The Life of a Non-Brony

by BronyWriter

42-Draining

It started out like any other day in Ponyville.

Well, any normal, non-monster-y day, that is.

So yeah, a pseudo-normal one. To be fair, it's gotten a little bit better now that Celestia has gone through her list of all of the crazy things that could threaten Ponyville. Even the Everfree Forest isn't quite as bad now that a lot of the dark magic has been drained from it over the last twenty-plus years I'd been in Equestria, (though the clouds still move all on their own! Oh noes!) so overall it led to a substantial decrease in craziness, which in turn led to a substantial decrease in my insurance premiums. Not that it was as big of a problem these days ever since I'd released a second book of Earth stories that stayed at the top of the bestseller list for six months (not to mention the money I made working on the movies) so if money wasn't a problem after I released the first book...

On the plus side, let's say that the Ponyville schools are much better funded than they were before, though I had to decline their offer of naming Ponyville High after me. Comet would never be able to handle going to a school named after her dad.

In any case, it started out like any other day. Cheerilee and I have just finished breakfast after getting Comet out the door for school. Somehow my little filly is almost done with her junior year of high school. When did that happen? I'm glad she's made friends at school. It's too bad that Orange Peel and Silver Shine are going to graduate, but she still has other friends she's close with, and she does get along with her debate coach. Miss Cozy something or other.

I drain the last of my coffee and stand up to gather our breakfast dishes while Cheerilee gets ready for her own classes which start at eight instead of seven like Comet. I plop them into the sink and turn the water on to start washing them.

"Anything fun planned for the kiddies today, Cheerilee?" I ask as she's putting papers in her saddlebag.

"I'll do my best, but it's always been tough getting my students to enjoy fractions," Cheerilee admits. "We have show-and-tell today, so that should help a bit."

"Wonder if anybody is going to bring in any merch from one of my movies," I respond with a smirk. "Trippiest thing to go to Barnyard Bargains last month and see Star Wars figurines on the shelves. It makes me wonder if I did the right thing introducing that particular series to Equestria."

Cheerilee shrugs. "Well, everypony loves it." She jokingly glares at me. "I have had to confiscate more than one fake lightsaber, though, so thank you for that."

I roll my eyes and start stacking the clean dishes on the drying rack. "Eh, the cut I get from sales helped double the size of your schoolhouse, so it's hard to complain too much."

"Yeah, yeah." Cheerilee glances over at the wall clock. "Speaking of, I'd best get going if I don't want to be late." She walks over to me for a nuzzle and an ear scratch. "See you tonight."

"See you then."

With that, she walks out, leaving me alone in the house. I walk over to my favorite comfy chair and plop down on it, pulling the lever to lean me back with a contented sigh. Got the whole house to myself. Oswald will probably sleep in until noon like usual, so that leaves me with four and a half hours to do nothing. I briefly consider just shutting my eyes and dozing off again until something wakes me up, but a nagging thought in the back of my mind reminds me that we haven't done our weekly shopping yet, and unless we want to have jelly wraps for dinner, I'd best get to that. I stand up and take a minute to open up an upper-floor window so Oswald can get out if he wakes up before I come back. I grab my magically extending wallet and relatively new extending bag for the groceries and head on out.

The weather is a touch nippy given the time of day, but not so much that I'd need to put a sweater on or anything. The stalls should all be opening up, which means that they have all of the best stuff available. I whistle a simple tune to myself as I approach the closest stall, Applejack's.

"Mornin', TD," she says as I approach. "Family off at school?"

"Yup. Figured I'd get the shopping done while I have some time to myself. So yeah." I motion to her crop. "Three of each, I guess."

"Comin' right up," she says with a nod and begins gathering them up. "Everythin' good at home?"

"Definitely," I say with a nod. "Comet's already looking at colleges. She's ready to be done with high school, though she still has a year and a half left, so she'll have to tough her way through that. She's smart, though, so I'm not terribly worried about that."

"She was thinkin' medical school, right?" Applejack asks as she finishes loading up the apples.

