The past two weeks had gone surprisingly well for Cale. The Princess had slowly been introducing him into the world that he now lived in. First she had introduced to him to a group of ponies she had called bearers of the ‘Elements of Harmony’. Aside from the bearer of the Element of Magic, a pony by the name of Twilight Sparkle whom was apparently away on some mission with Celestia’s sister, he had met each one in turn. And while a couple of them had taken to him more readily, they all still greeted him happily. It was a shock to learn that this group of six ponies had saved Equestria on numerous occasions. And, from some of the stories Celestia had told him, from odds that were often stacked against them.
Instead of meeting them all individually, as he would have preferred, Celestia had decided to throw a small party for all of them to meet officially. Apparently it had all been the pink one’s idea. And while he hadn’t been much of a party goer back home, this had been something he could enjoy rather easily. There were games, upbeat music, plenty of food, and the decorations (while a bit childish) were festive enough for him to keep a smile.
Out of all of the ponies he’d met that night, (aside from Rarity, with whom he already had a familiar relationship) Pinkie Pie had been the one to take to him most readily. Not only was she a ball of pure energy, she was more than happy to talk to him while most of the others would only share small snippets of conversation with him. At least that’s how it all started. As the party worked forward, they each opened up a bit more. And by the end of the party, they each had decided to call him a friend. Even Applejack, the farmer pony who seemed the most reluctant to try and get to know him, had showed her fair share of personality. The two of them had actually talked the longest, Cale finding that he could associate with her more down to earth behaviour more than the rest.
After that night Celestia had started bringing him to sit with her during her court hours, and the parts of the day where she met with her subjects. He watched, and listened, and learned more than he would have guessed. While it was true that Celestia was an immortal ruler, she was also fair and just and kind. The ponies didn’t worship her as some kind of goddess, or even fear her as some kind of tyrant. Every single pony she interacted with absolutely adored her, and treated her with the kind of respect and love one gives to their mother. Of course, they still followed most courtesies, such as bowing and addressing her by her title. But every once in awhile a pony more familiar with her would run up and they would embrace and gossip over tea.
The more Cale learned about Celestia, the more confused he became by her. After his first night in Equestria, he had not shared her bed. He had insisted on staying in the room she had prepared for him, saying that it was unorthodox for him to continue staying in the same bed as the ruler of a nation. Celestia had accepted, of course, and the subject had not been breached again. It was strange to him because she had seemed more than eager for him to be with her that night. And what bothered him more was that their time together in private was beginning to dwindle. At first he thought that she might just be busy, but that was quickly ruled out after a couple of days.
It started to seem like she was actively avoiding him outside of the time he spent watching her while she worked. Normally something like this wouldn’t have bothered him, as he was more used to being alone than he was constantly surrounded by others. It didn’t even hurt his feelings like it might have someone else. What worried him was the look on Celestia’s face when she thought no one was looking. She looked...frightened.
So he decided that after their final meal of the day, he would find out just what was upsetting her. When they were finished eating, he followed her back to her room. She didn’t say a word to him, she barely even acknowledged his existence as they walked. It was more than a little disturbing, but he figured she would tell him when they got back to her chambers.
He was right, because as soon as they stepped through the door, she sat down heavily, her head hung low. After a deep sigh, “I’m sorry, Cale. I’m sure you must be wondering about my rather drastic change in attitude over the last two weeks.”
Cale shook his head as he made his way to her bed and sat down on it. Then, remembering she wasn’t looking at him, explained a bit. “I’m not upset or anything, Celestia. You’ve just been avoiding me like the plague or something. But you haven’t really changed your attitude. If you had, I’m sure some of the ponies you see on a regular basis would have noticed and made questions about it. I can just tell when something’s wrong.”
Celestia looked up and over to him, and he simply shrugged. “You’re far more perceptive than I would have thought.”
He rolled his eyes, “Gee thanks.”
With a light chuckle she moved over to him, leaning down to nuzzle against his cheek. “There is just so much going on right now that I can’t explain. I still have no idea how you came to be in our world, though I am rather glad you’re enjoying it here. And then we have my sister and Twilight. They’ve been gone for almost two weeks now, and I haven’t heard from either of them. I fear something drastic might have happened.”
That look of fear returned to her eyes, and Cale did what anyone would do in his position. He hugged her. “I’m sure they’re fine.” After a couple moments he pulled back and smiled, “I mean, you know where they are, right? Why not go and see if you can find them?”
