Starry Night
Written By: Blazing Dragon Edited By: BeneathTheShade
Is it friend, or is it foe?
There are things you should not know.
***
I listen to my new friend explain to me exactly what this fan fiction is and to my surprise, it sounds very interesting. “How do you share your work with others?” I ask, putting the daisy sandwich she had asked for on the table, along with my own.
“I post it in a magazine or hand them out at conventions, and I get feedback from fans that way.” She says, accepting the sandwich hungrily while taking a bite.
Setting into the chair next to her I ask, “Do you ever intend to write another book involving Nightshade and Starlight, or are you just going to write this... fan-fiction?”
“Yes, I have been working on the sequel, but I haven’t done anything with it in almost two years.” She finishes with a half smile. She perks up a little and asks, “Why, do you want to read it?”
“Yes I would Twilight, I’m very interested to see what happens next… and maybe give you some insight on how to write a better romance.”
She sheepishly smiles. “Well, I don’t have too much experience with romance. I never could find the time.”
“What? A pretty mare like you?” I ask, playfully.
Her cheeks light up and she turns to stare down at her food, trying to avoid eye contact with me. “It’s not finished… I may just stop writing it and start over.”
“Maybe I can help you with that? I’m pretty knowledgeable about good fiction.”
Still looking down at her sandwich, the edges of her mouth gently curl into a very cute smile as she looks up and says, “I would really like that. Um, I have some notes I need to write, do you mind if I finish up my assignment? It shouldn't take long.”
“Not at all, I can wait.”
A large clock on the wall next to me ticks loudly while I eat my sandwich. Its rhythmic sound cuts through the silence of the dining hall like a blade. Frowning I look up at the clock in irritation, ‘I hate clocks, such an annoying contraption.’ Tuning my gaze away from the clock, my sight sets on a vase at the center of the table, a flower I haven't seen in a long time sits within… it’s still as beautiful as the night I first saw its illuminated petals...
My hooves press on the cool damp grass as I take my nightly stroll through the gardens, watching the luminescent butterflies land upon the flowers to collect the nectar inside. One of the insects gently lands on my muzzle, working its wings up and down. I smile, scrunching up my muzzle as it tickles the tip of my snout.
After a while the butterfly flutters away leaving an itch on the tip of my snout. Chuckling to myself I scratch the irritating itch and continue my stroll through the gardens. Breathing in the cool night air around me, the bio-luminescent flowers and fireflies bring light where there should only be shadow on this starry night. The whole garden was alive with splendid colors and sound.
‘Beautiful.’
A mare in the distance digging in the dirt, planting some kind of flower I haven't seen before. Her hooves are covered in dirt, which struck me as odd. She handles the earth around her like an earth pony, but... she’s a unicorn.’Why doesn't she use her magic?’ I wondered cocking my head to the side while raising an eyebrow. I start to move closer to get a better look at the odd, but pretty mare in front of me. She pulls a pouch out of her saddlebag and begins dumping its contents on the ground.
‘She must be the gardener, the one that's responsible for all this beautiful flora.’ I approached her cautiously, hoping not to scare her. My mouth opens to try and speak, but no words come out.‘Who am I kidding, of course, I’m going to scare her...’ I thought lowering my head. I turn around to leave, but my hooves step on a twig laying on the ground, snapping it in two.
“Hello!?” The mare shouts, “who’s there!?”
She turns to look in my direction, squinting her eyes to adjust to the darkness. I stopped, my hooves shaking and frozen in place, waiting for the inevitable awkward stammers and the frightened expression on her face. She looks in my direction, but still can’t make me out. Pulling a bottle out of her saddlebag, she drinks the liquid substance. Her eyes glow bright emerald green for a brief second and return to normal. Looking back in my direction a smile forms on her face as she gets a better look at me.
“Oh, Princess Luna, how are you this evening?” She moves toward me, extending her hoof out. “My name is Wildflower...”
“Twilight, have you ever considered making Nightshade an alchemist?” I ask, still staring at the vase on the table. Looking briefly away I notice Twilight, busy taking notes on her assignment from my sister. She looks up, tapping her chin with her quill in thought. “No, can’t say that I have, but... that’s a very good idea.” She says while giving me that cute smile again.
Returning her smile I turn my gaze back to the flower and take it out of the vase. Smelling it gingerly as I twirl it around in my magic. The clock behind me still ticking it’s annoying march forward...
I smile wide, happy for once somepony didn’t run away. I look down at her hoof wondering why she’s extended it.
“It’s a Zebra custom, you’re supposed to bump it.” She says looking at me with a happy smile.
“Oh! Sorry I didn’t mean to offend.” I bump hooves with her and ask “What are you doing out here so late?”
“It’s ok, I wasn't offended, and I was just planting some of these flowers I got from Zebreka. Do you realize how hard it is to ship these to Equestria?” She said pointing at the luminescent flower on the ground. “Not easy, I can assure you.” I watch her plant a seed in the dirt, covering it with a hoof instead of her magic.