"Yeah. I think she'll do well. She's got the grades for it." I grimace as I exchange some bits for the apples. "Not like me, though. My high school junior and senior grades weren't the best. She's a harder worker than I am."

Applejack gives me a wry smile. "Says the guy who traveled around the world for six years and got into all kinds of trouble."

I scoffed and waved my hand at her. "Yeah, but none of that involved calculus." I shrugged. "In any case. "How are your family doing? Big Mac and Sugar Belle got a hand on their kids yet?"

"Hopin' so," Applejack replied. "They wanna start helpin' out on the farm soon, so that's good. Them and Pinkie's twins are inseparable, though."

"Saw that at the last party," I said with a light chuckle. "At least they help calm Pinkie's twins down a bit."

"Sure do." Applejack straightened up and buffed a hoof on her chest. "Good ol' Apple Family level-headedness."

"Right." I glance back at the line that's started to form and put the apples in my bag. "Well, I won't keep you longer. You have a great day."

"See ya, TD. Come back soon, ya hear?"

"Will do."

Well, always nice to talk to some friends. No better place to share some gossip or do some catching up than the Ponyville market. I do some more chatting with the various vendors as I get my groceries, usually asking about our respective families and whatnot. A lot of the ponies were single when I first arrived in Equestria had gotten married and had foals over the years, which didn't do a lot to make me feel less old. Ponies lived much longer lives than humans, so forty was middle-aged for me, but not quite there for them. As such, getting married and having foals around my age wasn't completely unusual. Though Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy were married to their work (though Fluttershy's relationship with Discord was... undefined) and Twilight was going to be an old librarian, even if Celestia was still giving her stuff to do.

As the hours went on, I decided to stop by Sugarcube Corner for some lunch. They'd expanded their repertoire over the years, so it wasn't a bad place to get some soup and a sandwich these days. Blame Pinkie's husband for that one. The Cakes didn't mind, since it brought in more business.

I reach the bakery and am just reaching out for the door when I hear muttering behind me. The uneasy kind. I frown and turn around to see ponies gathering around another one who was standing on the town news box. The stallion didn't look particularly happy, so this probably wasn't news that Blueblood had been lost in the Everfree Forest forever. I sighed and turned to face him just as he cleared his throat.

"Hear ye, hear ye, citizens of Ponyville!" he began, drawing more ponies to him. "Princess Celestia has given out an order for all ponies to return to their homes immediately and stay there until further notice! A grave threat has come down upon Equestria! A magic draining centaur named Tirek has escaped from Tartarus, and it is imperative that you all return to your homes for your safety!"

I frowned deeply at that. Uh... that wasn't very good. Not very good at all. Since I didn't have any innate magic that I knew of (though it's not like I'd been tested to see if I'd absorbed some in the last few decades) but Cheerilee and Comet definitely did, and after everything with Chrysalis... yeah, I'm not letting that happen again. I wade through the panicking ponies in the direction of my house. If this Tirek character was actually coming to Ponyville, I wanted to be armed in case he got here before I could get my family to safety.

I burst into my house and run right up to my room, not even bothering to shut the door behind me. I throw open the closet and pull out Reginald and my throwing knives, attaching the knife belt to my waist before running into Oswald's room, where he was still perched on my old backpack, fast asleep. I nudge him with Reginald.

"Come on, Oswald. Up and at-em. We gotta go get Cheerilee and Comet, like, now."

Oswald groans and moves his head out from under his wing to give me a bleary glare. I groan and kick the backpack over, eliciting an angry squawk from him. "Now, Oswald," I growl. "I might need you to set something on fire."

He sighs, but spreads his wings and follows me out of the house. Several ponies are already running toward the Ponyville schools to get their kids. A few of them glance over at me and see that I'm armed, so they begin running a little closer to me. I make it to Ponyville High, where several ponies are already crowding around to gather up their children. I push through them. I don't need to get caught up in a crowd where I couldn't move. Yeah, all of these ponies are getting their kids, but...

I mean, trouble finds me easier than them. I know it's Ponyville and they've pretty much all lived through this stuff, but I've lived through stuff like this for twenty-two years. I'm not taking any risks here.

