange being who was currently staring wide eyed at the Crystal Castle. "How are we going to get him back to the Captain?"
Dusty pondered on the topic for a moment. "Can you use your magic to levitate him?"
"That might be pushing my magic the limit, but provided we hurry back, I think I can hold him for that long. Good idea."
Dusty held his head high. "Heh, I try."
Approaching the creature from the front, a pink glow enveloped Coral's horn. The large individual seemed intrigued by this, and bent over to inspect it further. Coral backed off, afraid of the being's touch.
Dusty waited for Coral to lift the thing off the ground so they could get going, but it never happened. "Hey, Coral, quit fooling around. Pick him up already."
"I can't!" Coral said through strain. "My magic doesn't interact with him, it's like there's nothing there!"
"What? Don't tell me this thing is magic resistant, too?"
"No, if it were magic resistant, I would be able to at least touch him with my spells. This is something else entirely." Coral said, deactivating his horn. "Hold on a moment. Let me try something." Closing his eyes, Coral tapped into his magic once again.
"Alright, I'll bite. What, exactly, are you doing?" a confused Dusty requested.
"Shh. I'm concentrating." Coral said, pointing his horn at the very confused looking creature.
"Really, what are you doi—"
"By Celestia's horn!" Coral blurted out in a panic.
"What, what's wrong!?"
"He doesn't have any magical properties! None!"
"What does that mean?"
Coral couldn't believe his colleague's ignorance. "You really don't know?"
"Let's just say I didn't pay attention in school." Dusty said sheepishly.
"You're hopeless."
Dusty nickered. "Spare me your attitude and give me the nutshell version of the lesson."
"Alright, fine. Essentially, everypony has a sort of magic in their being. Unicorns, pegasi, even earth ponies. It allows us to live the way we do, using magic, interacting with the weather and growing crops with ease." Coral hastily told. "In fact, every living thing on Equus has some sort of magic in their being. Gryphons, minotaurs, even plants and animals. Granted, a lot of these beings have very little magical essence to them, but to have none at all? It's an impossibility. Even Sombra himself had magical properties." The mere mention of that name earned an internal shiver from both stallions.
"So, what does this mean for him?" Dusty directed towards the very bored alien.
"I... I don't know. It's impossible to predict what exactly this thing can do." Coral admitted, examining the alien species. "But I think it's connected to the fact that we can't touch him. And who knows? It could be connected to something, or somepony, even worse."
Dusty could guess who Coral was hinting at. "Well we definitely can't let him roam around now, but how are we supposed to get him back to the castle?"
Coral contemplated their predicament. When he set out to deal with this issue, he never expected anything like this. He could stay with the unknown specimen and have Dusty go back to the castle to retrieve the captain, but he wasn't sure he could take it in a fight alone if the situation got out of hand.
"I've got hoofcuffs. Will those work?"
An idea popped into Coral's head. "If I levitate these onto him, maybe I can guide him to the castle by grabbing the hoofcuffs with my magic."
"Sure, might as well try."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I was so close to just walking away at this point. After that unicorn did the weird thing with his horn, I lost interest shortly afterwards. Now they've just been talking to each other again, occasionally looking back at me with expressions I couldn't discern. Did they even need me here, or could I just go?
I'll give them both five more minutes, and then I'm gone. I thought. They can follow if they want, but I'm not just gonna sit here forever when I should be trying to find a way back...
...Are those handcuffs floating towards me?
I don't wanna take a shower! I like my manly musk!!!
Grab the cuffs and link the two ponies together
much better chapter. moar
Dam this is going to be one of a buck up to have them or him understand wat they are saying.
hahaha this is geting good keep up the good work!!
Awwwww, poor Crystal Pony, just minding his own buisness and he gets a crystal to the head!
I'm sure that since they can't talk to each other and all the other oopsies he's been doing he's in trouble. I hope though, that this doesn't blow out of proportion too badly. I'm kind of tired of stories where the poor human suffers so much from the ponies who are all evil or brainlessly hysterical with fear. It's also tiring to see humans act dumber than anime characters, idiotically digging their own graves with incidents even 5 year olds know better to avoid.
So far though I do like where this is going and the pace is perfect. Lookin forward to the next chapter.
