Ah... this was a fun story to write.

Beautiful.

3402571 Like the angelic sound of a cricket releasing a fart. Like a river of the purest honey.

This should be a curious tale.

Lets see what goes down, eh?

~Skeeter The Lurker

It is an interest start. I want to know more about it.

Interesting start.

3406386 Talk about the story, dammit, not some cannon-muffin-ram-gore shit.
3406083 --^

3407737 3407639 Actually, i'm considering deleting the comments because they bring absolutely nothing to the table. Not even the original one that started them. If you're going to comment on someone's story, have the respect and decency to comment about the story or author. Instead of just bullshit, that's just being an asshole.

(Edit: Comments have been deleted because they were not related to the story at all.)

3407754 Good idea.

3407754
Oh...
*Rubs his arm nervously*
Im sorry,
I was just trying to make people smile...
*His eyes darken and his shell fades to dark blue*
Ill stop now...

My feedback on chapter 2;

The chapter's pacing was very good and realistic, the flow was solid. I spotted an error that I must've forgotten to nab as well;

“Dammit, Brett!” Lucas yelled out while running through the camp. He noted the two ponies struggling to keep up, so he just went and picked them up under his arms. “I swear I’m gonna’ to choke that little bastard when we make camp!” the old man exclaimed angrily.

Remove 'to'.

Carrying on. The chapter is well-written. The fight scene was brutal, but nothing I can't handle- I like it that way (no, I'm not a sadist, what are you talking about?). The ending was very dramatic, and even though it's been one chapter, it was like the intro to the Last of Us all over again. Only, with ponies, so it was 20% cooler.

Yes, I did that, shut up.

Lovely chapter, I can't wait to edit more, and give more feedback! Pft, yeah, can't wait to give more feedback. Says the guy who forgot to do so, and had to be reminded by the author himself.

Buddy, I've seen you use 'd out of place several times. That is a contraction of 'would' and should only be used in hypothetical scenarios, like imagine spots, NEVER in actual scenes. For those, you use past tense and nothing more.