I make it into the school and realize that I don't actually know where Comet is. It's not like I asked for her school schedule or anything like that. On top of it being mostly irrelevant, it would be weird. Gosh darn it, I don't have all day to scour the school for her. I don't know how I'm gonna--

"Attention all students, this is Principal Blackboard. I need everypony to go to the gym to await pickup by your parents. I repeat, everypony must go to the gym in a calm and collected manner to await pickup by your parents."

Oh. Thank you for the help, pony on the intercom. Thankfully enough I've been to the school enough in the past few years so that I don't have to stumble around. I'm still surrounded by a sea of ponies, but at least I know where Comet will be. Although, considering that now there are students and parents filling the halls, I'm not making any real progress.

Though if I brought a series of sharp knives into a school for any other reason...

As I scan the crows of students, my heart leaps when I see a pair of leathery bat wings in the crowd. Well, only one pony that could be. I hopped over a pair of earth ponies and landed right next to Comet, putting my hand on her back. She looks up at me with confusion for a moment before flying up and hoping onto my back.

"So what now? Ponyville hasn't really had any problems like this in a while."

"We'll talk about it when we get out of here. Something something monster. Something something gotta go get your mother."

Comet sighs and I can imagine that she's rolling her eyes.

"Only in Ponyville."

"It's not the best place to settle down if you want to have a quiet, simple life," I agree as I spot a side entrance. I manage to get through and open it up, allowing Comet and I some breathing room. Given that most ponies were going through the front entrance, we were pretty much alone aside from one or two ponies who had already found their kids.

"Well, so you say we're going to go get Mom?" Comet asks, hopping off of my back as Oswald meets up with us.

I nod as we start walking in the direction of the Ponyville schoolhouse. "From what I've been told, there's this magic draining creature named Tirek coming to mess us up. I want to get the four of us to Manderley until it all blows over. Twilight and her buddies should handle it. If not, Celestia should. Or Discord. Whoever. I don't want to get involved unless I absolutely have to."

"Definitely." Comet perks up a bit as we get closer to Cheerilee's schoolhouse. "So I guess this means that I don't have to have math class today. Maybe not for a long time!"

I roll my eyes at her. "I know you think it's boring, but--"

"Oh, hey, Mom! Dad got me already."

Cheerilee is standing at the gate of the schoolhouse, doing her best to keep her students in the building until their parents arrived. She glanced over to us when she heard Comet's voice and gave all of us a relieved smile. She wraps a hoof around my leg and nuzzles my side when we reach her.

"So a monster, huh?"

"Looks like it. Once you get everybody with their parents, we're headed right home to barricade ourselves in until this is done. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not get involved in this if I can he--"

I'm cut off when I hear screaming and the usual panicking of something going wrong. I grab Cheerilee and Comet and shove them into the schoolhouse before turning to the small group of ponies around me. "Alright, get inside everybody! Get inside now!" There's a stampede as the parents and foals charge past me into the school. Once they're all inside, I poke my head in. "Lock the door. Don't open it no matter what you hear!"

I slam the door shut behind me and pause until I hear it lock. Alright. Hopefully nothing bad will come our way. I'm not going to just head out looking for this Tirek guy, leaving Cheerilee and the rest of them undefended. Of course, I'd rather have a platoon of royal guards protecting the school instead of forty-two-out-of-his-prime TD. Unfortunately, this is what we have.

Ugh.

I turn to Oswald who's perched on the gate. I hop over the gate and rub my temples.

"So it's fine, right? I'm not going to have to deal with this Tirek guy? I mean, when have I ever had that kind of bad luck, right? When have I had to deal with some madman coming to hurt everypony?" Oswald gives me a flat look as I take a few deep breaths to calm down. Yeah, yeah, I know. I really, really know.

I'm about to respond when I hear stomping coming up the road. It isn't more than a few seconds before I get my first sight of what I can only assume is Tirek. I grimace and straighten up. Sheesh. Not going to be my day, is it? I ready myself and crack my neck as he stops about twenty feet in front of me.