Celestia shook her head, “I can’t. First and foremost, I wouldn’t be able to stay gone long because of my duties to raise the sun and moon. Secondly, if something were to happen to me as well...all would be lost.” Her eyes left his and fell to the floor.
Cale leaned against the Princess. She practically radiated warmth, as if she were a small sun. And it felt wonderful. Cale felt like everything would be okay, so long as he held on to her long enough. After a few moments he pulled back and gently lifted her chin to meet his eyes. “I know I don’t really know your sister or this student of yours. But if either of them are anything like you, then I know for a fact that they’ll be okay.”
Celestia smiled and leaned against him again, relishing in his presence. Something stirred in her chest a little as she pressed against him, and she couldn’t help but to let out a small sigh of happiness.
“Twilight, run!”
Two sets of hooves pounded away at the black space of the Astral Plane, one belonging to Princess Luna, the other to Twilight Sparkle. Behind them, their pursuers were losing distance, and Luna couldn’t help but let out a small sigh of relief at this.
For the past two weeks the two of them had been traveling the Astral Plane, searching for whatever it was that had been causing the aether to fluctuate so rapidly. While they hadn’t run across anything out of the ordinary, they had still encountered numerous creatures and dangers. Like the pack of Skaals, vicious, soul tearing beasts that they are.
When they had gone far enough, and the sounds of pursuit had faded completely, Luna brought them to a stop. Both of them looked a bit out of breath, but nothing incredibly major. Twilight furrowed her brow and looked over her shoulder. “I thought Skaals were extinct! In fact, a lot of the creatures we’ve seen I thought were extinct! Rengars, Dreds, Skaals...what else is in this place?!”
Luna shook her head and placed a placating hoof on Twilight’s shoulder to keep her from starting the frantic pacing Luna knew would soon follow. “I told you, Twilight Sparkle, that most of these creatures were banished here by either my sister or myself in an effort to make Equestria safe for ponies everywhere. We did not destroy them, simply moved them to a plane that better suits them.”
Twilight nodded and looked back to the Princess, worry pulling at the corners of her eyes. “I know, I know. I just didn’t think this trip would be so...dangerous. What’s worse is that we haven’t even found anything! At first I wasn’t even sure that what you felt had been real or not, but now that I’ve been here long enough, I can feel the aether shifting uncomfortably around me as well. But I guess it shouldn’t come as too big a surprise we haven’t found anything, this plane is rather large.”
“Inconceivably so.”
The other mare groaned and cast her eyes to the ground, her wings drooping some. “Then why are we even here, Luna?”
The Princess wasn’t even given time to respond as the ground suddenly erupted around them. Thick, rough tendrils wrapped around them entirely, pulling them from the ground and up into the air. Both called out and tried to use their magic, but nothing was happening.
“Luna! It’s a magic dampen-”
Both their mouths were covered by more tentacles. Twilight’s eyes grew wide and fearful as she cast around for anything, anyone, that could help them.
“My, my, my. Look what we have here. A Princess and the bearer of the Element of Magic. Oh yes, I remember both of you very well.” A dark, billowing laugh resounded around them, and a figure stepped out from the black, confronting them.
As the figure became clear, Twilight gasped and struggled even more to wrench herself free from the swarming mass of tentacles. “Now, now. There’s no point struggling. I have plans for the two of you, after all. Just imagine the possibilities. Two immortal princesses…”
Twilight and Luna both let out strangled moans of fear as the figure approached.
3317592
He thought it was a dream...
I'll be honest at the end the first thing that came to mind was Hermaeus Mora, which is kind of creepy.
3318646
I actually drew a bit of my inspiration from Elder Scrolls. So I'm impressed you picked up on that!
How dare you to remove the clop from this story!
And using tentacles in that way makes my brain go to funny places.
3318660
Right now...I'm kinda on the fence about whether or not I'll write any clop into this story. We'll just have to see!
this is the tale of NIGHTMARE MOOOOONNNNN!!!
</mayor mare voice>
Are the tentacles grape flavored?
3318685
More like cinnamon.
3318690 Ooooooh...Can i get cinnamon tentacle muffins?
I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going
3318646
Same here actually XD
Though that's probably because of the Dragonborn DLC I've recently completed
I've played enough Skyrim to know where this is going...
Okay, I'll say this, coz' noone else will: If you're gonna make vague Deadra Prince/Elder Scroll references, could you at least be the one to put Discord in a room with Sheogorath?
3318783
Bahahaha. Maybe as a side story later on.
3318796 promise me that you will, and I'll actively follow you.