3624413
Yes, that's how it is going to be now. Andrew is also going to turn into a red-maned black alicorn named Night Force. He is also going to be moving to Ponyville and learning how to control his incredible flame powers while befriending the Main Six instantly. Also he's going to realize he wants to stay in Equestria and marry Fluttershy instead while discussing how humans are the scourge of the universe.
Did I mention the fire powers? He's gonna have fire powers.
3625237
I'm still mad that whats-his-face took that story down. I liked it. Got weird/gross at some parts but I had my laughs.
When you have him marry Fluttershy, make sure he has at least six kids, all red maned alicorns named Lance Heart, Soul Eater, Earth Fury, Hope Ender, Blood Drinker, and Jessica. Don't forget to be specific on where the fire comes out. It's standard that alicorns breath out fire like dragons and republicans and have bolts of lightning that come out of their pootie holes. His special talent should be ice sculptures or flower arrangement and his cutie mark should be the face of Jesus holding a lamb or some random baby.
3622665 ...How long was it since you last took a shower?
3631070
Look, I took my annual shower just after new years! I don't need another yet!
3631311 *Gets fire hose* Come here cupcake, we'll show you how they do it in the Navy while at sea.
3631343
*puts on raincoat that is 150% waterproof* bring it, bitch!
3631344 A raincoat only works when the water is coming down vertically. Just have to spray it at your face and it'll trickle down the rest of you.
3631355
Ahh, but this is a raincoat +1, and it's 150% waterproof. It stops water coming in from ALL directions, even ones from the fourth, fith, and sixth dimensions. (third and below being blocked by normal raincoats generally)
3631359 Fine, I'll just put some shards of glass in the feed system. Your coat won't last long since the water comes out of those things at immense pressure and speed... your skin won't last too long either though...
3631364
It's +1! it's enchanted against damage! Plus my HEV suit is underneath, and that is bullet and stab proof.
3631372
Magic doesn't work here, we're on Earth, where physics rule.
Also is it not possible for you to take it like a man or do you have to overcompensate everything with extreme levels of OP? (Makes me wonder what you're compensating for. )
3631381
*uses nuclear warhead*
I regret nothing!
*instantly incinerated, along with you*
3631387 Well, now you're clean.
3631392>>3631387
I leave for eight hours and this happens?
3632013
Yeah... whenever him and I get on the same story together, a comment chain RP thingy usually springs up... I've learnt that nuclear detonations tend to nip them in teh bud...
3632375 This is the first time you used a nuke. You make it sound like you've done it before.
Last time you just killed yourself.
3637292
Man, fuck you. I challenge you to a duel
*smacks you in the face with an armored gauntlet, stunning you*
3637518>>3637292
Oi! Take yer slap fight elsewhere, laddies. Don't want ye two clutterin' up my notifications.
3640268 I wasn't even planning on replying to him.
See the things I have to deal with though? It's like being a parent, to a very annoying full grown man still living in his basement, while also being eccentric like him.
Why is there a comma at the end of that parenthetical statement?
Spacing error on “noone”
Missing the word “I”
3632013 I know right!!
Idiot ball at the beginning of this chapter. It was good up until that point. Throwing a rock and knocking someone out is never an intelligent course of action. So, good up to this point. Sorry, but I just can't justify that action for the character.
4489938
Who said it was supposed to be justifiable?
And don't be sorry for telling me what you don't like about the story. I welcome it, in fact. I can't tell what audiences like/dislike about my story other than what I see in the comments, so always say what's on your mind, friend.
(Really, it's what I wish those people who thumbs-downed the story would do.)
Edit: Sorry if you already saw this reply, but It wasn't showing up for me in most cases and I just wanted to make sure it got through.
I'm sorry! I'm been cleaning (procrastinating) and I'm sweaty!
You've misspelled the untranslated line. It should be "hxziv" instead of "hxaiv".
ddaaayyyuuuuuuummm
So, I'm assuming no one in your AU ever heard of signs or using gestures to comunicate because this is getting ridiculus....
This is actually funny, because they are not .
Cue the "Green hill" zone theme playing !
The kid's speech translates into:
-- which is actually supposed to be "...I have found" .
It may look like Hungarian, but it is actually "Halt!"
Now with closed captions !