"Well well well. What are you?" I don't like his nasty grin. This is going to turn into a fight, isn't it? "Do you have new magic to taste? Who are you protecting in there?"

I sigh and start stretching to warm up. "I"m TD. I'm just this guy, you know? I don't have any magic, and there's only buckets of baby food inside. Stuff goes for a lot in the open market. And the black market, for that matter."

Tirek gives me a confused look for a moment before narrowing his eyes and stomping closer. "An insolent one. We shall see if you have magic to drain." With that, he opens his mouth wide and begins inhaling like he's Kirby. Alright. Guess that's how he drains magic from ponies. Oswald and I exchange a glance before I shrug and take one of the knives out of my belt. I wind up and throw it straight at his mouth, intending for him to get a little stabby surprise in this back of his throat which would have knocked him out pretty quickly. However, with speed that I didn't see coming, his horns lit up and caught my knife before it hit.

Crap.

He bares his teeth and shoots it back at me. I throw myself down and dodge just fast enough that I don't get my own knife in my neck. I shoot up as Oswald takes flight behind me and taps the back of my head, lighting me on fire. Tirek's eyes widen, and he takes a step back. Heh, this never fails to freak people out. I raise Reginald and charge at Tirek, swinging at him and connecting with the side of his head. His head snaps back, but he recovers in half a second, and he shoots more magic at me. His attack clips my side before I can dodge completely, throwing me into the fence and shattering it and extinguishing me.

Ugh. Thank goodness the town council voted against making the fence metal because it "wouldn't have fit with the look." Oswald flies straight at Tirek, but he swats him out of the air before Oswald can do anything, causing a pile of ash to hit the nearby tree.

Uh...

Thankfully Oswald is, you know, a phoenix, so with swirl of magic, Oswald regenerates. The distraction has given me enough time to get to my feet and draw another knife. I throw it at him, and this time he isn't fast enough to stop it. I don't have the time to be completely accurate, so I don't get a good enough hit, but I hit enough that it left a nice little gash on his arm. He roars in pain and shoots out another blast of powerful magic at me that I barely managed to dodge. It left a decent crater where it landed.

Okay, this isn't good. Any mathematician and... whatever the calendar people are called will both tell you that I'd aged a few years. I'm not the spry young man that I once was, and I can't dodge this guy forever. Although, even if I was younger, this guy is a little more powerful than Purgle. If I don't get better help than an irritating phoenix that he could knock out with one blow, I'm going to be in a lot of trouble, which means that nothing will stand in the way of him draining my wife and daughter, not to mention the other ponies barricaded in the schoolhouse.

Gosh what I wouldn't give for a BFG right now.

Just as he is about to try to blast me again, I hear one of the most wonderful things ever. Another pony.

"TD!" Twilight cries as her and her friends charge toward us. Yeah, it's not like they are spry ponies either, but forty for them is much younger than forty for me, so I like the idea of the six of them handling it. Plus Twilight has, you know, magic and all that.

Tirek turns toward the ponies and grins. "Ah, ponies. You come right to me with your tasty magic. Stand still this won't hurt--"

Yeah, but me smashing Reginald into the back of your head will. I'm not as strong as I was, but Reginald is, and an unbreakable staff hitting you is going to knock you out for a bit, especially if it's followed by Twilight shooting a beam of magic of her own into his face. Maybe we can make some bobble-head Tirek figurines, with real life as an inspiration. He recovered faster than I wanted and shot a laser beam of magic at the Mane Six that caused them to scatter.

It's nice that Twilight and her friends are still fighting together, but they don't have the Elements of Harmony anymore given that nasty business with the black vines. Their friendship is great and all that, but Fluttershy and Rarity aren't really fighters. Twilight is still the best magic user in the world short of Celestia and Luna, Rainbow is still stupidly fast, and Applejack's kicks could shatter my legs forever, but I don't quite like the idea that Tirek will go for the weaker ponies.

He seems to have the same idea.