Finally! More more xD
3318809
Damnit, now I HAVE too. Ya got the story stuck in my head, now.
dam
i'm sitting here wondering what the fuck just happened...
and everyones just talking about tentacles and skyrim.
Did you mean "them"?
what the actual fuck. I swear fucking god if you tentacle rape in this story. I don't care about clop but that's just fucked up.
3318879
...no, it's not tentacle rape. Tentacles just so happen to be a convenient way to capture a couple ponies!
3318893 oh good cause that stuff gets my skin crawling.
Oh heya Nightmare, having fun with those tendrils of yours?
3318730 Going right into your Queen Chrysalis story, amirite?
s*it
3318935
There will be NO tentacles in my story
...wait, what? And an addition of a tragedy tag, too? Welp, goodbye. this odd turn and that tag is enough for me to get out of here while I still can.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/161/926/demotivational-posters-ive-seen-enough-hentai1.jpg
5 bits says that's Sombra.
3319021 ...Crap. I never would have noticed that until you pointed it out. Thanks.
I'm out. Tragedy stories and I have never gotten along. They always just leave a bad taste in my mouth and a queasy feeling in my stomach that makes me want to go fuck shit up. I'll withdraw my fav, but leave the like. I've liked the story so far, but I cannot read tragedy stories. Damn my natural empathy for fictional characters.
O no, that new tag. I don't know if I can keep reading. Not because this is bad in anyway, I'm just a wimp when I read. A nice soft fuzzy feels story is what I was expecting, but now... Na I'll keep reading its to awesome not to!
Great chapter! Everything is developing nicely.
3319354
Thanks! But don't worry, I only put that tag up to cover my butt for what I have planned for the end of the story. I'm glad you're enjoying it!
Tentacles?
...
GOD NO.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/146/808/batman.gif
AHHHH THEY'RE NOT THOSE KINDS OF TENTACLES!
3319655 oh...
3318730 bloody hell you beat me too it. Heres a cookie for your comment. *trows pizza sized cookie at phone*
3319834
I shall take that and thoroughly enjoy it
I'll stick with it.
OK I do not want to be mean, but this fanfic is pretty bad. Since English is not my first language i will not judge you on your grammar, unless you making horrific mistakes. From what i can tell grammar is not bad, it is the character development (or the lack of it) and story pacing that bothers me.
Lets start with out two main characters and their relationship.
Cale is one of more bland characters i have ever seen, so far the only character traits i picked up are him being a good and responsible person (kind of like every anime harem character). Unfortunately that is not enough to make character interesting, i know that as the story progresses we will learn more about the character, but if you want more people to get interested in this story you have to give us an interesting or intriguing character from the beginning. Give us a bit about his past or maybe something outlandish about him that will intrigue us and then explain it later, also make his reactions more realistic. He gets transported to Equestria and he just goes with it, you could make a big scene when he learns about him not being able to go home and just wanting to be alone for some time. Then you could have Celestia go to him and offer her support, maybe tell him something about her past, her struggles, her losses. In that one move you could flesh out your characters and bring them closer together.
When it comes to Celestia ok Celestia is my favorite character and seeing her being such simple and undeveloped character is really annoying. In this fanfic she meets this guy and after few hours she is already in love with him, first of all why? Because he is innocent or a good person? I'm sorry but that is weak. Give us at least few reasons why she is in love with this guy, the simplest reason would be to make him the only one that treats her as a regular mare instead of a princess. Yet you can do so much more, he can make her laugh like no one else, he can be understanding and caring. You can show us different moments where they have conversations about their worlds and grew closer while doing that, you can give us an adventure where they need to help each other and maybe that is when first sparks of love appear.
Uff, honestly if i were you I would start over with this story and find someone to read it before you post it, maybe give you few ideas you can use. I'm sorry if i seemed harsh in this post but i know you can do better, of course you can just totally ignore me and move on with the story.
Wish you good luck in the future mate!!!
Stay classy
3319009 N'aww, worth a try I guess.
3319231 10 bits says it's Nightmare Moon
Nice story you have here, it shows great promise.
Kinda hoping that the tragedy tag is misused tho...
I'm not a huge fan of fics where everything go to **** at the end.
It's raping time.
3319370
From what my friend is telling me over Skype, glad as hell that I dropped your story when you put the Tragedy tag on it. He claims you basically gave up and just killed everyone.
3418720
You dropped a story because of a tag and your friends claim?
Right.
Maybe you should read the rest of the story.
Perfect, Just perfect! I mean, What's a story without A stereotypical embodiment-of-darkness-ish bad guy, right? Although, I'm just gonna read it til it ends.