‘Why does she continue to use her hooves? Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just, odd.’ She looks at me seeing the confusion plainly on my face, and smiles as if shes seen it before. “I bet you're wondering why I don’t use magic?...”
“Luna, are you feeling ok?” I snap out of my very vivid memory and drop the flower I was holding onto the table. Twilight staring at me worried. “You looked like you were somewhere else.”
“Sorry, I don’t know what that was.”
‘How did I get so tired?’ I thought, rubbing my eyes. “Twilight, I would like to continue where we left off tomorrow night, if that’s ok? I have several ideas on how to improve your story, but I feel strangely tired…” I get up from my seat while pushing the chair under the table.
“You’re tired, before me?” She asks in a curious tone. “Is there something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong, I’m just tired.” I said, making my way out of the dining room.
‘No, nothing's wrong just a ghost that refuses to leave me alone.’ I thought sarcastically to myself.
“Ok Luna, I’ll get my draft from Spike, and we’ll go over it tomorrow ok? Oh! And good night.”
Nodding over my shoulder I smile, “Thank you Twilight, and good night to you as well.” I said, as I continue heading out of the dining room. Once in the hall I close my eyes, and take a deep breath then focus on my destination. I hear two of my guards whispering to each other, their voices echo through the hall as I make my way back to my room. ‘My sanctuary.’
The door emblazoned with my cutie mark glows as I draw near. A security measure just in case anyone wants to steal anything of mine, or harm me in any way. ‘As if they could.’ I set in front of the door waiting patiently as it speaks the first part of the pass phrase, “Is it friend, or is it foe?”
“There are things you should not know.” I answer, and the door cracks open in response. passing through the door I hear it lock behind me automatically. Quickly I go to my bed and fall into it, the sheets cold to the touch as I pull the covers over me. Grabbing one of the pillows above me I snuggle close wrapping my hooves around it, I try to fall asleep and forget about her. ‘But do I really want to?’
Feeling her warm body laying next to me as she breaths serenely. I wrap my hooves around her and snuggle close, the scent of earth and the sweet smell of flowers fills my nostrils. I sigh contentedly, listening to the rhythmic sound of her heartbeat as I drift off to sleep…
My ear twitches with every tick of the clock, it’s rhythmic sound stabbing me in the heart as the seconds march forward.
Very short his time.
3770162
I'm not going to insult a writer by calling him a novice writer, regardless of him saying so himself. My expectations are high because I want the author to learn, and get better. So by giving my opinion, even though already stated, I hope in some way will encourage them.
3773351
Other than the size, is there any thing that you liked, or disliked about the chapter? You see by telling me these sorts of things I will grow and improve as an author. Stating the obvious, and nothing else, doesn't help me improve at all.
The next chapter will be a Twilight POV, and you can count on a larger chapter this time, I promise.
Thanks for reading my story.
3773905
I would try to avoid writing first person stories, but that's more of a personal opinion so not really helpful. It always feels like the author tries to insert himself into the story. Also, try not to use OCs. The more actual characters from the show the better. Because the likely hood of Celestia not being in a story about the romance between Twilight Sparkle and Luna is... unlikely. To just fill up the time not focused on Luna's view of Twilight with OCs can work, but is not recommended. The small bits of information that Luna and Twilight talk about, like the stars or the editing of Twilight's story, should be included. It's the little things that need to be emphasized. While they are not important to the story, it's better than it being a straight shot of, "Luna is a fillyfooler, Twilight is a fillyfooler author, Luna has emotional baggage, counseling each other, romance, sex." The small details also add up in a story, making it bigger. If you focus too much on major events of the story, the higher and more plot oriented points, it becomes too predictable and no fun to read.
3781196
Actualy no, Elder Scrolls reference. You know how every Dark Brotherhood door asks a question before you can enter. It just sounds like something Luna would have in place for security.
The pass phrase, I came up with on my own.
Yes, I agree with you completely, It's how their written. Wildflower is a character I created to fit a role in the story. I did not create a story to revolve around her. This is a Twiluna and always will be.
3782723
No, it's actually this.
3782786
Silence...
One small issue.
Whenever the speaker changes, a new paragraphs starts. This is to make reading the story easier on the reader. So this would go:
3868813
Thanks for pointing that out. I'm usually pretty good about that.
What did you think of the last chapter though? Just curious.
3868855
I thought it was pretty good. If there's one thing that sours romance fics, it's when the romance gets rushed. This one appears to be taking its time with things, which is always nice.
I just hope the mature tag's there for more than just the book that's being written.
3869060
Oh, it is.
And it will be incredibly erotic, because that's just how I roll.
Thanks for the feedback.
This sentence stopped me, and I really don’t know if it is technical thing or what. Maybe the “to” felt out of place? I’m not sure.
And here I’m wondering if magic would mess up the plants or something, but I realize that’s not important to what’s unfolding, haha.
I saw your comment about what’s coming later being mature rated. I’m really not into that sort of thing, so I’ll probably bail before it gets to that point.
11474984
That's an old comment I'm probably not going to make this mature. If I have a mature scene I'll probably make a separate story just for that.