He turns to Fluttershy and fires up another blast. Rainbow barely manages to push her out of the way before Tirek obliterates her. I pull another knife out and hurl it at his head. It glances off one of his horns and chips it. It doesn't bleed magic like I wanted, but at the same time, I hope that it would at least throw him off a bit. I know that chipping a unicorn's horn can mess their spell-casting abilities a little bit.

Now, Tirek was extremely strong. That wasn't a question. However, he wasn't the most... graceful of creatures. Nor did he seem particularly smart. He swung in my direction, leaving an opening for Rainbow Dash to smash her front hooves into his side, sending him flying.

Okay, now that he's actually on the ground, we can actually keep him down. Twilight wraps him in her magic as he thrashes about and says something about him being Tirek and blah, blah, blah. I give Twilight a tired look and plop down on the ground.

"Hey you six. How are things?"

Well we beat this loser," Rainbow said with a smug smile. "When Princess Celestia told us that there was some magic-draining monster attacking Equestria, we were hoping for something a little more intimidating."

"Rainbow, focus," Twilight growled. "He's still dangerous. We need to contact Princess Celestia so that we can give all of the magic he drained back then put him back in Tartarus for good."

Tirek stopped struggling and glared at us. "You will not defeat me," he growled, looking at Twilight. "I can already tell that your magic is powerful, pony. Once I've drained you, I will be unstoppable!"

I sigh and flip him off. "Yeah, yeah. At least this one wasn't too bad." The seven of us gather around him, and I'm glad that all he can do is glare." I kick him in the leg and scoff. "Magic-draining centaur. Not what I thought I'd get when I woke up this morning." I nudge my knife belt. "You sure I shouldn't just finish him off?"

Twilight frowns at me. "TD, we don't just execute prisoners that are helpless on the ground. Princess Celestia will want him back in Tartarus."

I grunt and shake my head. "Whatever. Just as long as he's not a problem anymore."

Tirek's grin turns nasty. "You ponies are so weak. If you had any sense you'd take this human's offer at once. Instead, you fall for my trap."

Wait, trap?

Uh-oh.

We've barely managed to move before Tirek breaks through Twilight's magic with his. He snatches Fluttershy and Rarity in his large hands and inhales. Their eyes turn milky and their cutie marks disappear as their magic drains out of them. To make matters much worse, Tirek grows an entire foot.

I react as quickly as I can, but Tirek throws Rarity at me, knocking me down. He throws Fluttershy at Rainbow Dash, leaving Pinkie, Applejack and Twilight left to attack. With his increased magic, he casually flicks Twilight's attack away, and I notice that the cut on his arm that I gave him has healed up.

He blasts Oswald out of the air, leaving him as yet another pile of ash. Rainbow Dash charges at him again, but for funsies, that just gets her drained. Pinkie and Twilight both blast him, Twilight with her magic and Pinkie with her party cannon. It takes Tirek several precious seconds to wipe the pie filling out of his eyes and pull the streamers out of his horn, allowing Twilight, Applejack and I to start wailing on him. He swats around, trying to knock one of us down, but we don't let up. Several bruises have appeared on him, and the pie filling in his eyes means that he can't get a good shot off with his own magic. That doesn't mean that he's not dangerous. We all still need to avoid the random blasts he's shooting out, or we're going to get our heads blown off.

To my supreme irritation, he manages to get enough pie filling out of his eyes that he can see out of one eye. Unfortunately, he sees me. Double unfortunately, I'm in the middle of an attack that I can't pull back from. He shoots his hand out and manages to wrap it around my neck, lifting me in the air and holding me in front of himself in a human shield.

"Enough!" he roars. "You will end this now or I'll snap his fragile little neck!"

The remaining members of the Mane Six all pause with horrified looks on their faces. Yeah, I don't like that I'm playing the damsel in distress either.

"Stay still, ponies," he growls. "It will be easier for you if you don't resist."

"Let him go!" Twilight growls, gathering what I can already sense is a ton of magic around her horn.

Tirek scoffs and squeezes my neck a little more. I have no doubt that I'll have some rather spectacular bruises tomorrow... if I make it to tomorrow. It's kind of less likely, now that I think about it.

"I won't hurt him as long as you stay still and let me drain your magic." He nodded to Rainbow Dash, who was on the ground shivering and groaning. "You won't die once drained, but if I snap his neck, he will."

"I don't really need my neck anyway," I wheeze. "It might be a good idea to teleport away and get Celestia and Luna, yeah? Heck, even Discord."

"If you don't stop that spell his death will be on your hooves forever," Tirek snarls.

"If you do, I'll send this megaspell right after you that'll leave you nothing more than ash on the ground," Twilight retorts.

"He'll be dead!" Tirek roars.

Twilight narrows her eyes and takes a step forward. "So. Will. You. Or maybe you won't be. Maybe you'll just have to live the rest of your life as a head and half of a torso."

Tirek bares his teeth, but takes a few steps backward. "So it seems we are at an impasse, then. If I hurt him you'll obliterate me, but if you try anything, his blood will be on your hooves."

Now, what's worrying me, other than my possible impending death, is whether or not Twilight even knows a spell like that. She's good enough to make something like that up on the fly, but the splash damage could do some serious damage. Like "hurt the ponies in the nearby schoolhouse" bad.

"Well, we're in a Mexican standoff," I grumble. "I guess it's time to reach a deal, then."

"I suppose so," Tirek says with a raised eyebrow. "Do you have anything in mind, pony?"

Twilight grimaces and slowly nods. "Yes. You let me teleport my friends and TD away, give their magic back, and in return..." She takes a deep breath. "You can have me."

"Oh gosh, this," I grumble. I can only imagine that she'll teleport them to the library so that they can find Spike and get a message to Celestia, who is hopefully already on her way with everything she can muster. I'd prefer if she'd gotten here earlier, but she surely had some reason or other. I mean, she does just like Twilight to handle her nonsense, and I can see her being worried about Tirek draining them. I mean, I guess if Tirek drained Celestia and Luna then he'd be unstoppable and all that, but hey, risk it sometimes. If Twilight can maybe possibly have a spell that blows his head off, then they definitely could.

"You?" Tirek smirks and taps his chin. "With your magic I'd be unstoppable. You'd be delaying the inevitable."

"Let me worry about that," Twilight says. "Do we have a deal?"

Tirek chuckles and nods. "Very well. You get your friends back, and get to drain you."

"Don't do it, Twilight," Rainbow groans. "He'll just come after us later!"

"Just trust me," Twilight says.

"I wouldn't," Tirek says. "But..." He opens his mouth and several balls of magic shoot out, each of them going into one of the downed members of the Mane Six. I look to Twilight, whose eyes flicked down to my knife belt. I grimace, but reach down and grab the hilt of one of them. She has something in mind. Well, she's smarter than me, so okay.

Once the other members of the Mane Six have gotten their magic back, they're surrounded by Twilight's magic and vanish, leaving only me, Twilight and Tirek. Said Tirek chuckles and loosens his grip ever so slightly.

"You are a fool. Do you think that I can't drain you then kill him?" Tirek says. "You have no way to stop me, and he has no way to get free." He shakes me a bit. "Any last words, human?"

I smirk just as Twilight's horn lights again.

"How about 'yippie kayay, motherfucker?"

I draw my knife and stab it into the joint of one of Tirek's fingers. He howls in pain and drops me just as Twilight hits him in the face with a flash spell. He stumbles back and I draw one of my knives as I fall. I twist in midair and hurl it at his head. Unfortunately for him, I manage to hit him right in the eye.

That can't be fun.

He trips as he tries to run back, allowing me enough time to get up and draw my last knife. I jump on top of him right in the path of his swinging fist. It's encased in Twilight's magic and it's pulled back just before it hits me, allowing myself to land right on his back. With as much strength as I can muster, I grab his head, pull it back, and plunge the knife right into his neck.

Turns out Arnie was right: if it bleeds, you can kill it.

He gurgles and twitches as blood starts pouring out of his neck. I slide off of his back and back away so that I don't get caught by his dying punches. It isn't more than a few moments before he stops twitching and lays still.

I take a deep breath and flop against a nearby tree as I watch several balls of magic shoot out of Tirek's body. "Ugh, I need a vacation."

"Y-yeah," Twilight says, doing her best to not look at Tirek. "I wasn't... really expecting you to do that. I thought..."

"If it works, it works, and you have more real estate in Tartarus for the next nasty thing," I grumble as Oswald lands on my shoulder, resting his head on mine. "Uh... we should probably clean that up before the foals come out of the schoolhouse before they're traumatized for life."

* * * *

It isn't more than about an hour or so before Celestia and Luna arrive with a cleanup crew. They manage to cast an illusion spell on Tirek's body so that all of the ponies hiding in the schoolhouse don't have to see the bloody mess that I made. I meet back up with Comet and Cheerilee before being taken aside to meet with one of Celestia's medics. I really don't have anything worse than some bruising, but a lot of that is around my neck where Tirek had me. I'm really lucky that it wasn't much, much worse. I have Comet under my arm snuggled up against me while Cheerilee sat in front of me with a slight frown.

"Why does this kind of thing keep happening to us?" Cheerilee says with a sigh. "I imagine that you'd rather not go through this over and over again."

"Nooooo," I groaned, tenderly massaging my neck. "I'm not sure how I lost a step. I did really well against Chrysalis. I have experience fighting magical monsters."

Cheerilee's frown deepens ever so slightly. "TD, that was five years ago."

"I know, I know," I mutter, waving my hand at her. "But hey, we're going to run out of monsters eventually, right? I just wish that Twilight had figured out that box that popped up when she put the Elements back in the tree." I scoffed. Since I beat Chrysalis twice, Tirek, and a mad minotaur, shouldn't that mean that I get to become an alicorn, or something like that?"

Comet chuckles and nuzzles my side. "That'd be pretty cool, Dad."

"Ugh, doubt it." I slowly stand up and stretch as well as I can. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'd like to get home and go to sleep and not wake up for a week."

Before I can, a certain tall, white sun-plotted alicorn walks up to me with a carefully neutral expression on her face. I give her a two-fingered salute but already know that I can't get out of this one.

"Celestia."

"TD."

"Comet," Comet chimes in.

I let out a quiet snort and ruffle her mane before turning my attention back to Celestia. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I just wanted to congratulate you for your bravery in stopping Tirek. You've done Equestria a great service."

"'Twas nothing," I assure her with a wave of my hand. "Just, uh, post a list of ancient abominations that might show up someday, alright? I don't want a surprise like this in the future, and I'm not exactly getting any younger here. I'll be fighting the next monster using Reginald as a weapon and a cane at this rate." I shrug. "Besides, it wasn't just me. I would have gotten totally crushed if Twilight and her friends hadn't gotten involved."

"Yes, Twilight," Celestia said thoughtfully. "She did do a wonderful job. Perhaps it's time... far past time..." She grunts and nods to me. "In either case, if you need anything, let me know."

"Will do. For now, I want to go home."

"Of course. Rest easy, TD."

"Hope so."

With that, I head on out. Comet looks back at Celestia for a few moments before jumping up to fly next to us. "That's the longest conversation you've had with her in half a decade."

"Yep." I shrug, then hiss in pain as I find out why that's a bad idea. "In any case, let's go home and rest. Once I'm feeling better, we can see how much of the town Tirek destroyed, and hope that Sugarcube Corner is fine."

Author's Note:

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Comments

[chibilink]

Okay, I this isn't good.

So how is the box getting opened in this universe? Hmm hmm...

[Booster Spice]

Answer to Life, The Universe And Everything is Do unto the other guy what he wants to do unto you but do it first?

[Dusty Old Qrow]

Fs in the chat for Tirek.

[Scarheart]

10477611
Nah. He deserved it.

[TwistedSpring]

When's TD gonna earn his wings and horn?

[Emtu]

shouldn't that mean that I get to become an alicorn, or something like that?

derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/11/25/1890247.png

[Emtu]

10477761
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/122018/td-the-alicorn-princess

[-Watcher-]

Every time I see that age counter increase I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. This story's ending will be as bittersweet as the show's.

[Mr 0]

With Comet being her friend or at very least a pony with common sense that has an eye on her Cozy is much less of a threat now, especially with there being no Tirek to point her in the evil direction with his know how.
Plus If she does somehow try something I can picture TD just walking up to her knocking her out then turn to everyone else and saying something like"Was that so hard? You guys were almost defeated by a small child for Pete's sake, also Twilight this is why you don't leave powerful magical artefacts literally lying around where anyone can use them"
And on a similar note I wonder how his interactions with Starlight Glimmer will be like? Unlike most ponies she has some real fighting ability and is willing to fight both smart and dirty, plus her raw power and skills is nothing to sneeze at.

[Venerable Ro]

10477534
It ain't. Twilight has a perfectly lovely library tree and she's going to keep it.

[badninja]

I wonder how this will play out? I know Twilight had to make the call but she did just help TD kill something. I hope TD realizes this and goes and talks to Twilight as she is probably not going to be taking this well once the adrenaline wears off.

[Emtu]

10477840
I know in at least one story on this site, where Tirek was prevented from destroying it, the box was still opened and it upgraded the treebrary into the castle.

Edit: That said, the final key for the box ultimately came from Tirek, who gave it to Discord, who gave it to Twilight, so the chances of that same key turning up in this universe are quite low.

[Venerable Ro]

10478035
Well that's alright I suppose, upgrading from an oak to a mallorn. Just so long as we don't end up with some crystalline abomination squatting on the edge of town.

[Sir Budginton]

Cozy something or other.

Ah, I see you’ve used the advanced writing technique of ‘foreshadowing’.

Shit

[Bronzedragon]

10478035
Nope,
Personal effects of deceased held for possible family.
[1 (one), necklace with pendant.]

[Morphy]

10478035
Pretty sure the actual keys themselves are not important, it's the meaning behind the item. Heck, it could be a cheap plastic toy from a box of Cracker Jacks but the result would still be the same if the meaning (virtue) behind the object is there. A more troubling effect of TD's presence is that Twilight has yet to evolve to an alicorn. (This story is so old that I've forgotten if Twilight ever did get to mess with that cutie mark scrambler spell)

"Yes, Twilight," Celestia said thoughtfully. "She did do a wonderful job. Perhaps it's time... far past time..." She grunts and nods to me. "In either case, if you need anything, let me know."

It's screwing with Celestia's plans (to bail on the throne and leave all the paperwork up to Twilight retire).

[Emtu]

10478816
Good point, Twilight ascending was a whole season before Tirek in canon.

Also, I just realized that dealing with Tirek (where they all lost their cutie marks along with their magic) was followed (in the next episode, after an indeterminate length of offscreen time) by them all losing their cutie marks (and seemingly, most/all of their magic) again, when Starlight stole them.

[Morphy]

10479737

The Our Town episode could pass with little fanfare back in Ponyville as far as TD is concerned. But having the cutie mark removed should really only remove their "specialization buff"; RD wouldn't be stupidfast and Alicorn Twilight wouldn't be OP with the magic...just, er, slightly OP because she's an alicorn?

[Emtu]

10480149
Well yeah, and twilight was pretty damn OP with the magic even before she ascended.

[Admiral Stoic Rum]

10479737
Actually in Our Town. Their skills were taken to the lowest common denominator. Its why no one could cook or make decent clothes and the like For instance, they were made equals. Sugar Belle is an excellent baker, but since she was made Equal the food she made was only as good as the food made by the worst cook there.

Tirek took all of their magic.

[drone_r0m-3]

Since I beat Chrysalis twice, Tirek, and a mad minotaur, shouldn't that mean that I get to become an alicorn, or something like that?

No TD, all you really need to do is complete Starswirl's final spell. Actually, just be the one writing it down. I'm told that will grant you magic gender-swapping alicorn powers.

[harts fire]

so with the goat dead how is the box of surprise easel getting opened?

[BronyWriter]

10478130
I did change it to Cozy being her debate coach, because I remembered that Cozy would be in her thirties like the CMCs.